This singlespeed nonsense is ruining my wardrobe- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    This singlespeed nonsense is ruining my wardrobe

    Thanks to all this singlespeed crap, I'm starting to find that most of my clothes are starting to fit funny. Not funny ha-ha; more like funny WTF.

    Basically, none of my pants fit like they used to anymore. When I put on a belt, the waist is all bunched up now. I can now fit my whole hand down my pants without having to undo the button and the fly (which actually might come in handy if the right time calls for it). And then there's the thigh area. That's all bloody tight now. Feels like the girth of my waist has gone straight into my thighs.

    WTF.

    At this rate, it's starting to look like the only thing that I'm going to be able to wear is harem pants. Thankfully, MC Hammer's so broke right now, he just might let his stock go on ebay for cheap. Harem pants... I'm gonna singlehanded bring those back into style.

    Stupid effin' singlespeed riding. Thousands of dollars of clothing down the toilet now. Thanks a lot. No one ever warns you about this before you get on your first singlespeed bike. I demand that this warning be added to the FAQ!

  2. #2
    drev-il, not Dr. Evil!
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    ... Thousands of dollars of clothing down the toilet now. ...

    Thousands? Except for my underoos, I get most of my rags from the thrift store. Count my wardrobe expenditure in the dozens.
    "Keep your burgers lean and your tires fat." -h.d. | ssoft | flickr

  3. #3
    Probably drunk right now
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    Your problem is obvious...

    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    Thanks to all this singlespeed crap, I'm starting to find that most of my clothes are starting to fit funny. Not funny ha-ha; more like funny WTF.

    Basically, none of my pants fit like they used to anymore. When I put on a belt, the waist is all bunched up now. I can now fit my whole hand down my pants without having to undo the button and the fly (which actually might come in handy if the right time calls for it). And then there's the thigh area. That's all bloody tight now. Feels like the girth of my waist has gone straight into my thighs.

    WTF.

    At this rate, it's starting to look like the only thing that I'm going to be able to wear is harem pants. Thankfully, MC Hammer's so broke right now, he just might let his stock go on ebay for cheap. Harem pants... I'm gonna singlehanded bring those back into style.

    Stupid effin' singlespeed riding. Thousands of dollars of clothing down the toilet now. Thanks a lot. No one ever warns you about this before you get on your first singlespeed bike. I demand that this warning be added to the FAQ!
    You obviously didn't get the memo about the increased beer consumption that runs in parrallel with SSing, did you? I'll fax it to you with the TPS cover sheet.

    Ken

  4. #4
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    Yep, I went clothes shopping yesterday, first time in quite a while. Tried on the usual sizes and everything fit funny. What?! Then I thought, Maybe I'll try the smaller size. That did the trick. Didn't lose any weight, but things fit differently. Also found that the mini-skirts are definitely designed for you guys. Holy Cow! Can't sit down in those things. I found one that was long enough and one that was super cute, but not appropriate for a mother of two. I only bought one of them.

  5. #5
    Nat
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    At this rate, it's starting to look like the only thing that I'm going to be able to wear is harem pants.
    Harem pants!!! Oh the humanity!!!

  6. #6
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    That's the problem, I need to hit the pints of Ben & Jerry's! I do believe the local grocery store is having a sale on them...

  7. #7
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drevil
    Thousands? Except for my underoos, I get most of my rags from the thrift store. Count my wardrobe expenditure in the dozens.
    Yeah, none of my stupid suits fit now, either. That's what threw the estimated cost from hundreds to thousands. Quite frankly, I'm a bit more annoyed that my $25 khakis from the likes of J.Crew don't fit, than I am with my now ill-fitting suits. Who wears a suit to the office nowadays anyway.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    ill-fitting suits
    At least the problems don't cross over to ill-fitting skirts. Maybe that's your answer, just become a cross dresser

  9. #9
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    Well, the clothes still fit ok. A tad tight in the thighs maybe.

    But ever since I've been on the SS I really haven't had an issue with wearing my blaze orange Sock Guy socks with the evil clown on them with my Birkenstocks to work.
    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

  10. #10
    Occidental Tourist
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    I feel your pain and the office isn't diggin me in my elastic sweats - which are also slipping and tend to show a wee bit o crack now and again
    I'm REALLY going to have to kick up the beer consumption
    Last edited by YuriB; 08-02-2005 at 09:06 AM. Reason: damn skinny fingers
    This is just need to know information: Am i supposed to enjoy the irony or pity the sincerity?

