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  1. #1
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    Humdinger Results And Photos

    Well the 62nd Annual Humdinger Invitational is in the bag.
    Before I get to the results....
    Big thanks to all who went up Saturday to clean all the deadfall off of upper Apex. An Aspen and a large pine tree have been chooching that trail for a couple of weeks now and thanks to JMH, Bortis, chuky and mr.lycra kit everyone gets to enjoy that trail without utilizing cyclocross skills.
    Also, big thanks to midgetmafiosa and mrs.welcorn for womaning the finish line and putting together a rather painful finish (see below). And also mr.welcorn for nutting up with an injury and making this an individual timed event and also throwing down an impressive time to boot.

    All in all it went rather smoothly with only two crashes and zero mechanicals or flats.

    Results (racers times were stopped after riding the course, chugging either an ice cold beer or a warm sugar free RedBull, a Jell-O shot and taking 10 spins on the Pedro's pump):

    1. [email protected]
    40:04 for the win and the $$$
    2. JMH
    40:39 (with a crash, oh so close. Perhaps with better form on the Pedro's pump it would have played out differently.)
    3. Err
    42:24 (with an epic crash, he also was awarded a .40oz)
    4. mr.welcorn
    43:23 while injured and being the broom wagon.
    5. Summit
    43:45 super fast time for never haven ridden the entire course
    6. slcrmr
    45:45
    7. chuky
    51:08 representing female missionaries worldwide
    8. singlespeed Sam
    51.23 learned the course prior to the race and did it on a fully rigid single speed. singlespeed Sam also won the coveted DFL trophy for this feat.
    9. I Am Chumley's Username:
    1:27:34
    10. Jib
    1:27:45 apparently he can't drink a warm RedBull as fast as Chumley.

    DQ'd. Bortis_Yelltzin For failure to complete 10 rotations on the pump before falling backwards in a dizzy, drunken stupor.
    DQ'd. Michael McConaughey For talking about himself for 10 minutes non-stop.

    Photo: Grandpa JMH at the finish coming in a strong 2nd as Err prepares for the pump. [email protected] taking comfort in a ditch in the background after a stellar finish as midgetmafiosa makes certain no one is cheating.



    More photo's to follow later.

    Until next time.
    Last edited by slcrockymountainrider; 09-13-2010 at 09:26 AM.

  2. #2
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    Photos and Tire Choice

    As JMH alluded to in the Official Humdinger Thread there was a change in recommended tire choice due to how wet and/or dry parts of the course were. After running various soil samples through a super computer it was recommended that participants opt for a Wet Scream rear tire coupled with a Stan's Crow front.
    After announcing this, we gave participants exactly 3 minutes to make any adjustments to their bike tire selection before sending people down the mountain.

    Steve Peat eat your heart out: Summit at the finish. Forehead to pump shaft like a true Pro. He has a bright future ahead of him.



    singlespeed Sam in full drag with the coveted DFL trophy while Sergeant at Arms mr.welcorn averts his eyes away. Sam showed up for the pre-ride an hour and half before the race, learned the course in one shot and then threw down on a fully rigid singlespeed.



    Who would have guessed that mr.welcorn's favorite superhero was Kick A$S? Neoprene is the new lycra.



    Mr. Money Bags Krispy.



    Podium. Eat your heart out I-Cup.



    An upset Matthew after being told he was DQ'd. He stormed off.

    Last edited by slcrockymountainrider; 09-13-2010 at 08:43 AM.

  3. #3
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    More Photogs

    They keep trickling in....

    singlespeed Sam in all his glory. Attempting to breathe and chug a beer. Sweet cleavage BTW.



    Now, at first I thought this was a photo of Chumley or some retarded kid who happened to show up, but everyone had pretty much left by the time he and Jib finished. Probably the scariest photo of the bunch. SS maning (or womaning) the pump while chuky drools beer and red Jell-O.

    Last edited by slcrockymountainrider; 09-13-2010 at 08:42 AM.

  4. #4
    Err
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    Best photo EVAR!

  5. #5
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    Haha, very nice. Looks like you put together an amazing event. Most of us who were not a part of the day will read this thread and view the photos with envy.

