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  1. #1
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    Frozen junk

    Holy sh*t in a shoe locker it was cold this morning! Yesterday, I rode my bike home and left my car at work intending on catching a ride in this a.m. with the wifey. Unfortunately, last night Brynna (my 6mo old daughter) had a really tough night ending up keeping us awake for most of the night and as a result, wifey's cough and sore throat developed into a full blown cold which meant no workie for *EDIT* wifey *EDIT* which also meant no ridey for Ricky to work. Of course since I’m always looking for an excuse to ride, I decided that I would simply ride in today and bring my car home tonight. Turns out it was a wee bit cold out this morning. When I left, it was 9 freakin’ degrees. I’ve ridden on the trails many times at that temp and colder actually but never on the road. It started out great actually because my legs felt good (surprisingly since I got so little sleep last night) and I was fairly warm except for my face. It was cold but not unmanageable. About 3/4 of the way in though things started to get a bit rough. I have seen ads for wind proof briefs in cycling catalogs before but never really knew when you would need such a thing. Well, I’m here to tell you that its mornings like this little sucker that you need wind proof briefs. At about that ¾ mark, I noticed my hoo-hoo dilly (“Well, who put their hoo-hoo dilly in your cha-cha?” thanks Cartman) was getting a wee bit chilly. No wait, let me rephrase that, my junk was downright frozen! The rest of the commute became a ride for survival. On every downhill, I’d cover my junk with my right hand to keep the wind off and I’d crank as fast as I could on the uphills to try to get the blood flowing again. The strategy seemed to work because when I got in to the office everything was still attached and save for a few minutes of the “its gonna hurt like hell before it warms up” phase everything down THERE seems to be feeling better.

    Another interesting note from this morning’s ride is that the dogs on my route seem to be working in tandem now using the whole distraction ruse. Early on in today’s ride I spotted a large German Sheppard taking a p*ss just off of the road, and not just a normal p*ss but a “I’ve been holding it all freaking night and its starting to dribble down my leg” p*ss that just seemed to keep going and going and going. While I was marveling at this dog’s p*ssing prowess, dog number two was sneaking up on me from the other side of the road. If it hadn’t been for the leaves in the ditch, that shaggy dog b*stard probably would have been on my heels without me even knowing. If they keep upping the ante like this, soon I wouldn’t be surprised if they start ordering products like rocket propelled roller skates from ACME and Wile E. Coyote my a**.
    Last edited by chidDONG; 02-21-2006 at 02:13 PM.
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  2. #2
    paintbucket
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    The perfect application for those extra socks that seem to accumulate....
    When the going gets weird its bedtime.

  3. #3
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    some use sandwich bags for their toes........

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by willi
    some use sandwich bags for their toes........
    funny, thats what I was thinking this afternoon. Of course you'd better hope not to get hit by a car cause try explaining that one to the hospital staff...
    things are more like they are today than they ever were before

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  5. #5
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    Windproof gloves...

    ...work well in that situation. I have an extra pair and have saved my boys from frostbite by gingerly sliding one down in front of 'em on a long, blistery ride. Also know a lot of roadies who use newspaper to break wind (huh-huh). And I concur, plastic bags work wonders.

  6. #6
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    the frozen goods. some friends from up north referred to it as lake superior d*ck. i got it once out roller skiing and man, does that suck. severe pain. just forgot the wind briefs that day, never again!

    wind briefs are a good thing. or for mornings like that, a pair of wind pants over your other pants really help out and keep your pants clean.

  7. #7
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    Our winter is mild, but since I misplaced my trusted overshoes, I wouldn't have made it through without sandwich bags. 2 thin socks, a bag in between and over. Don't wear it too long like that, my toes did start to look funny through the winter doing that. a couple of vent holes might not hurt...

  8. #8
    Misfit Psycles
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    i duct tape my shoes to keep the chill out (because booties look too proper)...you could apply the tape directly to your boys for the same effect...i guess...or you could create a duct taped jock ala that 'word-up' guy.
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  9. #9
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    This post deserves....

    a "brief" response.

  10. #10
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    [QUOTE=chuck55]
    Quote Originally Posted by chidDONG
    which meant no workie for widey which also meant no ridey for Ricky to work. QUOTE]

    Might want to edit that before she see's it!

    phew! nice catch. That might not have gone over so well...
    things are more like they are today than they ever were before

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  11. #11

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    [QUOTE=chidDONG]which meant no workie for widey which also meant no ridey for Ricky to work. QUOTE]

    Might want to edit that before she see's it!

  12. #12
    Harmonius Wrench
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    Not familiar with that, but....

    Cannondale is coming out with some tights that are windproof in the crotch area, which I think would help. I'm not one to ask though as I ride all winter long back and forth to work in Dickies or in extreme situations, blue jeans. I live in Northeast Iowa, for what it's worth.
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  13. #13
    Recovering Weight Weenie
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    I'm interested in a junk cooling system for where I live....

  14. #14

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    Well, since being in the uK I haven't had a chance to use them, but back in CZ, these babies were a cocksaver.


  15. #15
    what a joke
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    Possum/wool blend socks (thats NZ possum) kept my feet warm during the cold MN months. Maybe you could stuff your junk in a sock. But dont get caught when getting changed at the office
    Last edited by ozlongboarder; 02-21-2006 at 09:48 PM.
    blah blah blah

  16. #16
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    For winter riding up here, many have elected to go to their local XC Ski store and purchase some of the tights specific to that sport. Wick perspiration away, but have a wind stop front.

    Check out some of the offerings from Louis Garneau and Sugoi.

    http://www.louisgarneau.com/eng/catalog_prod_v2.asp?

    http://www.sugoi.ca/consumer/product...rtx=40560U.602
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  17. #17
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    Last edited by PaddyH; 02-21-2006 at 10:23 PM.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Padre
    I'm interested in a junk cooling system for where I live....
    Don't they call that "sweat"?
    Just another nighthawk at the diner

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  19. #19
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    CRAFT all they way....

    the S3 Gunde short is a savior here in the winter. Check out craft-usa.com their bike gear is da bomb and the S3 layering pieces are the shiznit, just take a close look at the pro riders in the spring classics in Europe. They're all sporting the stuff even if they're not sponsored

    over and out...

    d

  20. #20
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    my fav.
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