Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
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    Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread

    Hey everyone, in case some poseurs try to steal our idea, this will serve as THE Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread!

    Let's use this as a way to support each other as we try to not eat Chinese food for one straight week. I know this sounds almost impossible but I think together we can do it. Feel free to post your stories, anecdotes, jokes, questions etc here. I'll go first.

    I just got back from the local buffet and I feel like my belly is going to split at the seams. Sometimes the food is just ok there, but today it was awesome! Crab Rangoons, chicken teriyaki, chicken wings, and the calamari with green beans were spot on. They also had these little cakey like things for dessert and I ate 3 of them and washed it all down with 2 cokes (non- diet). Right now I feel like hell and can barely keep my eyes open but I'll probably go back tomorrow.

    What do you got?

  2. #2
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    Chicken Teriyaki? I must say that is not Chinese food.

    Buffets are nasty!!!
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  3. #3
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    I had real Chinese food in Beijing many times when I was there a few years ago. At one meal, when I asked what was in some of the dishes that were brought, I got some interesting answers...

    When I asked about a broth with what looked like chewy cabbage, I was told it was 'feet of duck'...
    When I asked about another plate of what looked like some sort of long meat, I was told 'land eel'...
    When I asked which part of the deep fried fish I should eat and they told me 'all of it', and I almost broke my teeth on the head which had a small rock inside, they just giggled...

    Another day when I asked what was on the menu at our usual lunch spot, this one local worker who was with me just kept barking like a small, yet succulent, dog... he also giggled a lot, and I think he may have been the guy who told me to eat all the fish...
    It's all Here. Now.

  4. #4
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    MSG, straight from the bottle.
    "It is what it is."

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    'land eel'...
    what could that possibly be?
    You just can't beat the person who never gives up. - B.Ruth

  6. #6
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    in the spirit of a typical scott O thread:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lychee_and_Dog_Meat_Festival



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    You just can't beat the person who never gives up. - B.Ruth

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcd46 View Post

    Buffets are nasty!!!
    This one ain't.

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    "It is what it is."

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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    This one ain't.

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    Agreed!
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  9. #9
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    Attachment 1311389

    how bout this one
    You just can't beat the person who never gives up. - B.Ruth

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by be1 View Post
    Attachment 1311389

    how bout this one
    Warm Buffet, lol.
    "It is what it is."

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  11. #11
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    To paraphrase Kramer, this thread is making me hungry!
    "It is what it is."

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  12. #12
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    Last Chinese Buffet I blew off my Flip-flops and cut the heel of my foot by stepping on a "pop-top" (the pull tab from an old-style soda can). Eased some pain with a fresh batch of margaritas.

    Wait - that's just a story from a Jimmy Buffet song. I haven't even eaten Chinese Food for a couple Months after I think about it.
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  13. #13
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    Sanitation can be dodgy in China. This one restaurant we used to go to was interesting. It was tiled over the whole floor and up to about 6' on the walls. In the center of the floor was a large drain, and the entire floor sloped worryingly toward this drain.
    During the meal, I was rather taken aback by the fact that everyone just tossed all their detritus onto the floor directly, and also hoiked up great gobs of throat yuk and expectorated on the floor too. Quite disconcerting to a well brought up britisher such as meself.

    One day we were running late and they cleared away all the other tables and chairs but ours. We finished off, and as we were doing the usual haggle over the bill, they cleared our furniture, and a guy entered dressed like a deep sea diver without the helmet, clutching a fire hose. He proceeded to hose all the heaps of gunk towards and into the drain. Practicality at work I guess...
    It's all Here. Now.

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    ^I've been to a place that before but "eating" wasn't a literal term exactly. Plenty of "long meat" though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by be1 View Post
    what could that possibly be?
    Are you CERTAIN they didn’t say “man eel?” Cuz F that.

  16. #16
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    friend and I went to a Dim Sum in Mesa, AZ. there are some good asian markets there. while eating, we asked the lady with the cart what is in the dish we had. her answer was "uh huh".

    We just got back from Vegas over the weekend and ate at Mott 32. It was very good.
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  17. #17
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    The moment I tasted General Tso's chicken I understood why KFC's guy only made Colonel.

