Need a joke pronto...- Mtbr.com
Results 1 to 22 of 22
  1. #1
    gnar, brah
    Reputation: Andrewpalooza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    1,861

    Need a joke pronto...

    I'm filling out the application to work at a bike shop in town, and they asked me to write a joke on it. I don't really know a whole lot of jokes (at least not any jokes that I could put on this application). so, if you got a good joke, post it.
    Trestle Bike Park

  2. #2
    just along for the ride
    Reputation: Brown_Teeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,033
    DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

    >
    > > > >
    >
    > > > > 40-ish...........................49
    >
    > > > > Adventurous..................Slept with everyone
    >
    > > > > Athletic..........................No breasts
    >
    > > > > Average looking.............Ugly
    >
    > > > > Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
    >
    > > > > Contagious Smile..........Does a lot of pills
    >
    > > > > Emotionally Secure.......On medication
    >
    > > > > Feminist........................Fat
    >
    > > > > Free spirit.....................Junkie
    >
    > > > > Friendship first..............Former ****
    >
    > > > > Fun...............................Annoying
    >
    > > > > New-Age.......................Body hair in the wrong places
    >
    > > > > Open-minded.................Desperate
    >
    > > > > Outgoing.......................Loud and Embarrassing
    >
    > > > > Passionate.....................Sloppy drunk
    >
    > > > > Professional....................*****
    >
    > > > > Voluptuous.....................Very Fat
    >
    > > > > Large frame...................Hugely Fat
    >
    > > > > Wants Soul mate............Stalker
    >
    > > > >
    >
    > > > > WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
    >
    > > > >
    >
    > > > > 1. Yes = No
    >
    > > > > 2. No = Yes
    >
    > > > > 3. Maybe = No
    >
    > > > > 4. We need = I want..
    >
    > > > > 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
    >
    > > > > 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
    >
    > > > > 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
    >
    > > > > 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
    >
    > > > > 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
    >
    > > > > 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever
    > think about
    >
    > > > >
    >
    > > > > MEN'S ENGLISH:
    >
    > > > >
    >
    > > > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry
    >
    > > > > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
    >
    > > > > 3. I am tired = I am tired
    >
    > > > > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
    >
    > > > > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now
    >
    > > > > 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
    >
    > > > > 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
    >
    > > > > 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with

    you

    > > > > 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex

    with you

    >
    > > > > 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex

    with you

    >
    > > > > 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

  3. #3
    wheeeee!!!
    Reputation: butocabra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    360
    why do gorrillas have big nostrils?
    because gorillas have big fingers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Andrewpalooza
    I'm filling out the application to work at a bike shop in town, and they asked me to write a joke on it. I don't really know a whole lot of jokes (at least not any jokes that I could put on this application). so, if you got a good joke, post it.

  4. #4
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Dartman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    403
    Interstate Highway

    It had been a quiet night at the local bar so far, but then the door was thrown open and an Interstate highway strode in.

    "I'm an Inter- state highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm afraid of no highway and no road."

    He then strode up to the bar, ordered a beer, and began drinking it, while looking around.

    A short time later, a four-lane highway came in, went to the end of the bar, and ordered a beer.

    The Interstate looked him over and walked over to him. "I'm an Interstate highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

    The four-lane highway said "I agree that you're the best. I don't want any trouble with you. Let me buy you a beer", and he did. They drank their beers and discussed their engineering specifications.

    After a half hour, the door opened again and a two-lane road came in, went to the other end of the bar, and ordered a beer.

    The Interstate looked him over and told the four-lane highway that he had to take care of the new arrival. He walked over to the two-lane road and said "I'm an Interstate highway. I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

    The two-lane road quivered a bit and said "You're absolutely right. You are the best of the highways. I'm just a lowly two-lane road. I don't want any trouble. Can I buy beers for you and the four-lane highway?"

    The Interstate motioned the four-lane highway to come over, the two-lane road bought beers for each of them, and the three of them drank their beers and discussed the merits of various paving materials.

    After another half hour, the door opened again and a strip of asphalt about eight feet wide came in. The Interstate highway ducked behind the bar and hid there quivering quietly.

    The bartender was shocked.

    After serving the asphalt strip, he walked over to where the Interstate was hiding. "I watched you stand up to the four-lane highway and the two-lane road. You said you weren't afraid of any highway or road. Why are you hiding from that little asphalt strip?"

    The Interstate replied quietly, "It's true that I'm not afraid of any highway or road, but he's a cycle path."

  5. #5
    gnar, brah
    Reputation: Andrewpalooza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    1,861
    Quote Originally Posted by Dartman
    Interstate Highway....
    Thats pretty good. I think I'll use that.
    Trestle Bike Park

  6. #6
    rider
    Reputation: Ride To The Hills's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    265

    joke

    what about this one:

    True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

    "The moral of this story is:"

    "Always keep your condoms in your car."

    -rtth
    "who vants a mustache ride?"

  7. #7
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    409
    This won't translate very well as text, you'll have to say it to yourself out loud.

    Did you hear about the new camping movie?

    It's intense.

    www.Go-Ride.com
    866-467-4334

  8. #8
    Absurd
    Reputation: MVRIDER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    920
    Q Did you hear about the girl that went fishing with 2 guys?

    A She came back with a red snapper!

