Husband takes a digger- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
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    Husband takes a digger

    For those using tapatalk, I posted this in the Womens lounge. Lady talk here .

    A couple of rough weeks for us here. Last week we had to put down our dog of 15 years (never easy), but a few days later my husband took quite a digger downhilling and broke a couple bones in his shoulder.

    Itís a bit weird since we are sitting on opposite ends of the medical room (usually Iím the one on the table explaining what happened), but this time Iím in a support role.

    Heís got surgery on Wednesday. 12 weeks recovery according to the surgeon.

    So question for you: how do you support him mindset-wise? I know what to do otherwise, but how do work with someone recovering from injury besides ďbeing there?Ē

    This is his first big injury, and I know I get depressed when Iím injured and recovering, so what do you recommend I can do to help him out? Heís not sure he wants to downhill again, but I think this type of injury could happen on a trail bike too.

    PS: there is a third thing (shitty things come in 3s), just not relevant to the topic at hand.

  2. #2
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    Talk to the doctor and see if he can still work out other parts of his body. If you work the other side, you will experience less atrophy in the injured side.

    Do leg work with him, no one likes leg days, but if someone is there with you, it's much less miserable.

    Work on your bikes and plan to have them perfect and set up for the return in 12 weeks.

    Mostly just be there, it's awesome that you are looking for ways to help, he is a lucky guy.

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  3. #3
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    I am of the mind set that he is an adult and should be able to get himself up and doing things that will make him happy and get him on the road to recovery. If he wants to do something he will. Go on walks together. My husband and I have been through several injuries, we support each other but do not give up your activities.


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  4. #4
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    Yikes! I know how you feel... my hubby broke 2 ribs while out mountain biking with me and I felt really bad about it (he also trashed both of his knees in separate skiing accidents where I was egging him on to go outside his comfort level - one knee required surgery, the other healed sloooowly over time).

    My support was doing stuff with him that we could both do together, even if it wasn't my favourite thing to do. The broken ribs weren't too bad as he could still hike, though it did hurt him to breathe heavily so we did mellow stuff for a while and I carried his gear in my pack. The knees were harder... I went skiing alone but we did lots of sitting stuff of his choice (mostly movies and video games) until he healed enough to walk. Then we started with mellow walks and worked back up to mountains.

    My hubby took all this with fairly good grace... the rib incident was really weird as he had no idea what he hit that caused him to endo, and we were on a green xc trail. We've ridden past the same spot several times since with no problem, and he can't even figure out how it happened! That was almost 2 years ago and he doesn't seem to have been put off too much, but he is a very cautious rider and will dismount if something looks too intimidating. We are taking a 3 day clinic together and he says one of the things he wants to learn is how to ride with confidence, which is awesome. As far as skiing goes, we mostly ski different runs these days and he won't go near the park ever again, lol!
    Ride like a girl! :cornut:

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by stripes View Post
    So question for you: how do you support him mindset-wise?
    Remember that he's a man! The things that women appreciate in situations like this and the things that a man likes are often very different. For example, most women like being pampered, most men hate being fussed over. When my wife tries to 'help' me I usually just find it annoying.

    My wife had a brain hemorrhage and I spent all day, every day in the hospital. She really liked that. If she had done the same thing for me, which I'm sure she would, it would crack me up!

    So don't ask a bunch of women what a man likes! ;0) Think like a man and try to notice how he is reacting to your help. Don't just assume that because you would like something, he will. And don't fuss too much, guaranteed you'll piss him off.

  6. #6
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    You can manage the nutrition that can speed up his recovery. His body will be working hard to lessen the inflammation from the injury and from the surgery. Horsetail(herb) tea will help reduce that more quickly. And that will allow his body to produce the jelly-like material to join the broken bone parts back together. For that you need almonds, pineapple and yogurt as the building blocks. Everyday for the entire recovery time. Plus more. More food because of all the work his body is doing internally even though he's less mobile. 6500 calories a day. So make chicken and ice cream and soups and multiple small meals throughout the day. Make him eat.
    My friend took a forward fall skiing with a binding release failure. That leg break needed a kneecap removal to insert a titanium rod. And the kneecap was replaced. His wife's a nurse who did the research behind this. He knocked 3 weeks off the standard recovery and his surprised docs put him right into physical therapy. He's had excellent bone repair and recovery is total. I used this method for a broken lower arm bone to speedy and complete healing.
    Get the almonds at Costco. Cored pineapple and plain yogurt. Absolutely no smoking or Tylenol. That interferes with the bone reconnection.
    If they recommend and give him the rubber bands encourage him to do the exercises.

