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  1. #1
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    Caution;  Merge;  Workers Ahead! Existential (mtb) crisis

    Background: I have been riding for 10 years more or less. In that period I came off trying to do a jump without knowing any proper technique and broke my collarbone. That was about 8 years ago. I needed surgery and was off work for two months. Upon returning to work, I was fired. This was becuase of other factors apart from the time off but I still think to this day that if I hadnít of taken two months sick leave when I did I would not have lost my job.

    Fast forward to now and I am currently recovering from another crash. I have broken three vertabra t5, 7 and 11 and have whiplash like symptoms in the cervical spine. I am now in my 8th week off work. I went to a Bike park and was paralysed by fear of crashing leading me to roll off a drop instead of committing and landing on my head.

    My relationship with my wife has been strained since the accident. She has had to take on more responsibility in caring for our two children and she is angry with me for causing this problem in our family unit.

    We are looking to purchase a new home and yestearday, after seeing one we like she has expressed that before she is ready to commit to buying the house, she wants me to stop mountain biking or she would like to end the relationship. Her argument is that apart from the money I spend on it, apart from the time it separates me from my family she considers it selfish of me to put a hobby over my own safety and responsibility to my family.

    I have expressed that both accidents have come about from me taking on things ďabove my paygardeĒ and that I would be more cautious in the future but after hurting myself for a second time I donít have much credibility. I have tried to explain that risk can be mitigated by descisions made by the rider but her argument is that the sport is inherently risky and that I can take up any other number of activities that will not put my life in danger.

    I have just said that I will sell my bikes and equipment in order to demonstrate my commitement to our family but of course Iím absolutely gutted. This is against my will.

    Without going into much personal detail, perhaps this is a symptom of a more serious problem in our relationship?

    I can think of no rational explanation to argue my own case apart from the fact that it is something I love and desperately want to continue.

    What do people think if anything?

  2. #2
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    I think you married the wrong women. Any partner that tryís to change the other partner, especially in the passions they enjoy department is not the right partner. Pretty straight forward answer but itís true. Compromise for one another but completely dropping something of Passion is just wrong. One option is maybe lighten up on the extreme riding and do more XC oriented rides.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  3. #3
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    That's tough OP. I do agree with DJ's post.

    Perhaps not the "wrong" woman because she does have a point, and you have to admitt you made the decision to ride over your limit.

    I'm not married (yet) but I do have a huge responsibility that doesn't allow me to go nuts on the bike, or gives me the time to always MTB. If I go down hard, I'm in deep shit.

    Compromise and ride XC and get a Gravel bike. You will stll ride and have less risk of injury.

    At the end, its all about priorities.

    What's more important to you?
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  4. #4
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    This is a tough situation. I guess I have to ask whether she frequently complains about you being selfish aside from mountain biking. If so then MTB may just be the straw that broke the camel's back. If not, then I am sort of in DJs camp. Of course, we don't know how often you mountain bike. I know my marriage would be strained if I did it every single day and took away from family time. So I try to make sure I don't miss important kids events or social events important to my wife.

    The other complication is that it appears that you already promised to sell your bikes and quit. I think if you back out of that promise it could get ugly.

    I dunno maybe try another activity for a while and see how it goes. If you can't enjoy it, at least she will see you gave it an honest effort and may even encourage you to go back to MTB.

  5. #5
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    This is really a tough one. She's absolutely right that MTB is risky and your going to get hurt. It might be minor, but eventually we all have falls that end up in at least scrapes, bruises and sort muscles. Or, it can be more serious like you've experienced. There just is really no getting around that fact. Since it's had some serious effects on you and your family, those fears about the consequences are no longer hypothetical to her.

    I'm not sure if this helps, but I'll share a bit. About 4 years ago, my wife had an accident and broke her neck making her a quadriplegic. From that point on, I had a full grown person that I have to regularly be physically able to pick up and move around along with just being able to walk and stand up for the all the regular everyday activities it takes to keep a family fed and clothed. Along with the other changes in my life, I gave up mountain biking since it was too dangerous and I simply couldn't afford even a minor injury. It sucked because it was my main outlet, but family comes first to me.

    Two years later, I got back on the bike, but only because my wife insisted. She knew how much it meant to me. I ride more cautiously than I could because the consequences are still there, but I also know that eventually, I'll get hurt more than I would like. Just no getting around that and hopefully the backup options I have in place will be sufficient when it does.

    In my case, my wife was very supportive of having a risky hobby in my life. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be riding. Unfortunately, your wife has made it clear where her risk tolerance lies. It's really up to you which means more to you. I say with no judgement, just an observation.

    I wish you good luck with your decision and your recovery.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrallen View Post
    This is really a tough one. She's absolutely right that MTB is risky and your going to get hurt. It might be minor, but eventually we all have falls that end up in at least scrapes, bruises and sort muscles. Or, it can be more serious like you've experienced. There just is really no getting around that fact. Since it's had some serious effects on you and your family, those fears about the consequences are no longer hypothetical to her.

    I'm not sure if this helps, but I'll share a bit. About 4 years ago, my wife had an accident and broke her neck making her a quadriplegic. From that point on, I had a full grown person that I have to regularly be physically able to pick up and move around along with just being able to walk and stand up for the all the regular everyday activities it takes to keep a family fed and clothed. Along with the other changes in my life, I gave up mountain biking since it was too dangerous and I simply couldn't afford even a minor injury. It sucked because it was my main outlet, but family comes first to me.

    Two years later, I got back on the bike, but only because my wife insisted. She knew how much it meant to me. I ride more cautiously than I could because the consequences are still there, but I also know that eventually, I'll get hurt more than I would like. Just no getting around that and hopefully the backup options I have in place will be sufficient when it does.

    In my case, my wife was very supportive of having a risky hobby in my life. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be riding. Unfortunately, your wife has made it clear where her risk tolerance lies. It's really up to you which means more to you. I say with no judgement, just an observation.

    I wish you good luck with your decision and your recovery.
    Good post mrallen and I wish you the best in your situation.

    I've learned that women are generally sympathetic and will even encourage you to do an activity that they initially resisted so long as you show you are willing to give it up for them. It's really the effort that matters. I think resisting and arguing will just get a man in trouble. I've seen some of my buddies employ the latter strategy and I just shake my head. Damn rookies.