  9. #9
    Glad to Be Alive
    Reputation: SHIVER ME TIMBERS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    42,923
    a little boy comes home in tears and tells his dad a boy called him gay....his dad says to him tomorrow you punch him in the mouth

    the boy says "I can't because he is so cute"
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  10. #10
    Yes, that's fonetic
    Reputation: whoda*huck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    3,890

    What's the definition of "making love"?

    ...what a woman's doing while a man is boinking her...

  11. #11
    gnar, brah
    Reputation: Andrewpalooza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    1,861
    Quote Originally Posted by Ride To The Hills
    what about this one:

    True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

    "The moral of this story is:"

    "Always keep your condoms in your car."

    -rtth

    Dayum....

    Lucky break there.
    Trestle Bike Park

  12. #12
    ...
    Reputation: BikeMk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    493
    A pirate walks into a bar with this enormous steering wheel stuck down his pants. The bartender can't help but ask, "What's with the steering wheel?" "ARRRRGGH," the pirate answers, "it's drivin' me nuts."

    Q: Of which concept shared by Jungian psychology and Northrop Frye's literary theory are pirates especially fond?
    A: ARRRchetype.

    Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It�s rated AARRRRGGH! And do you know why? Because of all the booty!

  13. #13
    Chinky on a Stinky
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    1,600
    Quote Originally Posted by Ride To The Hills
    what about this one:

    True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

    "The moral of this story is:"

    "Always keep your condoms in your car."

    -rtth
    i was feeling really really bummed out cuz my parents just fired the nanny and she was cryin a sh!t and i was in a bad mood

    thx for makin my day a bit brighter
    Straight outta Compton..............

    Team Tony Train - FR/DH Forever!!!!
    Sponsors: White Devil Syndicate (we're workin on it 'aight?)

    DREAM THEATER

  14. #14
    Bike Hoor
    Reputation: Innocent Bystander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    675
    Farmer walks into the kitchen with a duck under his arm and looks at his wife who is sitting at the kitchen table....

    He non-chalantly says "Well, here's the pig I've been f&*^ing."

    His wife replies "Huh? That's not a pig, it's a duck."

    He snaps back at her, "SHUT UP, I was talking to the duck"
    Pedalling the goods since 2002.
    http://www.boutiquebikes.com

  15. #15
    18 years old
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    632
    Quote Originally Posted by James @ Go-Ride
    This won't translate very well as text, you'll have to say it to yourself out loud.

    Did you hear about the new camping movie?

    It's intense.
    i dont get it
    Quote Originally Posted by irieness
    ...it's just that when I'm wondering what things are like head tube, seat post, cranks, flux capacitor, SS, FS, hardtail...

  16. #16
    gnar, brah
    Reputation: Andrewpalooza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    1,861
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadlyStryker
    i dont get it

    Intense = in tents
    Trestle Bike Park

  17. #17
    gnar, brah
    Reputation: Andrewpalooza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    1,861
    Quote Originally Posted by BikeMk
    A pirate walks into a bar with this enormous steering wheel stuck down his pants. The bartender can't help but ask, "What's with the steering wheel?" "ARRRRGGH," the pirate answers, "it's drivin' me nuts."
    Was that on Adult Swim or something last night? Because I was trying to remember that joke. Seriously, that very one. What are the odds?
    Trestle Bike Park

  18. #18
    18 years old
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    632
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrewpalooza
    Intense = in tents

    hehehe
    Quote Originally Posted by irieness
    ...it's just that when I'm wondering what things are like head tube, seat post, cranks, flux capacitor, SS, FS, hardtail...

  19. #19
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    68

    :o

    so a baby seal walks into a club.......................................

  20. #20
    ~=SOME*CAL=~
    Reputation: zRockstar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    231

    ... and if we just ...

    What's the hardest part of rollerblading?


    Telling your dad you're gay.

  21. #21
    mtbr member
    Reputation: sunnyracegirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    683
    Three men were talking about their wives and how much control they had on them. As two of them spoke, the 3rd remained silent. One of the two looked over at the 3rd and asked, "Well, what about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?" The guy replied, "The last time we had an argument, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The other two were impressed. One of them asked, "What happened then?" The man answered, "She said, 'Come out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"


  22. #22
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Dartman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    403
    A priest, a rabbi and an salesman all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What's this...some kind of joke?!"

    *****

    A string walks into a bar and says "Bartender give me a beer!". The bartender tells him "We don't serve strings in here...get out!!!". The string leaves but undaunted twists himself up, combs out some of his strands and goes back inside. The bartender eyes him up quizzically and asks "Aren't you that string I just kicked outta here?!" The string replies "No! I'm a frayed knot!"

    *****

    Tim Kelly was walking through a dim passageway when someone spoke to him. "Good evening, Kelly," said the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old friend Grogan any more?"

    Kelly stared at Grogan. His face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive plaster. One arm was in a sling and he leaned on a crutch. "Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from the trestle?"

    "It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin' bejazus outa me."

    "He did indeed," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend yourself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your own hand?"

    "Only Mrs. Murphy's arse," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but not worth a damn in a fight."

Similar Threads

  1. post your joke here ;)
    By baileybird in forum Brake Time
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-01-2004, 09:18 AM
  2. Joke
    By Chingy in forum Weight Weenies
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-30-2004, 03:00 AM

Members who have read this thread: 0

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

THE SITE

ABOUT MTBR

VISIT US AT

© Copyright 2019 VerticalScope Inc. All rights reserved.