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  1. #1
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    Stupid people you want to slap

    So the other day my wife mentioned that she would like to take the kids strawberry picking.
    I have no problems with that EXCEPT it's May in Minnesota.
    I try to tell her that the strawberry plants most likely haven't bloomed yet, so the chance of them being pollinated and ripe is very very VERY slim.
    She got mad at me and accused me of not wanting to take the family out to do something on the weekend and that all I ever want to do is ride my bike in the woods by myself.



    Don't know if I should love her or slap her for that moment.

  2. #2
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    Nah, don't want to dent the bike with her hard head.

  3. #3
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    or better yet, slap her WITH your bike!

    kidding, kidding. But cartoonly funny.

  4. #4
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    my wife used to say things like that because she never grew up knowing much about agriculture and seasonal life cycles, even though she grew up in farm country. here I am a city boy and I had more practical experience with that....sigh....

    at any rate, I've trained her well. now, when she wants to do something that involves something seasonal, she at least asks or looks it up first.

    "when do the azaleas bloom? I want to go to the azalea garden." "when are the roses at the Tyler Rose Garden at their peak?" "when is blueberry season? we're running out of blueberries" etc, etc.

    and now that I've trained her to pay attention, she doesn't always have to ask. she just knows now that asparagus (one of her favorite vegetables) is in season around Feb-March and that I won't buy it unless it's in season. she knows when peach and plum seasons are.

    it has taken a few years to get to this point, though, and with nearly constant reminders on my part. any children of mine will grow up knowing where their food comes from, and they will know about fruit and vegetable seasons.

    it's a special pet peeve of mine when folks don't know where their food comes from, and don't know that fruit and vegetables have locally seasonal availability, because they don't pay attention to the fact that those seasonal items at the grocery store are shipped in from around the world at different times of year.

  5. #5
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    I grew up around farm country and never dawned on me on how sheltered my kids were from this world. On a trip back home we passed by the same corn field daily for a couple of weeks, my oldest daughter could not understand why the corn wasn't growing as fast as it did on her Harvest Moon video game...she was 12ish at the time.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by the-one1 View Post
    So the other day my wife mentioned that she would like to take the kids strawberry picking.
    I have no problems with that EXCEPT it's May in Minnesota.
    I try to tell her that the strawberry plants most likely haven't bloomed yet, so the chance of them being pollinated and ripe is very very VERY slim.
    She got mad at me and accused me of not wanting to take the family out to do something on the weekend and that all I ever want to do is ride my bike in the woods by myself.



    Don't know if I should love her or slap her for that moment.
    I hope she doesn't peruse MTBR forums...poor thing just wants to have a family outing. And you...you evil man with your evil bikes...

    Do me a favor...how about you slap my friend's friend who invited his drunken self to our dinner outing and made an ass of himself. Slap my friend, too, for enabling the hanger-on. Then slap me for having a dope of a friend like that. Appreciation in advance!

    Mike

  7. #7
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    Then slap the morons doing 50 mph in the fast lane when the speed limit is 65-70.

    Than pass them to find out they ate yapping away on the phone or sending a text.
    Bicycles donít have motors or batteries.

    Ebikes are not bicycles

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by the-one1 View Post
    Nah, don't want to dent the bike with her hard head.
    Gooooood point!!!
    life is... "All About Bikes"...

  9. #9
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    Every single member of California legislature and government.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by the-one1 View Post
    So the other day my wife mentioned that she would like to take the kids strawberry picking.
    I have no problems with that EXCEPT it's May in Minnesota.
    I try to tell her that the strawberry plants most likely haven't bloomed yet, so the chance of them being pollinated and ripe is very very VERY slim.
    She got mad at me and accused me of not wanting to take the family out to do something on the weekend and that all I ever want to do is ride my bike in the woods by myself.



    Don't know if I should love her or slap her for that moment.
    FWIW, I have a huge plot of strawberries in the garden right now. My two girls can't pick them fast enough.
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  11. #11
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    I think you missed a very critical point your wife was trying to make. She doesnt care about, or want to see the strawberries.