  7. #7
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    You're a father, that's where your first priority lays. That said, you need a little you time (and make sure your definition of "a little time" really is little). I've been in your shoes, and when the kids were very young, mountain biking was on pause. As they got older, and it was easier for a single parent to handle the house, my wife and I started trading off some personal time once a week each. She'd do Yoga, I'd go biking or skiing. But always family first, so that means perhaps a decade or more of less you time and making safer decisions. While I don't like that your wife gave you an ultimatum, I think its reasonable that your priorities should change.

    Zero time and zero money on the bikes sounds unreasonable though. Just tone it down. You are a father now. Some day, the kids will join you on the bikes or either will want less to do with you. Then you'll have plenty of time to get back on the bikes.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by briank View Post
    You're a father, that's where your first priority lays. That said, you need a little you time (and make sure your definition of "a little time" really is little). I've been in your shoes, and when the kids were very young, mountain biking was on pause. As they got older, and it was easier for a single parent to handle the house, my wife and I started trading off some personal time once a week each. She'd do Yoga, I'd go biking or skiing. But always family first, so that means perhaps a decade or more of less you time and making safer decisions. While I don't like that your wife gave you an ultimatum, I think its reasonable that your priorities should change.

    Zero time and zero money on the bikes sounds unreasonable though. Just tone it down. You are a father now. Some day, the kids will join you on the bikes or either will want less to do with you. Then you'll have plenty of time to get back on the bikes.
    I agree here, as long as thereís no ultimatums and more compromise.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  9. #9
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    Are you the sole provider for your family?

  10. #10
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    What's your priority, your family or your biking? Is it even close?

    Taking a vow is serious stuff. Adding kids to the mix takes it to a whole other level.

    I'd be honing my relationship skill vs mtb technique at this point.

    From your wife's perspective, she very well could be viewing mtb accidents being a proximate cause of you losing a job AND nearly becoming crippled. Is her request that you step back from it really that unreasonable? When a hobby becomes a demonstrable liability to a family, it's time to think about a new hobby.

    Step back, get the family unit on track and heal up. At some point down the road you can work your way back into biking.

  11. #11
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    This sounds more like a bike park crisis than anything. Maybe stick to the blue trails. You're not 22 anymore.

  12. #12
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    Any time you're given an ultimatum like that, it's time for you both to find a marriage counselor and get professional help. I don't know your whole story, but telling your spouse to stop something they are passionate about or else divorce means there are waaay deeper issues than just this. Try to gently talk with her about you two getting counseling. I hope things get better.

  13. #13
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    I Agree with your wife. you need to make a compromise. continue riding but ride for fitness more and less adventure. I could say more but I will leave it at that.

  14. #14
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    Sucks to hear man. Your first focus should be your health. If you love cycling like the rest of us do, I would ride something else for quite a while. My wife is supportive of my cycling habits (not the spending) because I use the experience to help me transition from the military. Four years later, I am still mentally transitioning.

    If you are starting to have negative mental feedback about crashing, then perhaps it would be best to step away from the mountain biking scene you are doing. Take up gravel pounding or road cycling. If your hobby negatively affects your family, then changes should be made, but you shouldn't have to leave the sport.
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  15. #15
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    I agree with most of what's been said. About ten years ago I crashed and fractured my neck. My wife tried to get me to quit riding, insisting that I was too old (I was 45 at the time). A few years later, I had my second blood clot due to a hereditary condition and was put on blood thinners for life; which meant that a bad crash could be deadly. So I ride conservatively, knowing that another bad crash could very well be the end of my mountain biking. I still go fast at times but I avoid high risk aspects.

    You have a wife and kids that depend on you. It's time to give up the bike park and high risk riding. If you can't do that, then it is time to give it up completely. Maybe try a rigid single speed or something that will present new challenges and slow you down (you'll have to sell your existing bike). How old are your children? Get a bike trailer or one of those one wheeled trailer bikes and hit the greenway. Get your wife involved. Give it some thought and then discuss it with your wife.
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  16. #16
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    Sorry to hear about your situation and hate to say it, but look at it from her perspective. In less than 10 years you have had two crashes that had a major impact on the quality of life for your family. One cost you your job, and the other could have easily permanently disabled you. At this point, she is more than likely wondering not if, but when will be the next time. You have dug that hole deep.

  17. #17
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    Her message is valid, her delivery is suspect.
    Bicycles don't have motors.

  18. #18
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    We have only heard one side of the story, which isn't the whole story. We can't tell you what to do. This is a mountain bike forum, not 'Dear Deidre'. Maybe she's a monster. Maybe she's a very reasonable woman and you're a dick. How the heck could we know?

    But as I see it, either way you're screwed! You're welcome :0)

  19. #19
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    Good advice in this thread. Sell the bike park bike, stop riding for a while, get back in shape through other means, then broach the subject of basic trail riding after some time has passed. Emphasize to your wife no lifts, jumps or ramps...just riding on basic trails.

    mrallen: good post. Happy to hear you're riding.

    Good luck to you both

    Re-Edit: -----
    Last edited by Pisgah; 3 Weeks Ago at 06:03 AM.

  20. #20
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    Its time for a gravel bike, man.
    Go out and enjoy the countryside, and leave the husking to those whoíve been doing it all their lives. Yes I said husking, on purpose.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueCheesehead View Post
    What's your priority, your family or your biking?
    I'm pretty sure this isn't the real question.

    Mountain biking is not safe. The outcomes are not guaranteed. There is exertion, and risk, and adventure, and thrill. There is a foundational need for some of us to experience these things as a part of how we interact with the world around us. It's every bit a part of me as are the relationships I keep and the promises I've made. An ultimatum doesn't throw a switch to turn it off. The OP might not ride mountain bikes anymore, but the need to feel those things will go on. There are positive directions to go, and all the more if you can find something to do with your family. Just need to be aware that there are traps out there as well...affairs, gambling, drinking... all tick a lot of the same boxes as healthy adventure.
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  22. #22
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    Give up the mountain biking. Get a city/commuter bike and ride the rail trails. Its also family friendly.

  23. #23
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    All good responses and I think MOJOK really broached as to why we do these things to begin with. We can't just turn that off and if you do you may well turn into a miserable person, father, husband. I'm a big believer in the idea that we must take care of ourselves first in order to give the best version of ourselves to anyone.

