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  1. #1
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    I Finally Got One!

    yesterday, i change in the bathroom...ready for my fixie ride home. I don the biking suit, helmet on, bla bla bla...I walk my bike out of the warehouse.

    I get on the bike, a few pedal strokes later, I was assured, it was a saddle sore. I'll name it Suzie.

    Suzie and me haven't met. She makes sure I know she's there. I felt her all the way home. I got home, kissed Sarah and Annabel...Suzie wasn't too bad then.

    I decided to take a shower. Suzie came with me. A nice hot shower. Hopefully it will aleviate Suzie...

    This morning, Suzie hurt more...I tried the popping technique...not only was it a very private moment with Suzie, it hurt like hell. Suzie is still there.

    I drove today. Hurts too much.
    Last edited by ernesto_from_Wisconsin; 07-07-2005 at 09:11 AM. Reason: 1

  2. #2
    King Pin
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    Good job! Hehe

    Just wait 'til you get the "ugly red chafies 'tween the cheekage"....riding fixie (especially on the road where you sit more) can cause all sorts of butt grief! Ahhh...but it's so worth it, isn't it??

    Kinda hard to stand up on the flats and downhills in order to get some relief!

  3. #3
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    be carefull, my friend is a orthopedic surgen and has told me that suzy can get around. my friend has spent many a time in the OR carving and scrapping out an infected soar on some ones rear. i had one my elbow, it felt like a giant pimple deep under the skin, and my friend had to cut it out for me... in his kitchen with no numbing. ouch.
    better on my elbow than on my arse.

    so if it doesnt go away and it gets real soar... get it checked out. they can end up as staff infections.

  4. #4
    no fat chicks
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    and you had to post that because ????
    you need to get a blog or something
    #1 NORBA elite singlespeed racer 30-34 age group

  5. #5
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    Ernesto

    Quote Originally Posted by iliketoridebikes
    and you had to post that because ????
    because I am Ernesto, that's why. You just won't get it.

    Quote Originally Posted by iliketoridebikes
    you need to get a blog or something
    waaaay ahead of you on that one, www.hbfk.com

    A la choy!

  6. #6
    cause it's fun
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    Quote Originally Posted by iliketoridebikes
    and you had to post that because ????
    you need to get a blog or something
    I guess your avatar say's it all.
    bus driver wanna be

  7. #7
    F@CK da dumb
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    Quote Originally Posted by iliketoridebikes
    and you had to post that because ????
    you need to get a blog or something
    You're not from around here, are ya?

    Welcome to MTBR/SS. EFW is an elder. You should repect your elders.

  8. #8
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    Wow!....I am the one degree of separation between Ernesto and Danno (iliketoridefatchicks) I mean (iliketoridebikes). If you met Ernesto, Danno, you would laugh till your generic carnation instant breakfast shake shot out your nose.

    Now kiss and make up,

    g

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by bikesabbath
    so if it doesnt go away and it gets real soar... get it checked out. they can end up as staff infections.
    Often they are staph infections! If it's progressed beyond just red and raw (which it sounds like it has) there's a very good chance it's staphoreus. If it doesn't go away within a few days I'd definitely get it checked out.
    "People like GloyBoy are deaf. They are partisan, intellectually lazy & usually very angry." -Jaybo

  10. #10
    no fat chicks
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    Quote Originally Posted by LakeRaven
    Wow!....I am the one degree of separation between Ernesto and Danno (iliketoridefatchicks) I mean (iliketoridebikes). If you met Ernesto, Danno, you would laugh till your generic carnation instant breakfast shake shot out your nose.

    Now kiss and make up,

    g
    bend over and i'll give you a few more degrees of separation
    #1 NORBA elite singlespeed racer 30-34 age group

  11. #11
    Misfit Psycles
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    always well written. but somehow when i opened the thread i expected a picture. that is not an invitation.

    also, attached to suzie or not, i had better not hear of her touching the grudge. all warranties are void and all bets are off if she does.
    Expert of the Internet.
    BECAUSE I SAID SO

  12. #12
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    crap!

    Quote Originally Posted by nogearshere
    always well written. but somehow when i opened the thread i expected a picture. that is not an invitation.

    also, attached to suzie or not, i had better not hear of her touching the grudge. all warranties are void and all bets are off if she does.
    Then I better put a bandaid on it because tomorrow night I am meeting Gofast and Lakeraven for a night time Kettle Moraine ride.

    No way am I going to leave a picture in the forum of my hairy brown star. if you want to look at brown stars, there's www.drunkcyclist.com. he's infatuated with them. Suzie feels better now. I went to the bathroom and did the 10-4 check on her. Not as white as not as hateful.

    Saddlesores should just not be permitted.