    The dog meat festival sounds like fun. We should do one stateside, a combined craft beer and dog fest, maybe call it "Brews'd Dogs." Could use Frisbees for plates just for extra smiles. Maybe better to suggest this in the "Dogs are awesome" thread?
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  18. #18
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    Dang...was hoping this was a 30 day challenge where you try to eat Chinese for all meals.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by bingemtbr View Post
    Dang...was hoping this was a 30 day challenge where you try to eat Chinese for all meals.
    1 billion Chinese people do it. I'm down.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    Sanitation can be dodgy in China. This one restaurant we used to go to was interesting. It was tiled over the whole floor and up to about 6' on the walls. In the center of the floor was a large drain, and the entire floor sloped worryingly toward this drain.
    During the meal, I was rather taken aback by the fact that everyone just tossed all their detritus onto the floor directly, and also hoiked up great gobs of throat yuk and expectorated on the floor too. Quite disconcerting to a well brought up britisher such as meself.

    One day we were running late and they cleared away all the other tables and chairs but ours. We finished off, and as we were doing the usual haggle over the bill, they cleared our furniture, and a guy entered dressed like a deep sea diver without the helmet, clutching a fire hose. He proceeded to hose all the heaps of gunk towards and into the drain. Practicality at work I guess...
    I want this setup in my house.
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  21. #21
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    The only important thing these days, is rhythm and melody. Rhythm...and melody.

  22. #22
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    Damn, I used to eat it on a weekly basis following a since discontinued weekly group ride, thinking I earned it. Great take out, wrong formula for weight loss.
    The only important thing these days, is rhythm and melody. Rhythm...and melody.

  23. #23
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    I used to go to a bar in Philly that had a urinal inset into the floor that ran the full length of the bar so that you wouldn't have to interrupt your drinking. I was glad it was no longer in use (that I knew of).

    I was on a bullet train in Japan and checked out the menu. One of the items was listed in English as "special meat"; I looked at the kanji and recognized the character for horse. This may not seem strange for a lot of people but it is in the US.

    Rockerc, that rock in the fishhead was probably an eyeball.
    This post is a natural product. Variances in spelling & grammar should be appreciated as part of its character & beauty.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    1 billion Chinese people do it. I'm down.
    Egg fu yung for breakfast. Num!
    "It is what it is."

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    At "The Tunnel" in NYC the hip hop room had urinals all along the wall. I was in there doing the Penguin dance (thank you special K) when out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a guy saddled up to the wall taking a whiz. Man that guy must be more messed up than I am, my addled brain thought. A 360 Penguin move to get a better look...what the heck there's a bunch of urinals right up against the dance floor. Whelp, when in Rome... I gotta go too. So I shuffled up to one of the urinals but suffered severe stage freight. What with a bunch of attractive city folk right at my shoulder and bumping into me, I played it off cool though.

    Same club, which was absolutely massive, had a beautiful goth themed genderless bathroom you had to walk through to get to yet another side room. Couldn't possibly say what I witnessed in there, wow.

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  26. #26
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    Ok guys/gals, today was one of the toughest days of my life! I went to the salad bar at the supermarket which coincidentally is right around the corner from...you guessed it...the Chinese Restaurant! As I walked out with my soup and salad I could smell the smell of strange delicious things being fried to a golden crisp. Knowing I couldn't have any was devastating. But then, I thought of all of you and the hope and inspiration you've shared. Thinking about urinals, land eels, dogs and vampires kept me strong and I didn't give in. Thanks and let's keep it up!

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    I used to go to a bar in Philly that had a urinal inset into the floor that ran the full length of the bar so that you wouldn't have to interrupt your drinking. I was glad it was no longer in use (that I knew of).

    I was on a bullet train in Japan and checked out the menu. One of the items was listed in English as "special meat"; I looked at the kanji and recognized the character for horse. This may not seem strange for a lot of people but it is in the US.

    Rockerc, that rock in the fishhead was probably an eyeball.
    When I was growing up in France and Belgium in the 60s, 'cheval' was often on the menu... I didn't like the taste.

    I found out later that the fish with rocks were a particular kind that developed a hard cyst-like thing in their heads that moved around inside the cranium as they swam. Fishermen would go out at night with their nets, and listen for the sound of thousands of these things rolling around as they are swimming in shoals. Apparently you can just about hear the sound if you have a quiet night. The lights they held up would also attract them. Then they'd cast the nets where they heard them, and voila!
    I won't get fooled next time!
    It's all Here. Now.