  6. #6
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    I'd like to take a moment to thank my sponsors in assisting my with the victory in this event:

    Liahona Bicycles http://www.themissionarydepot.com
    Van Huesen clothing
    Albuterol
    Papst Blue Ribbon
    The Lord Jesus Christ
    Maxxis
    Gravity Dropper
    Lego
    X Fusion Suspension
    TOSH rehabilitation center

    I would also like to thank my competitors. Without them i'd be a drug addicted drunk- all the time. Also, thanks to those who talked a big game and decided not to show up. It's all about pre race prep, and thinking i had to beat every person in Utah who think they can ride and post online was a daunting task.
    Last edited by [email protected]; 09-13-2010 at 12:23 PM.
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  7. #7
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    Next year all those who posted up in the 2010 Thread but were no shows will be forced to ride an unmodded pixie bike from Deseret Industries -Limited to the current batch of $15 or less choices. With a mandatory costume.
    We'll also have midgetmafiosa prepare specially shaken warm beers for those folk.

  8. #8
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    nice photos, all! that unicorn stared me in the face on the drive home. it's now proudly displayed in sam's house - a prize if ever there was one. he discovered a flat tire upon loading said singlespeed onto the rack, too - so he really earned that DFL trophy. i couldn't be prouder of my friend. *tear*

  9. #9
    Chumley for prez!
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    I think a pixie bike could have a distinct advantage on certain sections of the 'dinger...
    Anyone want to wager a guess on a lap time for a pixie bike? I'll volunteer to time SLCRMR if he wants to do the experiment.

    I weighed myself when I got home and I lost 10 pounds of water weight. As it turns out neoprene isn't really that breathable. Good news is that now I should be able to drop a weight class for my MMA fight this week, so BONUS!

    I think it was a great 19th annual running, but I hope the 20th annual running has more/better costumes and increased levels of shennanigans. Maybe a blindfolded tire changing station?
    Dizzy bat in the middle of the ride? Beer bongs? Snakes?
    On a related note, I think jello shots are the new "GU" packet or CLIF shot blok (if you are so inclined)...portable, tasty, calorie laden, awesome, stylish, what's the downside? I think they will now be accompanying me on every ride. Pina Colada anyone? Many thanks to my better half for providing the "shots"...now I have to convince her to give me her secret recipe.

  10. #10
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    or convince her to keep making them for your play dates. mid-ride dizzy bat/pump would indeed be awesome, say, just after climb #2 or something. and next year's costuming needs to be on the level with that wet...er, speedsuit. that's commitment.

    chuky deserves a special mention as the only gal to show up and actually ride - plus, her version of the dizzy pump was downright dangerous. it was spectacular to watch everyone back up and grab their nuts for cover as she swung it around with her.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    DQ'd. Bortis_Yelltzin For failure to complete 10 rotations on the pump before falling backwards in a dizzy, drunken stupor.
    DQ'd. Michael McConaughey For talking about himself for 10 minutes non-stop.
    Just a heads up, Michael McConaughey's attorneys and mine have begun the class action lawsuit paperwork to get our DQ results overturned.

    Michael McConaughey's defense is that he was simply talking through his resume for the Humdinger and due to his long list of feature film roles it simply could not be done is less than 10 minutes.

    My defense is that the count was off and that in all fairness there was other questionable techniques of the Pedro's pump spin used by other participants while still qualifying as "10 turns". I was not aware it was a "freestyle contest... I want my 6th place back...

    That's all I can say until the case is closed. I strongly suggest you settle out of court, as we have hired the same guy preparing to defend Lance against the new Floyd debacle...
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sport...Sports+News%29

    You've been warned...
    BY
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen

    Just a heads up, Michael McConaughey's attorneys and mine have begun the class action lawsuit paperwork to get our DQ results overturned.

    You've been warned...
    BY
    I'm not too worried as I've been saving my 'Ace In The Hole' in anticipation of just an outburst:



    Seriously? You wore that? Those are the lamest socks.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    I'm not too worried as I've been saving my 'Ace In The Hole' in anticipation of just an outburst:



    Seriously? You wore that? Those are the lamest socks.
    It's a PROTOTYPE and you signed a non-disclosure agreement promising not to share any information on it. Now that you've broke that agreement I'll be adding that to the list of items in the lawsuit. Got you now bastard!!! I suggest you give me my 6th place ASAP and avoid any further damages...

    BY

    P.S. Now that that my new camelback has been field tested while loaded down with spare tube, multi-tool, tire lever, cell phone, pump, and keys expect it to be HUGE at Interbike 2010. I just didn't have it dialed enough for Eurobike and Chuky wouldn't put it in her luggage on her trip over due to needing room for taking UT beer to Germany
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    It's a PROTOTYPE and you signed a non-disclosure agreement promising not to share any information on it. Now that you've broke that agreement I'll be adding that to the list of items in the lawsuit. Got you now bastard!!! I suggest you give me my 6th place ASAP and avoid any further damages...