  11. #11
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    TwistedCrank, if you're wearing Birkenstocks at all - not just work - then bright-colored socks and ill-fitting clothes are the least of your worries right now.

  12. #12
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    TwistedCrank, if you're wearing Birkenstocks at all - not just work - then bright-colored socks and ill-fitting clothes are the least of your worries right now.
    tongue + cheek = snappy retort
    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

  13. #13
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwistedCrank
    tongue + cheek = snappy retort
    Damnit. I know there's a good thong joke in here somewhere. I just can't find it right now.

  14. #14
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    Good job! I know what you need.

    Quote Originally Posted by SpinWheelz
    Yeah, none of my stupid suits fit now, either. That's what threw the estimated cost from hundreds to thousands. Quite frankly, I'm a bit more annoyed that my $25 khakis from the likes of J.Crew don't fit, than I am with my now ill-fitting suits. Who wears a suit to the office nowadays anyway.
    Now, Mister, you must buy braces.

    Also, if you have big enough buttocks, you could use a belt as well.

  15. #15
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwistedCrank
    There's better pints than the ones named after stoned hippies with munchy issues. Those pints do just fine at keeping the belt snug and the carb intake high.
    Ah-HA!! I knew there was a reason for those Birkenstocks, you smelly hippie.

  16. #16
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    Quote Originally Posted by screampint
    That's the problem, I need to hit the pints of Ben & Jerry's! I do believe the local grocery store is having a sale on them...
    There's better pints than the ones named after stoned hippies with munchy issues. Those pints do just fine at keeping the belt snug and the carb intake high.
    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

  17. #17
    34N 118W
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    ahem...

    Quote Originally Posted by screampint
    I found one that was long enough and one that was super cute, but not appropriate for a mother of two.
    we'll be the judge of that, thank you very much.


  18. #18
    Waiting to exhale.
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    Spinwheelz,
    I feel you man... I know what you are going through.

    Since I have been single speeding, I've actually gone UP in condom sizes. My "Black guy condoms" barely fit anymore.
    Quite possibly the slowest single speeder on earth.
    Now skating 'cause its cheaper.

  19. #19
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    SMOKEY, as we all know, singlespeed riders like to use a longer crank. But that's ridiculous.

  20. #20
    (was) Big in Japan
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    Quote Originally Posted by screampint
    I only bought one of them.
    but which one?
    Ride.

  21. #21
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    ... and if we just ... Be a trend setter

    SpinWheelz,

    I feel your pain. Being of short Irish peasant stock, it is frustrating that pants just don’t fit in the legs and barely get over the large arse. But that is how I was born and the SS has only reduced the size of the buddha belly and little to increase the size of the legs.

    Since you have to replace the wardrobe, I suggest you be the single speed trend setter. Go out and buy some "Puffy" wear. You could get a nice set of "Sean John" terry cloth shorts and matching tops in an appealing pink or baby blue. Buy ‘em big so you can sport the SS muscular butt. Why hold back wear those old SS chain like the gold medallions the rappers wear. Who knows, if it goes well, maybe you can be like a SS Mr. T and open beers for your other SS brethren with the exposed crack! Who needs a fancy Surly chain tug when you can pinch the tops of those Creamy Kings.

    I hope you took all this in jest and fun since that is how it was intended.

    Good luck finding pants that fit, they seem to be made for those skinny no butt teenagers.

  22. #22
    Sofa King We Todd Did
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    Stop trying to turn me into a chav!

  23. #23
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    If I don't wear what is appropriate I will be in a world of hurt when Danielle reaches her teen years. The cute skirt was something that I would NOT let her wear.

  24. #24
    paintbucket
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    Quote Originally Posted by screampint
    If I don't wear what is appropriate I will be in a world of hurt when Danielle reaches her teen years. The cute skirt was something that I would NOT let her wear.
    When Danielle reaches her teen years she'll be a teenager so you'll be in a world of hurt regardless. So why not live a little today?
    When the going gets weird its bedtime.

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