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    Stay at home parent support thread (complain, brag and support inside)

    Me: stay at home dad full time, architect part time, university professor part time. 2 kids 4 & 2, boy and girl.

    I honestly have too much work to do to even get out for a ride. Couple that with being sick from the virus factories and as soon as I get on my bike a bit I get sick then I am off again for a month. Worse still is my wife works full time to bring home the bacon and is also a Mountain biker so we have to split the weekends to get rides in. Means I can go months between rides.

    Someone tells me that eventually it gets easier. I just hope I am alive and not 300lbs by then.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockcrusher View Post
    Me: stay at home dad full time, architect part time, university professor part time. 2 kids 4 & 2, boy and girl.

    I honestly have too much work to do to even get out for a ride. Couple that with being sick from the virus factories and as soon as I get on my bike a bit I get sick then I am off again for a month. Worse still is my wife works full time to bring home the bacon and is also a Mountain biker so we have to split the weekends to get rides in. Means I can go months between rides.

    Someone tells me that eventually it gets easier. I just hope I am alive and not 300lbs by then.
    Most definitely gets better. Maybe not significantly until they're both in (pre)school. A few hours of freedom per day works wonders.

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    Kids are not an excuse :-) I have two: 5 and 9 month old and I still find the time to ride. I ride early in the morning from 6:30 - 8 am. Getting on the bike won't get you sick. You don't get sick from cold weather, you get sick from viruses, so get out and ride - as much as you can.
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    hang in there. I was mr.mom til that first day of pre-school. We decided that we did not want daycare for our son so I had mr.mom duties til 2p or 3p then we would hand off and then i'd go to work. As hard as it was I wouldn't have done it any other way. It is cliche but you really don't realize how fast they grow up til they're not next to you 24/7. I think it is a great thing you're doing for your kiddos. do you guys have family/friends who can help out for a little r&r now and then?

    your ride days will come back slowly. how about a little kiddie trailer ride if you haven't already?
    that's how i got my ride "fix' in. did alot of -to the local park, play then ride back!

    Your riding days are comin'.

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    It gets easier and better. I promise. My kids are all a year a apart so it was like having triplets as toddlers. At least with two, you can have a kid under each arm and do things. I was holding on to two and chasing the third down the store. Toddlers are hard and take up all of your time making anything hard to do including your sanity. Once they get into school, it will get easier.

    I love being able to stay home. It's time with my kids that I won't ever have again. Paying for day care was a waste of time and money as I'd never make enough to have it work. Mine are now teenagers and my house is filled with teenage boys that hang out and even sleep over some nights a week. The neighbor boys know my house is safe and there's always an adult around if they need something. A lot of them wish their moms didn't work so they could spend time with them.

    Afternoons are the only times I can ride and sometimes weekends. My biggest hurdle is that the parks are too far away so I'm mostly road riding. I can get out maybe 2 times a month to a trail and even that is pushing it.

    Make SURE you get date time with your wife and if possible, time for the two of you to ride together at once or twice. Find time for you. Even if you can't get a sitter, take the kids with to restaurants and other places so you aren't stuck inside 24/7. They need the learning experiences and you need to get out. My kids were pros at a restaurants and public places because of that. They also knew if they screwed up, we'd go home even if dinner wasn't finished. That happened once, never again.

    Would I do toddlers again? Never. That's why you have them in your 20's and not at 37.

  6. #6
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    i'm going to tell my mom (who keeps getting drunk and lamenting that i dont have babies) that i'll only pop the little shitlets out if she promises to take them WHENEVER I ASK. sounds like a fair compromise, eh?
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    i'm going to tell my mom (who keeps getting drunk and lamenting that i dont have babies) that i'll only pop the little shitlets out if she promises to take them WHENEVER I ASK. sounds like a fair compromise, eh?
    ^^^^ there is s'more pure signature gold there! LOL!!

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    300 lbs? Probably not. Extra pounds, absolutely--grazing on chicken and French fries; goldfish; etc. throw in a little lack of time, and it is a perfect storm.

    Hang tough. My wife and I have been, and still go through, adjustments. Get a good babysitter. Ride early am (I do a trainer).
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    It definitely gets better. Your 4 year old should be a blast right now. Go run around a playground/soccer field with them for one or two hours. Also, get them to the shower on their own for bedtime as soon as possible. Our daughter was showering on her own by 4, which frees up what feels like an enormous amount of time.

    Also check out this thread:
    http://forums.mtbr.com/xc-racing-tra...do-811908.html

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    Well, another perspective ... I guess the grass is always greener, it is either too much time with 'em, or not enough!

    I think I've seen my two older kids about 4 hrs total, and my 2 yr old for about 45 min total so far this week (and it is Thursday). Crazy week at work and a variety of evening obligations, such as waiting to vote, have meant I've been home after bedtime every night except Wed, and even then, I only got there for about 45 min before bed. I see the older ones a bit more, as my wife is pregnant w/ #4, so I go in to work a little later (and get home later) in order to get them up and ready for school, and give my wife another 30-60 minutes of much needed sleep. Who said something about having kids at age 37? They're right on ... we're too old for this! (well, my wife isn't 37, but I am!).