  28. #28
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    Is General Tso's chicken real "Chinese" food? I went to parts of southern China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong and didn't see it on any of the restaurant menus.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by RS VR6 View Post
    Is General Tso's chicken real "Chinese" food? I went to parts of southern China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong and didn't see it on any of the restaurant menus.
    No, that's actually an American invention. I read a book about it.

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    Like fortune cookies.

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by RS VR6 View Post
    Like fortune cookies.
    And the take-out boxes ("pails").

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    Oyster Pail, can also fold out to a plate.

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  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by RS VR6 View Post
    Is General Tso's chicken real "Chinese" food? I went to parts of southern China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong and didn't see it on any of the restaurant menus.
    General Tso is actually an overweight, bald, social media creep named Chuck that lives in his mother's basement. That is whenever he's not stalking the interwebs, masquerading as a scantily clad teenage siren.

    Great chicken, tho.
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  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparticus View Post
    General Tso is actually an overweight, bald, social media creep named Chuck that lives in his mother's basement. That is whenever he's not stalking the interwebs, masquerading as a scantily clad teenage siren.

    Great chicken, tho.
    =sParty
    Did Chuck also come up with Lemon Chicken and Egg Foo Young?

  35. #35
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    I've heard of Mott 32. Suppose to be the best.

  36. #36
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    it was amazing. The peking duck was the best.
    Dont make me go all Jonathan Winters on this gas station.

  37. #37
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    Guys, last night's fortune cookie instructed its recipient to seek truth which led me to a revelation. Scott O claims this is the Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread but how can we be sure he's not just making this up?

    I mean what if there's really another genuine Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread that Scott O is simply attempting to divert attention away from? Are we simply going to take his word for this? What proof has he provided? Think about it. Anyone can tack the word "official" to the beginning of their thread title.

    We've been fooled so many times in the past by this talented character. I can practically hear Scott O's evil laughter in the distance with each additional post here. Once again he toys with us like a cat with helpless newborn mice. Friends, let's not blindly swallow his bitter pill this time. Trust me, it's a trap! I beg of you, find the true Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread and expose Scott O for the sneaky charlatan that he is.
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  38. #38
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    A fine thread just in time for the weekend, I salute you Mr O
    What a perfect waste of time

  39. #39
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    I don't like Chinese food, so I'm gonna flip this around and eat Chinese every day.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    No, that's actually an American invention. I read a book about it.
    General Tso was a ruthless proletariat.
    The only important thing these days, is rhythm and melody. Rhythm...and melody.

  41. #41
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    The wife and I are having Chinese takeout and champagne tonight for Valentine's. Stayin classy!

    I actually make Asian food at home often. From Thai to Vietnamese to simple stir fry.

  42. #42
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    Which came first, Chinese or Chinese food?

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  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    Which came first, Chinese or Chinese food?

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    The Chinese were food.

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    (But the Thanatotheristes degrootorum was hungry again after an hour.)
    "It is what it is."

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  44. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    The Chinese were food.



    (But the Thanatotheristes degrootorum was hungry again after an hour.)
    Yeah, but now they have a Thanatotheristes degrootorum meat festival in Wuhan that eclipses the Yulin doggie thing...

    Wait, where did that virus come from?!?
    It's all Here. Now.

  45. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    Wait, where did that virus come from?!?
    Land eel.
    "Thousands of you may die…it is what it is." - Lord Farkwad

    Real eyes realize real lies.

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    if its on a stick go for it.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread-chinese-food-e1452169142778.jpg  

    Dont make me go all Jonathan Winters on this gas station.

  47. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by RS VR6 View Post
    Like fortune cookies.
    i heard fortune cookies were created by a japanese-american who had a chinese restaurant. i think i heard it on food network. not kidding...
    You just can't beat the person who never gives up. - B.Ruth

  48. #48
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    I’m feeling a lot of positive vibes here guys – it’s not easy but we can do it if we work together! Tuna sandwich for me today from the cheese shop. Very proud of myself.

    Reminds me of story….back in my younger days I was home from college on winter break and doing some part time work in a warehouse. Buddy and I decide to head out for some Chinese food for lunch. It was a day like today, early January and freezing out. Being a very tough lad, I didn’t wear my jacket even though it’s mid winter (bad idea…). As we sit down at the restaurant I realized I don’t have any cash and Buddy only has a few dollars. No problem, I say, I head to the local ATM and get some cash. I have him order me up a #7 lunch special and I’ll be back in a few.

