Cardinal Rules of Mountain Biking- Mtbr.com
Results 1 to 60 of 60
  1. #1
    mtbr member
    Reputation: screamingbunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    882

    Cardinal Rules of Mountain Biking

    1. He who rides the fastest, rests the longest.

    2. Uphill is always the "right" direction

    3. The other side of the fire road is always smoother

    any more?

  2. #2
    wg
    wg is offline
    Fermented Grain Sampler
    Reputation: wg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    4,134
    "There's always someone stronger/faster/better than you"

    "Don't forget to have fun"

    "The item you take out of the Camelbak is the item you need on the next ride"

    "Close your mouth on fast muddy rides."
    Don't harsh my mello

  3. #3
    Weird huh?
    Reputation: cmdrpiffle's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    2,283

    !!!

    ...all of the marketing hype in the world won't help those $50.00 tires grip those wet roots...

  4. #4
    aka baycat
    Reputation: Ryan G.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    8,480
    Thou shalt not wear lycra

    Thou shalt covet thy neighbors $5,000 blinged out full squish with tons of carbon bits

    Thou shalt not let something green grow in thy Camelback

    Always remember to remove the malt liquor, screw driver or fat tire from your camelback that you used for the party when you go on a ride the next day. Yuck warm vodka!

  5. #5
    Am I getting too bulky?
    Reputation: Bikehigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    800
    If you're not done riding, don't stop.

    Don't stop riding, if you're not done.
    I gotta roll, can't stand still, got a flame in my heart, can't get my fill.

  6. #6
    aka baycat
    Reputation: Ryan G.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    8,480
    Why do one loop, when you can do two!

  7. #7
    Nouveau Retrogrouch SuperModerator
    Reputation: shiggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 1998
    Posts
    48,236
    Don't be a skidiot!
    mtbtires.com
    The trouble with common sense is it is no longer common

  8. #8
    Nouveau Retrogrouch SuperModerator
    Reputation: shiggy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 1998
    Posts
    48,236
    Quote Originally Posted by baycat
    Why do one loop, when you can do two!
    Why do two small loops when you can do one big one!
    mtbtires.com
    The trouble with common sense is it is no longer common

  9. #9
    Bike to the Bone...
    Reputation: rzozaya1969's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    8,286
    'dont worry about a fall.. you'll never get below ground level...'

  10. #10
    mtbr member
    Reputation: phatr32's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    180
    if you are gonna stack it in front of people, do it in style.........

  11. #11
    SS Pusher Man
    Reputation: mtnbikej's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Posts
    7,549
    Never say "I wanna do that (jump/drop/stunt) one last time."

    Never talk about how you never get flats.

    mtnbikej

  12. #12
    mtbr member
    Reputation: KRob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    12,245
    If you tell your wife you'll be back at noon..... you can bet it'll be two at least.

    If you go biking with my dad on "this trail I saw on the map", you can bet there'll be some hike-a-bike.

    The proportion of hike-a-bike to actual ride increases directly with the number of whiners he has with him.

    If two points look like they connect on the map..... they probably don't.

  13. #13
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2,816
    1) How hard you crash is directly portional to the number of people watching you at that time.

    a) If you are a male, you WILL crash over some STUPIDLY easy stunt while she is
    watching.

    2) Your chain will choose to break at the precise moment that you bear down on the pedal to power over a log/rock/etc.
    Last edited by crashedandburned; 12-01-2005 at 06:46 AM.

  14. #14

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    226
    don't wear spandex, unless you have a ballet after your ride. Or your a chick mountain biker with a nice a$$.

    No matter how many ounces your camel back will hold, you will drink it.

    Never put your shin guards on with the velcro on the inside of your leg. Your legs will stick together.

    Putting your finger on one nostril and blowing snot all over with the other nostril is NOT cool.

  15. #15
    Ride Instigator
    Reputation: Ricko's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,220
    If you didn't build the stunt....You have no right to move it, modify it or destroy it...you only have the right to go around it (assuming you can't ride it) .

