hurt n' confused.. (long rant, sorry)- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1

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    hurt n' confused.. (long rant, sorry)

    Hello all, well i have a question for both sexes. More or less i need your personal oppinions on my situatuion..
    I am in a 3 months relationship with someone that i think is my perfect match. We both adore each other and love spending time together .. How ever .. there has been a few incidents, pretty small ones but still, things that has happened. I am not the jealous type at all .. I may have been when i was younger but have learned from my ways (i am going on to 25yrs of age real soon). I have not been ina relationship in quit a while nor was looking for one, how ever, things happen when you least expect it. I met my BF and hes a great guy.We carry the same interests and enjoy our time together. About a week ago he had "confessed" to me that he had been flirting with a co-worker of his and said that the reason why he was telling me this was because he really does love me and that he wanted for me to know the truth. Saying that if he did not care about me, he would have not said anything about it at all and would have kept shut about it and ignored it. I had asked him what did he mean by "flirting" and he replied with- just hugging on each other. He swore that they did nothing else and that , that was it. But that he still felt guilty and needed me to know. I apreciated his honesty but it still hurt me. I personally work with guys at my work and knowing that I am with someone wouldnt dare let no guy hang on to me in that manner. Now .. besides being upset about that (mind you we talked about it and we resolved it) about a week later, i was doing laundry and on empting out his pants.. i found a note that simply said "I love You ! " . I adressed him on this and said that it was from the girl at work and that she was just trying to flirt. That she doesnt really love him BUT its only her flirting. I am so upset about this girl that i no longer want to even visit him at his job. He has admitted to me that he has cheated on another GF in the past but that he just did it to hurt her back by her cheating on him. But that he has no intention what so ever on doing that to me and that he would never. What do i do ? What do i think ?? Do i have the right to be suspicous? angry ? hurt ? upset ???? i dunno and i dont want to lose him. Ive been hurt pretty bad in the past and he knows this. So there for we try to have a true honest relationship with as much communication as possible but then again. I am scared. So .. what do YOU think ??
    btw.. should i just go to his work at beat the broad down ?!
    that HOME WRECKER !! kidding .. Or am I ?!?!
    thanks. maria. (This is not my account, just using a friend's computer!)
    Last edited by BeatVibe1; 03-23-2005 at 08:07 PM.

  2. #2
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    red flags

    I say "where there is smoke there is fire" And it looks like smoke to me.

  3. #3

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    Gee that is a tough one to answer Beatvibe. Better think about it some more (and let others go first!)

  4. #4
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    umm...as if i'd ever do that to my wife...if she caught me with a st00pit piece of paper like that in my pants she'd rip my testes right off....clean shear. And, Lo, I believe it would be justified.

  5. #5

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    it's not the flirting that bugs me

    It's the mind game he is playing. Unhealthy.

  6. #6
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    Respect

    Hello Maria,

    First of all, my sympathies for your stressful situation. This is never easy.

    Your boyfriend is not treating you with respect. His pseudo-honesty is crap. Behaviour is what counts. Repect in a relationship means others are not part of the equation, ever.

    Now you need to treat yourself with respect and refuse to put up with this. Tell him in very clear terms what you expect and then walk away if he doesn't deliver. If you put up with it, then it tells him you are not worthy of respect and the bad behaviour will continue.

    Yes, it will be painful to breakup, but you can survive that. It's way more painful to continue to be treated terribly.

    Good luck,
    Mary Ann

  7. #7
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    Good job!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Ann
    Hello Maria,

    First of all, my sympathies for your stressful situation. This is never easy.

    Your boyfriend is not treating you with respect. His pseudo-honesty is crap. Behaviour is what counts. Repect in a relationship means others are not part of the equation, ever.

    Now you need to treat yourself with respect and refuse to put up with this. Tell him in very clear terms what you expect and then walk away if he doesn't deliver. If you put up with it, then it tells him you are not worthy of respect and the bad behaviour will continue.

    Yes, it will be painful to breakup, but you can survive that. It's way more painful to continue to be treated terribly.

    Good luck,
    Mary Ann
    True dat!

  8. #8
    RMG
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    Not sure how this relates to biking but

    I say first off, why THE HELL are you doing this GUYS laundry....

    Just wondering.

  9. #9
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    Oh my, doing his laundry after 3 months of dating?

