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  1. #1
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    New question here. Is it 'Domestic Violence' if I Beat the Shlt out of my Roommate?

    I mean holy fcuk!
    the dood is 23 years old and cannot rinse a dish to save his life.

    I use a pot, a dish, a fork - I'm done, I rinse it, stack it - done.
    He: two full sides of the sink rotting and smelling.
    If there is trash, especially a meat package - leave it for a week - stank! - conversely, I immediately take it out to the bin.

    Washer/Dryer - wash 4 loads at once? shooooooor why not?
    I got fed up once and asked why did he never clear the 'lint screen' (which I do every load) and responded, "what's that?"

    Back to kitchen, fire up the blender @ 5:30am on a Sat? shoor, why the fuk not. Spray juices up on the cupboard doors and let it sit for a week? great .

    Come home and put chicken in a pan and crank up the stove - pass out , and play dumb when I wake up to a house filled with smoke 3 feet thick? why not. - (seriously it was ..the smoke detector was dead, but the house had to air for 2 weeks)

    How awesome is it when the landlord (owner of the house) comes over, and the sink smells like shlt because I refuse to clean up after another grown man.

    How cool is it to be...'oh, sorry your house is crap - it's not me, its him' - when him has never even met the owners.
    (I'm the only rep the landlords have met, and I'm not a snitch, but at the same time, some how he is never available)

    Since Sept,... never mowed the lawn,
    taken out the trash (to the street)
    recycle bin too
    kept a clean kitchen ever
    scrubbed the toilet
    washed the tub

    Then the 'straw'...

    he messaged me on Facebook, if rent was $300 or $350 (he has lived here since Sept)
    300 or 350???!! (I can't figure out how to capitalize numbers!) we live in a decent neighborhood, all utils are covered under rent - it's 350 flat....that's it - and this dood can't even remember how good he has got it? (a full 3bdr house - refurnished kitchen, windows, HVAC, garage, lawn)

    So.. anyone got an alibi for me?
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  2. #2
    Suckin wind like a boss
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    350? are you high?



    oh wait...
    If you arent bleeding, you arent riding hard enough.
    http://about.me/bigterry

    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    I don't need sex. My life fvcks me daily.

  3. #3
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    Tell him you'll cook next time. Step one cook up some food. Step two buy the biggest box of Dulcolax Laxative tablets and crush those bad boys up. All of them. Mix in his serving. Step three eat. Step four, wait for the funniest crap you've ever seen. Step five, remove shower head an insert chicken boullion cubes. Step six, after he shlts his pants he'll want to take a shower. Step seven as he jumps out take a frying pan and slam it into his face. Step eight, Call landlord have him evicted. Step nine, Get new roommate.

  4. #4
    Suckin wind like a boss
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    is this your roommate highdelll?

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fY3Q6SlXmZY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    If you arent bleeding, you arent riding hard enough.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    I don't need sex. My life fvcks me daily.

  5. #5
    Formerly mtbnoobadam
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    You could grow up and be big boy and get a place of your own.

  6. #6
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    Ah, the shitty roommate syndrome... I know what you're dealing with, highdelll. I posted this to my Facebook towards the end of fall semester (hidden from him and his girlfriend, but visible to everyone else in the hall).

    When your roommate is a certified self-centered *******....
    When he sleeps all day, and then works on homework all night. This includes the desk lamp that lights up the entire room, as well as the tap-tap-tapping of the keyboard. There is a study room down the hall for this exact reason, *******. It's why I'm never in the room, because I have the courtesy to not be in the room and make noise while you're trying to sleep. Even though it is the middle of the afternoon.
    When he doesn't do jackshit for the room, even though he's the one who spends the most time in it. Ever wonder why the trash is piling so high? It's because I've ****ing had it with you not doing jackshit for the room. You use toilet paper. Everyone does. So why the **** have you not bought a single ****ing roll for the room all ****ing semester? That food that I bought. You didn't pay for it. So why are you eating it and inviting others to do the same. Ever wonder why it's now in my desk?

    This and a million other reasons, keep it up *******. I've been having a grand ol' time trying to sleep for the past two ****ing hours, because I was doing homework elsewhere last night until six-thirty in the ****ing morning.

    Oh yes, can't forget about the alarms that go off all night, at the randomest times. They wake up the other two roommates just fine. Except the ******* just sleeps right through them. If they do wake him up, he shuts them off after a minute and goes right back to ****ing sleep.
    And then my roommate commented -- he slept on the bottom bunk, shitty roommate was on the top.

