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Thread: Dear Junior

  1. #1
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    Dear Junior

    Hey all, it's Bob again. P-town left his computer on again.

    Here's a message to the kids out there. I'm glad your parents were able to haul you up to PC to watch Anthill/Collective/whatever last month. I'm glad you are now stoked on biking and think you'll be the next Vanderham/Semenuk/Hill. So glad your parents got you an entry level DJ hardtail to pummel this Summer. A few thoughts:

    1. You will not be the next Vanderham/Semenuk/Hill, but that realization won't come to you until later in life when several woman have left you due to "an important ride" and you have no meaningful job prospects because college "had to wait while you took your shot at pro".

    2. Tell your parents to cough up some more cash and get you a better bike and spend their money at Brother's/Go-Ride.

    3. By all means, scope out a trail before just sending it. Your parents will feel better about their investment the less time they spend in ER. However, when you hear so much as a pebble skipping down the trail (much less a Hope or DeeMax hub wound out) get the F*CK off the trail! While you're at it, apologize, look ashamed and, again, get the F*CK off the trail!

    Thanks Junior!

    Bob

  2. #2
    gunslinger
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    it takes all types

  3. #3
    ride more.
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    Quote Originally Posted by P-townDave
    Hey all, it's Bob again. P-town left his computer on again.

    Here's a message to the kids out there. I'm glad your parents were able to haul you up to PC to watch Anthill/Collective/whatever last month. I'm glad you are now stoked on biking and think you'll be the next Vanderham/Semenuk/Hill. So glad your parents got you an entry level DJ hardtail to pummel this Summer. A few thoughts:

    1. You will not be the next Vanderham/Semenuk/Hill, but that realization won't come to you until later in life when several woman have left you due to "an important ride" and you have no meaningful job prospects because college "had to wait while you took your shot at pro".

    2. Tell your parents to cough up some more cash and get you a better bike and spend their money at Brother's/Go-Ride.

    3. By all means, scope out a trail before just sending it. Your parents will feel better about their investment the less time they spend in ER. However, when you hear so much as a pebble skipping down the trail (much less a Hope or DeeMax hub wound out) get the F*CK off the trail! While you're at it, apologize, look ashamed and, again, get the F*CK off the trail!

    Thanks Junior!

    Bob
    What trail were the kiddies/groms/pros standing around on?

  4. #4
    JMH
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    Quote Originally Posted by drboudreaux
    What trail were the kiddies/groms/pros standing around on?
    My guess is they were blocking the P-Town Expressway, AKA The Big Smooth, AKA Pin it to win it, AKA The Bermy Mile, AKA Chumley's Revenge, AKA The Gromulan Empire, AKA Bobsled.

  5. #5
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Rumour (yes that's the British version) has it that Chumley is getting so pissed off about all the gapers standing around 'chooching his flow' as he puts it, that he's now 'stealing' them and smuggling them in an old Army dufflebag and dropping them off in the middle of the Salt Flats forcing them to pedal back to the highway where he'll just roll his eyes at them and then takes them to 7-11 where he buys them a Slurpie and then lectures them on trail etiquette.

    He does this to each kid like 4 or 5 times to get his point across:

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by drboudreaux
    What trail were the kiddies/groms/pros standing around on?
    One of the fine trails in the Cottonwood canyons.

  7. #7
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    ....hopping down the bunny trail.

    Quote Originally Posted by P-townDave
    One of the fine trails in the Cottonwood canyons.

    You were riding the Peter Cottontail trail weren't you? I thought that trail was dubbed illegal by those who define the legality of legal and/or not legal trails?

    Great trail, too bad the groms found it. Always hero dirt, moist and slippery enough to get your drift on with plenty of sass to go around. I did get spanked up there once and it was totally worth it.
    Groms will probably turn it into a Barney happy pants sing-a-long.

    Here's some Helmet Cam footage of one of the two freeride sections called Slip It In. I had this set to Black Flag but my Casio tape player is out of batteries so you'll have to hum 6 Pack to yourself.


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by JMH
    My guess is they were blocking AKA Chumley's Revenge.
    you and slcroc think your too cool for school but just wait. its gonna be all over when its over. no wht i'm throwing down. im all over it. gonna ride it just to ride. get it? ha!
    rock that all over 24-7. gonna get balls out. ha

    meaning: i'm not fat, i'm husky.
    Last edited by I Am Chumley's Username; 06-07-2010 at 12:40 PM.

  9. #9
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    Dear Junior,

    Sorry to single you out. Apparently, older riders on Special-Eds need a good reminder now and again, also. Sooo, older rider on special-ed modifying the trail today to bring it to your ability while laying your bike across the trail causing me. . . well, contributing to me going OTB. . . GET THE F*CK OFF THE TRAIL!

    Stop all you want and look at things, but please put your bike somewhere besides the middle of the trail. But thanks for changing the line on the trail so I can ride it comfortably on my 29er - which has been confined to the skatepark:

    29cm, of course - I'm Canadian.

    Chumley, I'm husky too and, no, 64 oz is never enough in a Big Gulp. I'm waiting for the 96er:

    Again, Canadian, so liters, of course.

    SLCRMR, I would love to get spanked while on Slip it In some time! PM me, big fella!

    Later eh,
    Bob

  10. #10
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    Thanks Special-Ed rider who crashed me up. . .


  11. #11
    JMH
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    Quote Originally Posted by P-townDave
    Thanks Special-Ed rider who crashed me up. . .

    Are you kidding me? That sucks.

    Looks like you should see a doctor. I shouldn't have to explain to you the dangers of self-medication.

  12. #12
    Fragglepuss The Chaste
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    Quote Originally Posted by P-townDave
    Thanks Special-Ed rider who crashed me up. . .
    That sucks! Can't believe he actually broke your wenis. Damn Special-Ed riders always getting nervous and clinching at the wrong moment .

    Just splint it and try to avoid looking at Reader's Digest while sitting alone in the bathroom.

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