    I'd say in the grand scheme of things a broken collar bone is really not that big of a deal and your second mishap sounds like some dumb luck. We don't know the whole story but I'm guessing your wife had some insight into the man she married. Compromise works both ways and speaking for myself personally there's no way an ultimatum like that would be acceptable in a healthy relationship.
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  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrallen View Post
    This is really a tough one. She's absolutely right that MTB is risky and your going to get hurt. It might be minor, but eventually we all have falls that end up in at least scrapes, bruises and sort muscles. Or, it can be more serious like you've experienced. There just is really no getting around that fact. Since it's had some serious effects on you and your family, those fears about the consequences are no longer hypothetical to her.

    I'm not sure if this helps, but I'll share a bit. About 4 years ago, my wife had an accident and broke her neck making her a quadriplegic. From that point on, I had a full grown person that I have to regularly be physically able to pick up and move around along with just being able to walk and stand up for the all the regular everyday activities it takes to keep a family fed and clothed. Along with the other changes in my life, I gave up mountain biking since it was too dangerous and I simply couldn't afford even a minor injury. It sucked because it was my main outlet, but family comes first to me.

    Two years later, I got back on the bike, but only because my wife insisted. She knew how much it meant to me. I ride more cautiously than I could because the consequences are still there, but I also know that eventually, I'll get hurt more than I would like. Just no getting around that and hopefully the backup options I have in place will be sufficient when it does.

    In my case, my wife was very supportive of having a risky hobby in my life. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be riding. Unfortunately, your wife has made it clear where her risk tolerance lies. It's really up to you which means more to you. I say with no judgement, just an observation.

    I wish you good luck with your decision and your recovery.
    Thanks for replying with such an open and honest post.

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  25. #25
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    No, she is main bread winner actually.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    Are you the sole provider for your family?
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  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    We have only heard one side of the story, which isn't the whole story. We can't tell you what to do. This is a mountain bike forum, not 'Dear Deidre'. Maybe she's a monster. Maybe she's a very reasonable woman and you're a dick. How the heck could we know?

    But as I see it, either way you're screwed! You're welcome :0)
    Very true!

    I'm totally after some confirmation biased advice here.

    She is a saint, a wonderful woman. I am a for putting the family through what I have.

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  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    All good responses and I think MOJOK really broached as to why we do these things to begin with. We can't just turn that off and if you do you may well turn into a miserable person, father, husband. I'm a big believer in the idea that we must take care of ourselves first in order to give the best version of ourselves to anyone.

    I'd say in the grand scheme of things a broken collar bone is really not that big of a deal and your second mishap sounds like some dumb luck. We don't know the whole story but I'm guessing your wife had some insight into the man she married. Compromise works both ways and speaking for myself personally there's no way an ultimatum like that would be acceptable in a healthy relationship.
    We have since talked again and to be honest I am at fault for it coming to this point.

    She had said she wanted me to stop before and instead of having an adult conversation I tried to just brush it aside and day that intended to carry on.

    I hadn't explained that I myself want to tone it down and try to mitigate this type of thing happening again.

    This led to her giving me an ultimatum as she felt it was the only way to get me to listen.

    She still isn't convinced by I think that I'm time she will become more accepting.

    I should have mentioned in the opening thread that my intentions are not to just carry on as before. This crash has had some psychological impact as well as physical.

    As a previous member mentioned, this isn't a group therapy forum, but I do find it useful to put things down in writing and share it with people who may have similar experiences.

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  28. #28
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    Although mountain biking is dangerous to some degree, more and more studies are showing that not exercising is very, very unhealthy. I know a lot of us also find it is very healthy mentally and emotionally. You need to find a balance.
    Quote Originally Posted by Oh My Sack! View Post
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  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    No, she is main bread winner actually.

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    Thatís cool. I think thereís room for you to carry on with your hobby at some point. You need to to *something* for exercise and mental health. Maybe tone it down a couple of notches so you donít wreck yourself for awhile?

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    She is a saint, a wonderful woman.
    No way. She's a woman, they are all screwballs! At least a little bit.

    It seems to me like you've made up your mind and you know what to do. Give up the bike, find another way to get some exercise and your family will be happy? Sounds like a perfectly good plan to me. Sure, mountain biking is fun but there are other things you can do. Have you thought about hang-gliding?

  31. #31
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    ^^lol yeah that should make her super happy.
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  32. #32
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    Or... you could suggest that she takes up hang-gliding. How good is her life insurance?

  33. #33
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    Tell her you've given up mountain biking for hiking. When it's time for you to go for a 'hike', you head to Buddy's house where your bikes are stored and can then ride the trails all you want.

    Or, as others have suggested, get some counseling for both of you. Hope it works out for you, good luck.

  34. #34
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    You said "I do".

    You put your peepee in and had rugrats. Sack up.

    Go for a walk, the chances of you getting hurt are close to nil, unless you live in San Francisco.

    When the kids are grown, post again.
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  35. #35
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    I see both sides of the story here.

    Oh the one hand, a demand to completely give up an otherwise healthy hobby is more than just a little unreasonable. On the other, you definitely have suspect risk assessment abilities, and self-control.

    I'm going to offer a slightly different suggestion, and tell you to work on your risk-assessment skills. Go get some training. The sorts of training that have a focus on training your abilities to assess risk. Things like Wilderness First Aid/First Responder, skills instructor/guide training, some sort of workplace risk assessment training, that sort of stuff. At a minimum, improving your bike handling skills will reduce your risk of crashing in the first place.

    You need to get to the point where you can decide "in the heat of the moment" on a ride that some spot is just too much risk, stop, and walk. You need to get to the point where you decide before you leave that your ride is going to be more chill, and not about taking risks at the bike park. In short, exercise some self control. Because it's clearly reached a point where your lack of it has made your wife angry.

    I have to wonder, though, that there are other occasions of this. 2 crashes in 10yrs with serious injuries is certainly higher than my rate, but I know people who ride just as conservatively as I do who have just as many, or more. When it comes down to it, collarbones are pretty common, so I'd even rate that one as much less serious than your current one. I don't think even 2 serious injuries is obnoxious, let alone 1. Are there more injuries that just aren't as serious?