    Too bad he has a girlfriend that sleeps here almost every night, and since im on the bed below them I can feel it every time they move. Not to mention them talking all night, until they fall asleep right before the alarm goes off. Who sets an alarm for 5 in the morning, sleep through it for half an hour until I had to wake him up because I had to be up until 3:30 and wanted some sleep? And then he sets his snooze for another half hour and goes back to sleep.
    ... Yeah, we were kinda fed up with this dude.

    So, long story short, we talked with him about everything that he was doing that irritated us. Rather than changing his un-roommate-like behaviors, he took to doing as he had always done, but with his girlfriend in her room down the hall. I think he slept in our room once during the entire spring semester.

    You gotta talk to this dude, 'delll. Tell him what's up with his shitty behavior. If that doesn't work, try to meet with the landlord to see if you can't have this dude evicted.
    Sometimes, I question the value of my content.

  7. #7
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    Highdell, my solution is to screw with the roommate's bed.

    Clean up, but put all dirty dishes and trash he is reponsible to clean in his bed.

    I had a roommate in college who would get wasted nightly and then wake me up by vomiting in his own bed. The smell would then keep me up and I'd have to sleep on a friend's couch. I started putting itching powder between his sheets. He'd come home sweaty drunk (he was a fat guy) and his open pores were a perfect vessel for that itching powder. I was on the verge of adding powdered milk to the mix so he'd smell like sour milk, too.

    I also started screwing with his schedule of bringing drunk freshman girls to the room to take advantage of them. I'd stick around and make him horribly uncomfortable. I got good at it and made some very thankful friends along the way.

    After less than one semester of that, he dropped out of school. I got the room all to myself for the rest of the year. Peace and quiet. After that, I was ruthless towards future roommates if they were bad ones.

  8. #8
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    ^^ I need good devious plans - Itching powder is a start - I'd like something really clever...
    I'm kinda smart, I may think of something, but...I know the MASS that is 'Off-Camber', can really cook something up
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  9. #9
    the half breed devil
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    you will be charged with whatever you do to him if the cops have to come.

    trust me on this...

  10. #10
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    if you give him laxatives, sounds like he'll crap all over the place and not clean it
    fap

  11. #11
    rho
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    Its only domestic violence if you two are sharing a bed!


    Although I'm sure its just plain ol assault in your situation! I'm sure it is warnted, but.. just sayin.
    Gotta *love* having roommates.

    Sounds like you are need of a long talk with that guy and maybe he needs a wakeup call that if he's renting space from someone else there has to be respect for the other people living in the house. If he can't show that level of respect after explaining that to him... it sounds like time to show him to the curb.

    Also, I'm jelly of your 350$ rent. Fawker.

    Sent by smoke signal

  12. #12
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    Had a roomate during college for 2 years. Once I had to call the ambulance for him. He had a very large (300lbs) girl he would bring back to..anyway, he got real bad heat stroke having his head being between her...anyway I asked him why he didn't say something to her before he almost died. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. Sorta OT but interesting. He never brought anybody good to the apartment he didn't pay for.

    He never did dishes, never did laundry, and always ate spaghetti sauce. Took me a couple of years to eat sauce again. But he covered my rent when I was short so I said nothing. He was also good for comedy like the fat girl. He was 22 or so then and he is 50 now and same sh!t still goes on. Never married.
    lean forward

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    if you give him laxatives, sounds like he'll crap all over the place and not clean it
    good call nicole

    I'll give him laxatives - then lock him OUT of the house
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  14. #14
    Sweep the leg!
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    Yes, it is domestic violence. You don't even have to a couple or be male/female for that. You don't even have to physically touch him for it to be considered an offense.

    Many years ago I shared an apartment with 2 other guys. One of them sounds like he's related to your roomie. We got sick of him so we packed his junk up and moved it to his GF's place. His name wasn't on the lease so it was easy. He was pissed off but he brought it on himself.
    Authorities speculate that speed may have been a factor. They are also holding gravity and inertia for questioning.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by rho View Post
    Also, I'm jelly of your 350$ rent. Fawker.
    it's pretty sweet
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  16. #16
    meow meow
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    i pay 80 bucks more than that for my half of the rent of a little one bedroom apartment at college, lucky.