    BY

    P.S. Now that that my new camelback has been field tested while loaded down with spare tube, multi-tool, tire lever, cell phone, pump, and keys expect it to be HUGE at Interbike 2010. I just didn't have it dialed enough for Eurobike and Chuky wouldn't put it in her luggage on her trip over due to needing room for taking UT beer to Germany
    Huh. Well look at that. Didn't even notice your fancy pants Camelbak. I was referring to your socks.

    My guess is that Chumley is going to steal that Camelbak from you or at the very least shove it down the front of his pants forcing you to yield it to him. I'd lock that thing up.

    As far as your 6th Place goes, the DQ stands for two reasons: A. You only did 5 rotations regardless of style. 2. After my performance earlier in the year this is my only way at any sort of redemption. D. That beer chug hurt and I almost fell over after the 10 rotations. As lame as that is. I'm almost certain mr.welcorn gave me a few pity minutes and in reality I finished well behind Chumley and Jib.

  15. #15
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    i said you had to spin around the pump...you could have done a triple salchow, pirouettes, or the roger rabbit around that thing if you'd wanted, but you chose head on pump, frat boy style. telling you that you didn't have to do it that way would have seriously cut in on mr. welcorn's & err's better halves' and my fun watching you nearly keel over, and it really was the better part of my day. don't take the joy away! plus, summit managed to eek out 10 spins that way....just sayin'....

  16. #16
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    BTW: I feel like complete a$s today riding it at speed twice in a row. It was super fun both times, but actually trying to post a good time put me in the pain cave second time around. Right now I feel as though I have a mild hangover mixed with really bad allergies and fatigue.
    Suprisingly my legs feel ok despite the fact that on both climbs I was looking down at them telling them to spin faster-which they wouldn't. Thank god for the metallic cheering section urging me to carry on.
    I only swore once during my race run and that was after a corner I did something really stupid on. All the while I was deathly afraid of crashing in a full lycra kit and also accidentally sitting on my wenis as it had worked its way into some nether region and made the last 20 minutes extremely uncomfortable.
    F#cking lycra.

    BTWW: chuky made mention that next years event should be business casual.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by midgetmafiosa
    i said you had to spin around the pump...you could have done a triple salchow, pirouettes, or the roger rabbit around that thing if you'd wanted, but you chose head on pump, frat boy style. telling you that you didn't have to do it that way would have seriously cut in on mr. welcorn's & err's better halves' and my fun watching you nearly keel over, and it really was the better part of my day. don't take the joy away! plus, summit managed to eek out 10 spins that way....just sayin'....
    OK fine, I'll see you and SLCRMR in court...

    And obviosuly with Summit beating me by over 1 minute he's way more of a man than I am. But being DQ'ed and scooped by SLCRMR is just not acceptable.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  18. #18
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    wher did you guys go after th e race? jib crashed and then i crashed into him and got mye handle bars stuck in his spokes. my shok still dosnt work so it was ruff! after a bit i fellt that my camlback was leaking and had ro stop to put the lid back ohn it then got a cut on my leg and had to stp for that. it was fun thogh!
    not anti-bobsled

  19. #19
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    Chumley- i stuck around for many extra jello shots, test rode 29ers, sweated in my black pants and waited some more. We figured you broke down near the top and pushed back to the start. But no one saw you broke down on course. There wasn't cell reception at the bottom so we figured we'd just see ya later. Did you cut it somewhere?
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  20. #20
    Chumley for prez!
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    Quote Originally Posted by [email protected]
    sweated in my black pants and waited some more.
    No offense, but you don't know jack about sweat until you ride the 'dinger in a 5mm thick wetsuit....and yes I realize that was my personal decision.

    AFAChIC...what happened man? I broom-wagoned, and I never swept you up... Was there a donut stand along the way I missed?

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    scooped by SLCRMR is just not acceptable.
    Apparently it's the only way I can win, or take top ten, these days.

    I kept seeing glimpses of you way off in the distance here and there and thought I was going to catch you so I could rub it in your face later. But to no avail. Even with a full lycra kit for aerodynamicity I was a boat anchor.
    I started worrying when I couldn't gain any ground on you during the second climb. I caught a glimpse of your pack for a nano-second way off in the distance but even while pushing a 36 ring up that double track my legs weren't moving fast.
    I knew that if I didn't gain any ground on that 30 second start gap by this point all would be lost at the beer chug.
    Then when I saw the stuttering drunk falling backwards down the road as I nursed my beer I knew victory was mine!