    If you think about it.. do you really care if theres strawberries? Do you have some huge desire to do manual labor and pick fruit all day? She probably doesnt either. The activity itself is not really fun.. its not about the strawberries.
    Last edited by One Pivot; 05-12-2012 at 02:02 AM.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    at any rate, I've trained her well.
    Wow that's a neat trick. For me that works like a charm on my furry friends, but on my wife not at all. Maybe you could train me to train her?
    Round and round we go

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post

    at any rate, I've trained her well. now, when she wants to do something that involves something seasonal, she at least asks or looks it up first.

    and now that I've trained her to pay attention, she doesn't always have to ask. she just knows now that asparagus (one of her favorite vegetables) is in season around Feb-March and that I won't buy it unless it's in season.
    good thing youve trained your wife. asparagus in the month of May? how ignorant!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    FWIW, I have a huge plot of strawberries in the garden right now. My two girls can't pick them fast enough.
    Just like like tomatoes, the first ones are great, but after a while they're like weeds.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by theMeat View Post
    Wow that's a neat trick. For me that works like a charm on my furry friends, but on my wife not at all. Maybe you could train me to train her?
    I think it depends on the situation. try as I might, I just cannot train her to ignore bike purchases. she's the one training me in that case.

  16. #16
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    Ignorant customers. Ill just give a couple of examples...


    Customer calls in:

    Customer: I need a motor mount for my Mercury.
    Me: Ok Ma'am, what year and model of Mercury?
    Customer: I dont know, I think its an 06 and its a four door.
    Me: Do you have your VIN # handy?
    Customer: NO! Im driving.
    Me: Ok Ma'am, well im going to need to know what model of Mercury it is and what engine is in it before I can figure out what mount you need.
    Customer: FINE! Hold on. *pulls over and gets VIN number*
    Me: *finds 2006 Mercury Montego in catalog from VIN* "Ok, now which motor mount do you need?"
    Customer:Its the black one.
    Me: Ma'am, my catalog doesnt tell me what color the mounts are, is it the front or the rear or one of the sides?
    Customer: I dont know, I told you its the black one.



    ^This went on for about 20 minutes. I was livid by the time I got off the phone.
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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by the-one1 View Post
    So the other day my wife mentioned that she would like to take the kids strawberry picking.
    I have no problems with that EXCEPT it's May in Minnesota.
    I try to tell her that the strawberry plants most likely haven't bloomed yet, so the chance of them being pollinated and ripe is very very VERY slim.
    She got mad at me and accused me of not wanting to take the family out to do something on the weekend and that all I ever want to do is ride my bike in the woods by myself.



    Don't know if I should love her or slap her for that moment.
    If she is hot, then do not slap her. Now go do some riding.
    You can't get a suntan on the moon...

  18. #18
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    Yea man, you totally missed the mark with the wife. She just wanted y'all to hang out as a family. It wasn't about being productive migrant farm workers or anything.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Ignorant customers. Ill just give a couple of examples...

    ^This went on for about 20 minutes. I was livid by the time I got off the phone.
    Way back when I broke my wrist at work (a mechanic) I had to do "modified duties" in the parts department for a couple weeks. Here was a couple of my convos:

    Cust: Hi. I need a set of Brake pads.
    Me: O.K. What's your VIN?
    cust: I don't know.
    Me: O.K. Just get me the year and model.
    cust: Oh, umm I think it's a 2003 Taurus.
    Me: Uh, We're a Toyota Dealer.


    cust: Hi. My friend is a mechanic and he says I need that rubber thing for the engine..
    Me: umm a Mount?
    cust: I think so.
    Me: O.K. What's the VIN?
    cust: What's that?
    Me: Alright, year and model then?
    cust: It's a 97 Camry
    Me: 4 or 6 cyl?
    cust: I don't know.
    Me: Well I need to know to order the right part.
    cust: can't you look up my information? I was just there a couple months ago for something...
    Me: O.K. what's your name and phone Number?
    cust: XXXXXXXXXXX
    Me: (history search on name and 97 Camry: ) Last vehicle service performed was a PDI in December of 1996........???? (it was like 2005)
    cust: I don't know. I'm confused. What do I do?
    Me: well where does your friend work? Have him call us because he'll probably know the information we need. (thinking he's a mechanic).
    cust: Oh, well it's my friend's son. He's actually a security guard at the mall. He just fixes my car for me when I need it.
    Me: Oh. Well he doesn't sound like he's a reliable source. You should come in and have one of our mechanics look at it so it's done properly.
    cust: O.K. I guess.
    - Customer showed up, we took the car in to find she had smacked a parking stone several years earlier and the sub-frame was actually broken......