  17. #17
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    i used to be messier, but now that i own a place, i'm suddenly more anal about it.

    years ago, my mom was unsatisfied with how well i cleaned up carrot shavings. She ended up dumping them on my pillow and head while i was sleeping.
    thats always an option
    fap

  18. #18
    "2 Wycked"
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    Hide in his bedroom then wait for him to come in, then blow his brains out. Place the gun in his hand, make sure to rub some of the powder residue from your hand on to his hand because they will definitely due a paraffin test to make sure he did in fact commit suicide. Wait for the body to be removed then take his sh*t to the dump and viola, problem solved.
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  19. #19
    AZ
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    Get that cannibal guy to do you a solid.

  20. #20
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    ...pass the salt... (burp)<BURP>

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  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by rho View Post
    Its only domestic violence if you two are sharing a bed!

    Although I'm sure its just plain ol assault in your situation! I'm sure it is warnted, but.. just sayin.
    Not necessarily true.

    Some states may be different, but in my state, all you have to do is live in the same house hold for it to be domestic violence. Not related, not sexual partners, not in a relationship, just share a house hold.

    Now while I am pretty sure highdell is just being facetious, domestic violence on your record is not a joke. It can really screw you up big time...can't own a firearm, get a hunting license, prevent you from getting jobs, ect.
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  22. #22
    Suckin wind like a boss
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    Quote Originally Posted by AZ.MTNS View Post
    Get that cannibal guy to do you a solid.

    winner. /thread
    If you arent bleeding, you arent riding hard enough.
    http://about.me/bigterry

    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    I don't need sex. My life fvcks me daily.

  23. #23
    STEEL IS REAL
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    All bets are off behind closed doors, so have at it. Get'em with a left upper cut to the diaphram. He'll drop like an H-bomb.
    life is... "All About Bikes"...

  24. #24
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by big terry View Post
    winner. /thread
    i second that motion...

  25. #25
    STEEL IS REAL
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    if you give him laxatives, sounds like he'll crap all over the place and not clean it
    life is... "All About Bikes"...

  26. #26
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    Roofies and sodmomy?
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  27. #27
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    Highdelll's new nickname is "Mommy".

    Next time, put the lease in your name and sublease to them. Evict as necessary. Isn't the semester almost over now at Chico State?

  28. #28
    Sweep the leg!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    Roofies and sodmomy?

    No lube?
    Authorities speculate that speed may have been a factor. They are also holding gravity and inertia for questioning.

  29. #29
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    Just make him move out. EZPZ.

  30. #30
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    Have you tried peeing on him in the shower?
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by pointerDixie214 View Post
    Just make him move out. EZPZ.
    K...

    dunno why I never thought of that

    thanks!
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  32. #32
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    Go h o mo on him and make him uncomfortable so that he moves out on his own accord.
    Of course it could back fire and turns out he has a thing for you after all.

  33. #33
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    Have you tried peeing on him in the shower?


    really? i mean, really? why not just pee in his bed when he's not at home?

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post


    really? i mean, really? why not just pee in his bed when he's not at home?
    It would work better is Highdelll pee'd on him while he is in his bed.
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  35. #35
    Bro
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caffeine Powered View Post
    No lube?


    Sometimes, I question the value of my content.

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caffeine Powered View Post
    No lube?
    if no lube, I was thinking something like this
    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cd50N9AqpI4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  37. #37
    rebmem rbtm
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    Wait for him to finish at the dinner. Then politely ask him to take the dishes to the sink. When he bends over the sink, grab him from behind and politely proceed to rape him.
    It usually works.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by highdelll View Post
    K...

    dunno why I never thought of that

    thanks!
    Sorry, was thinking maybe he was renting a room in your house... not that you were both renting rooms in someone else's house.

    In this case, have you tried having a very direct conversation with the dude? May seem like stating the obvious.. and I am not opposed to the antics and pranks... but I would at least try this first.

    All that said... I am so happy I don't have roommates any more. Except for my wife. But if I make her leave she gets half our stuff. So that would suck.

  39. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by pointerDixie214 View Post
    Sorry, was thinking maybe he was renting a room in your house... not that you were both renting rooms in someone else's house.

    In this case, have you tried having a very direct conversation with the dude? May seem like stating the obvious.. and I am not opposed to the antics and pranks... but I would at least try this first.

