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Thread: 50+ Joke Thread

  1. #901
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  2. #902
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    Gifts to think about before giving.....

    50+ Joke Thread-17824a74-f9cf-4b1d-94f5-103786f54bd1.jpg

    I think we should get the kids a trampoline, what do you think?
    50+ Joke Thread-6fa78bce-57dd-4d93-a77c-334ff2573f61.jpg

  3. #903
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    Modern Day Manger scene

    Name:  Manger scene.jpg
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  4. #904
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    Donation

    Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
    'It is!'

    'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
    'I can!'

    'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
    'I do!'

    'Is he a member of your congregation?'
    'He is!'

    'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
    'He will.'



    Confession

    An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

    Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

    Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

    Man: 'What sins?'

    Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

    Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

    Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

    Man: 'I'm 92 years old .. . . . I'm telling everybody!'



    Brothel Trip

    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

    'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

    '90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

    'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'



    Senility

    An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.
    Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

    'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

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    50+ Joke Thread-49106234_10155890607250233_8690917558120873984_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

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    50+ Joke Thread-48999401_2021243364628379_4057363657871327232_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

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    Seen this one before, but worth repeating.

    50+ Joke Thread-48983882_2189775931074167_925445867513577472_o.jpg
    As little bike as possible, as silent as possible.
    Latitude: 5736' Highlands, Scotland

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    50+ Joke Thread-49371754_10155912721495233_2063392990117756928_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  18. #918
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    50+ Joke Thread-49506454_2199995300064350_4993549357396525056_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  19. #919
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    I was yawning at 10:30

    50+ Joke Thread-49948261_10156952800886613_837391358544052224_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  20. #920
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    Good job!

    Quote Originally Posted by 2old View Post
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    I am sending 2 beers to 2old. That is a deal for all the laughs, thanks

  23. #923
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    Quote Originally Posted by 33red View Post
    I am sending 2 beers to 2old. That is a deal for all the laughs, thanks
    Make that a 4 pack.
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  24. #924
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    50+ Joke Thread-49775706_10215935178165216_178423773383360512_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

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  26. #926
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcd46 View Post
    Make that a 4 pack.
    Oh yeah, congrats btw, JCD!
    Quote Originally Posted by Oh My Sack! View Post
    Remember, there's always quilting and knitting if pedalling becomes too tough.

  27. #927
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    What a modern CONFUCIUS would say:


    Man who wants pretty nurse
    must be patient.


    Passionate kiss, like spider web,
    leads to undoing of fly.


    Lady who goes camping must be
    aware of evil intent.


    Squirrel who runs up woman's leg
    will not find nuts.


    Man who leaps off cliff jumps
    to conclusion.


    Man who runs in front of car gets
    tired. Man who runs behind car
    gets exhausted.


    Man who eats many prunes get
    good run for money.


    War does not determine who is right
    It determines who is left.


    Man who fight with wife all day get
    no peace at night.


    It takes many nails to build a crib
    but only one screw to fill it.


    Man who drives like hell is
    bound to get there.


    Man who stands on toilet
    is high on pot.

  28. #928
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    How did they get there????

    50+ Joke Thread-image.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image-2.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image003.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image002.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image004.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image005.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image006.jpg

    Name:  image007.jpg
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    50+ Joke Thread-image008.jpg

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    50+ Joke Thread-image010.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image011.jpg

    50+ Joke Thread-image012.jpg

  29. #929
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Oh yeah, congrats btw, JCD!
    Thanks Chaz!
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  30. #930
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    A Touching Golf Story

    Ray stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole
    for what seemed an eternity.

    He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again,
    but didn't start his back swing.

    Finally his exasperated partner asked,
    'What the hell is taking so long?'

    'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,
    Jim explained.
    'I want to make a perfect shot.'

    His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in
    hell of hitting her from here'.

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  32. #932
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcd46 View Post
    Thanks Chaz!
    Hey, why don't you drop by for dinner tomorrow night?
    Quote Originally Posted by Oh My Sack! View Post
    Remember, there's always quilting and knitting if pedalling becomes too tough.