    And I'm going to have a slightly different perspective here than some. I nearly died from leukemia almost 10yrs ago. Spent almost 2 years going through various aspects of recovery from that mess. Was unable to work or go to school (I was in grad school at the time) for a year. And even after the first year, I was pretty limited with a lot of things physically and mentally that took a lot of work to improve on.

    At this point in my life, NOTHING is going to take me away from riding bikes.

    But what my experience has done, is develop in me a stronger self-preservation instinct, and more self-control when it comes to choosing whether to walk something, or increase my risk by riding it. I also have chronically low platelets, and while my doctor does not put any restrictions on my riding (he's well aware of it), I personally see that I bleed longer than I used to, so I keep that in my mind when I'm deciding whether to try something or not. I'm not only looking at whether I can ride the obstacle, but what are my fall zones. I absolutely do walk things that I otherwise have the skill to ride, because I don't like the fall zones...where I'd end up if I made a mistake, and what's likely to happen if I end up there. I have made a number of larger decisions that limit my risk of serious injury. There are certain people I don't ride with because they take more risks than I'm comfortable with. There are certain people I don't ride with because they exert a lot of peer pressure on people they ride with to do things they otherwise wouldn't.

    What I am willing to change is HOW I ride bikes, if I get to the point where I need to make that sort of decision. It may mean replacing one bike that makes it too easy to exceed my limits, with one that encourages safer riding. Meaning, maybe I ride a "trail" hardtail insead of a long travel enduro bike. Or, maybe I ride a rigid mtb or gravel bike on lower risk trails than bombing down gnarly downhills. Maybe instead of high-thrill rides, I do more low key stuff like bikepacking, biking out to a good spot to fish, riding out to scenic picnic spots, family rides, etc.

    I also agree with folks who have mentioned some couples therapy might be in order. I just cannot imagine an issue going this far between my wife and I. Y'all need to work on your conflict resolution skills.

  36. #36
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    Anybody that has bills to pay and mouths to feed should check their ego at the door and ride within their limits...will you still crash, of course you will, could you perhaps lessen your exposure to a catastrophic injury by not sending every jump, trying to clear every gap and launching every drop....more than likely. Shit still happens but by the injury at hand and your description of the incident you clearly werenít ready for what you got yourself in to.

    I think you and your spouse need to see a counselor.

  37. #37
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    I ride within my limits, have a blast, and my wife encourages it even though sheís not a mountain biker herself.
    Worst injury Iíve had so far was a fractured pelvis but she didnít case on me for it. Sheís glad I have a hobby I really enjoy.

    Have a heart to heart with her, tell her youíll ride within your limits and point out the benefits of going out and getting some exercise and having a hobby you enjoy.
    NTFTC

  38. #38
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    Family and the responsibilities that family brings comes first.
    It ain't supposed to be easy.

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  39. #39
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    Sounds like you should take up knitting or something safe?

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    In the long run, if you truly love mountain biking, you will come to resent her for the ultimatum and see her as the reason for losing the activity. It may be something you can brush off, in the big picture, or it may fester. Only you can know that.

    You will also set a bad example for your kids in that a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, full of compromises and not one person dictating to the other the way things will be. You need to sit back down with her and have a two-way conversation about the whole topic, rather than a one way conversation like a parent would have with a child.

  41. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by skiahh View Post
    In the long run, if you truly love mountain biking, you will come to resent her for the ultimatum and see her as the reason for losing the activity. It may be something you can brush off, in the big picture, or it may fester. Only you can know that.

    You will also set a bad example for your kids in that a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, full of compromises and not one person dictating to the other the way things will be. You need to sit back down with her and have a two-way conversation about the whole topic, rather than a one way conversation like a parent would have with a child.
    Exactly.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  42. #42
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    Sometimes I wonder if my bike is thinking about me.
    "It's only when you stand over it, you know, when you physically stand over the bike, that then you say 'hey, I don't have much stand over height', you know"-T. Ellsworth

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  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayem View Post
    Sometimes I wonder if my bike is thinking about me.
    I'd be surprised if your wife is thinking about you.

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    Too many posts to read, so I'll just throw my $02 in. Counseling should be your first step, which should help both perspectives. It often helps to have an outside perspective to help shed light on the subject. Having said that, You made a commitment when you got married and then made a much more substantial commitment when you decided to have kids (you can end a relationship, but not being a provider for your kids).

    I understand the people who say that the wife is not considering your needs, however I think there's more to the story that's driving her decision that we are unaware of (fired from a job that includes non-injury justification, no risky mtb decisions, potential of hobby over family). This could be a trend for the OP. Maybe a lack of maturity or something that shows up in more ways than what has been said already. I don't mean to be overly harsh, but just from my perspective. However, thank you for being comfortable putting that all out here in the first place.

    Maybe switch to gravel grinding or road biking and earn some of that back, although debatable whether it's safer or not. It's likely going to take less of an impact on tight schedules too, since you wouldn't have to drive to the trailhead, etc.

    Good luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by skiahh View Post
    In the long run, if you truly love mountain biking, you will come to resent her for the ultimatum and see her as the reason for losing the activity. It may be something you can brush off, in the big picture, or it may fester. Only you can know that.

    You will also set a bad example for your kids in that a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, full of compromises and not one person dictating to the other the way things will be. You need to sit back down with her and have a two-way conversation about the whole topic, rather than a one way conversation like a parent would have with a child.
    That could be the outcome, or it might not be. If the OP gives up MTB and truly owns and accepts the decision, then he shouldn't end up resenting her. Although, I'm sure he would always miss riding. Resenting and being nostalgic aren't always the same thing.

    Compromise in a marriage involves balancing the whole marriage and doesn't have to be done on each individual issue in my opinion. My wife and I each have things that we won't compromise on. We just agree that the other person gets their way on that issue and it balances out. Put yourself in the OP's wife's place and look at 2 major injuries with the second one possibly being life threatening or least irrevocably life changing in the form of paralysis. Maybe she just loves him and can't live with the thought of him being permanently hurt or killed? To me, that makes it sound less like she's being a pain and more like a woman that cares about him and her family.

    I've only really learned a couple of things in life and one of them is to stay out of other people's relationships unless it's abusive in some way. You never know what's really going on and what each person needs from the other. It sound like the OP isn't completely clean here, and that they are on the way to a resolution. I wish him the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    We have since talked again and to be honest I am at fault for it coming to this point.

    She had said she wanted me to stop before and instead of having an adult conversation I tried to just brush it aside and day that intended to carry on.