  7. #7
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    I've had several injuries that took time to recover, i.e., broken ankle, broken rib..... My wife just kept doing the stuff she always does. Everything turned out fine. Just having someone who cares is enough.
    Last edited by MSU Alum; 07-07-2018 at 07:54 AM.

  8. #8
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    We've been through three shoulder surgeries, one knee surgery, a broken pelvis that put him in wheelchair, and most lately a parasite and worm infestation picked up in Asia that put him on the sofa for 6 months until we got a correcet diagnosis. Never mind the smaller thing like cracked ribs, broken wrist and shoulder dislocation.

    Support at my house looks like making sure he's comfortable, giving help WHEN ASKED, leaving him alone when he is feeling miserable and not putting my life on hold for him. IE, not hovering, mothering or babying. No "suggestions" of what he could do. Trust him to take care of the stuff he needs to do. Don't take it personally when the painkillers make him grumpy, and a figureative smack on the head ( not literal) when they are taking thier frustrations out on you.

    The 6000 calories a day diet of almonds, youghurt and pineapple that someone cited without any kind of source? You are a smart woman, Anne and know how to do internet research on a miracle claim. . That is a lot of calories to be eating when you aren't active. The usually recommendation is more D and calcium.

  9. #9
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    Husband takes a digger

    Quote Originally Posted by formica View Post
    We've been through three shoulder surgeries, one knee surgery, a broken pelvis that put him in wheelchair, and most lately a parasite and worm infestation picked up in Asia that put him on the sofa for 6 months until we got a correcet diagnosis. Never mind the smaller thing like cracked ribs, broken wrist and shoulder dislocation.

    Support at my house looks like making sure he's comfortable, giving help WHEN ASKED, leaving him alone when he is feeling miserable and not putting my life on hold for him. IE, not hovering, mothering or babying. No "suggestions" of what he could do. Trust him to take care of the stuff he needs to do. Don't take it personally when the painkillers make him grumpy, and a figureative smack on the head ( not literal) when they are taking thier frustrations out on you.

    The 6000 calories a day diet of almonds, youghurt and pineapple that someone cited without any kind of source? You are a smart woman, Anne and know how to do internet research on a miracle claim. . That is a lot of calories to be eating when you aren't active. The usually recommendation is more D and calcium.
    Edit: never mind. Iíll read the whole thread next time.

    The doctor prescribes the diet not the internet. Donít worry about that

    No worrying about hovering. Not my style.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    Remember that he's a man! The things that women appreciate in situations like this and the things that a man likes are often very different. For example, most women like being pampered, most men hate being fussed over. When my wife tries to 'help' me I usually just find it annoying.

    My wife had a brain hemorrhage and I spent all day, every day in the hospital. She really liked that. If she had done the same thing for me, which I'm sure she would, it would crack me up!

    So don't ask a bunch of women what a man likes! ;0) Think like a man and try to notice how he is reacting to your help. Don't just assume that because you would like something, he will. And don't fuss too much, guaranteed you'll piss him off.
    Thank you captain obvious.

    Heís pretty good at telling me what he wants. We both get each other. I donít need to ask a forum what he wants. He and I actually do interact

    Itís very weird for me to be on the other side at the doctors office. And as the caretaker for an injured person. Thatís more what Iím asking about.

    What Iím asking women is what they found helpful not only for their injured SO, but what they did for themselves.

  11. #11
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    Part of most sports is injury, and mountain biking certainly falls under that, very often with serious injuries. Anyone that rides much at all is going to have to deal with injury and if you push yourself, probably a serious injury at some point. It's discouraging dealing with set-backs and besides not riding, knowing that you are losing the fitness you worked so long to gain and the fear that you'll have lost your nerve. So I think you may need to help him understand this (and I think you already know this), that set-backs are just part of participating in a sport. He will recover and ride again. We're all very fortunate to be able to ride; the majority of people in this world can't for one reason or another; so far out of shape that they can't find their way back, can't afford a bike or if they have one, it's because it's the only transportation they have, no trail around, etc.
    This post is a natural product. Variances in spelling & grammar should be appreciated as part of its character & beauty.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by stripes View Post
    What Iím asking women is what they found helpful not only for their injured SO, but what they did for themselves.
    So you're just looking out for number one, is that what you're saying? ;0)

  13. #13
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    I'm not speaking from personal experience, but I think if I were in his position I would like to get a gift related to another hobby or pastime that I can do while injured, or maybe something I always wanted to try or learn. Or maybe something from childhood like jigsaw puzzles or legos would be comforting and distracting.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    So you're just looking out for number one, is that what you're saying? ;0)
    I need to make sure Iím strong for him. Itís not always something Iím good at. . Itís also something Iím finding pretty exhausting.