    Or my all time favorite, when I was back in the shop as a Mechanic. Very brash and uncouth customer drives right into the shop with his new 2006 Toyota Camry XLE
    cust: Can you look at this real quick?
    Me: Not really, I'm working on this car and the customer is waiting..
    cust: Come on, It's just a quick question. I JUST picked up this car 3 days ago.
    me: O.k. What's the problem
    cust: When I push the gas, it takes a couple of seconds beforer the engine to goes.... Is something wrong?
    Me: Likely not sir. It's an electronic throttle so it takes a few seconds before the computer will tell the engine to increase the RPM, but if you're willing to wait, I'll look online at Toyota's website to see if anyone else has had a similar problem.
    cust: Oh no! You won't find any information about it on there!
    Me: Really? Why not?
    cust: Beacause (the salesman) says this is only car like this in Canada.
    Me: Really? The ONLY Camry V6 XLE in all of Canada?
    cust: Yes. He said it's the only car in Canada with that number. (pointing to the VIN)
    Me: I should hope that your car is the only car in WHOLE WORLD with that number. It's the Identification number that's specific to ONLY your car.
    (customer quietly gets back in his car and leaves the shop)
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  20. #20
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    Yeah the automotive business brings its fair share of ignorance. This one is my favorite though...


    Customer: Hey, I need to buy a couple of parts for my Mercury engine.
    Me: Ok what year and model is it?
    Customer: *pause* Its a 1987, I dont know what model it is but its a 19 foot outboard.


    ..........Wrong Mercury sir, way off.
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  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drummerboy1975 View Post
    Yea man, you totally missed the mark with the wife. She just wanted y'all to hang out as a family. It wasn't about being productive migrant farm workers or anything.
    I know it was meant as a family day. We did do something as a family that day. It was that she was insisting on the darn strawberries.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Yeah the automotive business brings its fair share of ignorance. This one is my favorite though..
    I'm in the heavy truck repair business. We get it too.

    Customer: I need a part for my truck.
    Parts tech: What truck do you have?
    Customer: It is a big truck. Its a _____ truck(fill in the blank with a color).

    Today I fielded a call at the foreman's desk.
    Customer: I need to know how much oil goes into a 300hp Cummins engine.
    Me: Do you have an engine serial number?
    Customer: What do I need that for? I told you its a 300.
    Me: That does not work. We make a number of 300 hp engines. Everything from a 6.7L B Series to a 14L N14, all are available as 300 hp engines. The oil capacity could be anywhere from 3 gallons to 12 gallons. You need an engine serial number.
    Customer: Oh ( hangs up).
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  23. #23
    I dd what you see there.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    Today I fielded a call at the foreman's desk.
    Customer: I need to know how much oil goes into a 300hp Cummins engine.
    Me: Do you have an engine serial number?
    Customer: What do I need that for? I told you its a 300.
    Me: That does not work. We make a number of 300 hp engines. Everything from a 6.7L B Series to a 14L N14, all are available as 300 hp engines. The oil capacity could be anywhere from 3 gallons to 12 gallons. You need an engine serial number.
    Customer: Oh ( hangs up).
    I'd have had some sort of smart-assed comment ready like:
    Customer: I need to know how much oil goes into a 300hp Cummins engine.
    Me: Do you have an engine serial number?
    Customer: What do I need that for? I told you its a 300.
    Me: So I can order the proper engine when it chucks a rod after you're finished with it.....
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  24. #24
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    This happened the other day at a bike shop:

    My husband and salesman are in a conversation about a belt-drive Raleigh XXIX single-speed that has a pretty attractive price tag. My husband calls em over to see the bike. I show interest in the bike. The first question the salesman asked me is whether I plan to ride it on the road or on trails. I answered on trails. The salesman said, "you might want to consider a geared bike then."

    I was going to ignore the comment, but my husband couldn't. My husband said to the salesman, "Did I forget to mention that she just took a fourth place in the Singlespeed-a-palooza race?"

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