    I'm gonna be at the office until at least 8 tonight, and there are things going on tomorrow evening as well, so I probably wont see the little guy until Saturday, and no way I'm taking a ride instead of hanging out with the kids as much as possible. Makes me kinda sad ... they do grow up fast.

    Not complaining at all, just providing a different perspective, and a reminder that the alternative to being a stay at home parent is often the not getting to be much of a parent at all.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tystevens View Post

    Not complaining at all, just providing a different perspective, and a reminder that the alternative to being a stay at home parent is often the not getting to be much of a parent at all.
    Great post and well said. Between work, renovating our house and daily responsibilities I was pretty much non-existent for the first four years of my daughter's life. I did what I could but the bulk of my quality time with her was doing the grocery shopping. My wife always tells me how lucky I am for not having to deal with kids 10 hours a day, but the grass sure looks greener from my side of the street. Enjoy every second you can.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    i'm going to tell my mom (who keeps getting drunk and lamenting that i dont have babies) that i'll only pop the little shitlets out if she promises to take them WHENEVER I ASK. sounds like a fair compromise, eh?
    When/if a day ever comes when you are equally compassionate toward everybody, you'll be ready for children.
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    i'm going to tell my mom (who keeps getting drunk and lamenting that i dont have babies) that i'll only pop the little shitlets out if she promises to take them WHENEVER I ASK. sounds like a fair compromise, eh?


    Drunks are usually not the first choice that comes to mind when looking for someone to schlep the kids off on. Just an idea that came up.

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    Cherish every moment with your little ones. They will grow so fast that it will boggle your mind. You are lucky. Every parent wishes they could be a stay at home parent. Those of us who are busy all day at work are missing some key events. I learned this early on from our daycare help. It was always nice to hear about those things but it would have been nicer to witness them. Keep journals, take lots of pics. ENJOY!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockcrusher View Post
    Me: stay at home dad full time, architect part time, university professor part time. 2 kids 4 & 2, boy and girl.

    I honestly have too much work to do to even get out for a ride. Couple that with being sick from the virus factories and as soon as I get on my bike a bit I get sick then I am off again for a month. Worse still is my wife works full time to bring home the bacon and is also a Mountain biker so we have to split the weekends to get rides in. Means I can go months between rides.

    Someone tells me that eventually it gets easier. I just hope I am alive and not 300lbs by then.
    I spend shameful amounts of time on the trainer - built a PVC stand for a laptop over it, at least its a workout and i can do some work. it does get easier but you have to work at it. A lot of my rides are with them to and from school - its great fun but not a great workout.



    I've since started lashing the 3yo's 12incher to this and she pedals for some of the ride. they will get the stoke, esp if your wife rides and you can both take a trailer or trailabike. We did some great MUP adventures at that age, just recently did the AZT from 418 to the lake and back with the 6 yo on her bike and the 3 yo on the trailabike.

    More than half of my 'biking' posts on my blog now involve the Monsters, which is kinda lame, but i know i'm being a good dad for them and the time we spend together is some of my best.

    good luck!
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    Quote Originally Posted by chollaball View Post
    More than half of my 'biking' posts on my blog now involve the Monsters, which is kinda lame, but i know i'm being a good dad for them and the time we spend together is some of my best.
    Nothing lame about that at all!
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    I learned to get in quick loops whenever I could. Those long rides with buds became few and far between. You're lucky, and yes IMO if you do good stuff now when they're young it gets easier. Trust me you're lucky, spend as much time and have as much influence as you can now, before you know it they'll be to smart to listen, and to busy and cool to hang with Dad, at least somewhat.
    Fwiw my wife and I decided before having kids that we wanted to do it without any baby sitters or day care. It took some financial life changes but was the best thing we ever did. Newer or bigger better cars houses and things are over rated, and always around for the taking when things change again, and they will sooner than you think.
    Good stuff Rock crusher, I approve !
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  18. #18
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    I was practically a single father. Although I was married for 23 years, my ex was not interested in caring for the 2 children that she was so sure she wanted. I, on the other hand was not interested in having children at all.

    Funny how things turn out.

    I had the best 23 years of my life because of those kids. I could have done without the nagging wife but ya gotta take the sh|t with the shine. Once the youngest turned 18, my ex sent me on my way because I spent too much time playing with the kids, building trails and riding my bike and not enough time working and getting her rich.

    I couldn't have planned it better myself.

    You can find posts all over this forum about how much fun I had with my bike-riding kids.
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by chollaball View Post
    I spend shameful amounts of time on the trainer - built a PVC stand for a laptop over it, at least its a workout and i can do some work. it does get easier but you have to work at it. A lot of my rides are with them to and from school - its great fun but not a great workout.