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by [email protected]
    Chumley- i stuck around for many extra jello shots, test rode 29ers, sweated in my black pants and waited some more. We figured you broke down near the top and pushed back to the start. But no one saw you broke down on course. There wasn't cell reception at the bottom so we figured we'd just see ya later. Did you cut it somewhere?
    i fell over into some busshes a cople of times. jib stoped once and hid then jumpd out and pushed me over. so many turns!
    not anti-bobsled

  23. #23
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    Best kind of race. Can't wait for next year to defend the crown.

    <-- Sam

  24. #24
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    sweet avatar.
    I only attempt to change the world in the appropriate World-Changing venues and forums.

  25. #25
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    So damn cool, wish I could have made it up there but family fun took priority this weekend. Think I could have had a strong chance at the DFL trophy with my propensity to stop and take photos. Maybe demanding others stop and re-ride sections if I missed a good shot would have been enough to salvage a 2nd or 3rd to DFL if I was really on my game. Looking forward to the next running of the Humdinger and kicking myself for missing this one.
    Sipping the Knolly Whisquillappa

  26. #26
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    Few more peechures:

    The start line was far too professional thanks to mr. welcorn. He could give the Utah DH Series boys a run for their money.


    The inside of my jacket lapel as viewed from my new GoProHD while I walked around my bike and debated whether to continue straight on Link or dump down the road... which it turns out is where the finish was... FOR EXACTLY 50 SECONDS. OMG FAIL. I also paused at the start of the first road before the first dirt road climb where BY tried to cut me off but then blew himself up instead, but that was only for a few seconds. Which was all karmically negated by chasing Err across the ski run for a switchback or two later on.


    Finish line shenanigans.




    And the excellent officiating crew:



    thanks for putting this together SLCRMRCRMSMR, the 42nd running next year will surely be even better.

  27. #27
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    LOST/ STOLEN/ MISSING!!!!!!!!

    My famed Pedros yellow pump is missing! I'm lucky i didn't leave my trophy and bike behind when leaving in my stupor.

    I have a reward for it, a one of a kind genuine Humdinger Original $10 IOU certificate that JMH/Chucky gave me in my winnnings. I love that trusty pump, i'm willing to part with this IOU in order to get it back. I can't fix all the flat tires on all the neighborhood kids bikes without it!

    I have evidence of multiple suspects with it in their posssesion at the finish line. You know who you are. Lets solve this out of court so we don't have to involve the authoriries.

    Krispy
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  28. #28
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    Sad News

    Sweet pics Summit, thanks for posting those up and allowing those who didn't participate a chance to see the Humdinger Finish Line Princess (who took all the other photos BTW and prepared an Army's worth of Jell-O shots).

    I did receive word of a definite course cutting incident, actually two. Matthew McConaughey was caught taking a ride from just below the start line to above the finish line, just out of sight. Fortunately he was already DQ'd for talking about himself for so long to the Humdinger Princess so we didn't tally his 15:32 time.

    The other incident is currently being investigated but will not effect the Top Three.

    If this happens next year, expect it earlier in the year and late on a week day. I would start training immediately.

    Lastly, please give Krispy his pump back.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by catch22
    So damn cool, wish I could have made it up there but family fun took priority this weekend. Think I could have had a strong chance at the DFL trophy with my propensity to stop and take photos. Maybe demanding others stop and re-ride sections if I missed a good shot would have been enough to salvage a 2nd or 3rd to DFL if I was really on my game. Looking forward to the next running of the Humdinger and kicking myself for missing this one.
    The DFL trophy wasn't just handed out to the person who came in last. That would have been too easy. numb_taint aka singlespeed Sam earned that by just showing up at the last minute, learning the course by chasing myself and Krispy in a rush as we started the pre-ride so late. Then turning right around 30 minutes later and throwing down again. All this on a rigid single speed in drag.

    Had numb_taint shown up on a squishy bike, tried really hard and posted up the same time the award would have gone to either Err or JMH for legitimately crashing and still throwing down top three finishes. mr.welcorn was also in contention for the DFL for being injured and riding in a sweet kit.

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by [email protected]
    LOST/ STOLEN/ MISSING!!!!!!!!

    My famed Pedros yellow pump is missing! I'm lucky i didn't leave my trophy and bike behind when leaving in my stupor.

