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  1. #1
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    Heard any good jokes lately?

    A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

    Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"

    Little boy: "What the f*%k do you think?"
    Contact information: http://about.me/marpilli

  2. #2
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    A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of Tennessee and was on a first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" she asked.

    "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

    "Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

    "Pa? Nope, he left fore Ma came in," said the kid.

    "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

    "Ma? Nope, she left just fore I got here," said the kid.

    "But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"

    "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"

  3. #3
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    If Amy Winehouse lived in a tree she'd be Amy Treehouse
    If Amy Winehouse complained a lot she'd be Amy Whinehouse
    If Amy Winehouse got evicted she'd be Amy Findhouse
    If Amy Winehouse couldn't talk she'd be Amy Mimehouse
    If Amy Winehouse was a tree she'd be Amy Pinehouse
    If Amy Winehouse was a cookie she'd be Amy Tollhouse
    Woof Amy Winehouse woof woof woof woof woof Amy Doghouse
    If Amy Winehouse was on the simpsons she'd be Amy Milhouse

  4. #4
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    Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?



    ...the wheelchair

  5. #5
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    What did the fish say when it ran into the brick wall?


















    Dam.

  6. #6
    "2 Wycked"
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    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes???





    .....nothing, she's already been told twice.
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  7. #7
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    Why couldn't the pirates play cards??












    Because the Captain was sitting on the deck! lol

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazy03 View Post
    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes???





    .....nothing, she's already been told twice.
    Beating women is not funny.
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  9. #9
    "2 Wycked"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gasp4Air View Post
    Beating women is not funny.

    You're absolutely right, but jokes about it can be
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  10. #10
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    What one snowman say to the other snowman?








    Do you smell carrots?
    60% of the time ......it works all the time

  11. #11
    Snowjnky McDreamy
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    A Jew, a black guy, a Mexican , a lawyer, a doctor, a genie, a blonde, a rope and a horse with a long face walk into a bar.

    The bartender stops them in their tracks and says " what the hell is this, some kind of joke?"
    Brother Seamus?
    Like an Irish monk?
    Comic relief in a discussion does no harm..
    CS Lewis
    Quadzilla

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gasp4Air View Post
    Beating women is not funny.
    Neither are people with no sense of humor.

  13. #13
    "2 Wycked"
    Reputation: crazy03's Avatar
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    Hahaha someone just neg rep'd me for joke. You're the real joke buddy, I like the display of testicular fortitude by omitting your name. Allthough im fairly certain I know who it is. Good day sir.
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  14. #14
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    knock knock

    who's there?

    broken pencil

    broken pencil who?

    nevermind, it's pointless.

    thanks "Follow Me" for that one!

  15. #15
    Snowjnky McDreamy
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    Quote Originally Posted by the-one1 View Post
    Neither are people with no sense of humor.
    Yeah the black eye joke is played though, it was funny like 10 years ago. Plus domestic violence is not the funniest subject matter.
    If you want to make women jokes try to leave the DV at home.

    Why hasn't a women been to the moon?



    Because it does not need to be cleaned.
    Brother Seamus?
    Like an Irish monk?
    Comic relief in a discussion does no harm..
    CS Lewis
    Quadzilla

  16. #16
    mtbr member
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    A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

    "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

    "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and sqeezes the hell out of my balls."

    With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!"
    Contact information: http://about.me/marpilli

  17. #17
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    After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

    "Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."

    Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

    "Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13....."
    Contact information: http://about.me/marpilli

  18. #18
    usually cranky
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    What did the fish say when it ran into the brick wall?


















    Dam.
    imo, most clever joke in here. + rep.

  19. #19
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    A termite walks in to a bar. He asks, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

    Wakawaka.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSlow35th View Post
    What did the fish say when it ran into the brick wall?







    Dam.
    I have always liked this one. Similar...

    What do you call a fish with no eye?


    A fsh.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowjnky View Post
    Yeah the black eye joke is played though, it was funny like 10 years ago. Plus domestic violence is not the funniest subject matter.
    If you want to make women jokes try to leave the DV at home.

    Why hasn't a women been to the moon?



    Because it does not need to be cleaned.

    Ok, thanks for clarifying.

    DV=bad.

    Treating women as subserviant slaves=good.

    By the way im married to a beatiful woman and I am the step father to 3 beautiful little girls. I have nothing but respect for women and would never lay a hand on one....it was just a joke so lighten up.
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  22. #22
    Wait for me!
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    What's the difference betweeen a camaro and an erection?



















    I don't have a camaro

    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

  23. #23
    Wait for me!
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    What's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?




















    It only takes one nail to hang a picture of jesus.

    Waiting for the god squad to chime in on that one

    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

  24. #24
    Wait for me!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gasp4Air View Post
    Beating women is not funny.


    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by whoopwhoop View Post
    What's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?




















    It only takes one nail to hang a picture of jesus.

    Waiting for the god squad to chime in on that one

    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk
    Bwahahaha!!

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