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  1. #1
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    Desperately in need of suggestions....

    Ive been noticing myself becoming increasingly stressed and irritable over the last few months. Its really starting to affect my work, my school, and my marriage. I need suggestions on what to do to get out of slump before I destroy something I really care about. What do you guys do aside from going riding to put your mind back together. Ive been working low man on the totem pole jobs since I was 18 and trying to go to school when I could which hasnt been easy and hasnt been the greatest way to go about it. Id appreciate keeping the judgement to yourselves but im 27 and have less than an associates worth of college finished. Im married (quite happily I might add) with no kids. Im really just feeling like im in a complete rut so if anyone older, wiser, or just more intelligent has a suggestion on what move to make next id surely appreciate it.
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  2. #2
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    Change something, anything as long as it is a change for the positive. I'll also echo CHUM's advice of finishing school asap.

  3. #3
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    The only thing that has consistently relieved stress for me is exercise. Sometimes it's all-out balls-to-the-walls running or anything to the point of exhaustion. Biking, running, pull-ups, push-ups, they all help. And, if I fall out of my regular exercise routine I notice I become grumpy and unable to handle the stress the way I do when I'm exercising regularly.

  4. #4
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    1. you're not alone.

    2. figure out a jumpstart of sorts (vacation, achievable goals, new project)...something to get excited about - and discuss with your wife.


    that's what I do anyhoo....


    and my .02 - see what you and your wife can do about getting you thru school pronto - the longer it drags on the more of an anchor it feels like.



    * please note....i am older, but probably not wiser *
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  5. #5
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    I definitely agree with getting school done with ASAP.

    if that means stopping entirely and pursuing a new career path, then so be it. where I am studying now, I run across a lot of adults much older than you changing gears to do what they want.

    if you're motivated to earn a degree, then I suggest doing what's necessary to get the degree done. whatever it is, it will help you get out of the "low man on the totem pole" jobs.

  6. #6
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    In my first marriage, we were married with no kids and no plans on having any. I was your age. That marriage crashed and burned within a couple of years, and I happily filed divorce against her (cheating ways).

    I'm on #2 with a mature, intelligent woman, and we had the "kids talk" two years. We believe this was the best thing to do to get to the "next level".

    I'm 10 years older than you and in the last, I'd say, three years, life has come into focus. I no longer feel I'm floating - and I've committed to seeking the "next level" - and I've also discovered that the "next level" cannot be money driven. But, once you nail down what it is you're looking for, money is a big factor - so you can't disregard how important it is. Therefore, you have to improve yourself to make more money, and therefore opening up the path towards that "next level". Let's be honest, money is necessary for any goal, unless your goal is to be a religious figure. In this country, education equates to a higher paying job for the most part - and this doesn't always mean academic education. It can be in the trades, as well.

    You should to talk to your wife and see what your goals are, as a couple. Have the "kids talk", even if you feel you're not ready right now. Don't be vague about where you want to be, be specific. Don't do the "If it happens, well... it happens". Ask her what her goals are and see how it compliments yours. If your goals don't compliment each other, then you may have a problem.

    Depending on what she wants to do, pursuing your education may not vibe with what she wants to do. Continuing education helps, but isn't always the cure to a much deeper problem.

    I have two college degrees, graduated *** Laude, and have dozens of dusty plaques, certificates, recognitions, and medals on my office walls. They don't mean squat to me considering what my current life goals are. In fact, sometimes I get mad at myself being so decorated and comparing it to my income. I should be making $400K a year based on my accolades.

    There is nothing worse than "floating" through life. This can give you a feeling of no purpose and no future. Specific goals with timelines helps, but you really ought to see what you two, as a couple, have in mind. Once you set that "next level" goal, all else follows behind and supports that.

    Currently I am so motivated to increase my income with my business, I am working 6-7 days a week, and enthusiastic about it (weird feeling to be happy about work). I'd like to give myself a 20% raise with my business in the next two years. I've done it before (for other reasons) and I will do it again. But... this is all due to the fact that I want to be a Dad, and want to have the funds to support this. Everything compliments everything.

