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  1. #1
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    Deer Diary...Deer Valley related...

    [SWEET BLOG]

    Star Date: 63150.4 (http://trekguide.com/Stardates.htm#Today)

    Dear Diary,
    Yesterday I broke my vow to boycott Deer Valley for DH mountain biking. I did this partially because my legs were too sore from too many XC and road rides, I'm sick of abusing my truck to shuttle the other DH trails and because my DH bike was starting to give me dirty looks and hide turds under my pillow after weeks of not getting any attention. Nothing motivates one to take the DH bike for a spin like waking up to a mouth full of poo..... I suppose it could be the neighbor's cat crapping in my mouth when I sleep since I sprayed it with the hose a few weeks back when I caught it pooping in my lawn mowing shoes in the back porch, but anyway.....

    While I applaud DV for opening during the summer to bikes and having some technical terrain, I can't help but continue to be disappointed by that place. For some reason the "trail builders" decided that the apex of every turn, even bermed turns, should have a 6-24" drop in it. While I see the technical merit of this I can't help but see it as being completely retarded in terms of building a fun flowy trail. Not only this, but the "trail builders" at DV decided to finally build a new wood feature, I'm not sure what it is, it is 2 wood bumps that I suppose could be doubled up, if there was a decent run in and the landing wasn't so damn short and steep. I mean, if you are going to build a feature, build a decent feature instead of some half-a$$ed pointless "stunt". Another of my favorite DV trail features are jumps with no landings. I can only think of 2 reasons why the jumps have no no landings, 1. the trail crew is too stupid to figure out how far away to place the second mound of dirt or 2. the "trail builders" are too lazy to build a table-top longer than 12-inches in length. I use the term "trail builder" loosely as I am pretty sure these trails were not built as much as someone just decided to skid down a water run-off path and scree fields on the "black" runs and the other color runs are just game trails cut by animals suffering in the late stages of "hoof-and-mouth" that someone decided to start riding.

    So again, I must restate that I am not going to give DV another cent of my $ until DV reaches deep down between their legs, grabs on tight and pulls their head out from deep within their a$$ and cut a new A-line style trail, or I know this is crazy talk, but maybe DV could afford to hire an expert to help them build something worth $28 per day. Look at what Sol Vista, Keystone and Winter Park are doing in CO, look at what Northstar is doing in CA. If you build it they will come, there are many DH riders in UT, and I'm positive they are as frustrated as I am on the lack of a quality lift served venue to get radical on. I know for a fact that UT DH riders are taking their $ and going to places like Jackson, WY and the places in CO and CA I mentioned above to ride. If DV doesn't make some changes in order to get that $, maybe I should start hiding turds in DV management's pillows....

    It wasn't all bad though, I learned that my new 661 Core Saver body armor gives me protection while at the same time allowing me to lactate blood from my nipples after a few hot laps. Pretty cool trick and I can't wait to bust it out at the next BBQ.

    That's all for today.

    XOXOXOXO
    BY

    [/SWEET BLOG]
    Last edited by Bortis Yelltzen; 09-08-2009 at 06:42 PM. Reason: Add more insults to Deer Valley
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  2. #2
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Dear MTBqueeR member Bortis Yelltzin,

    First off, I must applaud your family for not taking the recommendation of Immigration Officials at Ellis Island and retaining both 'L's' in your last name and not Americanizing it. You are the essence of what this country stands for.

    Secondly, do you hate Al Quida as much as you hate Queer Valley? Mind you, the 'QU' make a strong 'D' sound when spoken together in your native language. I'm feeling a bit of hostility towards a significant tax base that helps support the great infrastructure of the Beehive State. Mind you -.003 cents of every tax dollar goes to support public education.

    I actually know the answer to your question, but think a fun quiz would be fitting to your sweet blog.
    Ready?