    I've since started lashing the 3yo's 12incher to this and she pedals for some of the ride. they will get the stoke, esp if your wife rides and you can both take a trailer or trailabike. We did some great MUP adventures at that age, just recently did the AZT from 418 to the lake and back with the 6 yo on her bike and the 3 yo on the trailabike.

    More than half of my 'biking' posts on my blog now involve the Monsters, which is kinda lame, but i know i'm being a good dad for them and the time we spend together is some of my best.

    good luck!
    oh and PS, note the beer on the truck bumper and offleash dog. you can make it familly happy hour too!
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    Hang in there buddy. It really does get better. Once they reach public schools. Time really starts flying.

    I worked evenings while my wife worked days for three years to make ends meet in a terrible economy. I'd get up early in the morning to see my family for 45 minutes through the week. I grabbed all the OT I could, so my child could attend a decent preschool.

    Recently we attended or daughters first parent/teacher confrence in K. Turns out our daughter is genious. Shes already mid first grade. Talk about two proud parents beaming as we walked out of that school.

    My point is. Learn to make the best of it. Take your kids to the park ever chance you get. Read to them daily if possible. Play games. Run around in the yard. Play ball. Dance like a fool. Take them hiking. Exposs them to as much fresh air and culture as possible. Young minds are open minds and begging to be stuffed with information.

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    oh yeah....

    Kids catch every sickness within a four square mile radius. My wife and I have been more sick the last four years. Than our entire life. Both the parents and kids build up immunity.

    Focuss on getting the kiddos to K. It gets much better.

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    great responses in these posts. i wanted to share this with you, rckcrusher. a different perspective and not so great. my younger brother lost his fight with cancer 4 yrs ago this coming xmas. He left behind 2 young kids who miss him everyday. i do my best to always talk about him with them every week but there's a sadness there, especially in my little niece that's f'n so hard to watch. trust me. the bike can wait. you are very lucky to have them with you like you do.

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    There is a country song ( yeah I listened to one once), that says, your gona miss this,your gona want this back.
    In 1978 I became not only dad but mom too to my three year old daughter. I thought my life had ended when in fact years later I understood it had just begun. Crushed by the weight of complete responsibility at 23 I thought I would not survive. Of course I did and all these years later I have not only a beautiful daughter but a son in law and a three year old grandson. Two years ago my daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer and the fight ensued. All the usual treatments and she is now a survivor. I went to DC a couple weeks ago and watched with my grandson as she ran the Marine core marathon to support the fight on breast cancer and to make people aware that you can survive this horrible disease. I do not regret missing one workout or day for the privilege of seeing her grow to be the person she is. I absolutely miss the times when she was three years old and thought I was her entire world.
    Don't worry, you will ride!

  24. #24
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    spreading some rep jizz around to the parents in this post. i got jizz to spare, i never have a chance to use it on my wife anymore .
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  25. #25
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    this past weekend was typical for me, for a 'good' weekend.

    Saturday - loaded everyone's bikes and gear (took like an hour), went to McDowell Mtn Park - road the pump track for an hour with the kids, then we all did the 3 mile Sport loop - 6yo on her 20inch, 3yo on the trail-a-bike. I almost never never ride the McDs Park cause, for me, its kinda dull - very buff, not a lot of vert, not particularly interesting scenery. But it was fantastic swoopy rollers for the kids. The big one got better on each roller, bombing down and hammering up. She ate $h1t in one fast turn, cried, dusted herself off and was hammering away again. Then I reloaded EVERYTHING into the truck, re-unloaded EVERYTHING back home, then had bike maint. to do for 4 people.

    Sunday was loading everyone into the car for soccer, making 3 meals, loading everyone on bikes to pedal to the neighborhood pool and get pounded on by children for an hour. Felt like I didnt get out of the kitchen all day.

    I love my kids and doing stuff with them, but sometimes resent how fast the weekend went and my lack of 'doing me' for any of it.
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  26. #26
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    **** I wish I was not so selfish in getting involved with other women when I was married! My soon to be Ex wife and I had a beautiful Son now he is ten and sadly upholding the man of the house role when the times were good I parented my boy while Mommy was at work for long hours.

    Savor the time with your children gents, take your kids with you if you have to.

  27. #27
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    HA!

    I have tried to convince my wife to start working so I can be MR. Mom - she laughed heartily, then stated 'No' with a straight face.

    My kidlets are roughly the same age as yours - a huge pain to watch all the time....but you get to see the neat stuff unfold. I get to hear about it

    And yes, my wife has a perpetual cold, does not get out for rides as much, and is tired - but it's worth it RC...I wish I was in your position.

    Hang in there
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    Here's how your kids might turn out if you're a stay at home parent.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trail Ninja's Son
    You may be happy to hear that my dad has kicked cancer's ass. Now he's looking for whoever sent it.

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    Here's how your kids might turn out if you're a stay at home parent.








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