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  1. #1
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    How come...

    ... No matter how many times I pee before I leave the house for a bike ride, I always have to pee in the parking lot when I get there? Discuss...
    Last edited by drwx; 08-02-2017 at 07:25 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Don't park next to me.
    This post is a natural product. Variances in spelling & grammar should be appreciated as part of its character & beauty.

  3. #3
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    Maybe this should be in the 50 plus group?

    I know what you mean...
    It's all Here. Now.

  4. #4
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    Investigate Flomax and all will be well.
    https://www.google.com/search?client...iw=320&bih=496
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    Investigate Flomax and all will be well.
    Are there any side effects?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackbombay View Post
    Are there any side effects?
    None that I've found. And I'm a big beer drinker.
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  7. #7
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    Full rigid isn't a side effect?
    Goya! It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. Livin in an Idiocracy.

  8. #8
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    Wait till you get to the trail head to pee.

    No pun intended...
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckha62 View Post
    Full rigid
    A bicycle with no shock absorbers?

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    Excellent usage of ellipses in the OP, BTW.
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    Excellent usage of ellipses in the OP, BTW. . . . And we all know how important the correct use of those are.
    . . . . .
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  12. #12
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    I think it's the bike shorts squeezing the pee out. There aren't generally restrooms at the trailheads here. I have a system of opening the truck doors to hide it. =D

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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    I have a system of opening the truck doors to hide it. =D
    The "truck pee" is not any sort of secret.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    Excellent usage of ellipses in the OP, BTW. . . . And we all know DJ does not understand the correct use of those.
    Depends…
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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackbombay View Post
    The "truck pee" is not any sort of secret.
    Didn't say it was a secret. I'm sure the gravel parking lots are just huge bathrooms.

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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    Didn't say it was a secret.
    Posting that "you have a system" kind of infers that nobody else knows what it is.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    ... No matter how many times I pee before I leave the house for a bike ride, I always have to pee in the parking lot when I get there? Discuss...

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    I guess that's better than taking a dump at home and then having to take one at the parking lot before you ride. The glass or toilet bowl is half empty not half full.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackbombay View Post
    Posting that "you have a system" kind of infers that nobody else knows what it is.
    I also have a system where I shake more than twice. Worst kept secret ever.

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  19. #19
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    I have to crap twice before leaving the house or risk a trailside/ roadside deposit...if I get my shorts down in time. I have the digestive system of a goose.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveRider View Post
    I have to crap twice before leaving the house or risk a trailside/ roadside deposit...if I get my shorts down in time. I have the digestive system of a goose.
    I just smell the fresh outdoors and I'm looking for leaves as a substitute TP.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  21. #21
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    at one trail that i frequent, the nearest public restroom is about a 20 minute drive. one day i had finished one lap and was taking a break before going out for another. then all of a sudden the BGs hit. it sounded like a thunderstorm in my belly. now, normally if i'm just going to the trail and back, i just throw my bike into the truck bed without locking it up........but if i need to go inside somewhere for more than a couple minutes, i have to remove the front wheel, re-insert the front axle, and then mount the bike up to the locking rockymounts forkmount to secure it.

    my guts have GPS and they can tell when a restroom is being approached. to complicate the matter further, i wear bib shorts, so when i finally did arrive at the gas station restroom, i had to hurry up while my location-sensitive guts tried to force their way out. luckily, even though this restroom was a 1-stall situation, no one was in the restroom and the 1 stall actually had TP.
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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Depends…
    Yes, these can be a solution to the issue discussed here.
    Sweet Jesus don't let the judge release me, what if she's a Zombie or a Dracula and tries to f&*king eat me.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    at one trail that i frequent, the nearest public restroom is about a 20 minute drive. one day i had finished one lap and was taking a break before going out for another. then all of a sudden the BGs hit. it sounded like a thunderstorm in my belly. now, normally if i'm just going to the trail and back, i just throw my bike into the truck bed without locking it up........but if i need to go inside somewhere for more than a couple minutes, i have to remove the front wheel, re-insert the front axle, and then mount the bike up to the locking rockymounts forkmount to secure it.

    my guts have GPS and they can tell when a restroom is being approached. to complicate the matter further, i wear bib shorts, so when i finally did arrive at the gas station restroom, i had to hurry up while my location-sensitive guts tried to force their way out. luckily, even though this restroom was a 1-stall situation, no one was in the restroom and the 1 stall actually had TP.
    I know exactly what you mean... Last week driving back to LAX from Santa Barbara, my insides decided they very much wanted to be outside, so we took the next exit off the 101 and tried to find a gas station. The 4th one we found had a working restroom, and as I rushed in, I was faced with a line of Asian tourists off a bus waiting for the one space. There was simply no question of joining the line, and I just pushed the girl at the front out of the way as the room vacated, and hurried in. I think they understood.
    I shouted "Strava" as I went in, but I don't think that helped...
    It's all Here. Now.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    I know exactly what you mean... Last week driving back to LAX from Santa Barbara, my insides decided they very much wanted to be outside, so we took the next exit off the 101 and tried to find a gas station. The 4th one we found had a working restroom, and as I rushed in, I was faced with a line of Asian tourists off a bus waiting for the one space. There was simply no question of joining the line, and I just pushed the girl at the front out of the way as the room vacated, and hurried in. I think they understood.
    I shouted "Strava" as I went in, but I don't think that helped...
    LOL good job Sir.