    The stunt in which you are refering to is:
    A. Actually a booter/half pipe for the mentally challenged. The theory goes that if you case the lip of the landing your broken and seizure ridden body will just rock back and forth within the 'pipe' thus saving face to those who were watching. When you're brought out of the coma 12 days later you can look up at your family (or more realistically the bare ceiling because your family abandoned you when you pronounced that you fancy men dancing to the Carpenters while holding an issue of Tiger Beat and thus would not be copulating to be populating the earth) and tell them you meant to do that.

    B. A blatant attempt to rid itself of lift accessed mountain biking by creating such an odd stunt that it's bound to injur/maim/kill someone resulting in a lawsuit and a face saving measure to bow out of such a roudy sport.

    C. Someone up there really likes skate boarding and thought that putting a quassi jump/landing on opposing sides of their half pipe, they'd get away without anyone noticing.

    D. Just f#cking stupid.

    E. Bortis rides a c#ckhorse. Ha!

    You have 60 seconds.
    Last edited by slcrockymountainrider; 09-08-2009 at 12:42 PM.

  3. #3
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    P.S. Way to cave in. P#ssy!

  4. #4
    Homer's problem child
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    Dear MTBqueeR member Bortis Yelltzin,
    I actually know the answer to your question, but think a fun quiz would be fitting to your sweet blog.
    Ready?
    I don't recall asking a question. And the answer is obviously "F - all of the above".

    BY

    P.S. Didn't you and Mr. SLCRMR go to DV months ago? Thus being the first to cave into the boycott?
    Last edited by Bortis Yelltzen; 09-08-2009 at 06:45 PM. Reason: because SLCRMR is a c0cksucker
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  5. #5
    JMH
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    What's Beer Valley? Why didn't anybody tell me?

  6. #6
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    BY
    P.S. Didn't you and Mr. SLCRMR go to DV months ago? Thus being the first to cave into the boycott?
    Maybe.

    Maybe someone said, hey SLCRMR what gives!?! You know Deer Valley stepped it up and is now giving soft serve ice cream at the bottom of Aspen Slalom for those who didn't commit suicide after negotiating 3 miles super tight switchbacks with a drop in the middle of each turn, and I was like...hey, I like ice cream.

    Come to find out it wasn't true.

    The ice cream that is.

    All 300+ switchbacks are still there making Aspen Slalom one of the most frustrating trails to ride next to John's 99 with 31inch DH bars.

    Maybe I was just checking it out to make sure it was safe for others?

    You don't know.

    Your Diary sucks now.

  7. #7
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Seriously though. The lower section of Thieves is kinda brutal now. Especially on my 6inch travel to hard tail Tracer conversion-Just add air!
    Glad to see they smoothed out all the braking bumps on the section after the two sheds and then left the two berms afterwards to crumble into oblivion. So now you can hit that DH section even faster and have next to nothing to get you going right.
    Seemed like last year they had all these 100 pound interns 'loading' the lift and then the standard group of red shirts were left to cruise the mountain looking for old men having heart attacks and doing trail work. Where did those kids go and rather than building Bermy why aren't they fixing the fun stuff?
    Upper Nail Driver flat section berms could have been left alone for a while the sketchy stuff was worked on. No one is going to die in a flat field because a berm is blown. Well, maybe not....

    God, I'm a little b!tch today. Thanks for bringing up all these evil feelings.

    PS, for those wondering how I know all this. I earned it by climbing up TBB and the back side of Queer Valley. Letting loose about 30 farts for Bortis to smell as we suffered uphill with flatting DH rubber, flat pedals and suffering from heat frustration.

  8. #8
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    I laughed out loud when I read this thread, too true, too true............seriously though, El C and I were vexed as to how a hole could develop below every turn up there, I don't know that bikes are doing it, if not them, then I too ask why would they build it like that?

    Upper Fire Swamp is tons of fun though, I just discovered the left entrance where it splits into a pro line and an expert line, I took the pro line (yes I'm awesome ) and was disappointed when the trail came between a rock and a tree leaving maybe two feet of clearance? Rather than cut my bars to xc length just for the move, I nearly did, I ended up walking it while being upset that I had to walk a section and kill my flow!
    I like bikes.

