Mountain Man Bike- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
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    Mountain Man Bike

    I pulled this off KSL:

    Mountain Manís Bike for Sale

    I am a mountain man. You are probably not a mountain man, but, you wish you were. This bike is your ticket to two things: 1- Mountains and 2- Being a man.

    I ride this bike everyday. Not for fun or sport like the spandex boys, but to hunt and kill food. I know for a fact that this bike will jump over canyons, climb trees, kill bears, and forge rivers. The bike has ridden every part of the Wasatch from top to bottom. This bike wonít break. Itís half carbon fiber and half bad-ass. Some guy told me this bike is a piece of history. I thought it was new this year, but I also thought it was still 1998. Apparently it is 2010 and time flies when you live in a cave.

    The bike says K2 pro-flex 4000 on the side of it. I donít know what that means. It probably means it can kill an elephant. The bike is red, so the blood wonít show on it. The tires are knobby so you can pedal straight up a cliff. It has shocks on the front and the back for when you jump off the cliff. The stuff on it all says ďShimano XTĒ. Iím pretty sure that is because it was cursed once by an indian medicine man named Shimano. The guy was a jack-ass. He tried to steal some of my stuff so I bit off his left ear.

    The bike has a chain that I use to kill rattle snakes sometimes. It also has a seat. I donít use it, but you probably will for the first few years until you build up the muscle. I also installed a shotgun holder on the bike that conveniently fits a water bottle.

    If you have questions about the bike, donít bother calling me. If you donít understand how tough the bike is, I probably wonít be able to help you.

    If you want to buy the bike, then I will take american cash. I need to send some money to a very important man who emailed me from nigeria so I need the cash quick.

  2. #2
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
    Reputation: slcrockymountainrider's Avatar
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    Sounds a bit too 'All Mountain' for my tastes.

  3. #3
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    someone has way too much time on their hands...but funny as all hell
    www.quinnphoto.smugmug.com
    07 S-Works Enduro SL - Sold
    08 Epic Marathon - Sold
    2012 Stumpy EVO 29er frame up build

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    Sounds a bit too 'All Mountain' for my tastes.
    you should send that guy an invite to your Humdinger enduro race thingy. Sounds like he would fit right in. ( if you're sure you didn't actually write that ad in the first place... )

  5. #5
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcpunk
    you should send that guy an invite to your Humdinger enduro race thingy. Sounds like he would fit right in. ( if you're sure you didn't actually write that ad in the first place... )
    Hmmmm...I'd like to take credit but I have my internet security set on 'high' so it won't allow me to access the filth on a website such as KSL.

  6. #6
    Mtn Biker Machinist
    Reputation: 1 cog frog's Avatar
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    KSL adds can be quite entertaining(especially in the Free Section), but that one takes the cake! One of my students showed it to me, and I cracked up! He definitely sounds like a good candidate for Humdinger!

    frog

  7. #7
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Playdeep's Avatar
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    Lots of very important people in Nigeria.

  8. #8
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    Manly Bike For Sale
    Salt Lake City, UT 84113 - Jun 7, 2010
    What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick-butt spokes. It has no hand brakes, but if you think that deters me from riding down hills, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that handbrakes can squeak and let the enemy know where you are. The bike has one of those brakes that stops you when you pedal it backwards a quarter-turn. Simple, smart, manly.

    The bike is red because red, well, won't show blood. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered to make me his son but I thought that was sissy crap so I said no way.

    The bike has some mismatched parts, but that just shows how hard-core you are. Everyone knows different parts on a bike means that you probably know how to work on it and chicks love dude that swing a big wrench. The parts could all be re-painted, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a no-balls lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

    I've topped out at 75 mph on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 mph. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 1 speed. Yeah, that's right. One gear, and nothing more. If that messes with your mind, then this isn't for you. You should go back to the main page and find yourself a nice bicycle built for two.

    Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a kick-stand. I welded that thing right on there because I don't ever want anybody taking it off. If that's a deal breaker --then YOU lack self confidence. Real men don't lay their bikes down. You treat it like a beautiful woman. You keep it clean and pretty and you ride it hard.

    This isn't a mountain bike or one of those weird skinny wheel bikes. It's got street tires on it that look like they came straight out of the Daytona 500. The grips are worn. If I were you I would snag this sweet ride and just rip'em off. Put some duct tape on the handle bars and ride.


    Bike is for $100 but on second thought, I don't think I even want to sell it. I don't need your money as much as you probably need honor. If you want this bike, write me a comment on my website and I'll consider your plea. http://www.garagetopia.com/manly-bike-for-sale-100/

    I just might arm wrestle the winner for the bike.

    Cheers,
    Dirty Jack

  9. #9
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    i liked that one.
    not anti-bobsled

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