    For future reference for on the road stops [time permitting of course] Starbucks has the cleanest public restrooms bar none. I figured that out when I had on the road gig for work. I noticed they were so clean I finally asked. It's mandated per company policy that they clean them four times a day. If time permits it's worth it to drive to the next corner where there should be one.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    LOL good job Sir.

    For future reference for on the road stops [time permitting of course] Starbucks has the cleanest public restrooms bar none. I figured that out when I had on the road gig for work. I noticed they were so clean I finally asked. It's mandated per company policy that they clean them four times a day. If time permits it's worth it to drive to the next corner where there should be one.
    Oh trust me DJ, I was keeping my eyes peeled for a Starbucks! With each restroom-less gas station tho, desperation became my mistress
    It's all Here. Now.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Depends…
    The plural spelling of Depend is the same except for the 's' added at the end, unlike ellipsis, which is 'ellipses' in plural form.
    This space intentionally left blank. We apologise for any inconvenience.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackbombay View Post
    Are there any side effects?
    Yes, those prostrate drugs cause dizzyness and make you tired a lot of the time.
    My Dr wants me to take those things, but right now the symptoms are worse than the cure.
    Not only that, but how many times do the jerks tell you it's "safe" and then years later the drug in question turns out to be the source of some huge increase in cancer or some other illness or conditions.

    Those kind of drugs work, by making a guy shoot blanks...
    Communist Party Member Since 1917.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    I know exactly what you mean... Last week driving back to LAX from Santa Barbara, my insides decided they very much wanted to be outside, so we took the next exit off the 101 and tried to find a gas station. The 4th one we found had a working restroom, and as I rushed in, I was faced with a line of Asian tourists off a bus waiting for the one space. There was simply no question of joining the line, and I just pushed the girl at the front out of the way as the room vacated, and hurried in. I think they understood.
    I shouted "Strava" as I went in, but I don't think that helped...
    there's no place like home base...

    ...drive around wherever and get the urge, but you're already on the way home so you ignore it. about a mile from the house, the gps guts say "WE'RE HOME" and then your brain says "you stupid guts, we are still a mile from home. calm the hell down". but your guts say "MAKE ME YOU SUNUVABITCH". a squeaker escapes to relieve the pressure. this is your brain trying to appease the bubble guts or outsmart them. then you finally get to the house and kick down the door like jean claude van damme.
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  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    The plural spelling of Depend is the same except for the 's' added at the end, unlike ellipsis, which is 'ellipses' in plural form.
    It's all hearsay anyway. Ellipsis Schmitt says.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  30. #30
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    Maybe you guys need to make some adjustments in your diet.

    I get up, have some coffee, do my business, done for the day.
    This post is a natural product. Variances in spelling & grammar should be appreciated as part of its character & beauty.

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Maybe you guys need to make some adjustments in your diet.

    I get up, have some coffee, do my business, done for the day.
    This x 1000!

    I can't even remember the last time I had to drop trou after leaving the house, it's been years.
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  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    This x 1000!

    I can't even remember the last time I had to drop trou after leaving the house, it's been years.
    You haven't lived until this becomes a regular routine. Not saying it's mine but, I've heard it should be what everyone should strive to achieve.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    You haven't lived until this becomes a regular routine. Not saying it's mine but, I've heard it should be what everyone should strive to achieve.
    How come...-pooping-foranaverageof-10-minutes-each-work-day-equals-40hours-25515058.png
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  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    This x 1000!

    I can't even remember the last time I had to drop trou after leaving the house, it's been years.
    You are a truly lucky man. I spend at least one month of every year on airplanes or in airports, or traveling to or from them somewhere in the world. If I waited til I got home I am sure that more than a squeaker would escape at some inopportune moment...
    The only time I really HAVE to go #2 and simply cannot wait is after eating something dubious in Snake Alley Taiwan, or in a Bangkok back street. Or possibly after a Santa Barbara breakfast... There's no telling!
    It's all Here. Now.