  9. #9
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasea04
    Upper Fire Swamp is tons of fun though, I just discovered the left entrance where it splits into a pro line and an expert line, I took the pro line (yes I'm awesome ) and was disappointed when the trail came between a rock and a tree leaving maybe two feet of clearance? Rather than cut my bars to xc length just for the move, I nearly did, I ended up walking it while being upset that I had to walk a section and kill my flow!
    What? A Deer Valley resort trail without flow? You must have been somewhere else.

    Sadly enough, you really have to cross over the two top sections of Thieves/Fireswamp (old DH race course) to really get a good, fast run up there. Before/After the race they pile some branches to hide the line between the two.

  10. #10
    Chumley for prez!
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider

    PS, for those wondering how I know all this. I earned it by climbing up TBB and the back side of Queer Valley. Letting loose about 30 farts for Bortis to smell as we suffered uphill with flatting DH rubber, flat pedals and suffering from heat frustration.
    Did you start your period already?

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    I know for a fact that UT DH riders are taking their $ and going to places like Jackson, WY and the places in CO and CA I mentioned above to ride.
    I'm going to Whistler.

    (God that feels good to say)

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    What? A Deer Valley resort trail without flow? You must have been somewhere else.

    Sadly enough, you really have to cross over the two top sections of Thieves/Fireswamp (old DH race course) to really get a good, fast run up there. Before/After the race they pile some branches to hide the line between the two.
    I think it branches off midway down the top of FS to right? I accidentally took whatever that was a couple weeks back and it was pretty good.
    I like bikes.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr. welcorn
    Did you start your period already?
    Don't you remember him telling us on Sunday's ride that he hasn't had his period since he took a ride in the "free candy" van and passed out after eating the home made Jolly Rancher that the guy called "happy farmers"?

    Maybe he got lucky and it kicked in though....
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  14. #14
    Homer's problem child
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    Quote Originally Posted by JMH
    What's Beer Valley? Why didn't anybody tell me?
    Beer Valley is just over the hill from "Hidden Valley" where they make the ranch dressing, which oddly isn't hidden at all.
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  15. #15
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasea04
    I think it branches off midway down the top of FS to right? I accidentally took whatever that was a couple weeks back and it was pretty good.
    I think we're on the same page. It's basically right at the top, but it does head right, slightly off camber. You basically just cut out that tight tree section at the top of Thieves Forrest.

  16. #16
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bortis Yelltzen
    Don't you remember him telling us on Sunday's ride that he hasn't had his period since he took a ride in the "free candy" van and passed out after eating the home made Jolly Rancher that the guy called "happy farmers"?

    Maybe he got lucky and it kicked in though....
    I didn't get lucky, but it definitely was a heavy flow weekend. Probably why I was dragging behind so much-a lot of lost blood. My emotions were all over the place too. I kept yelling then appologizing then crying to Bortis. I was a wreck.

  17. #17
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by P-townDave
    I'm going to Whistler.

    (God that feels good to say)
    Dave,

    I went up there in 2006 for a couple weeks and got spanked. After the 7-8th day I couldn't make a fist my hands were so sore-I ended up taping my wrists up my forearms with hockey tape to keep the vibrations from making me scream out like a little girl.
    Great resort that runs like clockwork. They can have 200 people in the lift line and get the lines cleared out quickly. Only thing I would practice is running in a small half circle while lifting and throwing your DH bike forward at an akward angle-focusing on using your lower back so you're nice and sore after the first day. Unlike DV or anywhere else here-they don't load your bikes and the lift is high speed. Imagine the old NORBA Stupid D's with mass starts where everyone is in a rush and fumbling with their bikes after having to lay on their backs with one leg in the air and then get up real fast and do a wind sprint-that's about how it feels the first couple times.