    I hadn't explained that I myself want to tone it down and try to mitigate this type of thing happening again.

    This led to her giving me an ultimatum as she felt it was the only way to get me to listen.

    She still isn't convinced by I think that I'm time she will become more accepting.

    I should have mentioned in the opening thread that my intentions are not to just carry on as before. This crash has had some psychological impact as well as physical.

    As a previous member mentioned, this isn't a group therapy forum, but I do find it useful to put things down in writing and share it with people who may have similar experiences.

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    Glad you two are talking about it. Sounds like you will eventually get to a solution at least both of you can accept. Heal up!

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    Quote Originally Posted by skiahh View Post
    In the long run, if you truly love mountain biking, you will come to resent her for the ultimatum and see her as the reason for losing the activity. It may be something you can brush off, in the big picture, or it may fester. Only you can know that.

    You will also set a bad example for your kids in that a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, full of compromises and not one person dictating to the other the way things will be. You need to sit back down with her and have a two-way conversation about the whole topic, rather than a one way conversation like a parent would have with a child.
    I dunno. Based on the picture that we are piecing together here, this is what we know so far:

    1. He has not communicated well with his wife prior to the ultimatum.
    2. He has had two life changing injuries that have left her holding the bag not only in being the primary bread winner but also taking care of the kids. Basically she is doing all the heavy lifting in the family.
    3. There have been complaints that the biking has taken away from family time.
    4. She has put up with this for **8 years**now before issuing an ultimatum

    I am not saying it is all his fault. I do not know enough of the details. But the picture that is being painted is not a pretty one for him.

    At what point is an ultimatum justified? At 15 years? Let me put it to you this way. If a dude was playing video games all day and the wife was pulling most of the weight in the family, what would you think? Oh he has a passion and needs to pursue it, or he is a man-child that needs to grow up? I don't think anybody what say an ultimatum in that situation is unwarranted after 8 years. And that is without the injuries and job loss. Let's be honest: MTB is a hobby that is not far removed from a video game if one takes it too far.

  48. #48
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    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.
    Thank you. I was going to post something similar. If someone is happily married, then please please post. If someone is begrudgingly married or divorced, then please don't post from a place of failure. If someone is single, just sit back and listen.

  50. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by midwestmtb View Post
    At what point is an ultimatum justified? At 15 years? Let me put it to you this way. If a dude was playing video games all day and the wife was pulling most of the weight in the family, what would you think? Oh he has a passion and needs to pursue it, or he is a man-child that needs to grow up? I don't think anybody what say an ultimatum in that situation is unwarranted after 8 years. And that is without the injuries and job loss. Let's be honest: MTB is a hobby that is not far removed from a video game if one takes it too far.
    We don't know the full history behind this. Is he riding 3hrs/wk or is he riding 3hrs/day? Does he have a tendency to schedule rides at times when there are other family responsibilities? Or does he schedule his rides around everything so he can be there? There's a big difference there, and IMO, even people in a relationship with a family should have a little bit of their own "hobby time". If anything, the ultimatum got his attention now. Maybe that was the only point of it. He needs to have that two-way conversation NOW.

    I definitely think there are other factors involved. His firing, I think, is one hint of that. My father had a similar situation some years ago. His injury was from a motorcycle crash. Employer fired him when he came back after MANY weeks out. My father has never interacted well with others, and that's what his employer told him was the problem. My father can be extremely unpleasant, so I'm not surprised. What was the REAL reason OP got fired? It may hint at deeper personal issues that also affect his marriage.

    Another hint of this is how he blew off his wife on an earlier attempt to talk about his risk-taking. That, right there, is a problem, and it's not with injuries or risk-taking. That's a relationship/communication problem, and your spouse should not have to issue an ultimatum in order to have a serious conversation. If THAT doesn't get fixed, the relationship isn't going to last, whether the final straw is risk-taking or something else. It may even already be too late.

    Unfortunately, I know a couple man-children who play video games all day and ignore their families. One of them is (rightfully) getting his ass kicked to the curb. The other one is bafflingly permitted to continue. There IS a way to achieve balance with one's responsibilities and one's hobbies, though.

    I also question OP's wife's involvement in this. Is she the sort to internalize things for years and then let them explode all at once? That's not healthy, either. It's certainly a possibility, but I don't think it's true. How perceptive is OP with his wife's moods? I can tell from my wife's tone of voice or how she looks at me when something isn't right, and even if she wants to internalize something I did to piss her off, I don't let her. I want to know what it is and I want to talk about it. Maybe she's worked up over nothing and needs to chill, but maybe I was a dumbass and need to do/say something differently. I'm going to suspect that OP's wife has at least been indicating that something was not well. Is OP oblivious to them? Or does OP not think that the other stuff is involved in the ultimatum? Hint: if there are other issues, they most likely are part of the ultimatum.

    I do applaud OP for asking a crowd he's likely to feel more comfortable with, but he needs to go farther and talk to his wife. Seriously. And get couples therapy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.
    Happily married with a loving wife who encourages my riding and even does some light trail riding on occasion.

    My original comment was intended to support her right to express her justified concerns about his choices and to illuminate the communication shortfall. My wife who would have expressed the same concerns in a different manner. I don't accept ultimatums, ever.
    Bicycles don't have motors.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.
    Happily married, 13+yrs (have been riding since before I met my wife), and wife rides, too. No kids, and not for lack of wanting them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.
    Happily married for 13 years and work with each other to keep it that way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I don't accept ultimatums, ever.
    Me neither. Unless of course, she DOES intend to leave me then I would appreciate the warning. Better than finding a note and an empty closet lol.

  55. #55
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    Happily married and our 25th anniversary is November 5th. Love, patience, support, and humor. Oh, and listening skills.
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  56. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    But as I see it, either way you're screwed! You're welcome :0)
    I think this is the correct answer.

  57. #57
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    OP... many good responses but one thing that is for sure... find a counselor.

    On the rest of it, IDK and we can't know because we don't know you and your wife. However, she has a valid point even if the expression of that is lacking. You also have the right to your own recreation, with and without your family, and many things in this world are dangerous. You need a counselor to determine what a reasonable balance is given your circumstances. You and your wife are probably too emotional to have a fair and balanced view.