    Sometimes you're ahead.
    Sometimes you're behind.
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    You will stop if you lose sight of the finish line.

  7. #7
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    Defiantly not alone here. I'm 28, went through a horrible divorce last year and pretty much lost everything. Gained some weight due to the stress and due to this have become quiet the a$$hole towards people that rub me the wrong way now. Sense I got out of the military I found one job and was recently let go. Luckily I've finished College so I have a good resume to back me up to get another one but, first in foremost finish school. Second what causes you to become stressed out? For me anything that gets me away from it all helps me out. IE -lifting, running, biking, hiking, anything that keeps my attention busy and away from all the other Shlt that goes on in my life. Yes, I've been to anger management, "the wizard" or doctor for help. Neither helped. I don't believe meds or anything like that will fix the problem, they subside it and hide it. The best thing I've done is suck it the f-up and do me (i'm single). For you see what you and your wife can do to help you. She's your partner, your best friend, your wife. It takes two to make a marriage work. You need to find out what your problems are with stress or anger and what makes them tick. For example look at the mountain of crap you have to deal with and concur one section at a time. Don't look at the whole thing because that will further add stress to what your problems are. Set short term goals. If your in a rut, say f you rut and work over it not around it. Best of luck. -Hutch
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  8. #8
    Axe
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Ive been noticing myself becoming increasingly stressed and irritable over the last few months.
    Get kids. Then you would not have time to sulk.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    Defiantly not alone here. I'm 28, went through a horrible divorce last year and pretty much lost everything.
    Count your blessings. Next time you go at it, you just would not give a rat's ass anymore.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axe View Post
    Count your blessings. Next time you go at it, you just would not give a rat's ass anymore.
    Unless I move out of this State I'm staying single. I'm telling ya there is something in this water that makes women "off camber" if you know what I'm saying.
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    Haha, this is sadly hilarious. I felt like I was in the same rut for the past couple of years, and it turned out that my wife had been cheating on me for a year (I'm 31). This was a total shock to me, because I thought everything was going fine. I don't know if it's just marrying too young, the current times (I'm pretty sure facebook isn't doing anything to help people feel content with their lives), or just the fact that b!tches be trippin'. Luckily, I'm not in the same position as Hutch (she was pretty good about letting me keep all my stuff).

    What I do know, though, is that you need something to work towards. You need a goal, a scheme, or at least a diversion. You need a project. It doesn't matter if it's going back to school, having kids, or even something simple like building a single speed. You need something to keep yourself going.

  11. #11
    Axe
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    Unless I move out of this State I'm staying single. I'm telling ya there is something in this water that makes women "off camber" if you know what I'm saying.
    I have no idea. My first and my second wives are both not American (neither am I) and both as off camber as it gets. Which is fine with me - I do not give a rat's ass anymore. I gave it the first time around.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axe View Post
    I have no idea. My first and my second wives are both not American (neither am I) and both as off camber as it gets. Which is fine with me - I do not give a rat's ass anymore. I gave it the first time around.
    Ain't that the truth.
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  13. #13
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    I dont know your financial situation but if you can pull off school full time and only have one source of income (or work part time to help out) then I would suggest that..... or at least try to get school done as fast as possible as many have suggested here. Once that is out of the way you will be able to pursue a career and not just a job. You have a good girl (or so it seems from your post) so I would highly suggest doing anything and everything to bring your stressors down and keep things happy at home. I know that some of my worst times are when the misses and I are not getting along.... just makes life even tougher than it already is.

    Good luck man and go out and ride..... nothin like two wheels and some dirt.

  14. #14
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    First let me offer my condolences for the stress, anger, and depression., it is no joke.

    Without detailing my personal philosophy (as this would distract from my main point), through discipline and routine reading and praying, I systematically programmed my mind to obey my will. This awarded me with patience, self control, and a deep sense of peace and heightened awareness and the days began to cycle in a rhythmic flow.