    Crazy thing about that place-I took a bunch of spare tires and didn't need them at all. Unlike DV or Bountiful that just shreds Stupid Tackey tires, that place doesn't do a thing to them. Probably because they designed the trails to flow so you're not skidding through shale and jagged granite every 20 ft.

    My only suggestion: take some spare rotors. Trails like Goats Gulley are just riddled with big rocks that will eat them up-and buying replacements up there is really expensive. If you're planning on doing 500 laps on A-Line (that trail never got old) I would also recommend some athletic tape as your tender Utah hands/wrists will get sore really fast.

    And don't get all butt hurt when some little grom flies past you like you're standing still on a beat to sh!t Norco that's held together with rubber bands and fiber tape. They have free health care so they don't care-which also reminds me: if you get injured and have to go to the hospital (located at the resort)-they won't accept your lame American insurance. My buddy broke his collar bone on Schleyer and had to pay out of pocket for the hospital visit, sling and pain meds. It wasn't super expensive, but still....

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcrockymountainrider
    Dave,

    They have free health care so they don't care-which also reminds me: if you get injured and have to go to the hospital (located at the resort)-they won't accept your lame American insurance. My buddy broke his collar bone on Schleyer and had to pay out of pocket for the hospital visit, sling and pain meds. It wasn't super expensive, but still....
    Check out www.pbchbs.com They offer insurance to travelers to Canada. I have bought the last two years when at Whistler. This last trip only cost $27.00 for a week of insurance. I haven't had to use it so I can't comment if/how it all works out.

  19. #19
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    I also caved once this year and learned my lesson. I'd love to see another mountain open for "DH" around here and shut them down. I wasn't aware DV had trail-builders?

  20. #20
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by tmeyer
    I also caved once this year and learned my lesson. I'd love to see another mountain open for "DH" around here and shut them down. I wasn't aware DV had trail-builders?
    That's alright. It is what it is. We're all just a bunch of little b!tches about it but we're pretty lucky to have at least that. Plus the new high speed lift sure is fancy.
    If you get into the politics/cost of holding a DH race there it just makes you even more bitter-thus the reason no Utah State DH race up there this year. Then when you compare how a resort like Brian Head treats mountain bikers and how much they appreciate your business then you just want to boycott the place.
    But then again, there's Sundance who tries to charge you to ride their dusty XC trails, completely stops the lift every 2.3 seconds to let every couple wearing matching Disney sweatshirts get off unharmed, not even caring that you can die of old age on that slow arse chair, and you just load the truck up and shuttle the fun/free stuff.

  21. #21
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    I am thinking about going tomorrow, should i just hit the lifts at the canyons for less money ? I usually climb to the top so i thought that doing canyons with the lifts might be fun. As much as i am sure DV is not what it should be is it at least worth hitting it once this season ?

  22. #22
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    You DH types need to get a grip and recognize that PC is for XC riding. Seriously, why bother rewarding DV for their pathetic attempt to be an all season resort. They appear to know nothing about DH. This is just fine by me, I'd love it if the only way up was pedal power. That way there would be fewer rutted and rocky trails on an otherwise beautiful landscape. Oh, and AYHCSMB.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    You DH types need to get a grip and recognize that PC is for XC riding. Seriously, why bother rewarding DV for their pathetic attempt to be an all season resort. They appear to know nothing about DH. This is just fine by me, I'd love it if the only way up was pedal power. That way there would be fewer rutted and rocky trails on an otherwise beautiful landscape. Oh, and AYHCSMB.
    Yeah, rocks are scary.

    Have a unicorn on me. It'll make those scary bumps a bit more bearable.



  24. #24
    Chumley for prez!
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    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    You DH types need to get a grip and recognize that PC is for XC riding. Seriously, why bother rewarding DV for their pathetic attempt to be an all season resort. They appear to know nothing about DH. This is just fine by me, I'd love it if the only way up was pedal power. That way there would be fewer rutted and rocky trails on an otherwise beautiful landscape. Oh, and AYHCSMB.
    How does someone who knows nothing about DH (that's YOU), assert that DV appears to know nothing about DH? I'm not saying your wrong, I just wonder how you came to that conclusion....