    Now back in 1988 the local ATM was a few miles away so it took me a decent chunk of time to drive over there. I got there and it was out of cash. F%#k! I had no idea where there was another ATM as it wasn’t like it is now, with ATMs on ever street corner. Unsure of what to do next (and hungry) I head back to the restaurant.

    Buddy is just about done with his lunch as I explain the situation. We strategize and realize that the only logical thing to do at this point is to chew and screw. I start woofing down my meal as we eye the best way out. He’s done with his #5 lunch special so we decide he’ll make his way out first and pull my (my parent’s) car around to pick me up in 2 minutes as we sneak away.

    Now I’m alone, getting nervous, and avoiding eye contact with everyone in the place. After one last bite I get up and quickly shuffle to the door. Before I get there the waiter has already checked our table, sees no $, and realizes what’s happening.
    “Stopppp!!!” he screams as I now run around a corner, bash open the door, and exit into the freezing cold. I run to the right just as me and Buddy agreed to where he’d pick me up. He’s not there. WTF!?!?!?!?!?! I look back to my left and see him pulling the car around from the other side. As I start to run over to the car, the door to the restaurant busts open with the waiter and a really big cook heading straight for me (I’d like say the cook looked like the wrestler Mr. Fuji and was wielding a big bloody meat cleaver, but that might be writer’s embellishment).

    So now the 2 guys from the restaurant are between me and the car. I’m screwed. To make matter worse, Buddy tears out, pulls into the road cutting off 2 lanes of cars, with horns blaring at him and speeds away. Wow, now I’m really screwed.

    Meanwhile the 2 guys come running after me and I go into serious flight mode. I too run into the traffic at full speed, hop a snowbank and bomb into the woods with my heart pounding out of my chest. There’s @ a foot of snow but I’ve got so much adrenaline I plow through it as I cut through yards, neighborhoods, driveways etc for a good 5 minutes. By this point I’m pretty sure they’re not behind me but I’m still scared the cops are on the lookout for me. Also, I need to get back from my lunch break and get back to work.

    Being the old days, I didn’t have a cell phone and couldn’t call Buddy or someone else to come get me. I realize that the quickest (but still lonnng) way back to the office is across a very big pond. I start trudging across it as the wind whips though my soaking wet dress shirt. F%#ck! Later I’d realize that my biggest problem at this point was not getting caught or being late for work, but falling through the ice and disappearing til Spring.

    Well, I didn’t’ fall through the ice and I made it back to work, though really sweaty and tired, and I earned the nickname, “The Running Man”, like the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. As a prologue, two weeks later some other coworkers suggested we get Chinse food for lunch one day. No friggin way I say, I’m not going back there. Buddy on the other hand insists we do it. So we head over, sit down and guess who serves us? The same waiter. He, nor anyone else at the restaurant apparently recognized us or said anything to us then or ever in future trips there over the years. I think we left a pretty decent tip this time.

    PS – I’ve asked the admins to ban sParty from this thread. His ideas are subversive and dangerous. Don’t let him bring us down!!!!!

  49. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott O View Post
    PS – I’ve asked the admins to ban sParty from this thread. His ideas are subversive and dangerous. Don’t let him bring us down!!!!!
    Still on the run from accountability, eh Scott O?

    Just so you know, back in '88 I was a big Chinese cook with a meat cleaver. Not to mention I recognize you by your avatar photo. Better sleep with one eye open, buddy. Just sayin'.
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  50. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by be1 View Post
    i heard fortune cookies were created by a japanese-american who had a chinese restaurant. i think i heard it on food network. not kidding...
    I seem to recall reading something like that in this book:

    https://www.amazon.com/Fortune-Cooki.../dp/B0010SKUOW

  51. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott O View Post
    Hey everyone, in case some poseurs try to steal our idea, this will serve as THE Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread!

    Let's use this as a way to support each other as we try to not eat Chinese food for one straight week. I know this sounds almost impossible but I think together we can do it. Feel free to post your stories, anecdotes, jokes, questions etc here. I'll go first.

    I just got back from the local buffet and I feel like my belly is going to split at the seams. Sometimes the food is just ok there, but today it was awesome! Crab Rangoons, chicken teriyaki, chicken wings, and the calamari with green beans were spot on. They also had these little cakey like things for dessert and I ate 3 of them and washed it all down with 2 cokes (non- diet). Right now I feel like hell and can barely keep my eyes open but I'll probably go back tomorrow.

