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  1. #1
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    The Spot - The Shed- The Secret Rites

    Some of you may have read my thread a few weeks ago about being kicked out of my garage. I have since used the time to move into my garden shed, and have become quite content. Last week things began to get a little strange though.

    It all began when I was approached by my buddy S-Works. He expressed his desire to go from having two 5-spots to trading one for a pack. He asked if I would be interested. We agreed on a price and it was done. It was strange, though, how the sun went behind a cloud the moment we shook hands.

    Later that afternoon a strange sensation began to creep over me. I had the feeling that I was on the verge of somthing huge. It was as if I was standing a a closed door with the light behind it beginning to show through the cracks. I felt as if I were being led outside. I went to my shed and poof! S-works appeared in a flash of light and smoke. He was wearing a long cloak and his face was obscured. "Know you, must, of the secret Turner Rites" he said. "To stray is to lose the Aide of the Kool soul", and just like that, Poof! he was gone again. In his place was the most beautiful frame I had ever seen and a scroll. Strangely, the frame was placed on my red recliner I had recently moved outside for obvious recreational purposes.

    Quickly I picked up the scroll and began reading through it. It appeared to be some sort of spell or instruction manual. Cheesey.....Zillla.....FMH.....the words were meaningless to me. All at once understanding hit. I now had my quest.

    All that evening and late into the night I worked. Assembling my new tailisman, all the while chanting the words as the scroll instructed. At the stroke of midnight my creation was complete. I stood back and wiped sweat from my brow. I gazed around the shed and looked at the discarded brake lines and empty beer bottles and was awed that such a thing could be created from these innanamete objects. This was not an object. It was a new god. I had given it life.

    Glad to join the club, I'm going to ride the maiden voyage this afternoon.
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    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  2. #2
    Arf, he said.
    Reputation: mtbdawgJeff's Avatar
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    Does a red Lazy-boy recliner shot qualify as a substitute for the mandatory red couch shot?

  3. #3
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    Which is more important? The color or the couch? I am in need of wisdom.
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  4. #4
    Lay off the Levers
    Reputation: Bikezilla's Avatar
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    Wooo. Bonus points for having beer right next to the red recliner so the frame could reach it easily.
    Which is more important color of couch? Hmmmmm I think we need a consensus on that.
    The way I see it is bike-on-funature is bonus points, red furnature extra bonus points...red indoor furnature brought outdoors with bike on it and beer nearby... double extra bonus points.... Hot chick on red furnature outside holding bike... well you get the idea.


    Funny writeup Liking the build. Can't wait for the first impressions. You're gonna love that bike. You're only regret is all the time you missed out not having one.


    Cheers!
    Faster is better, even when it's not.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtbdawgJeff
    Does a red Lazy-boy recliner shot qualify as a substitute for the mandatory red couch shot?
    Seeing as he had to downsize from a garage to a shed, I think a poofta red recliner is acceptable. Extra points for having good beer on hand.
    ****

  6. #6
    No, that's not phonetic
    Reputation: tscheezy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtbjc280
    .....FMH.....the words were meaningless to me.
    Uh, that's FM[size=+2]B[/size].

    Quote Originally Posted by mtbjc280
    This was not an object. It was a new god.
    You're gonna fit in just fine around here.
    My video techniques can be found in this thread.

  7. #7
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    I guess I was thinking Hard about it. I'm such a Bone-head.
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  8. #8
    My cup runneth over
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    Great write up - pray tell, what is the contraption holding the 'Spot to the wall?

  9. #9
    Lay off the Levers
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    It's a bike hook. They sell em at HD. ~$8 bucks
    A dual rubbercoated hook-arm on a pseudo hinge.
    I've got two of em myself.
    Faster is better, even when it's not.

  10. #10
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    Another beautiful Turner but you do cover up that recliner or move it in when it rains, right? Post some pics when you build it up.

  11. #11
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    A $5 blue tarp works well.

    I'm curious about what most people are running for a front shock on the Spot. I had my 04' bomber on my 04 Specialized XC and it was a bit tall when I had it cranked out. Is the bomber going to be too short for the Spot? I can't buy anything for awhile, but what is the current hotness for the front spot forks?
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  12. #12
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    Yup, that is what I use. That a couple of deck screws. It wobbles pretty good when your working on it but it gets it off the floor. I'm not sure I would have room for a bike stand in the shed. Do they make something you can bolt to a wall?
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  13. #13
    wrecking crew
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    Speaking of Secret Rites and all...Does this confirm the thread in Passion Has Turner Become a Cult?
    ~~~

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by su.ling~
    Speaking of Secret Rites and all...Does this confirm the thread in Passion Has Turner Become a Cult?
    Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh! [SIZE="1"]yes, turner ownership is a cult. please keep it to yourself, there is not enough cultship to go around for the entire biking universe.[/SIZE]
    ****

  15. #15
    involuntary dismounter
    Reputation: dHarriet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renegade
    Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh! [SIZE="1"]yes, turner ownership is a cult. please keep it to yourself, there is not enough cultship to go around for the entire biking universe.[/SIZE]
    WE'RE a CULT??? DARN IT!!! why didn't anyone tell me??? did i miss all of the animal slaughter rituals? or is there one coming up? do i need to bring my own torch and robes, or are those provided?
    Solo Trail Explorer and Granny Gear Ninja!


    friends will help you move, good friends will help you move a body...