    Oh no....rooted and rocky trails on a MOUNTAIN bike . There are plenty of golf cart paths up there if that's your thing.

    Are you calling PC's landscape "beautiful"?....I'd agree if it weren't for all the mcMansions all over the place.

    Let's see AYHCSMB...I'll take a stab. "all you homosexuals can suck my butt"? Am I close? Here...I got one you can probably figure out....STFU.

  25. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    You DH types need to get a grip and recognize that PC is for XC riding. Seriously, why bother rewarding DV for their pathetic attempt to be an all season resort. They appear to know nothing about DH. This is just fine by me, I'd love it if the only way up was pedal power. That way there would be fewer rutted and rocky trails on an otherwise beautiful landscape. Oh, and AYHCSMB.
    i hear ya vern! nothing but a bunch of fancy pants dumbhillers riding down, progressing and getting better all the time leaving us chumps pedalling along slowly and stopping to carry our bikes over roots and bumps and rocks and gravel.

    i vote for all park city and deer valley trails to be uphill traffic only. when you get to the top a resort official is there to shoot you in the head and confiscate your bike so you won't be tempted to ride back down anything to your vehicle thus creating a bump and possibly some dust or even unsettle some pine needles and/or leaves. plus, if you're not picking your bike up over everything you risk breaking a felled twig or branch. you can alleviate this 'penalty' by having your mom or a loved one meet you at the top of every trail to pick you up and drive you back down on surface streets.

    now where we're going to have to get creative is on the mid-mountain trail which is essentially flat. what i propose is an even/odd system, much like millcreek, and just shoot every odd cyclist on that trail, right at the trail head -that's two thumbs up to you pc_vern. you are a sheppherd of the trails and a true ambassador to the sport.

    i look forward to you yelling at others going faster than you and having a better time than you on your home turf. here's to sucking -yep, another two thumbs up.

    go get 'em tiger!


  26. #26
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    I apologize to those I offended with my admittedly uninformed opinions. I do appreciate the cross country unicorn. I know it's xc because it moves under it's own power.

    PC is losing wilderness beauty and not significantly because of lift served trails. It is difficult to find a place where you can't hear the roar of construction machines. Riding around PC is becoming more like riding disneyland trails through rich folks back yards.

    Again, sorry for spouting off on this DH thread. I will now proceed to STFU.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    Riding around PC is becoming more like riding disneyland trails through rich folks back yards..
    You're doing it wrong......

    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    Again, sorry for spouting off on this DH thread. I will now proceed to STFU.
    Thanks!

    B
    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

  28. #28
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by PC_Vern
    PC is losing wilderness beauty and not significantly because of lift served trails. It is difficult to find a place where you can't hear the roar of construction machines. Riding around PC is becoming more like riding disneyland trails through rich folks back yards.

    Again, sorry for spouting off on this DH thread. I will now proceed to STFU.
    I will definitely agree with your first paragraph, but I don't think that the lifts being built are going to ever be used for lift-served mountain biking. Plus, a lot of that construction noise is due to resort infrastructure, lodging and in some sprawling cases-McMansions that will sit empty forever.

    I've never ridden the lift at Park City, and to be honest is just seems dumb. Same with the Canyons and all the people getting off the gondola and riding down Holly's on BMX and comfort bikes -as opposed to downhillers. But at Deer Valley, the two lifts that operate during the year access a very limited number of trails that can be used by full-on DH bikes. The rest are either too flat or head out in some tangent that requires climbing which discourages those users anyway. It keeps them herded up nice and neat. Granted, I've witnessed a guy on a fully rigid 29er rolling down upper Thieves Forrest, but the average PC_Vern XC rider isn't going near that part of the mountain-so it's a moot point.

    If people are ripping down Spiro on a DH bike and not yielding to uphill traffic, hikers, the sick and elderly, elves, pods of whales, etc... then that is an entirely different story.

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