  33. #933
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    Quote Originally Posted by chazpat View Post
    Hey, why don't you drop by for dinner tomorrow night?
    Sure, can I bring Yanet* and the dogs?

    Yes, that's how they spelled Janet.
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  34. #934
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  35. #935
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcd46 View Post
    Sure, can I bring Yanet* and the dogs?

    Yes, that's how they spelled Janet.
    Dogs yes, Yanet, no; that would spoil the preview!
    Quote Originally Posted by Oh My Sack! View Post
    Remember, there's always quilting and knitting if pedalling becomes too tough.

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  37. #937
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2old View Post
    .

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  38. #938
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    50+ Joke Thread-49775666_2137664169602828_3586340139321786368_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  39. #939
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  41. #941
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    50+ Joke Thread-49826058_10156325568838229_5481457298624741376_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  42. #942
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    ^^lol
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  43. #943
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    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails 50+ Joke Thread-sell-my-stuff.jpg  


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  45. #945
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    I blame the vegan diet

    50+ Joke Thread-49653953_2270583963230434_2573842835270795264_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  46. #946
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  48. #948
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    Pull my finger

    50+ Joke Thread-49827638_2031459193608754_6303272747816452096_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  49. #949
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  50. #950
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    The answer....

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  51. #951
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    50+ Joke Thread-50454599_2562274520501264_698941404130312192_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  52. #952
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    50+ Joke Thread-you-misspelled-constant-criticism-32342005.png
    I like turtles

  53. #953
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    ^^lol!
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  54. #954
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    50+ Joke Thread-image009.jpg

  55. #955
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    Although Arthur James, who also taught classics at Eton for many years, could quote the great works of ancient Greece and Rome from memory, he was plagued by senior moments after his retirement.
    One day, when James was cycling home, he met a friend who noted that James had gotten a new bicycle. James looked down in confusion and realised that he must have taken the postmaster's bicycle by mistake. So he cycled to the Post Office, which was seven miles away, leaned the bicycle against the wall, went inside, apologized to the postmaster, went back outside, got back on the man's bicycle, and rode home.
    If I don't make an attempt, how will I know if it will work?

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  57. #957
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    ...
    The Steel Fleet:


    '14 All City MMD
    '12 Kona Unit Rigid
    TBA - There is a hint in the Purchase thread

  58. #958
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    50+ Joke Thread-50073951_10218348431452286_2917908731163312128_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  59. #959
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  60. #960
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    A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his mobile phone, he orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just Produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

    Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man Just shrugs, "That's aboot average up our way, folks...like Ah said - my boy's a typical Highland baby boy.."

    Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.. The bartender says, I say, you're the father of that Scottish baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at Birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks
    ... So how much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "Aye, well, he's seventeen pounds the now". The bartender is puzzled and concerned "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born."

    The father takes a slow swig from of his Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him Circumcised, didn't I".
    As little bike as possible, as silent as possible.
    Latitude: 5736' Highlands, Scotland

  61. #961
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  62. #962
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    50+ Joke Thread-ocxyk4kuntiuhwiw5sqm_21_ff7cab0bc97309e0e39b636fda1fdc13_image.jpg
    Devinci Marshall Carbon 27.5+

    Colorado Springs, CO

  63. #963
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    Two old men had been friends most of their lives. When it was clear that Frank was dying, Leonard visited him every day.

    One day Leonard said, "Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing in high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's golf there."

    Frank looked up at Leonard from his deathbed and said, "Leonard, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

    Shortly after that, Frank died.

    A few weeks later, Leonard was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Leonard!"

    "Who is it?" asked Leonard, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

    "Leonard -- it's me, Frank."

    "You're not Frank. Frank just died."

    "I'm telling you, it's me, Frank," insisted the voice.

    "Frank! Where are you?"

    "In heaven," replied Frank. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

    "Tell me the good news first," said Leonard.

    "The good news," Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, "is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too Even better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Summertime and it never rains. And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. And we get to play with all the greats of the past."

    "That's fantastic," said Leonard. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

    "You're in my foursome this Saturday.

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  65. #965
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    50+ Joke Thread-50086308_406600360155964_6627888545006616576_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

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