    I think you might need to back off this one. It doesn't sound good. Flirting is OK to some degree. I'm sorry but a "I Love You!" note isn't harmless flirting.

    There are just too many red flags already in this young relationship. I don't think it will get better. I'm sorry Maria. Put this one back in the sea.

  10. #10
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    Walk away... cut your losses while you've only invested 3 months in it.

    imagine 2 yrs down the road , you're all set to go all the way, and you find out for the worst.... (fill in the rest yourself)

    the only reason he admitted anything was to temporarily ease his guilt.

  11. #11
    R.I.P. DogFriend
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    Something weird going on here...

    First this post in the G.D. forum:

    http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=87559

    and now this, alledgedly from a female using the same account.

    Weird place to seek so much relationship advice. Sounds like "Peyton Place" has nothing on this group of "Friends".

    I say you all get together for one large group hug and then all ride your bikes to the movie theatre.

    Trollls and mackeral, they all smell the same after a while.

  12. #12
    mtbr member
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    hmmm, very strange.

  13. #13
    poser Administrator
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    Upset holy carp

    Quote Originally Posted by BeatVibe1
    Hello all, well i have a question for both sexes. More or less i need your personal oppinions on my situatuion..
    I am in a 3 months relationship with someone that i think is my perfect match. We both adore each other and love spending time together .. How ever .. there has been a few incidents, pretty small ones but still, things that has happened. I am not the jealous type at all .. I may have been when i was younger but have learned from my ways (i am going on to 25yrs of age real soon). I have not been ina relationship in quit a while nor was looking for one, how ever, things happen when you least expect it. I met my BF and hes a great guy.We carry the same interests and enjoy our time together. About a week ago he had "confessed" to me that he had been flirting with a co-worker of his and said that the reason why he was telling me this was because he really does love me and that he wanted for me to know the truth. Saying that if he did not care about me, he would have not said anything about it at all and would have kept shut about it and ignored it. I had asked him what did he mean by "flirting" and he replied with- just hugging on each other. He swore that they did nothing else and that , that was it. But that he still felt guilty and needed me to know. I apreciated his honesty but it still hurt me. I personally work with guys at my work and knowing that I am with someone wouldnt dare let no guy hang on to me in that manner. Now .. besides being upset about that (mind you we talked about it and we resolved it) about a week later, i was doing laundry and on empting out his pants.. i found a note that simply said "I love You ! " . I adressed him on this and said that it was from the girl at work and that she was just trying to flirt. That she doesnt really love him BUT its only her flirting. I am so upset about this girl that i no longer want to even visit him at his job. He has admitted to me that he has cheated on another GF in the past but that he just did it to hurt her back by her cheating on him. But that he has no intention what so ever on doing that to me and that he would never. What do i do ? What do i think ?? Do i have the right to be suspicous? angry ? hurt ? upset ???? i dunno and i dont want to lose him. Ive been hurt pretty bad in the past and he knows this. So there for we try to have a true honest relationship with as much communication as possible but then again. I am scared. So .. what do YOU think ??
    btw.. should i just go to his work at beat the broad down ?!
    that HOME WRECKER !! kidding .. Or am I ?!?!
    thanks. maria. (This is not my account, just using a friend's computer!)

    Seeking advice in an anonymous forum. Posting on a person's account from which a similar thread was started.

    Suck it up and face your own shortcomings and do what you think is right.

    We hang out to talk bikes here. Not relationships.

    Do you really want anonymous advice? Will it make any difference? Will you take it into consideration or are you just waiting to hear what you want to hear and then take that as support for whatever situation is really going on here?

    Spin these peoples advice to suit your purpose then maybe try an actual relationship forum because the only relationship we want to talk about here are the relationships between our bikes, our bodies, our trails and our shared experiences with those.
    MTBR Posting Guidelines
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  14. #14
    L1MEY
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    Maybe you ought to hook up with the friend whose computer you're using... he's obviously having relationship problems as well

  15. #15

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    It seems obvious to me the relevant issue here is whether he is going to tell that girl to stop the flirting. He claims to care about you. He should therefore care about your feelings on the matter. Your feelings is apparently that you don't like the flirting. It doesn't matter if he is reciprocating (do you really believe that?), but if her sending him little [email protected] lovenotes bothers you then he should tell her to stop. Just keeping quiet and enjoying the ride isn't really enough.