  35. #35
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    it used to be fine. things used to be normal. i had my gallbladder removed 3 or 4 years ago. now random things cause eruptions. =D

    plus who doesn't love pinching a loaf at work and making fart sounds (or real farts) while some peckerhead insists on talking on his cell phone either at the urinal or in the adjacent stalls?
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  36. #36
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    LOL, this thread is getting better with each possssst.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    it used to be fine. things used to be normal. i had my gallbladder removed 3 or 4 years ago. now random things cause eruptions. =D

    plus who doesn't love pinching a loaf at work and making fart sounds (or real farts) while some peckerhead insists on talking on his cell phone either at the urinal or in the adjacent stalls?
    I always like it when someone else's phone rings when they are sitting in the next stall, and hearing what they say to try and disguise the fact they're taking a dump. THAT'S when you make those fart sounds... loud and proud!
    It's all Here. Now.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    I always like it when someone else's phone rings when they are sitting in the next stall, and hearing what they say to try and disguise the fact they're taking a dump. THAT'S when you make those fart sounds... loud and proud!
    *flush*

    yell DAMMIT

    *flush again*

    yell "watch your feet buddy"
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  39. #39
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    Haha! Gotta try that one!
    It's all Here. Now.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    You are a truly lucky man. I spend at least one month of every year on airplanes or in airports, or traveling to or from them somewhere in the world. If I waited til I got home I am sure that more than a squeaker would escape at some inopportune moment...
    The only time I really HAVE to go #2 and simply cannot wait is after eating something dubious in Snake Alley Taiwan, or in a Bangkok back street. Or possibly after a Santa Barbara breakfast... There's no telling!
    Yeah, you get a pass when you're in different time zones and different eating zones all the time.

    I got hit once out at South Mountain mid ride with no cover in sight, not even a rock outcropping or Saguaro to hide behind. I had a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger while driving down the 87 from Payson after being on the road for 9 hours, and it wanted out!

    *I guess I am guilty of having a few inconveniently timed poops.
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  41. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Maybe you guys need to make some adjustments in your diet.

    I get up, have some coffee, do my business, done for the day.
    This used to be me. Try living with Ulcerative Colitis for 22 years. Believe me, it's not cool HAVING to know the quickest route to the bathroom in every establishment, everywhere.

    Funny thing is, as soon as I put on my cycling shorts, I have to head for the head. I do my job, then I'm golden for hours. There's a psychological component somewhere in there.
    Goya! It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. Livin in an Idiocracy.

  42. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckha62 View Post
    This used to be me. Try living with Ulcerative Colitis for 22 years. Believe me, it's not cool HAVING to know the quickest route to the bathroom in every establishment, everywhere.

    Funny thing is, as soon as I put on my cycling shorts, I have to head for the head. I do my job, then I'm golden for hours. There's a psychological component somewhere in there.
    "golden for hours"............. 0_o


    seems like a poor choice of words for talking about pee.
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  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by drwx View Post
    "golden for hours"............. 0_o


    seems like a poor choice of words for talking about pee.
    You prefer showers?
    Goya! It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. Livin in an Idiocracy.

  44. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornfield View Post
    *I guess I am guilty of having a few inconveniently timed poops.
    I've been mostly lucky on my rides, but there was this one time that I succumbed to the heat or something, and ended up having to declare a unilateral no go zone in the Tortolitas near my house.
    The star marks the epicenter, and riders and hikers are encouraged to avoid this area for at least another 3500 years...


    How come...-screen-shot-2017-08-02-12.48.22-pm-2-.jpg
    It's all Here. Now.

  45. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ericmopar View Post
    Yes, those prostrate drugs cause dizzyness and make you tired a lot of the time.
    My Dr wants me to take those things, but right now the symptoms are worse than the cure.
    Not only that, but how many times do the jerks tell you it's "safe" and then years later the drug in question turns out to be the source of some huge increase in cancer or some other illness or conditions.

    Those kind of drugs work, by making a guy shoot blanks...
    I've had episodes of Meniere's, but the Flomax has never made me dizzy. I don't get any more tired than your average Joe, either.

    As far as risks down the road, what can you do? It's a medicine that I need, so I'm taking my chances.
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  46. #46
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    This one time, I was at a conference in San Francisco at the Moscone Center. The restrooms are massive and all at one end of the building in the same location on every floor. I had to send the browns to the Superbowl in the worst way... Had some sketchy Thai food for lunch that had to escape.

    As I sat there doing my business, I noticed a little basket on the wall of the stall. "Wtf is this", I asked myself as I thought back to my youth of working at the grocery store and having to clean the restrooms. That basket was the trash can for feminine products. "Oh shit, I must have run into the wrong restroom in my haste.". Unfortunately, I was no longer alone on the restroom and heard other voices, but I couldn't discern if they were men or women. I tried to wait them out, but every time they'd sound like they were leaving, a few more people would enter. Eventually I just decided to make a break for it. Restroom was full of dudes. I examined the sign on my way out and saw that you could change it from "men" to "women". I guess if they have a conference there that is primarily a specific sex, they switch the signs around to meet demand.

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