    I know this sounds corny and flat out stupid to some, but the sum of a person is that which they think. Prayer and meditation are a way to train the minds focus on those virtues and attributes which one aspires to emanate/ emulate . Whatever you believe, when you practice it everything else takes care of itself.

    Thereís a good book on meditation titled Meditation by Eknath Easwaran that teaches the mechanics of meditation applicable to whatever belief system one subscribes to. If your short on funds PM me and I'll mail you my copy.

    Sorry if this isnít helpful or is offensive, but neither meds nor toughing it out worked for me, the above did. Perhaps the alternative is routine visits to Crazy's thread

  15. #15
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    Crazy's thread is like visual medicine. Makes me laugh and forget **** sucks a big one.

  16. #16
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    Try a new hobby. Seriously. Don't stop biking but find something else (something new) that you're excited about and maybe develop a passion for. When I was about your age I had been riding a ton, racing, and was generally in a rut - not just riding but in life. I needed something new. Anything I could get excited about. For you it might be something else, but for me it was whitewater kayaking. I was hooked and its been my passion for 20 years now. So much so that for quite a few years I really didn't even ride, but now I'm back to a healthy and enjoyable mix of the two. Something new, exciting, maybe a little scary, might be just what you need.
    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Ive been noticing myself becoming increasingly stressed and irritable over the last few months. Its really starting to affect my work, my school, and my marriage. I need suggestions on what to do to get out of slump before I destroy something I really care about. What do you guys do aside from going riding to put your mind back together. Ive been working low man on the totem pole jobs since I was 18 and trying to go to school when I could which hasnt been easy and hasnt been the greatest way to go about it. Id appreciate keeping the judgement to yourselves but im 27 and have less than an associates worth of college finished. Im married (quite happily I might add) with no kids. Im really just feeling like im in a complete rut so if anyone older, wiser, or just more intelligent has a suggestion on what move to make next id surely appreciate it.
    My advice is seek the advice of a guidance councilor. It might help if you knew what you wanted to do when you grow up. If you do then seek the advice of a career councilor. Have them help you reach your career goals. If your insurance covers it perhaps seek the advice of a psychologist, get the bottom of what is stressing you out. A lot of time insurances do cover this.

    If that doesn't work, maybe get a new bike. Order something custom, that way you have to wait. Then set a goal to complete by the time the bike comes, an epic race or a weight loss gain or a fitness goal or learn to speak a foreign language or whatever. I work best when I have a palpable deadline for something. It is like bathing suit season but better because when it comes you have a new bike.
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  18. #18
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    My response is slow coming, sorry. Until then, read Bowling Alone. Understand you're not alone despite the soul-crushing aloneness. Try and figure out how to combat that feeling and busy yourself with activities to keep your mind off everything. I trend towards drugs and alcohol; while simple in solution, there's no permenence. It's my rut and I know it happens but I've accepted it as nature and tend to move along that path. I dislike it but am not concerned with changing it, don't move down it though. If there are good thing in your life it ruins them quick.

  19. #19
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    don't be so hard on yourself... you got quite alot going for you...

    -your young
    -you can do a complete 180 in your career path/ learn a trade/start your own biz
    -you can move anywhere you want
    -you got no kids (kids are a pain in the arse, people with kids are lying how great it is)
    -your getting laid on a regular basis
    -you ride a mountain bike