  13. #13
    Misfit Psycles
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    you and suzie busy in august?
    feel like coming down to Toronto the 20-21? it will be warmer then okcooonnnccooommowakee.
    official invite here:
    SS Riders Wanted
    Expert of the Internet.
    BECAUSE I SAID SO

  14. #14
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    Gaaa!

    Quote Originally Posted by nogearshere
    you and suzie busy in august?
    feel like coming down to Toronto the 20-21? it will be warmer then okcooonnnccooommowakee.
    official invite here:
    SS Riders Wanted
    I can't go then. Full catalog production going on here. Sorry man! I will treat the Grudge with respect.

  15. #15
    Recovering Weight Weenie
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    So you've met Suzie too?
    I've met her...all too often. When she visits, I dab some Vaseline on her head before a ride, which seems to keep the heat/chaffing down on her and prevents her from getting angrier on that ride, allows the emotional healing to take place.
    Then, after I clean her up post ride, I powder her face with Gold Bond medicated powder to keep her cool and temperate.
    With that situation, Suzie doesn't visit too often anymore....
    Attached Images Attached Images

  16. #16
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    BAG BALM!!! for the daily ride.

  17. #17
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    massage

    Quote Originally Posted by fixgeardan
    BAG BALM!!! for the daily ride.
    I need to give Suzie a massage...problem is...it excites me.
    I'm going to the bait shop later. Buy a jar of live leeches. Leech on Suzie! WUAHAHAHA! WUAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

    Leech: schluuurrrrp!
    me: no more Suzie. RIP with a poured down Mickey's.

    Good idea or bad?

  18. #18
    34N 118W
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    New question here. 'splain...

    I don't know if I've ever had a saddle sore. (hang on, here's where it gets bumpy. Literally)

    After a century earlier this year, I did develop a nice little zit-like sore that I interpreted as an ingrown hair. Right on the inner fold on my cheek/leg. Hurt like a mother. And I had the Vision Quest race coming up and I knew something had to be done, stat. A little topical antisthetic, a shot of Patron and a tear-inducing squeeze later and the deal was done. I poured some Patron on it and stuffed a shop rag down my shorts and reached for the remote, a happy camper.

    was that a saddle sore or just a boil/zit/cyst/alien probe remnant?

  19. #19
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    it

    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood
    I don't know if I've ever had a saddle sore. (hang on, here's where it gets bumpy. Literally)

    After a century earlier this year, I did develop a nice little zit-like sore that I interpreted as an ingrown hair. Right on the inner fold on my cheek/leg. Hurt like a mother. And I had the Vision Quest race coming up and I knew something had to be done, stat. A little topical antisthetic, a shot of Patron and a tear-inducing squeeze later and the deal was done. I poured some Patron on it and stuffed a shop rag down my shorts and reached for the remote, a happy camper.

    was that a saddle sore or just a boil/zit/cyst/alien probe remnant?
    that's exactly what Suzie is. Does a vasectomy hurt more?

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Padre
    So you've met Suzie too?
    I've met her...all too often. When she visits, I dab some Vaseline on her head before a ride, which seems to keep the heat/chaffing down on her and prevents her from getting angrier on that ride, allows the emotional healing to take place.
    Then, after I clean her up post ride, I powder her face with Gold Bond medicated powder to keep her cool and temperate.
    With that situation, Suzie doesn't visit too often anymore....
    Don't use vaseline, make sure your protection is water based like KY or astroglide as the oil based stuff is bad for your chamois. It makes your girlfriend wonder when you head into the bathroom with the KY right before heading out on a ride but it's always fun to keep those womenfolk guessing anyhow.

    Used to get them when I lived back in Laramie during school. I wouldn't ride all winter and then would hit it hard in the spring and would invariably get saddle sores. Now that I am in Norcal and can ride year round, I don't have those problems unless something forces a long layoff from the bike.

  21. #21
    Squalor
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    I've had 'em plenty...They suck...

    My cure....

    1 - Warsh REAL good, and get out of your chamois as quick as possible...no lingering (though we all know you like to)

    2 - After good warshing, coat that beast up w/ Burts Bees Res-Q ointment...it is green...you will like it...

    3 - If the Burt's doesn't fix it...straight Tea Tree Oil after warshing...you will like it too...it tingles

    4 - Say goodbye to Suzie

    Seriously I use this technique and they usually clear up in two or three days.

    LP

  22. #22
    Big Fat Slow Dude
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    First off...

    That Ernesto guy... what a dork. I have it on good authority that his fixxie is really just a Schwinn three-speed with a Wizzer motor installed. The Wizzer is the ORIGINAL accessory for the HBFK!

    That said... it is good to know I am not alone in my saddle-soreness. I also thought it must just be an ingrown hair, but they are coming more often now that I am putting more and more miles on the bike. How you guys cannot just grit your teeth and pop them, I have no idea. They beg for such treatment.