    All that said... I am so happy I don't have roommates any more. Except for my wife. But if I make her leave she gets half our stuff. So that would suck.
    yes - I have man - in the most diplomatic way that's in my genes - I have made some progress, but the level of shlt I should even have to put up with from a grown adult is...retarded
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  40. #40
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    Just start cleaning the bathroom with his toothbrush, take his clothes out of the washer and leave them on the floor, put the dishes in his bed, if he has a problem tell him too call his mom so she can come and clean up after him, that's how it all started anyway.

  41. #41
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    I have #1. Good for mind tricks. #2 is similar. #4 is a little mind trick-ish. #3 is just downright mean.

  42. #42
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    Is it 'Domestic Violence' if I Beat the Shlt out of my Roommate?





    Not if you have really angry make up sex afterwards.

  43. #43
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    You are way too old for a rommate highdell. You need a wife instead. Then you won't have any more problems!

  44. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by juancho142 View Post
    Wait for him to finish at the dinner. Then politely ask him to take the dishes to the sink. When he bends over the sink, grab him from behind and politely proceed to rape him.
    It usually works.
    That should frighten him into another rental property.

    If swexshil abuse is out of the question, leaving odd items scattered about may make him uncomfortable enough to the point of moving. Ghey pron, serial killer reading materials and how-to manuals, vaseline and tissues, gun shell casings, and whatnot.
    You can't get a suntan on the moon...

  45. #45
    Chubby Chaser
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    He probably grew up with a mom that would always clean up after him. That is why I would NEVER have a random roommate. It completely baffles me when people search for roommates on craigslist. I've been fortunate enough to never having to live with a roommate, but I've heard plenty of horror stories from friends.

    Usually it's the same two complaints: 1) Not cleaning after themselves 2) Eating their foods.

    I suggest you kick him out or move yourself out of there.

  46. #46
    since 4/10/2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crankout View Post
    That should frighten him into another rental property.

    If swexshil abuse is out of the question, leaving odd items scattered about may make him uncomfortable enough to the point of moving. Ghey pron, serial killer reading materials and how-to manuals, vaseline and tissues, gun shell casings, and whatnot.
    I bet Dion could hook him up with shell casings of many different calibers.

  47. #47
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    confront directly or...


  48. #48
    Bro Mountainbiker
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    My roommate is just as bad as your except worse. Just as messy and filthy. Leaves raw meat packaging all over the kitchen, sticky **** all over the counters, dirty dishes in the sink and all over the kitchen. Old rotten food in the fridge...

    He is homosexual and is always bringing home different guys that are drunk, gay, and annoying.

    He is also a filthy pervert. I walked in on him butt ass naked in the living room masturbating out the window at people by the pool. Not ****ing cool bro! Especially after 2 weeks of living together.

    And he also hits on me and checks me out in my lyrca.

    One of these days Im going to kick his ass....
    At least I move out in 1 and a half months.

    Word to the wise, Dont ever find a roommate on Craigslist!
    Raised in a Chicken-Coop by Chickens

  49. #49
    since 4/10/2009
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    I have a gay friend who had the worst roommate as a freshman in college.

    Dude ran a porn piracy business out of their dorm room. 24/7 porno movies going as they were copied. He smuggled cocaine onto campus by having stuffed animals filled with coffee beans to hide the drugs shipped to his campus PO Box. Cleaned up after jerking off with my friend's notebooks and planners.

  50. #50
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    I did this to a "friend" we let stay with us. He wasnt near as bad as your room mate but he continuously did little annoying things that drove me nuts. Biggest pet peeve was he was living in our house rent free and would bring friends and girlfriends over unannounced and while we werent home. Im sorry but if im helping you out by giving you a place to stay until you get your **** together you can have the common courtesy to let me know youre bringing someone into my home, with my belongings and my animals.

    When hes not home go into his bedroom. Take apart one side of his bedframe and proceed to elevate one side slightly. Stack washers underneath it or adjust the height on one side if its adjustable. It doesnt take much. He'll end up rolling off into the floor in his sleep. The house we were living in had hardwood floors so the "thump" in the middle of the night was quite satisfying.
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  51. #51
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    So did you every beat up your roommate?

  52. #52
    Self Appointed Judge&Jury
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    He's been doing time for it since 2012.
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  53. #53
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    What search term did you even use to dredge up this thread?

  54. #54
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    google fu skills and persistance to delve definitely deeper than page 1
    I don't know why,... it's just MUSS easier to pedal than the other ones.

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