  16. #16
    mtbr member
    Reputation: jugdish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    3,267
    Quote Originally Posted by Ricko
    If you didn't build the stunt....You have no right to move it, modify it or destroy it...you only have the right to go around it (assuming you can't ride it) .
    Unless it's illegally built of course.

  17. #17
    the wrench
    Reputation: garboui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    469
    thou shalt not leave goo packs and wrappers on the trail. (one of the biggest reasons that i have seen the hikers het ticked off over)
    do it, do it DO IT!!
    DOOOO IIIIIT!!

  18. #18

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    291
    1.) Be a rebel and Break the Cardinal Rules of Mountain Biking:

    Wear lycra!!!

  19. #19
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    8,849

    another rule

    Never stop at the top of a climb to rest. Accelerate over the top and recover while out of breath.

  20. #20
    Turner Homer
    Reputation: dtrek4500's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    1,227
    Never go riding with the mindset thinking that you are going to crash, becasue as a result you will crash. I found this out yesterday.

  21. #21
    desert dweller
    Reputation: mattbikeboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,643
    What are you doing making back to the car with both food and water left in your Camelback?

  22. #22
    Glad to Be Alive
    Reputation: SHIVER ME TIMBERS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    42,952
    keep the rubber side down

    he who hesitates........masterbates

    go big or go home
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  23. #23

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    92
    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Dirt
    don't wear spandex, unless you have a ballet after your ride. Or your a chick mountain biker with a nice a$$.

    .
    why are the rules different for men and women ?

    Ok, here’s my new rule: don’t wear spandex unless you are a GUY with a nice a$$
    Last edited by trailgirl; 12-01-2005 at 10:49 AM.

  24. #24
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    2,110
    The great thing about mtb is there are no cardinal rules -- hence the love for Milk Jug Guy.

  25. #25
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    682
    One out of two snotrockets land on your shoe.

  26. #26

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    616
    The view from the dirt after a crash is better than any view from an office building, or just about anywhere.

    Problems are not as bad after a long hard ride.

    You cannot see nature from a car like you can from a bike.

    It doesn't matter if you wear lycra/spandex or whatever or if your bike is FS, HT, or SS or whatever, or what type of terrain you prefer, just as long as you ride.
    Last edited by Homer Simpson; 12-01-2005 at 02:01 PM. Reason: Dirt: all natural pain killer.

  27. #27
    Addicted to Dirt
    Reputation: ingluis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    674
    -The absolute laws: gravity, friction, mass (everything else is a combination of these 3)
    -Pain (in the legs when climbing and in the face when falling on the downhill) is directly proportional to the absolute value of the trail slope.
    - “Shortcuts” only get you more lost, faster.
    - That annoying song that you despise will come back to haunt you when suffering on a climb.
    - Whenever you’re friend says “my legs feel like sh*t today” get ready for a 25 mile sufferfest.
    - You will always break your derailleur at the farthest distance from the car.

  28. #28
    Probably drunk right now
    Reputation: Ken in KC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    6,750

    I only have one rule...

    Ride what you like and like what you ride.

  29. #29
    mtbr member
    Reputation: bikeCOLORADO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    1,919
    The shortest distance between two points...is lots of little circles.
    GoatRidesBikes.com
    Goat Rides Bikes @ YouTube
    "I may be old and fat, but at least I'm slow." - Me

  30. #30
    Old man on a bike
    Reputation: Bikinfoolferlife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    12,383
    To let it flow you must let it go (courtesy of the Shu-man)

    Never make major changes to your bike the night before the race.

    The time it takes to finish a ride geometrically increases proportionately to each additional rider in your group; this also applies to the time it takes to get to and home from the trailhead...
    "...the people get the government they deserve..."
    suum quique

  31. #31
    Girt by sea.
    Reputation: Kalgrm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    464
    If F=m*a and E=mc^2

    then

    a=(F*c^2)/E

    where a = acceleration, m = mass, F = force, c = the speed of light and E = energy

    So it doesn't matter how much you weigh as long as you can put more force into your life.
    What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    My photography web site: www.scenebyhird.com

  32. #32
    ss poser
    Reputation: tink bell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    406
    Quote Originally Posted by trailgirl
    why are the rules different for men and women ?

