Elevator ettiquette (aka Tales from the Elevator)- Mtbr.com
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  1. #1
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    Elevator ettiquette (aka Tales from the Elevator)

    So uh, yeah, like today, I’m uh, you know, taking the elevator up to the sixth floor from ground floor here at uh work and sh¡t, and I’m the sole ascender. Right, so uh, slow day at work due to holiday shutdown starting Monday, and I tell ya, shit was like Jonestown man. So I uh, did what any gaseous cretin would do in such a scenario, and, well uh, ya know, just kinda let er rip. Well, hindsight kicked in about the fourth floor when I realised how fragrant of a bouquet I’d be leaving in my wake. “My god, what the fück is that smell”, yeah? Long story short, I get to the sixth floor, and ya know, I’m like ready to get the fück outta there, and this rather attractive coworker gets into the elevator to go down. NO, YOU DIRTY BASTARDS, she needed to go to the first floor!!! Anyway, so here I am, wondering, since I see her and say “hi” every day, and we engage in a little bit beyond smalltalk, ya know, if somehow there was some little glimmer of interest and sh¡t. So uh, now I’m uh, kinda reachin here. In her mind, am I an inconsiderate jackass? It’s like that one time in your life where timing is everything, and then you tell Hitler that you will follow him on Facebook. My god. First-world problems and sh¡t.
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  2. #2
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    Confucious say, elevator smells different to midget.
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  3. #3
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    I take the stairs

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    Murphy’s Law
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

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    Cousin related an elevator experience. He was trying to contain, until he could exit an office building, people everywhere, building internal pressure. Riding the elevator down from an upper floor, the pressure built with every stop to take on more passengers. Finally approaching the basement floor, only himself and a very dignified, conservatively dressed elderly black Lady remaining, he could contain no longer. Managing a controlled silent release just as the doors opened, he thought he had succeeded in averting a social disaster only to have the soft spoken Lady say, “Don’t look at me White Boy, I seent ya when you tilted”.

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    That's^^^the best post I've read from you yet!

  7. #7
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    That's just a rookie move and poor planning. Unless we're talkin' 100 floors it's less than a minute for a few floors right? There's a bathroom on every floor...it it's 'peakin' then it's you take a detour and hit the head BEFORE getting on the elevator for christ-sakes!
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by OzarkFathom View Post
    Cousin related an elevator experience. He was trying to contain, until he could exit an office building, people everywhere, building internal pressure. Riding the elevator down from an upper floor, the pressure built with every stop to take on more passengers. Finally approaching the basement floor, only himself and a very dignified, conservatively dressed elderly black Lady remaining, he could contain no longer. Managing a controlled silent release just as the doors opened, he thought he had succeeded in averting a social disaster only to have the soft spoken Lady say, “Don’t look at me White Boy, I seent ya when you tilted”.
    There’s an art to the tilt to keep from being seent.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  9. #9
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    Tell her it was the jackass who got off on the fifth floor.

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    Grab your ass and run out at the next floor shouting oooohhhhhhh!
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    On a tour once many years ago, me and the lighting designer were out on a night off in a town in Germany. When we got back to the posh hotel it was late and we were starving hungry, but everything was closed there. We had a bag of german beer, but nothing to line our stomachs! We pleaded with the desk clerk to make us up a sandwich or something, or even let us into the kitchen to make something ourselves, but he basically told us to fuk off. We got in the elevator to head up, and after a few floors, the thing made a weird noise and came to a grinding stop right between floors. We tried to open the doors, shout for help, anything, but no reply. Then we got a reply on the emergency phone, and the clerk told us to wait there as the fire dept were on their way, but it might take a while to source the equipment they may need. We settled down, cracked a beer, or two, and then sparked up the huge spliff we happened to have with us. Unfortunately, this only had the effect of making us more hungry, especially as there seemed to be nowhere for the smoke to escape, so we were sitting in a fug of fragrant afghani smoke. Never has human flesh seemed so appetising... After not too long, we heard noises, and faint shouts, and we started banging on the doors. Then they opened a crack, and we saw some faces under helmets appearing in the space above us. The smoke blew out in a cloud as the air started moving, and the faces withdrew with a cough or two... eventually they got the door open enough for us to climb out, and the hotel manager was there too with the fire dept. All we could think about was food, and the certainty that NOW they would have to get us something after our ordeal! Nope, the hotel manager just told us to go back to our rooms and be thankful he didn't call the cops on us! Bastard!
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  13. #13
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    Ah, the famous German hospitality!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radium View Post
    Ah, the famous German hospitality!
    Name:  22646394017.jpg
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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radium View Post
    Ah, the famous German hospitality!
    This memory spiked another, which might explain why the hotel manager was rather hostile. The hotel in question was the old Holiday Inn in Augsburg, which was a tower structure built in the 60s. It would sway in a strong wind, which may have explained the elevator issues. It was also challenging to anyone with a sense of adventure and a death wish. Behold:

    Elevator ettiquette (aka Tales from the Elevator)-163157228.jpg

    It was fairly easy to climb up and down the outside of the hotel from balcony to balcony, and a couple of days before the elevator incident, the high rigger and I decided to prank one of our guys on a lower floor by appearing on his balcony in the night. I know we were all on floors with numbers in the double figures... We climbed down about 3 or 4 floors if I remember right, and banged on his windows to surprise him... he crapped himself. Unfortunately, on the way down, another guest had been more than a little surprised to see 2 semi-inebriated roadies shinning over his balcony, and called the manager. The same manager. He didn't know it had been me, but had a pretty shrewd idea it was one or more of the crew staying there at the time. They couldn't find us since we were outside the hotel and it was dark Also quite a long way up.
    After that episode, future touring staff used to take ropes to the hotel and rappel out of the windows for fun... I did that a couple of times too, and it was always a hoot escaping ze germans!
    It's all Here. Now.

