AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP is the noise you'll hear echoing through your head when you ride this 1998 Cannondale F3000!
What's that year?! 1998?
**** YEAH IT'S 1998.
The Internet loaded half a nipple at a time, Clinton gets busted for cigar-blasting a corn-fed girl, the Euro financially circlejerks an entire continent, the Broncos won the Super Bowl (suck it, Manning), postage stamps cost 32 cents, and a bicycle company from Connecticut hand-built the greatest Cross-Country mountain bike the world had ever seen...
This bike was THE top of the line hardtail in Cannondale's arsenal, and propelled a young Cadel Evans to more U23 victories than you can shake your neon-anodized Al-6061 stick at.
Before you call and offer me 1/76th of my asking price, let's play "question and answer".
You: Why would I want a bike this old?
Me: Old?! Find a woman made in 1998 and try to ride HER. I guarantee the bike will be more satisfying and legal.
You: What drivetrain does it have?
Me: I'm glad you asked! This aluminum Sybian throws 8-speed Shimano XTR shifters and derailleurs together with a Race Face Turbine LP crankset for shifting nirvana. Hell, Shimano didn't think you were getting enough XTR parts, so they bukakke your hands with REMOTE XTR SHIFTERS to put on your obviously-not-long-enough bar ends.
Tired of standard shifting systems? Well Bobbitt that **** off and throw it out the window of a moving car because this version of XTR features RAPID RISE technology. That's right, Gorillamask... Rapid Rise shifting will not only enhance the life of the XTR rear cassette due to the reversed parallelogram mainspring, but it will CONFUSE THE UTTER **** OUT OF YOUR DICKBEATERS.
Climbing that nasty hill on your local trail system and need an easier gear? I hope you're feeling that EPO, Randy Savage, because Rapid Rise is going to chest slap you with a HARDER GEAR. Crushing it down your favorite descent and need that big meat 11 tooth? **** YOUR ELECTRONICS because your cadence is going to create its own MAGNETIC FIELD when Rapid Rise Dirk Diggler's you with the 15-tooth cog that you didn't ask for. This shifting is directly responsible for ruining the hopes and dreams of many a Strava user while simultaneously ensuring I can't find pants that fit properly.
You: That's amazing! How do I bring this pain train to a stop?!
Me: Magura HYDRAULIC RIM BRAKES. These brakes are generally reserved for trials riders, and other skinny-jean clad honkies that need to STOP RIGHT NOW. The brakes have acquired the name "Rim Crushers" because they are so powerful. How good are they? THEY STILL MAKE THESE BRAKES IN 2014, so the only pads you'll need to worry about are the sterile pads you'll require after you endo this ***** on FLAT LEVEL GROUND (I've done this twice).
Connecting you to the ground is a set of Mavic Crossland wheels clad in tubeless Maxxis LUST Ignitors. These tires are great for "being rad" and not much else.
You: What is "being rad"?
Me: Are you familiar with the game called "Poke the Bear"? If so, replace the word "Poke" with "Forcefully and Publicly Sodomizing the Family Pet of" and "the Bear" with "Gravity". Rad.
The seat that comes on this bike is a Bontrager... Something. I generally don't ride saddles made by the bike manufacturer, so I can't tell you if it's an ass-hatchet or not. The last time I rode a Specialized saddle, my danglefruit brazenly resembled a dried prune.
Cannondale claims this is an XL, but it fits like an 18-19" frame. My dapper bod is 5'9", and it fits like a race bike.
Text/e-mail with a decent offer, and this monster mash could be yours.