    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Ive been noticing myself becoming increasingly stressed and irritable over the last few months. Its really starting to affect my work, my school, and my marriage. I need suggestions on what to do to get out of slump before I destroy something I really care about. What do you guys do aside from going riding to put your mind back together. Ive been working low man on the totem pole jobs since I was 18 and trying to go to school when I could which hasnt been easy and hasnt been the greatest way to go about it. Id appreciate keeping the judgement to yourselves but im 27 and have less than an associates worth of college finished. Im married (quite happily I might add) with no kids. Im really just feeling like im in a complete rut so if anyone older, wiser, or just more intelligent has a suggestion on what move to make next id surely appreciate it.
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  20. #20
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    Thanks for the advice guys. By the way I wouldnt really say im depressed. Im really honestly pretty happy with my life. I have (IMO at least) a nice car, a nice house, a gorgeous wife, two dogs I wouldnt trade the world for, and a really supportive family. Im just bored with life and it doesnt give me any motivation to do anything worthwhile. For those of you that have mentioned kids, my wifes ready.....more than ready. Im not quite sure I am however. Again, thanks for the the advice. I applied for a few jobs out of state last night. My wife and decided living here for this long is the first thing we need to change. Wish me luck.
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  21. #21
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  22. #22
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    Good luck SuperSlow35th.

    If the school isn't your thing (it might be, but sounds like if it's taken you this long it isn't a priority), have you thought about trade school?

    I have a Master's Degree (MBA)and my wife is a Doctor (DVM). We are both happy with our careers. BUT, I will say that I think American society places too high an importance on book learning. I sometimes wish I would have learned a trade instead. I have a lot of friends that are blue collar. They are the hardest working, and happiest friends I have. And some of them make a crap load more money than I do.

    Bottom line... take a step back. Figure out what it is you want to do for a career and then get the education needed to get there. Don't just complete school just to complete it. It is very difficult to do well in school when you aren't working directly toward a specific (and important) goal.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    For those of you that have mentioned kids, my wifes ready.....more than ready. Im not quite sure I am however.
    The sooner you start, the sooner you are out. I wish I had kids at 20 - I would have been giving less of a damn, and they would be finishing college by now. And it is just healthier for a woman.

  24. #24
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    I was suffering from depression, felt exhausted all the time, no interest in anything, couldn't pay attention in school and constantly fell asleep. I finally went to the doctor and he immediately thought it was a thyroid issue. Did blood work and everything came back perfect. Did some more testing and checking into things and finally decided it was adult ADD-I and possible narcolepsy. Put me on Methylphenidate (Ritalin) and things have improved quite a bit over the last 3 weeks. So, even though it could be your current life situation, it also may be medical. It might be worth a chat with your doc. I know that nothing I tried got me out of my funk until the meds. I'm hoping that after some time I can resume a normal life without them, but honestly, if I need to take them to stay where I'm at now, so be it. It doesn't hurt either that today was my last day of class until June, them one month more of class and I graduate at 36 years old and can start my new career.
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  25. #25
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    I'll look into it but as a "diagnosee" of juvenile ADHD I believe ADD and ADHD to be a joke in the medical community and an excuse for kids being kids. Not trying to be an ass thats just how I feel. If the medicine helps you and you feel as if you need then by all means do what you need to do. I just dont feel its for me. However, im going to the doctor next week as ive been having chest and left arm pains for a couple of months (doesnt seem to be heart or lungs as exercise doesnt aggrevate it) so Ill speak with him.
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  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    Ive been noticing myself becoming increasingly stressed and irritable over the last few months. Its really starting to affect my work, my school, and my marriage. I need suggestions on what to do to get out of slump before I destroy something I really care about. What do you guys do aside from going riding to put your mind back together. Ive been working low man on the totem pole jobs since I was 18 and trying to go to school when I could which hasnt been easy and hasnt been the greatest way to go about it. Id appreciate keeping the judgement to yourselves but im 27 and have less than an associates worth of college finished. Im married (quite happily I might add) with no kids. Im really just feeling like im in a complete rut so if anyone older, wiser, or just more intelligent has a suggestion on what move to make next id surely appreciate it.
    There's always gonna be ups and downs in life, marriage, and work. Just remember above all else that you are loved by important people who depend on you to complete their lives.

    Think of the good times in your past. They will be here again with you one day.

    Reward yourself for all of your hard work and effort. Make sure to do whatever gives you relief from the rigors of life as regularly as possible.