    IMO... bike parks with big jumps and drops are very dangerous unless you're extremely skilled and been doing it all your life. XC riding is much closer to what the average person would consider an acceptable risk.

  58. #58
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    Definitely need to look into your riding and taking of risk though. There's a definite area where riders lack the confidence to do certain trails/features where they should not be doing them, because it will likely end up in a wreck. I've been able to stay mostly injury-free mountain biking my whole life, doing DH races, enduro races, DH park days, flying through the air (we got some awesome new trails we just built with big jumps and features!). Of course, the new trails have "qualifier" stunts at the top and you wouldn't believe the number of people walking down the qualifier (if you can't ride it, it means STAY OFF THE TRAIL!). They are easily rolled.

    This might require some cross-training, my buddy just crashed a couple days ago on a jump feature that sends you far right on the trail, the key is to not collapse and keep your body rigid, which requires a good amount of core-strength. He collapsed and got a little injured, not so bad he was out for days, but that was the end of that day.

    Despite all the tech sections, drops and jumps, I rarely crash or get myself into a situation where I'm in over my head. If I'm on a real challenging section riding alone, I will often walk it for the safety factor. Doesn't happen often, but I know I won't be rescued quick.

    It sounds like you need to "pull back" your riding, think about your assumption of risk with the riding, take some classes, probably do some strength training, and so on. Just going out and riding works for most people, but again, there's clearly a "danger area" where riders attempt sections and features whilst lacking the confidence to do so. A classic example is "unclipping" your pedals for a rock garden or tech section and/or slowing down. That almost guarantees a crash.
    "It's only when you stand over it, you know, when you physically stand over the bike, that then you say 'hey, I don't have much stand over height', you know"-T. Ellsworth

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    Time to pack it in.
    Find some other activity that won't get you hurt again.

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  60. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueCheesehead View Post
    What's your priority, your family or your biking? Is it even close?

    Taking a vow is serious stuff. Adding kids to the mix takes it to a whole other level.

    I'd be honing my relationship skill vs mtb technique at this point.

    From your wife's perspective, she very well could be viewing mtb accidents being a proximate cause of you losing a job AND nearly becoming crippled. Is her request that you step back from it really that unreasonable? When a hobby becomes a demonstrable liability to a family, it's time to think about a new hobby.

    Step back, get the family unit on track and heal up. At some point down the road you can work your way back into biking.

    This ^

    After things heal, with your wife I mean, get a light weight hard tail for gravel grinding. Then maybe in time carefully ease back into single track. Maybe take up trail running with your wife, then ask her if the trails you run together might be ok to take the bike on. Its unlikely she'd remain uncompromising forever. She can't be all bad, you married her.


    If you put on maybe 20# of chub over the next 2 years while off the bike she'll be more likely to let you get back into it.

    Good luck and let us know how it turns out. Either way however, this one is going to sting, at least for a while.
    Last edited by Miker J; 3 Weeks Ago at 03:05 PM.

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    I don't have an answer to your bike question, but I'm glad I'm not married to her and if I was, I would dump her on the spot. Reading things like this makes me not regret ever having kids, because it would be a much harder decision when I thought about the kids. I would dump her even if I never wanted to ride any kind of bicycle again; she clearly is selfish and if she's threatening to dump you, she's already checked out.

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    Say no.

    Sure your family has to be a priority but that doesn't mean you have to give up your life. Of course you should dial it back and try to avoid injury but she's the one being selfish and unfair if she is asking you to completely give up something you love.

  63. #63
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    Honestly, if a woman doesn't support what you love doing, she can go. I think things should be more like Travis Pastranas family and mine. Where respect is key, despite the risk. As a Racer myself, I can't see myself being with a friend or in a relationship long, if I find out they don't support me. I'm never stopping riding and racing.

  64. #64
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    As a married guy with a daughter, my personal opinion is that your family should take priority. You made a decision to marry and presumably have kids, both mean you put others before yourself, so why put all what that entails at risk? If she is the main earner, you should be supporting her and contribute your time and effort to the household.
    Also why would you want to miss out on time with your kids before they grow up and become more independent?
    I think this is all part of growing up but ymmv.

  65. #65
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    One caveat Iíd put in here is that you have to make time for you and staying healthy. A lot of us do it by riding and the outdoors. Society, mainly people that want to sell us things, wants us to never slow down, buy a house, commute to work, have a bunch of kids, go to church, get this, buy that, blah blah. If you canít even take care of yourself itís all for nothing IMO. Get your SO and kids interested in the outdoors and a healthy lifestyle.
    Last edited by Jayem; 2 Weeks Ago at 09:11 PM.
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  66. #66
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    Maybe there's a silver lining here. This may be the perfect excuse to overbike ó for safety.
    "One always measures friendships by how they show up in bad weather."
    ó Winston Churchill

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    Background: I have been riding for 10 years more or less. In that period I came off trying to do a jump without knowing any proper technique and broke my collarbone. That was about 8 years ago. I needed surgery and was off work for two months. Upon returning to work, I was fired. This was becuase of other factors apart from the time off but I still think to this day that if I hadnít of taken two months sick leave when I did I would not have lost my job.

    Fast forward to now and I am currently recovering from another crash. I have broken three vertabra t5, 7 and 11 and have whiplash like symptoms in the cervical spine. I am now in my 8th week off work. I went to a Bike park and was paralysed by fear of crashing leading me to roll off a drop instead of committing and landing on my head.

    My relationship with my wife has been strained since the accident. She has had to take on more responsibility in caring for our two children and she is angry with me for causing this problem in our family unit.

    We are looking to purchase a new home and yestearday, after seeing one we like she has expressed that before she is ready to commit to buying the house, she wants me to stop mountain biking or she would like to end the relationship. Her argument is that apart from the money I spend on it, apart from the time it separates me from my family she considers it selfish of me to put a hobby over my own safety and responsibility to my family.

    I have expressed that both accidents have come about from me taking on things ďabove my paygardeĒ and that I would be more cautious in the future but after hurting myself for a second time I donít have much credibility. I have tried to explain that risk can be mitigated by descisions made by the rider but her argument is that the sport is inherently risky and that I can take up any other number of activities that will not put my life in danger.

    I have just said that I will sell my bikes and equipment in order to demonstrate my commitement to our family but of course Iím absolutely gutted. This is against my will.

    Without going into much personal detail, perhaps this is a symptom of a more serious problem in our relationship?