    I also need to make sure Iím giving him his space and the right advice. This is his first major surgery (Iíve had a few), so heís rightfully nervous.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtbxplorer View Post
    I'm not speaking from personal experience, but I think if I were in his position I would like to get a gift related to another hobby or pastime that I can do while injured, or maybe something I always wanted to try or learn. Or maybe something from childhood like jigsaw puzzles or legos would be comforting and distracting.
    He loves to do photography but kinda hard to use the DSLR with one arm :/.

    Lego? We have plenty of that. But again itís pretty hard to do with one arm, but Iíll see if I can get him a new kit or so

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by stripes View Post
    I need to make sure Iím strong for him. Itís not always something Iím good at. . Itís also something Iím finding pretty exhausting.
    Yeah, it's more mentally tiring than physical, although the extra tasks you're squeezing into the days are tiring too. Having to be with him and still come home and deal with the household junk. It's a situation where being strong and appearing strong are more or less the same thing. I think the best approach is to remain as normal as possible, for a variety of reasons.

    When you get thrown out of your regular world the main feeling you have is a desire to return to it. Get back to normal. The more you can behave in away that is what he would consider normal the closer he'll feel to his normal life.

    It's also easier for you to do. Realistically, you do not have much control over the situation or its outcome, and that's a good thing. Almost irrespective of what you do, the injury will heal and he'll get his life back. If you can understand that it really helps you to take it easy on yourself. There is a danger you'll put yourself under a lot of pressure to do the right things and be the right person. If you can realize that it doesn't make any difference you can hopefully relax a bit and just be yourself, which is almost certainly all he's looking for.

    Just chill out, let time take its course and it'll be a funny story in no time ;0)

  17. #17
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    Sorry to hear about your husband's shoulder injury. I shattered my shoulder blade (along with other body parts) a couple years ago in a dh accident. Fortunately I didn't require surgery but I did need alot of physio. I was self motivated and fought through pain but each day I made gains and celebrated those little advancements with my hubby.

    My husband tore his labrum a year after my accident (2016)... in his case he needed surgery and his recovery was slow probably because his ROM was more affected and he suffered alot of pain. His recovery was that he listened to his body and did what he could. I supported him by not pushing him, encouraged him through his therapy... I let him set his own pace but we continued to do things together

    Shoulders are complex and there is a lot going on there. Ensure good followup, and regular assessment. Stick to a physio program... no matter how slow the progress. Imbalances or lack of therapy will lead to problems and slow down recovery (or lead to relapse).
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  18. #18
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    This may sound a little odd, but when I'm feeling down because of some injury(I have recurrent knee problems when I run and persistent elbow probems when I bike), I think of Martyn Ashton. I enjoyed his videos before his accident, but I've become a fan since his accident. I have a feeling that sort of injury might have destroyed me, and seeing how he has not let it destroy him inspires me to not let my physical ailments negatively affect me much.

    A couple of days ago, I ran across this video of him speaking about his accident. The reality of the injury is always present when he's there on GMBN, but I hadn't heard him speak about it at length. https://youtu.be/CYebJBcLZHA

  19. #19
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    Even though you see him as not doing much and because of that he doesn't need extra or even a regular amount of callories, external appearances aren't everything.
    Inside his body is in overdrive creating the materials and processes necessary for the massive amount of healing he has to go through. That's got to be fueled. Check this with the post surgery nurse who gives you sheet with care recommendations.

    For my nutrition recommendations you can do the research if you want. Or you can treat my experiences kinda like a bike review.
    They are what worked for me and what I've personally seen be very successful for a friend.
    Doing the research will be difficult if you don't have medical training. The internet is especially tough to wade through for medical questions.

    I relied on a lifelong friend with a UofM BSN and very good research skills. She was very motivated for her husbands full recovery.
    Plus adding those foods to a daily diet won't do any harm until you do your own search if needed..