    What do you got?
    Right..I lose. My wife is Chinese. So thats not possible, but thw Western Food Challenge I would pass no problem.

  52. #52
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    I'm starting to suspect sParty is secretly working for the Chinese government, which is NOT happy with Scott O's massive push to deprive the motherland of the revenue exerted from the citizens across the world as they partake in fine Chinese dining. Scott has started this movement right here on eMTy BeeR where dozens of old mountain bikers will be exposed to his plot and probably one or two will join him in the movement. Then, the young hipsters of the world, looking for the next trend in the making, will jump right onboard and next thing you know, everyone will be eating Belgium Waffles or Uruguay Delight or The Ivory Coast Toast or some other nonsense rather than Chinese food, leading to the collapse of the most populated country on the planet, causing a domino affect as economy after economy fails and the planet is thrown into utter chaos.

    Or maybe they're still mad about that chew and screw.
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  53. #53
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    Scott O, maybe they knew it was you and put something special in your food.

  54. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    I'm starting to suspect sParty is secretly working for the Chinese government
    Busted. It’s me & General Tso. But at least we get all the chicken & bike parts we want.
    =sParty
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  55. #55
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    Official Chinese Food Challenge Thread-img_20200215_073128093_burst000_cover_top.jpg
    Dont make me go all Jonathan Winters on this gas station.

  56. #56
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    I made stir fry tonight for supper. It was good. Tomorrow kung pao

  57. #57
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    Real Chinese food is not from a buffet. Chow mein, eggrolls, fried rice, and fortune cookies are not real Chinese food, either.
    Don’t frail and blow if you’re going to Braille and Flow.

  58. #58
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    the beat goes on
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    will this ban come to the US? hope not....

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-epidemic.html
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  59. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leopold Porkstacker View Post
    Real Chinese food is not from a buffet. Chow mein, eggrolls, fried rice, and fortune cookies are not real Chinese food, either.
    Fried rice is real Chinese food. In China, usually made with leftovers rather than completely prepared just as fried rice, maybe that's what you mean?
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  60. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcd46 View Post
    Chicken Teriyaki? I must say that is not Chinese food.

    Buffets are nasty!!!
    Lol
    First two things I thought of.
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  61. #61
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    I definitely advise skipping the pangolin course.
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  62. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Fried rice is real Chinese food. In China, usually made with leftovers rather than completely prepared just as fried rice, maybe that's what you mean?
    Sorry, yes, I meant that fried rice is what is done with leftovers; a person in China—in addition to my Chinese-American relatives—does not go to a restaurant for leftovers.
    Don’t frail and blow if you’re going to Braille and Flow.

  63. #63
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    Has anybody ever eaten duck tongues?
    Just call me Ray

  64. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radium View Post
    Has anybody ever eaten duck tongues?
    What's that, some hoity-toity version of chicken lips?
    "Thousands of you may die…it is what it is." - Lord Farkwad

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  65. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    I used to go to a bar in Philly that had a urinal inset into the floor that ran the full length of the bar so that you wouldn't have to interrupt your drinking. I was glad it was no longer in use (that I knew of).

    I was on a bullet train in Japan and checked out the menu. One of the items was listed in English as "special meat"; I looked at the kanji and recognized the character for horse. This may not seem strange for a lot of people but it is in the US.

    Rockerc, that rock in the fishhead was probably an eyeball.
    I've had horse in Iceland, among other things. I'm in a small mountain town and there is a Chinese place but its bland and expensive. I'm partial to Thai anyway. I could eat it everyday though some times I have to haggle to get them to make it extra spicy. Thai Style X 10.
    Ripping trails and tipping ales

  66. #66
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    Anybody that's eaten a premade frozen burger patty has likely eaten horse. If memory serves some of them floating around Europe early 2010's were 100% horse.

    Sent from my moto g(6) forge using Tapatalk
    It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

  67. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    Anybody that's eaten a premade frozen burger patty has likely eaten horse. If memory serves some of them floating around Europe early 2010's were 100% horse.

    Sent from my moto g(6) forge using Tapatalk
    Reminds me of the kangaroo meat tacos at Jack in the Box in the 80's
    Ripping trails and tipping ales

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