    Ok, here’s my new rule: don’t wear spandex unless you are a GUY with a nice a$$

    i'm w/trailgirl!! we like to look, too!!
    can i get some pixie dust w/my gu, please?

  33. #33
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Burdman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    187

    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by tink bell
    i'm w/trailgirl!! we like to look, too!!
    oh, is that why you always ride behind me? ;-)

  34. #34
    Something's tingling
    Reputation: Curious's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    154

    I can only think of one...

    Ain't nothing to it, but to do it.

  35. #35
    ss poser
    Reputation: tink bell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    406
    Quote Originally Posted by Burdman
    oh, is that why you always ride behind me? ;-)
    no, you're just faster than me! stay on topic!
    can i get some pixie dust w/my gu, please?

  36. #36
    mtbr member
    Reputation: screamingbunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    882
    Quote Originally Posted by tink bell
    no, you're just faster than me! stay on topic!
    If you're in second place the view never changes.

    we call that a "segway"

  37. #37
    Am I getting too bulky?
    Reputation: Bikehigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    800
    If you're gonna take a nature break without dismounting your bike, at least do it on the downhill side of the trail.
    I gotta roll, can't stand still, got a flame in my heart, can't get my fill.

  38. #38

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    270
    Lycra is a privilege not a right

    It is better to be on my bike thinking of God. Than in church thinking about my bike.

    Gravity - It's The LAW

    Do not covet things you don't need and can't afford just to impress people you don't even care about.

    Climbing is Zen

  39. #39
    Am I getting too bulky?
    Reputation: Bikehigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    800
    Save your legs! If you've just gotta have sex the morning before a major ride effort, and who doesn't, let you partner do most of the work.
    I gotta roll, can't stand still, got a flame in my heart, can't get my fill.

  40. #40
    zon
    zon is offline
    Scofflaw Mountain Biker
    Reputation: zon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,720
    you love to climb
    ΜΟΛΩΝ-ΛΑΒΕ


    .

  41. #41
    Cheney for Sith Lord '08
    Reputation: ArroyoBomber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    179

    The Acceleration of Gravity

    =32.15 fps/s(9.8m/s/s),downward.
    E=mc^2
    Pressure necessary to break a bone=7psi....
    ...now,forget ALL of that,and remember that trees eat mt bikers,fast= good,fast + high=better....and don't eat yellow snow.
    Oh,and in the words of master Lee,"Don't think...feel!"


    p.s.-ditto on the annoying songs in my head on climbs
    Last edited by ArroyoBomber; 12-01-2005 at 08:34 PM.

  42. #42
    ~I Ride In Circles ~
    Reputation: ZoSoSwiM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    1,629
    If it looks slippery you'll be fine.. if it looks dry watch out.

    A hangover before a ride only makes the trees seem faster

    People will look at you funny
    ~ it's all good ~

  43. #43
    mtbr member
    Reputation: wrongway's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    101
    Quote Originally Posted by screamingbunny
    1. He who rides the fastest, rests the longest.

    2. Uphill is always the "right" direction

    3. The other side of the fire road is always smoother

    any more?
    One rule...just pedal, fool!

  44. #44
    JmZ
    JmZ is offline
    Reformed Lurker
    Reputation: JmZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,029
    The bigger the event, the more likely it will rain.
    The bigger the obstacle, the more work it'll take.
    Both in opening trails, and building them.
    If you never ask, it'll never happen.

    Fix the bike before the ride, or you will fix the bike ON the ride.
    You will need one more tube/patch kit than is available.

    Karma does exist. Handing out a tube means you won't need it.

    Get the first aid kit ready whenever you hear...
    "Watch this."
    "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

    JmZ

    Quote Originally Posted by screamingbunny
    1. He who rides the fastest, rests the longest.