    Here's a site with info on the benefits of horsetail(herb) tea.
    https://wellnessmama.com/8592/horsetail-herb-profile/

    Here's the info on painkillers to avoid during bone healing. They can delay or prevent reconnection.
    https://www.newscientist.com/article...bones-healing/

    Here's info on the almonds, pineapple and yogurt.
    https://vitamedica.com/wellness-blog...after-surgery/

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by stripes View Post
    He loves to do photography but kinda hard to use the DSLR with one arm :/.

    Lego? We have plenty of that. But again itís pretty hard to do with one arm, but Iíll see if I can get him a new kit or so
    For the DSLR a good harness and a good monopod could make up for the loss of the one arm. Pan shots and similar could work with a pistol grip and ball head on a tripod using a timer or having you activate the shutter on cue?

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  21. #21
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    The Lego is a good idea, I like that.

    And by the way the plural of Lego is... Lego.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by formica View Post
    The 6000 calories a day diet of almonds, youghurt and pineapple that someone cited without any kind of source? You are a smart woman, Anne and know how to do internet research on a miracle claim. . That is a lot of calories to be eating when you aren't active. The usually recommendation is more D and calcium.
    ^This.

  23. #23
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    My husband encouraged me to go and do stuff alone when he got injured because he knows sitting around the house makes me miserable. So as far as self care, definitely try and do stuff with him, but don't blow off your own enjoyment otherwise you won't be fun to be around. No one wants a grumpy nurse who would rather be out riding!
    Ride like a girl! :cornut:

  24. #24
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    Check with the orthopedic surgical staff about calories.
    Remember even if your husband isn't active his body inside is working at full speed to repair and heal as well as fight off infection. This is major activity and needs good nutrition to move as fast as possible.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by MSU Alum View Post
    I've had several injuries that took time to recover, i.e., broken ankle, broken rib..... My wife just kept doing the stuff she always does. Everything turned out fine. Just having someone who cares is enough.
    yes this, Been through a lots of injuries also and one major illness. Having someone that cares is enough. Do your thing, he will let you know what he needs.

  26. #26
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    You can do your thing and wait for him to ask.
    There's a 'normal' timeline and probability for healing and recovery.

    The suggestions I've made go beyond that.
    They have shortened the healing and recovery time down by 2+ weeks from the 'normal'.
    And they give a higher probability of a more complete positive outcome.
    The required participation isn't too much. The added cost is minimal.
    You do get some bonding and priorities reinforcement that can be good going forward.
    Seen it work first with my friend and then with myself.

  27. #27
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    If riding is a big part of his life day to day, maybe get him on a trainer so he can pedal and feel like he is keeping his fitness up.

    When I broke my collarbone I really started focusing on the training and fitness aspect of riding and after 10 weeks off the bike came back stronger than I had ever been. I put together a training routine and followed it to the t. It did a few things for me. First, it gave me an activity to keep me occupied. Second, it helped expedite the healing process by getting my heart rate up and increasing blood flow. The benefits of exercise to an injured person that generally leads an active lifestyle is greatly underestimated.

    Also, zwift is really fun for the competitive type.


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  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_twin View Post
    If riding is a big part of his life day to day, maybe get him on a trainer so he can pedal and feel like he is keeping his fitness up.
    Maybe ask him. I can't use them, too boring. I have a rowing machine and I struggle to stay on the thing for thirty-minutes.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    Maybe ask him. I can't use them, too boring. I have a rowing machine and I struggle to stay on the thing for thirty-minutes.
    That was where zwift really helped me. I invested in a smart trainer, a big fan, and a tv/pc to run it on in the garage, then just went to town. Eventually I got so into the training that I stopped running zwift. I came back from that broken collarbone stronger than I ever was before.


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  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_twin View Post
    That was where zwift really helped me.
    Will have to google zwift. Did you just make that name up? ;0)

  31. #31
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    Tiptoeing in here...

    I am usually the one with the disabling injury while my wife picks up the slack around the house. I get a little crazy not being able to "go play", and not being able to do my normal stuff. We called a guy to get the grass done, but my wife took care of everything else. I was thankful, and annoyed (at myself) at the same time. She's a nurse so I wasn't getting pampered. In "nurse mode" she's very clinical, which suits me fine: stop and see me, then go do whatever you have to do elsewhere. I would feel bad if she stopped doing her normal things just to tend to me. She was more into doing her normal things, AND picking up the slack.

    Hopefully your husband can find some alternate activities. And until he resolves how he hurt himself (that is, was he cocky, careless, over-his-head, fatigued...) he might be quite shy about downhilling. That could be a long time for some people.

    -F
    It's never easier - you just go faster.

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