    I have a reward for it, a one of a kind genuine Humdinger Original $10 IOU certificate that JMH/Chucky gave me in my winnnings. I love that trusty pump, i'm willing to part with this IOU in order to get it back. I can't fix all the flat tires on all the neighborhood kids bikes without it!

    I have evidence of multiple suspects with it in their posssesion at the finish line. You know who you are. Lets solve this out of court so we don't have to involve the authoriries.

    Krispy
    Matthew McConaughey may be your huckleberry. I swear I saw him sneak up and grab it and possibly smash it into a rock in a fit of rage after being notified via text message of his DQ. Not that it hurts my feelings at all seeing as that was the device that supposedly lead to my debatable DQ.

    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    I did receive word of a definite course cutting incident, actually two. Matthew McConaughey was caught taking a ride from just below the start line to above the finish line, just out of sight. Fortunately he was already DQ'd for talking about himself for so long to the Humdinger Princess so we didn't tally his 15:32 time.

    The other incident is currently being investigated but will not effect the Top Three.
    How can one cut an unmarked course? I mean, people make mistakes, and it was a pretty complex series of unmarked trails that makes up the spaghetti bowl of trails that is the Humdinger.

    I'm just sayin....

    BY
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    How can one cut an unmarked course? I mean, people make mistakes, and it was a pretty complex series of unmarked trails that makes up the spaghetti bowl of trails that is the Humdinger.

    I'm just sayin....

    BY
    As a Humdinger Official, you know fully well Rule #429: "cheating is encouraged-so long as you don't get caught."

    Matthew would have gotten away with his course cutting but he screwed up when he walked over to the limo right afterwards and started yelling at the driver to open up the back because he wanted to finish his Slushee. That and the fact that he wasn't dirty and his pre-race interview make-up still looked fresh.

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    As a Humdinger Official, you know fully well Rule #429: "cheating is encouraged-so long as you don't get caught."
    I forgot that one... I say next year we get the rules in print prior to the race, rather than making them up as we go on race day during the race.

    Guess I'll set my sights on top 10 finishes while ultimately being DQ'ed on all Humdingers I participate in. Got to have goals...

    BY
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    I forgot that one... I say next year we get the rules in print prior to the race, rather than making them up as we go on race day during the race.

    Guess I'll set my sights on top 10 finishes while ultimately being DQ'ed on all Humdingers I participate in. Got to have goals...

    BY
    Perhaps this would be a moot point if the beer chug/Jell-O shots were taken at the start, rather than the finish and all the participants were tethered together like school children on a field trip??



    vs.


    Last edited by slcrockymountainrider; 09-14-2010 at 09:15 AM.

  34. #34
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    I love that section of Daley canyon. I wish I could have ridden...next year..next year

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by 123ski
    I love that section of Daley canyon. I wish I could have ridden...next year..next year
    The dirt road or the little freeride, jumpy, wall hit section above/next to the water tank?

    Thanks to Krispy for forcing a last minute reroute down that section as competitors were just getting crosseyed. Made the happy ending that much better and a bit more sketchy.

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    The dirt road or the little freeride, jumpy, wall hit section above/next to the water tank?

    Thanks to Krispy for forcing a last minute reroute down that section as competitors were just getting crosseyed. Made the happy ending that much better and a bit more sketchy.
    Jump/wall hit section as well as the jumps on the dirt road.....I don't typically love dirt roads alone..hahah

  37. #37
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Sweet cockpit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Summit

  38. #38
    scars > tattoos
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    the pump is gone??? i'm so sorry! it was definitely still there on the sidelines when i left. that was a formidable pump, too - nearly took a few people out!

  39. #39
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by midgetmafiosa
    the pump is gone??? i'm so sorry! it was definitely still there on the sidelines when i left. that was a formidable pump, too - nearly took a few people out!
    Apparently the pump was returned safely to Go-Ride yesterday after spending a couple of cold nights in the back of someone's car.

  40. #40
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    It's about time.

    Yep, it's found a new home and a new format.

    I'm certain more than a few people will be sighing in relief. Should keep the user count down a minimum here in the Utard Forum for 2011 and maybe do away with more than a few of those Server Is Too Busy At The Moment notices. So please feel free to go crazy with the Bobsled Conditions and When Will The Crest Be Dry? threads.

    For the rest of us who want to party like it's 1999 or at least like Mickey and Mallory Knox; Memorize the rules, hit the thrift stores, save your stripper dollars and check here often: Humdinger Derby.


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