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by dHarriet
    WE'RE a CULT??? DARN IT!!! why didn't anyone tell me??? did i miss all of the animal slaughter rituals? or is there one coming up? do i need to bring my own torch and robes, or are those provided?
    [SIZE="1"]there is a requisite period of time that new turner owners must wait before being contacted by a cult member. Once you have proven that you are not a "plant" from another bike group, a message written in blood will appear on a window in your home, directing you to your contact, who will escort you blindfolded to the next local cult gathering. You need only acquire the proper clothing for the event which is either a gothic robe, a speedo, or some butt floss, the sacrificial animals will be provided.[/SIZE]
    ****

  17. #17
    wrecking crew
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renegade
    [SIZE=1]You need only acquire the proper clothing for the event which is either a gothic robe, a speedo, or some butt floss, the sacrificial animals will be provided.[/SIZE]
    ...and don't forget the pink coozie!
    ~~~

  18. #18
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    a gothic robe, a speedo, or some butt floss, the sacrificial animals will be provided.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

    What is Butt Floss? Is that something I should be doing regularly for hygine purposes?

    This cult seems much more interesting then the last one I was in. With this one I get to ride on Sunday mornings instead of sitting on a bench and sniffing incense.
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  19. #19
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    Part of being a cult is blind following of a leader. Somehow, I'm thinking that DT doesn't fit that persona. Anyone else want to step up to receive a little blind devotion? Your job: casting out all non-believers in the inherent superiority of our high dollar mechanical trinkets.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renegade
    [SIZE="1"]there is a requisite period of time that new turner owners must wait before being contacted by a cult member. Once you have proven that you are not a "plant" from another bike group, a message written in blood will appear on a window in your home, directing you to your contact, who will escort you blindfolded to the next local cult gathering. You need only acquire the proper clothing for the event which is either a gothic robe, a speedo, or some butt floss, the sacrificial animals will be provided.[/SIZE]

    whew! good to know! thanks dude! i thought maybe someone deleted me off of the mailing list!

    Quote Originally Posted by su.ling~
    ...and don't forget the pink coozie!
    no su.ling, don't bring that up again ...didn't you hear that a bunch of homers had to buy new keyboards because they had 'accidents' and their keys started sticking? it was bad news!
    Solo Trail Explorer and Granny Gear Ninja!


    friends will help you move, good friends will help you move a body...

  21. #21
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    Your job: casting out all non-believers in the inherent superiority of our high dollar mechanical trinkets.

    I'm worried now, the only thing that I didn't buy used on my new ride is the saddle and the tires. Seriously.

    Will there be a cheapskate sect of the cult when the revolution happens?
    Tryin' to keep the tires on the ground.

  22. #22
    wrecking crew
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    Quote Originally Posted by dHarriet
    no su.ling, don't bring that up again ...didn't you hear that a bunch of homers had to buy new keyboards because they had 'accidents' and their keys started sticking? it was bad news!
    Must've missed that mess! See what you caused dH? Bending over your boat like that can only bring ... well...you know...sticky situations. I will cease and desist bringing up the pink coozy again!
    ~~~

  23. #23
    involuntary dismounter
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    Quote Originally Posted by su.ling~
    Must've missed that mess! See what you caused dH? Bending over your boat like that can only bring ... well...you know...sticky situations. I will cease and desist bringing up the pink coozy again!
    they really should post warning signs on all boats to that effect! i couldn't help myself though...i had to throw up...dusty's helmet smelled really bad!

    yes...i think it is best to keep the pink cozy incident on the DL!
    Solo Trail Explorer and Granny Gear Ninja!


    friends will help you move, good friends will help you move a body...

  24. #24
    Baked Alaskan
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    tough call

    Quote Originally Posted by mtbdawgJeff
    Does a red Lazy-boy recliner shot qualify as a substitute for the mandatory red couch shot?
    Ordinarily no .. but in a pinch it will suffice .. the beer does add a touch of class though.

    Quote Originally Posted by mtbjc280
    Which is more important? The color or the couch? I am in need of wisdom.
    A little bit of both -- for example...
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    The red couch has moved from Alaska to Florida...

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2TurnersNotEnough
    Part of being a cult is blind following of a leader.
    We blindly follow the leadership of the Master of all Poofta Couches! Behold our leader:

    ****

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