    2. Uphill is always the "right" direction

    3. The other side of the fire road is always smoother

    any more?
    JmZ

    From one flat land to another.

    Advocate as if your ride depends on it...

  45. #45
    I throw poo
    Reputation: lovemonkey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    386
    Going twice as fast means crashing four times as hard. It's physics, look it up.
    Dang it, now I'm running a coolness deficit for sure.

  46. #46
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    142
    The angle of the dangle is inversely proportionate to the heat of the meat.

    Sorry, had to do it.

    I bought a faster/lighter bike, now the loop I do in the morning takes less time, so I do two in the same amount of time, but now I have to do twice as many climbs and twice as many falls. What a great investment.

  47. #47
    mtbr member
    Reputation: SoCalAl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    297
    If you focus where you don't want to go, that's where your bike will go.

  48. #48
    Formerly DMR For Life
    Reputation: Full Mountain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    989
    Quote Originally Posted by Tacoma4.0
    It is better to be on my bike thinking of God. Than in church thinking about my bike.
    hey is this quote one of yours and if it is can i make a T-shirt with it on it?
    DMR

  49. #49
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    2,797
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan-S
    The angle of the dangle is inversely proportionate to the heat of the meat.
    I thought the angle of the dangle times the square of the hair equals the heat of the meat.

    It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean, but nobody wants to go to sea in a canoe.

    This is just too much to think about. I'm going riding.
    Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.

  50. #50
    WWYD?
    Reputation: johnnyb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    1,597

    S.t.i.l.

    Steeper Than It Looks.

  51. #51
    Old man on a bike
    Reputation: Bikinfoolferlife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    12,383
    This is the last climb...

    We're almost done...
    "...the people get the government they deserve..."
    suum quique

  52. #52

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    380

    There's no crying in mountainbiking!

    There's no crying in mountainbiking!

    A friend of mine told me that during one ride when I tried to cop an excuse for being slow.

  53. #53
    surly inbred
    Reputation: TroutBum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    1,537
    Quote Originally Posted by screamingbunny
    Cardinal Rules of Mountain Biking

    any more?
    enjoy the ride

  54. #54
    Gone riding
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,351
    "He who questions approach, find wrong answer on landing"

    I saw that in some helmet ad years ago, and have always remembered it for some reason.

    Dave.
    Last edited by Low_Rider; 12-02-2005 at 09:53 PM. Reason: spelling

  55. #55
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    776
    Quote Originally Posted by lovemonkey
    Going twice as fast means crashing four times as hard. It's physics, look it up.
    I'm stealing that. Love it. And it has the benefit of being true.

    Ron

  56. #56
    No Justice = No Peace
    Reputation: Lutarious's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,512

    Segue

    Quote Originally Posted by screamingbunny
    If you're in second place the view never changes.

    we call that a "segway"
    We spell it segue, except on the DH/FR board...
    "Welcome to my underground lair...."

  57. #57
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    2,797
    Never sober up awake.

    In an emergency your hydration pack can be used as a portable bidet.

    Don't date single speed girls with a tattoo of a dagger on her neck. (especially if she has a brother named Manny or Cheech)

    When riding with your friends try to avoid saying things like "Hey you guys! Check this out!" as it normally proceeds a serious screw up.
    Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.

  58. #58
    mtbr member
    Reputation: screamingbunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    882
    Quote Originally Posted by Lutarious
    We spell it segue, except on the DH/FR board...
    Yeh! you can correct spelling....you must be better than me

  59. #59

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,094
    Quote Originally Posted by mtnbikej
    Never say "I wanna do that (jump/drop/stunt) one last time."

    Never talk about how you never get flats.

    mtnbikej
    good one!!!! that one put me in a cast for a long time on my dirtbike....one last time ended with 8 broken bones.....damn i wish someone would have told me that earlier.

  60. #60
    kap
    kap is offline

    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    11
    Ride like its your last.

Members who have read this thread: 0

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

THE SITE

ABOUT MTBR

VISIT US AT

© Copyright 2020 VerticalScope Inc. All rights reserved.