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Thread: Friday fun

  1. #1
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    Friday fun

    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that she was heading straight towards him. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out "Business trip or pleasure?"

    She turned, smiled and said, " business... I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,"What's your business role at the convention?"

    "Lecture," she replied "I'm the lead lecturer and I use information I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"

    She explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most apt to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that

    Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent that are the best. I've also discovered that the lover with the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.."

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I am so sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this with you I don't even know your name."

    "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.

    After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

    "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.

    "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

    "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

    The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

    Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

    But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

    It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

    He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?"

    "Yes, I do." said Bob

    "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

    "Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

    "I have to admit that I did."

    "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

    Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did."

    "Why do you ask?"

    "She just died and left me everything."
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  2. #2
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    hahaha. that second one was a hoot.
    !

  3. #3
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    Fridays are always more fun when you can sit on your couch, drink beer @ 9:30 am, and post jokes for all your e-buddies.............

    What would we do without you man?
    "Korash your enemiez, zee zem driven bevore you, and ear ze lamentation of za vemen"

  4. #4
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    same as joke 1

    Guy sitting at a bar...Hot woman walks in
    and sits next to him, eager to start conversation,
    he says.."Hi, what's your name?"

    "Carmen", she replies

    "Beautiful name, is it a family name" he asks

    "No," she says," I like Cars and I like
    men, so I call my self CarMen.... And what is
    your name" she asks.

    he says "beer f-ck"

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHIVER ME TIMBERS
    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that she was heading straight towards him. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out "Business trip or pleasure?"

    She turned, smiled and said, " business... I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,"What's your business role at the convention?"

    "Lecture," she replied "I'm the lead lecturer and I use information I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"

    She explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most apt to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that

    Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent that are the best. I've also discovered that the lover with the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.."

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I am so sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this with you I don't even know your name."

    "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.

    After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

    "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.

    "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

    "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

    The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

    Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

    But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

    It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

    He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?"

    "Yes, I do." said Bob

    "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

    "Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

    "I have to admit that I did."

    "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

    Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did."

    "Why do you ask?"

    "She just died and left me everything."

    last one is funny.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by e<i>o
    Fridays are always more fun when you can sit on your couch, drink beer @ 9:30 am, and post jokes for all your e-buddies.............

    What would we do without you man?
    12:30 in NY..........I am just trying to catch up
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by TimE
    Guy sitting at a bar...Hot woman walks in
    and sits next to him, eager to start conversation,
    he says.."Hi, what's your name?"

    "Carmen", she replies

    "Beautiful name, is it a family name" he asks

    "No," she says," I like Cars and I like
    men, so I call my self CarMen.... And what is
    your name" she asks.

    he says "beer f-ck"

    roflcopter
    Quote Originally Posted by irieness
    ...it's just that when I'm wondering what things are like head tube, seat post, cranks, flux capacitor, SS, FS, hardtail...

  8. #8
    pwn3rator
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    how do you get an irishman on the roof?



    say the drinks are on the house...
    SOCAL UNION REPREZENT
    Quote Originally Posted by JBsoxB
    does it still qualify as a mountainbike?
    Quote Originally Posted by kidwoo
    I've beat beer cans on my limp pee pee.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by scabrider
    how do you get an irishman on the roof?



    say the drinks are on the house...
    what do you get when 4 irishmen hang together....a fifth
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHIVER ME TIMBERS
    what do you get when 4 irishmen hang together....a fifth
    i dont get it
    Quote Originally Posted by irieness
    ...it's just that when I'm wondering what things are like head tube, seat post, cranks, flux capacitor, SS, FS, hardtail...

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeadlyStryker
    i dont get it

    I knew that would fly over some heads...a fifth is a play on word...like a fifth irishmen, but a fifth is usually a size bottle of hard alcohol...
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

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