    I use a healty amount of Chamois Butt'r for every ride, but still I am getting them. Tomorrow I'll change out saddles and see if that is the problem. I have a medium sized cushy one on my road bike now, and I think it might just be too wide. And that is hard to believe given the size of my ass.

  23. #23
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    Oh my gawd, this thread was like a bad traffic accident. I just couldn't turn away! Although I have never (That I know of!) had a saddle sore (Cross fingers!) now I know how to handle one. Not like I really wanted to. I thinkI am gonna hurl!

  24. #24
    Mangina?
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    Gold Bond!

    Quote Originally Posted by Padre
    So you've met Suzie too?
    I've met her...all too often. When she visits, I dab some Vaseline on her head before a ride, which seems to keep the heat/chaffing down on her and prevents her from getting angrier on that ride, allows the emotional healing to take place.
    Then, after I clean her up post ride, I powder her face with Gold Bond medicated powder to keep her cool and temperate.
    With that situation, Suzie doesn't visit too often anymore....
    MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anywhere online that I can buy the gold bond powder? Cant get it in australia and i have a british bulldog that gets super sloppy and loads of skin problems and i have been trying to locate this stuff everywhere!!!

    help a lad and his bullie out....

  25. #25
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    Chamois BUTT'r!!!
    -Marshall Hance
    EndlessBikeCo.

  26. #26
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    won't stop...

    Quote Originally Posted by El Juano
    Oh my gawd, this thread was like a bad traffic accident. I just couldn't turn away! Although I have never (That I know of!) had a saddle sore (Cross fingers!) now I know how to handle one. Not like I really wanted to. I thinkI am gonna hurl!
    I hop on the fixie. I sit on the saddle...OW! I try to adjust before the stop light. I manage to shuffle the chamois' stiches out of the way...relief! I have a love-hate relationship with Suzie. She loves me and I hate her.

    I rode 17 miles...fixie. Only times to get out of the saddle was when I was going up hills in SoWi.

    She bugs me some times...but this morning, in the shower, I did the 1, 2, 3...squeeze and she finally came out of her shell, like a blooming, gooey flower.

  27. #27
    Complete Bastard
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    Everyone has their favorite method to keep from getting those badass superzits. Someone told me to try A+D ointment, they use it on baby's asses to prevent rash I guess. I slather some on the ole nether regions before a ride and haven't had any suzies all year. Plus your ass gets silky smooth. Works great, and not bad for your chamois. Now that I've said that I'll get 20 tomorrow.

  28. #28
    Needed Less ~ Did More
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    My tips...

    Natures Kiss Anti-chafe: got given a sample before doing a 24hr solo on my fixie. Great stuff. Rubish race but a happy butt.

    Friends have used:

    Udder cream, available from all good farm supply shops in handy 2kg tubs

    Nappy cream: as reccomended by a guy who rode the GD "If it can allow babies to sit in their own poop and keep smiling, it should be great for cyclists"

    SSP
    "Put any one on one of these singlespeed bikes and they could not help but have fun"
    -
    Otis Guy talking about klunkers c1976

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Singlespeedpunk
    Natures Kiss Anti-chafe: got given a sample before doing a 24hr solo on my fixie. Great stuff. Rubish race but a happy butt.

    Friends have used:

    Udder cream, available from all good farm supply shops in handy 2kg tubs

    Nappy cream: as reccomended by a guy who rode the GD "If it can allow babies to sit in their own poop and keep smiling, it should be great for cyclists"

    SSP
    That's got to be some badass Brit remedy! Udder Cream that is. Here in Wisconsin, USA, we're not a smart bunch. You say Udder Cream, we think milk.

    last night I didn't go to the bait shop. Leeches are creepy. Gosh, I'm creepy. So I went to the basement with my cat Freddy (his teeth are sharper than Newman's, the other cat), and I tried to coax him to bite Suzie off...damn! Suzie hurt a lot yesterday...I tried the drill...nada. of course, I'm kidding.

    I was just happy when this morning, it all came out. You know, there's a moral to this story. Saddlesores do suck a lot. Saddlesores might be considered art in Italy, but not in my shorts.

    From now own, Choamis Butter!

  30. #30
    I am the owl
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    It was probably a saddle sore that almost killed Mike Watt

    Here's what you need to do: Listen to the Doctor
    SingleSpeedOutlaw .com
    Riding Bikes and Drinking Beer.

  31. #31
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    thanks for the tip

    Quote Originally Posted by riderx
    It was probably a saddle sore that almost killed Mike Watt

    Here's what you need to do: Listen to the Doctor
    Thanks man! but I think it is gone, and I will use products to prevent them.Suzie doesn't hurt.