    I can think of no rational explanation to argue my own case apart from the fact that it is something I love and desperately want to continue.

    What do people think if anything?
    WARNING! WARNING! Even if you give up mountain biking completely, your marriage is already doomed. Ultimatums of that nature are NOT indicative of a marriage with a future. Even if you give it up completely. Before long...it will be something else with an ultimatum at the end.

    Having said that, I think you also need to take a realistic look at your mountain-biking paradigm. You're in over your head, and in that regard I agree with your wife that your risk-beyond-skill-level approach to the hobby is selfish.

  68. #68
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    Some fantastic advice in the thread.

    Here's mine. MTB wise you need to work on your mental game to overcome fear and understand actual risk assessment. Mountain biking often times requires you to conqure your fear and go faster to be safer.

    Find a way to ride in a manner that doesn't lead to injury. That might actually be to ride more confidently with less fear, or to realise your limitations as a rider and avoid the bigger stuff

    Don't give up your passion. No one should demand that of you, nore should you demand it of someone else.

    That said you need to do it in a fair and reasonable manner.

    Read this. It puts life into perspective.

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    ^^ Yep, pay attention to the golf balls

    Good one Plummet

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    I'm not a Family Therapist.
    Yellow Pages, Yelp, Angie's List... you'll find one there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by midwestmtb View Post
    Thank you. I was going to post something similar. If someone is happily married, then please please post. If someone is begrudgingly married or divorced, then please don't post from a place of failure. If someone is single, just sit back and listen.
    You can't control who posts what, and you don't have a right to.

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    I have not run into this in my life, but my riding buddy did. After two work-pausing injuries his wife told him there would be consequences to a third.

    He cleaned up his riding and takes fewer risks now. It appears to me that he is just as happy riding in a different way now as he was before.

    If your riding is potentially threatening to the well being of your wife and family, it's probably time to reconsider what you're doing. I don't agree with the ultimatum, but there's some room here for negotiation.

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  73. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by RustyIron View Post
    I'm not a Family Therapist.
    Yellow Pages, Yelp, Angie's List... you'll find one there.
    I agree with this OP. If there is so much resentment built up between you two that your wife gave you that serious of an ultimatum, then I think you need a referee. Therapy isn't as scary or awful as some people might think. You already proved that you're looking for help by posting here. I know it might cost a couple bucks, but we're talking about your marriage.
    The cake is a lie.

  74. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    I'm kind of interested in knowing if each person commenting on this thread is single, happily married, begrudgingly married, divorced, etc. just to see where you're all coming from.

    I'm in the happily married camp, 20 years.
    Quote Originally Posted by midwestmtb View Post
    Thank you. I was going to post something similar. If someone is happily married, then please please post. If someone is begrudgingly married or divorced, then please don't post from a place of failure. If someone is single, just sit back and listen.
    My wife and I have been married 37 years. At no point in all that time has any kind of ultimatum ever been issued by either one of us to the other. We each have hobbies and activities, not necessarily shared by the other, and some of them entail some degree of risk. We both trust each other to be respectful and mindful of our responsibilities to each other and the family, and doing those activities with an appropriate level of caution. That has been a moving target as family changes, our responsibilities change, and as we age.

  75. #75
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    Mountain biking is NOT an inherently dangerous sport. However, there are some inherently dangerous mountain bike riders.

    -F
    It's never easier - you just go faster.

  76. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  77. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    Very true!

    I'm totally after some confirmation biased advice here.

    She is a saint, a wonderful woman. I am a for putting the family through what I have.
    Maybe your wife is like mine and just being a Mamma Bear, since Pappa Bear is acting like a [whatever your emoji is]

    I had to up my life insurance after I broke my arm last summer, so I get it.

    Some ideas, because to a biker, biking is important for the soul:
    - Switch to cross-country for awhile
    - Ride with your kids.
    - Promise to ride with someone in case you ever need help
    - Buy some disability and life insurance.
    --------------

    [WTB] 1987 Cannondale SM800, 20", Pink with airbrushed graphics.

  78. #78
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    Don't knock ultimatums.

    Early in our travels my wife gave me one. I had it coming. It was a good thing. Many years later we are still together, and happy.

  79. #79
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    Well, you've been laid up out of work for 8 weeks so one can see her point.

    However, you can still ride hard and enjoy yourself with much lower odds for significant injury by avoiding the bike parks.

    There's no way I'd ditch my sport for anyone. I'd certainly consider throttling back if I did experience your serious accidents. But I'd never cease my love for biking.
    Stick around if you're housebroken...

  80. #80
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    Sounds like your first crash was due to being overconfident (riding above your pay grade), and your second crash was due to lacking confidence. In addition to the suggestions for couple's therapy, you might consider seeing a sports psychologist a few times so you don't ride scared and also sign up for a multi-day skills course with a mtnb coach so you can start from scratch and eliminate bad habits that most of us pick up over the years.

    My wife knew what she was signing up for and she's been there when I've had some surgeries. She knows that I would be miserable if I couldn't ride. However, my job requires that I am physically mobile and being laid up sucks so I try to ride within my limits and take my ego out of it. Last time a cocky rider gave me shit for riding cautiously he went otb 10 minutes later, knocked himself out and separated his shoulder.

  81. #81
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    I'll toss in here. Not too many female voices representing.

    Married 37 years. Hub is a bit of a thrill seeker, has a hard time moderating.
    He was a Class 5 boater for years and finally dialed back when a few too many acquaintances died.
    He's been biking since the mid 80's and got me into it. Our kids are now in their 30's.

    Biking he's had:
    Separated shoulder
    Broken pelvis and collarbone, same crash, two collarbone surguries put him in a wheel chair for a month.
    Cracked ribs two or three times.
    Broken wrist and ribs in the same year.
    We are self employed and he's the primary income earner.
    Add in a shoulder dislocation and reconstruction surgery from a ski crash.

    That all being said, he's got a hard time moderating - always need to push at something.

    When he was class five boating our kids were little. I could no more take that away from him than stop feeding him. I came to terms with it and figured if his number was up, it was up.

    After some nudging from me - no ultimatums, just gentle discussion, he took his focus off gap jumps and double diamond runs. I flippantly suggested "why don't you look at some adventure rides?". Next thing I know he's off to do the GDR, and is training to finish it next year. This means he's gone a lot getting miles in. ( and just had to buy a gravel grinder)

    We've been through two rounds of intense marriage counseling for other, bigger issues but naturally how we handle all this is part of the equation.

