...or 'Bobsleds' for all those blessed with having been born and raised in this state.

"Hey, I'm going to the Smiths later...."

Can I ask that whoever is kicking down the lips on the Tetanus Car Gap, Tetanus Roll Over Stunt and Fall Away Ditch Hump Thingy to please come up with something more creative when it comes to your self righteous behavior and actions.

Seriously, this has become an embarrassment to our great state and a reflection on its culture.

Take for example the burgeoning Hipster problem plaguing major cities. Rather than pushing over bikes of men almost as strong as an eleven year old girl, someone outside our fair state has been thinking outside the box.

"Police are on the hunt for the perpetrator who has been setting “hipster traps” around New York City. The traps are comprised of a steel-jawed leg hole trap baited with a pair of pink Wayfarer sunglasses, a pack of American Spirit cigarettes, a yellow single speed chain, and a can of PBR. Although some experts believe that trapping hipsters might not be a bad thing. Nicko McBrain of Animal Control NYC had this to say: “Trapping can help protect endangered species. I mean, thrift stores in New York City ran out of small-girl jeans three years ago. They were nearly driven to extinction by male hipsters. By controlling the hipster population, the small-girl jean population will have an opportunity to recover.” A hipster who would only identify himself as “Holden” thinks that the traps are just further evidence of The Man’s conspiracy to destroy the hipster: “Ya dude, first they used airborne leaflet propaganda and brainwashing to turn a bunch of old school messengers and convince them that riding brakeless fixies was hella cool. Then brakelessness spread like a plague amongst the hipster population. Thing is man, the hipsters weren’t physiologically equipped to deal with riding a brakeless fixie,” he said as he took another drag of his cigarette, hugged his knees to his chest, and stared off wistfully into space. “They bit it left and right — gigantic sunglasses split open, white ear buds stained with blood, arm sleeve tattoos transformed into huge scabs…it was awful, it is awful, and now this.” Holden and other hipsters like him may not be able to look to the NYPD for protection either: “Hunting for the perpetrator? Ya, we wanna find the guy and give him a frickin’ medal!” Said Detective James Van Der Beek of the NYPD. “Hey, I’m kidding. But seriously, we’re gonna throw the book at this perp…a book entitled Hey Mr. Hipster Trap Setting Guy, You Are Frickin’ Awesome! ”



Please study this example and come up with something a bit more creative, so that all five people that come here can talk about something else other than speculating who kicked what over, who's fixing it and why. I suggest the same as retaliatory measures from those on the other side of the aisle.

Kindly,

SLC