    This is not to mention this kind of nonsense really isn't appropriate in the workplace. I assume they're about the same age you are 25ish (I am 26), and honestly, they're a little too old to be doing that kind of crap in a professional environment.

    I will second the question: WTF are you doing his laundry?

    I don't want to make accusations, but I have to say this thread really seems like a troll post.

  16. #16
    pewpewpew Moderator
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    Trust is everything. Noone is a "perfect match" if there is no trust.

  17. #17

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    may be a quick,

    sex change opperation??? I dunno?


    Quote Originally Posted by jeffj
    First this post in the G.D. forum:

    http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=87559

    and now this, alledgedly from a female using the same account.

    Weird place to seek so much relationship advice. Sounds like "Peyton Place" has nothing on this group of "Friends".

    I say you all get together for one large group hug and then all ride your bikes to the movie theatre.

    Trollls and mackeral, they all smell the same after a while.

  18. #18
    pewpewpew Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mtnbikenmama
    sex change opperation??? I dunno?

    Think the poster will enlighten us to tell us the real story? Or will slink away and hope we forget, or even reregister as a new member?

    Personally i'd like to know not only what the REAL story is, but what point was there in posting another story.

    Is the guy who posted in the other forum really flirting with the girl who posted? Dual personality? Inquiring minds want to know!

    most importantly - do all parties involve ride bikes!!?!?!

  19. #19
    life is a barrel o'fun
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    "Something weird going on here...

    First this post in the G.D. forum:

    http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=87559

    and now this, alledgedly from a female using the same account."

    Yeah, I was thinking to myself, "Didn't we just answer this guy's question.....oh wait a sec.....now he's a chick?!"

    Trolls are weeeeeird.
    "We sat outside the dentist, tooting a horn on the guy's bike."-overheard in the Underground

  20. #20
    i worship Mr T
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    and this has what to do with mtb'ing?

    sorry, no advice to give except maybe you'd do better posting in a forum on relationships rather than mountain biking.

    no offense intended.

    rt
    "where are you not going so fast?" (question asked to cyclist on a trainer)

    *rt*'s fabulous blog
    mm blogging

  21. #21
    Loose Nut Behind d' Wheel
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    If that other woman's little love note meant nothing to him, it wouldn't have followed him home in his pocket. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Some do it for the thrill of the secret and not because anything is lacking in the "up front" relationship.

    Go get on your bike and put a lot of distance between you and this clown.

    Kathy
    Look where you want to go. This is as true in life as it is in mtbiking.

  22. #22
    Feeling a little taller
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    Not sure why BeatVibe or friend are looking for relationship advice on a mountain biking board??!!

    1) Trust and respect are everything in a relationship (been said before).
    2) 3 months is NOT a long relationship - a lifetime is a long relationship.
    3) Tell the lazy bum to clean his own dirty laundry and stop airing yours.
    4) Independence for yourself and perceived independence of a potential mate takes stress off of the mutual dependence and consideration a relationship takes.
    5) If you have enough time to ***** about poor relationships, then you have enough time to go riding (as Captain Kana says "it's cheaper than a mistress"). So knock it off, break up with the ass and get on your bike!
    There are no stupid questions but there are A LOT of inquisitive idiots.


    Bicycle Trails Council of the East Bay

  23. #23
    Bike to the Bone...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Ann
    Hello Maria,

    First of all, my sympathies for your stressful situation. This is never easy.

    Your boyfriend is not treating you with respect. His pseudo-honesty is crap. Behaviour is what counts. Repect in a relationship means others are not part of the equation, ever.

    Now you need to treat yourself with respect and refuse to put up with this. Tell him in very clear terms what you expect and then walk away if he doesn't deliver. If you put up with it, then it tells him you are not worthy of respect and the bad behaviour will continue.

    Yes, it will be painful to breakup, but you can survive that. It's way more painful to continue to be treated terribly.

    Good luck,
    Mary Ann
    I agree with Mary Ann. I think that it is a manipulation to, geee, I did this thing, I am sorry, but you still find that. It's now wether his coworkes is putting notes, wich he claims are just friendly, but you bf should keep his distance.

    Well, that's very similar to the other post it went from beat vibe?

    Sorry, I just remembered, what's the real deal here? who's the one going out with a coworker?

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