    I wonder if Sheryl pops Lance's?

  32. #32
    I am the owl
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    Quote Originally Posted by ernesto_from_Wisconsin
    I wonder if Sheryl pops Lance's?
    If she did I'm sure OLN would show it. They just love her.
    SingleSpeedOutlaw .com
    Riding Bikes and Drinking Beer.

  33. #33
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    pic?

    This thread is useless without pics.

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by ernesto_from_Wisconsin
    That's got to be some badass Brit remedy! Udder Cream that is. Here in Wisconsin, USA, we're not a smart bunch. You say Udder Cream, we think milk.

    last night I didn't go to the bait shop. Leeches are creepy. Gosh, I'm creepy. So I went to the basement with my cat Freddy (his teeth are sharper than Newman's, the other cat), and I tried to coax him to bite Suzie off...damn! Suzie hurt a lot yesterday...I tried the drill...nada. of course, I'm kidding.

    I was just happy when this morning, it all came out. You know, there's a moral to this story. Saddlesores do suck a lot. Saddlesores might be considered art in Italy, but not in my shorts.

    From now own, Choamis Butter!
    You should have known better than to think of a drill. If you've ever tried to drill into something with round surfaces like Suzie, you'd know that getting that thing started is a slippery situation. Perhaps a plunge router or a dremel tool would be the better equipment for the job. Personally, I'd be scared to bring something that powerful near my vital equipment so I'd probably be more tempted to stick with the hand tools. In the future, if you wanted to go with the squeezey route a good set of vice grips would shoot that saucy little gal clean across the room whereas if you wanted to be a little more agressive and get all remnants of her, you really couldn't go wrong with a set of cable cutters.

    On a side note, I learned from an old roadie that you seriously can't go wrong with KY and the side benefit is that the generic version of it is going to be far cheaper than a steady supply of Chamois Butter and is handy to keep around the house anyhow.

  35. #35
    Cracker-magnon
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    Quote Originally Posted by ernesto_from_Wisconsin
    that's exactly what Suzie is. Does a vasectomy hurt more?
    Not even, but you can treat both with the rotating cold beer method.

    1. Clean it up real good. I punish Suzie sometimes with some good ole rubbing alchohol... the pain of clean.

    2. several cold beers

    3. comfy chair

    4. open beer #1, place beer #2 against affected area whilst lounging, drink beer #1

    5. drink beer #2, replacing with beer #3.

    repeat as necessary until it stops hurting, or you just no longer care.

    I ride with a water based aloe gel....mmm cool
    "Life is a F@#^ing story problem, get used to it - my son.

  36. #36
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    I use Noxema to keep Suzie(s) away..............just don't get the new noxema foaming face scrub by mistake..................down at Berryman this spring I had foaming ass cheeks frothing out my shorts...much to the amusement of my fellow Q.

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burkeman
    In the future, if you wanted to go with the squeezey route a good set of vice grips would shoot that saucy little gal clean across the room whereas if you wanted to be a little more agressive and get all remnants of her, you really couldn't go wrong with a set of cable cutters.
    I hardly ever laugh at these mtbr shenanigans, but what the hell...this thread is freakin' hilarious!!!

    uuu...just felt it...Suzie is still angry, but not too bad. She's just testy. On my ride home, I'll stop at the bike shop. Get some Butter...smear...

  38. #38
    cause it's fun
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    No joke! I've got a picture...

    edit:
    I just realized that there's no good reason to have a picture of your ass.

    Who's your Santa?
    Last edited by gofast; 07-08-2005 at 01:03 PM.
    bus driver wanna be

  39. #39
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    Bag Balm may have helped CAUSE my saddle sores

    Got a bad case of them (numerous stage 2 Suzies, fortunately never hit stage 3) back in '01 after spending a week on the bike at Cycle Oregon. Was using Bag Balm to prevent chafing. I liked how the Bag Balm stayed on all day, but the stuff is thick and oily, and I think it helped trap moisture and bacteria against my skin, promoting the infection. Took a course of topical antibiotics to kill all the little Suzies.

    Since then I've been using Chamois Butt'R (or more often, nothing). CB doesn't last as long as BB, but ... uhh ... I'm now convinced that's a good thing. Suzie is no longer in my life.

    Actually KY is probably an even better idea than BB or CB. Just have to be confident enough in your manhood to let your friends see you walking into a Men's room with a bottle of KY. Or even worse, rubbing KY all over your ass in a Men's room.
    "People like GloyBoy are deaf. They are partisan, intellectually lazy & usually very angry." -Jaybo

  40. #40
    pedalphile
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    Quite honestly, I think this may be the most useful thread I've ever read on MTBR.
    now the world is gone i'm just o n e

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