    Not sure where I'm going with this exactly.
    You might look at your risk assessment mechanism. Accidents do happen but there are a lot of ways to mitigate risk mountain biking.
    Good marriage counseling. Even if you think the relationship is basically OK, there's a lot to be said for two willing parties to hash out missed communication, old resentments, that same old argument you always get into that never gets resolved, etc. We did really well with the "EFT" model which is a a brain science model of behavior analysis that's very effective for couples.

  82. #82
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    WRT ultimatums. There is a big difference between using them routinely to try to get what you want and using one when you are done.

    If my partner was using it every week, I'd tell her to F-off.

    But if she never issued one and then springs one on me after 8 years, then warning lights should be flashing rather than self-rightous indignation.

  83. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crankout View Post
    There's no way I'd ditch my sport for anyone.

    Not even for your kids? I'd say it depends.
    I brake for stinkbugs

  84. #84
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    I had to quit what I thought was my life-long passion (mountaineering) due to serious injury. It sucks, and will always be one of the big "what ifs" of my life. But I just couldn't justify the risk anymore.

    Of course, that was my choice. If someone had forced that decision on me I would have really bitter feelings about it.

    Luckily, mountain biking doesn't have to be risky. It sounds like there's room for compromise between her valid concerns and your passion. You already said you'd sell your bikes, but you feel like that was against your will. You need to re-open the discussion and come to an agreement that you feel like you had an equal part in, or it will poison your relationship.

  85. #85
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    For an interesting take on risk, extreme sport, love, and family -
    Jennifer Lowe Anker, Alec Lowe's widow (the extreme professional climber who lost his life on Shishampanga) wrote a memoir called "Forget Me Not". I could really relate, married to a thrill seeker. It's about loving some who might not come home and how to reconcile that with family and wanting a partner. And then one day you get that phone call...

  86. #86
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    Another thing to do is to have life insurance so if you do die then at least your spouse and kids will have some financial support. Worst case would be to get severely injured to where you can no longer produce an income and your spouse has to take care of you as a dependent. So if you're going to send it ferda boys, make sure you go HUGE and either clear it or die but don't become a huge burden. Kidding. Kind of.

    Also look into long term disability insurance.

  87. #87
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    Part of being married is compromise, and making sure both people can be happy. Sounds like counseling (not on a bike forum!) Might be helpful to you both.
    Good luck!
    There are safer areas of biking.

  88. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleas View Post
    Mountain biking is NOT an inherently dangerous sport. However, there are some inherently dangerous mountain bike riders.

    -F
    Danger and risk are not synonyms.

    Mountain biking absolutely is inherently risky. There are things you can do to mitigate risk, but you cannot eliminate it completely. You are absolutely correct about danger, though. Failure to assess risk can absolutely result in dangerous situations. Riders like that are dangerous...

  89. #89
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    The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong other than what works in YOUR relationship. If your wife lays down the law and you think that's reasonable then fine. As long as you are both happy. That's why this thread is such a waste of time. What is right for one relationship isn't necessarily right for another.

  90. #90
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    Can you compromise and say you will just do road/gravel/fire road/XC trails, no more jumps and drops, no more bike parks? That way you drastically cut down on your chances of another injury and you still get to ride, or is that too boring?

  91. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by richj8990 View Post
    Can you compromise and say you will just do road/gravel/fire road/XC trails...
    I almost broke my shoulder on a gravel path and I know a guy who did. Just sayin'.

  92. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vonplatz View Post
    We are looking to purchase a new home and yestearday, after seeing one we like she has expressed that before she is ready to commit to buying the house, she wants me to stop mountain biking or she would like to end the relationship. Her argument is that apart from the money I spend on it, apart from the time it separates me from my family she considers it selfish of me to put a hobby over my own safety and responsibility to my family.
    You need to get your kids involved in the sport with you, and considering you have children, they really should be your priority while they are young.

    http://forums.mtbr.com/riding-passio...t-1090630.html

    I have found a way to keep riding AND spend time with my son. I realize this is only an answer to part of your question, but that is part of my MTB life now.

    How old are your children?
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  93. #93
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    That works until your kids get a little older and decide that mountain biking is for lame middle aged men. Sigh...

  94. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    That works until your kids get a little older and decide that mountain biking is for lame middle aged men. Sigh...
    If that happens I will take up what ever hobby my son is interested in if it happens to be outside my current scope of hobbies is so far.


    FYI - I am 41 in May, been happily married 21 years.
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  95. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    That works until your kids get a little older and decide that mountain biking is for lame middle aged men. Sigh...
    Sounds like you are missing the growth through the HS and Middle School leagues. Our trails are full of dads trying to keep up with kids.

  96. #96
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    If any kid views mountain biking as lame or for middle aged men, show them AARON GWIN or Gee Atherton. There's no reason any kid shoukd view mountain biking in negative light like that.

  97. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klurejr View Post
    If that happens I will take up what ever hobby my son is interested in if it happens to be outside my current scope of hobbies is so far.
    Around fifth grade through middle school my daughters got into youth soccer and basketball. I've gone to a lot of games over the past few years. Parents aren't allowed to play though.

    Quote Originally Posted by formica View Post
    Sounds like you are missing the growth through the HS and Middle School leagues. Our trails are full of dads trying to keep up with kids.
    My daughters just aren't all that into biking. They decided they prefer the team camaraderie of girls their own age rather than their old man. Who'd have guessed that one, lol. Although I pretend to lament, it's okay with me that they're finding their own path. I don't need them to follow my path.

  98. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragracer88 View Post
    If any kid views mountain biking as lame or for middle aged men, show them AARON GWIN or Gee Atherton. There's no reason any kid shoukd view mountain biking in negative light like that.
    Ha ha, I can pretty much guarantee you that showing a video of Gwin or Gee shredding a trail will not convince my daughters to go send it off some jumps.

  99. #99
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    why do women always want to control men? they want us to quit sport activities, stop drinking beer. this is why I don't want to get marry.

  100. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Picard View Post
    why do women always want to control men? they want us to quit sport activities, stop drinking beer. this is why I don't want to get marry.
    I think you may be safe.

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