One last ride with my Dad- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
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    One last ride with my Dad

    I lost my Dad to cancer 5 years ago. His ashes have been sitting in a cabinet since then. I had planned on releasing his ashes into a special part of a stream where he used to take me fishing when I was a kid. But a few things have kept me from doing so. My wife had a brutal bout with Cancer and all my energy was invested to helping her battle. We won despite being given very small odds. Today she is having test done to make sure it is still clear. I always felt guilty riding but she many times insisted I get out and ride. Along with my wife's illness my Mom has been battling Dementia. It is god awful, painful, devouring and in some ways worse than cancer as anyone who has a loved one going through it can attest. Some days I just wonder what the f*ck else is coming. If it was not for biking and trail building I would probably need therapy and be on meth. Anyway... I am planning on a journey later this summer to take my Dad's ashes on a 600 mile bike trip. Some gravel, pavement, single track and maybe some bush whacking. Not really sure why I am posting this here other than to get it off my chest. I have not told anyone other than my wife. I really do not have any family other than my poor Mom who at this point barely remembers me. My Dad did not ride much but I do remember riding with him down a dirt road as a kid near where we once had a cabin and I will be taking that same road to spread his ashes. I will stop at my Moms along the way back and give her a big hug and hope she somehow knows.

  2. #2
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    I can empathize with much of your trials, not with my parents, but with my grandparents. Great that you still get out and ride, it helps cleanse the mind, at least it does for me.

    Where will you be riding? If it's anywhere close and you would want some company for a leg or two, I would be honored.

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  3. #3
    Life's a Garden, dig it!
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    Cycling can be the best therapy. I'm sure lots of people can identify with the need to share and the need to decompress. Taking your dad along on the journey is a great last tribute. I did it with/for my bro-in-law's (an avid rider) ashes.

    Staying sane and centered is the best thing you can do for your wife and your mom.
    Goya! It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. Livin in an Idiocracy.

  4. #4
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    I am so sorry to hear that. Dimentia is awful, my wifes grandfather has been getting worse in that regard for a few years.
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  5. #5
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    I understand what you are dealing with. I care for my Mom full time, she has Alzheimer's. One of the most difficult illnesses to deal with, for both patient and care taker. Keep strong friend! You have it double fold because of your wife.

    Riding has become my only escape, the only time I get "me" time, and my only chance to decompress.

    I'm lucky on two fronts, her colostomy was reversed, and she has kept her sweet and kind soul up to this point. She doesn't remember anything though. I'm sharing this with you so you know you are not alone and wish you the best with your battles. If you ever need to reach out, I'm a PM away.

    If you can join the Alzheimer's Association, lots of support from them. June 21st is a big day and Im doing a fund raiser (solo) ride to benefit them.

    Great tribute to your Dad btw.

    Best of Luck!
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  6. #6
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    You have stayed strong and persevered and been there for your loved ones. Your journey is a fitting tribute. Hope everything goes well.

  7. #7
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    I really hate to hear all the you've been through, and still having it piled on as well. But, that's a really cool idea for your journey. I don't have any kids, so I guess I'll have to hire a courier when my time comes.

  8. #8
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    I feel your pain and sorrow. I hope you bring this journey with your dads ashes to fruition. We all go through many trials and tribulations in life, some more than others. You seem to be handling all that's been thrown at you with strength. I'm sure your father and mother would be proud of how you've dealt with it all. Thanks for sharing, sometimes it takes hearing the pain and sorrow of others to bring thankfulness for what we have in our own lives.
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  9. #9
    9 lives
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    I can only echo what others have said and I can empathize with you (I am a cancer survivor; my father died at the same age I am now )

    Many people have had similar problems, experiences and losses and have gotten over them.

    The chances are very good you will too.
    F*ck Cancer

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  10. #10
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    I sympathize. I just got home from telling my mom who has dementia that her only daughter (my sister) lost her battle with cancer. Tomorrow I'm going for a ride and I'm going to celebrate both of their lives.
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by astom22 View Post
    .

    Where will you be riding? If it's anywhere close and you would want some company for a leg or two, I would be honored.

    Sent from my LG-H918 using Tapatalk
    Thanks - Going from Wisconsin to UP of Michigan.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by trapperK2 View Post
    Thanks - Going from Wisconsin to UP of Michigan.
    Wish I was closer, I hope it's a wonderful trip. Lots of saddle time to remember great times, enjoy the ride.

    Sent from my LG-H918 using Tapatalk

  13. #13
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    Thanks everyone - It's nice to know there are so many awesome folks out there- I have met so many great folks out there from Mountain Biking/Cycling.

  14. #14
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    Wow, man. I feel for you. My grandpa had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. I can remember working on the farm with him, hoeing fields, and then the next year or so it seemed like everything changed. He had to quit, and I'm not sure he remembered who me or my brothers were at the end. The man who had once spent 12 - 16 hours a day working the fields could no longer hold a toothbrush. It was painful, and scary. I did my best to help.

    I',m glad to hear you've stayed strong, and seem to have a good support network, even if not a huge amount of folks. If you happen to be passing through Northwest Indiana, hit me up and we can ride some trails. I'm a terrible rider, but this is a matter of solidarity.
    dang

  15. #15
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    I think this trip will be a nice memorial to your father and a chance for you to reflect on your life with him, your mother and your wife. Focus on the positive memories and the good times, not the more recent pain. And I hope your wife's tests show she has won her battle.
    This post is a natural product. Variances in spelling & grammar should be appreciated as part of its character & beauty.

  16. #16
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    Enjoy your trip, Trapper. Let us know how it went.
    The only important thing these days, is rhythm and melody. Rhythm...and melody.

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