    I sometimes wonder if my life would have been different if I would have made a left turn instead of a right on any given street, on any given day in my past? The answer is that it may well have turned out better, but it may well have also turned out worse.

    Hang in there bud!
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  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    I'll look into it but as a "diagnosee" of juvenile ADHD I believe ADD and ADHD to be a joke in the medical community and an excuse for kids being kids. Not trying to be an ass thats just how I feel. If the medicine helps you and you feel as if you need then by all means do what you need to do. I just dont feel its for me. However, im going to the doctor next week as ive been having chest and left arm pains for a couple of months (doesnt seem to be heart or lungs as exercise doesnt aggrevate it) so Ill speak with him.
    No, I totally understand and I agree 100%, when it's dealing with kids. I'm 36 years old and I don't have ADHD. I have ADD-I which is Attention Deficit Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive. In short, it's the opposite of hyperactive. That's why I was always sleeping, depressed, no energy even though I'd sleep 12-14 hours a day, loss of interest, weight gain, ect. I also had the chest pains and heart arrhythmia and underwent cardiac stress testing to rule out heart issues. I hope this isn't the case with you, but I just wanted to give you a possible medical reason why you are having your issues. If you are talking to your doctor anyways, might be worth a mention if for no other reason, to rule it out.

    But ADHD, I agree that it's a crock of sht in most cases and sadly it seems over the last 10 years bipolar disorder is starting to take over as the new juvenile affliction, which is also a bunch of garbage.
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  28. #28
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    Superslow--many good suggestions are made above. Reaching out to people is an excellent start. Seeking professional support is a good idea too, particularly if you have insurance to help with the costs.

    "Stuff" isn't going to help you. It will never be enough. Religion, exercise, meditation, ... all may be more effective. They also don't create other sources of tension, notably financial.

    Kids--this is one of the best parts of my life. We have 4 boys (soon to be 13 down to 3). We both entered marriage wanting kids and discussed kids while dating. I have married friends that never had these conversations or were waiting for _________ (financial responsibility, career, whatever you want to fill in the blank). There are some times that are wrong to have kids; but I'm not sure there is a right time.

    College--this is a tough one. Seems like you have to have a degree to do anything anymore, but you will only succeed in finishing if you do it for yourself (or others close to you). You will really have to want it, and then be prepared to make it work for you.

    Hormones-welcome to the change in metabolism and the start of the decline of testosterone and other hormonal changes. Changes in testosterone levels certainly can have an effect on your mood. If these changes are very noticeable, you may want to see your primary care physician with referral to an endocrinologist. Assuming you are normal, you might have to make some slight changes to diet and get plenty of exercise. Sex is good too.

    Vacation--someone once told me you have to take a 2 week vacation at a minimum to relax. I've done this a couple of times and it is so true. It takes about a week to unwind and then the real rejuvenation begins. This can be financially problematic, particularly if you don't get paid time off, but you can go cheap. Sleeping in a tent in state parks is great. Life will slow way down and you'll meet great people.

    Pick a mantra-- I use "I never did mind about the little things" (quote from Point of No Return). I have to deal with a fair amount of "crap" at work. There is plenty of stress and long hours. Somethings you have to just let slide. A saying you can recant helps.

    So that is all I have for now. Best to you.

  29. #29
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    I like "**** it" personally.

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by monzie View Post
    I like "**** it" personally.
    And if everything else fails, there is always...
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    Ya know the military isn't desperate but perhaps looking into the guard or reserves would be a good idea

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    I have no desire to join the military, period. If they ever restart the draft and im expected to fight for my country I will do so. But voluntarily they can kiss my ass. I live within 15 minutes of an air force base. Both sets of my grandparents retired from the airforce. I have plenty of friends in the military, most of which are on their way out and wouldnt do it again regardless of money. One of them is a career military man and loves his job. Of which I applaud him because their are very few people anymore that love their jobs.
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