  16. #16
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    We were out of town on a MTB trip with a group of guys, and having a good time day and night. One of my buddies is pretty tatted up including neck/throat tattoos, big guy, visually very intimidating but a genuinely good guy with a big heart.

    After returning from the bars at night, we were standing and waiting for the elevator in the hotel. A young and attractive female (too young) who had just come from the pool stepped in first, alone, and my buddy was next in line. He never budged an inch and let the doors close. He then turned and said "No way, I'm not even going in there." I just about fell on the floor laughing.
    Last edited by *OneSpeed*; 11-26-2019 at 07:26 PM.
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  17. #17
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    "........I wish the woman from the first floor warmed me the elevator smelled like that"

  18. #18
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    On the road with the band, I was about to be the last person to board a crowded elevator, when the drummer shoved me backwards with a hand on the chest, and the doors closed while he laughed at me.

    We were staying on the eighth floor, and with other people in the elevator I figured it would stop once or twice, so I hit the stairs and raced to the eight floor. I was standing in front of the doors when they opened for the drummer who had last seen me in the same position eight floors below.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    This memory spiked another, which might explain why the hotel manager was rather hostile. The hotel in question was the old Holiday Inn in Augsburg, which was a tower structure built in the 60s. It would sway in a strong wind, which may have explained the elevator issues. It was also challenging to anyone with a sense of adventure and a death wish. Behold:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	163157228.jpg 
Views:	13 
Size:	146.6 KB 
ID:	1294727

    It was fairly easy to climb up and down the outside of the hotel from balcony to balcony, and a couple of days before the elevator incident, the high rigger and I decided to prank one of our guys on a lower floor by appearing on his balcony in the night. I know we were all on floors with numbers in the double figures... We climbed down about 3 or 4 floors if I remember right, and banged on his windows to surprise him... he crapped himself. Unfortunately, on the way down, another guest had been more than a little surprised to see 2 semi-inebriated roadies shinning over his balcony, and called the manager. The same manager. He didn't know it had been me, but had a pretty shrewd idea it was one or more of the crew staying there at the time. They couldn't find us since we were outside the hotel and it was dark Also quite a long way up.
    After that episode, future touring staff used to take ropes to the hotel and rappel out of the windows for fun... I did that a couple of times too, and it was always a hoot escaping ze germans!
    That looks like a structure that might encourage leaping.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vader View Post
    Confucious say, elevator smells different to midget.
    And man who farts in church sits in his own pew...
    You didn't quit riding because you're old, you're old because you quit riding.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by OzarkFathom View Post
    Cousin related an elevator experience. He was trying to contain, until he could exit an office building, people everywhere, building internal pressure. Riding the elevator down from an upper floor, the pressure built with every stop to take on more passengers. Finally approaching the basement floor, only himself and a very dignified, conservatively dressed elderly black Lady remaining, he could contain no longer. Managing a controlled silent release just as the doors opened, he thought he had succeeded in averting a social disaster only to have the soft spoken Lady say, “Don’t look at me White Boy, I seent ya when you tilted”.
    Awesome story!
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    Quote Originally Posted by *OneSpeed* View Post
    We were out of town on a MTB trip with a group of guys, and having a good time day and night. One of my buddies is pretty tatted up including neck/throat tattoos, big guy, visually very intimidating but a genuinely good guy with a big heart.

    After returning from the bars at night, we were standing and waiting for the elevator in the hotel. A young and attractive female (too young) who had just come from the pool stepped in first, alone, and my buddy was next in line. He never budged an inch and let the doors close. He then turned and said "No way, I'm not even going in there." I just about fell on the floor laughing.
    Funny, wise choice, she would have been shitting her bikini bottoms had he stepped in.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  23. #23
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    I used to like to get on a crowded elevator and not turn around.
    Fun to watch the reactions.....

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Repack Rider View Post
    I was standing in front of the doors when they opened for the drummer who had last seen me in the same position eight floors below.
    When I was at college there were about six of us got on the same train home. Every day I'd run down the long staircase to the platform while they walked down. Every day they'd laugh when they got to the bottom of the stairs and I was sitting there.

    Until the day I ran down to find a train at the platform! I smugly waved out of the window as the train pulled out and my friends ran across the platform looking gutted. One win out of dozens of tries, but it was totally worth it.

  25. #25
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    Oh sorry, this is a lift thread. Sorry elevator thread! Don't have any good stories then :0(

    Not a great story but years ago my mother and father in law were away somewhere for the weekend. My mother in law got into the hotel lift to come down from her room and was chatting in the lift to a man in a bright Union Jack jacket. She had no idea who he was but found out later it was David Hasselhoff who has appearing on The X Factor at the time.

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