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  1. #1
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    Bathroom emergencies

    So about 4 miles in there lays a pile of crap and a pair of nasty socks.
    I did my business before I went in, but....I had to go and had to go bad. I had no choice but to unload. I figured that the next time I am bringing toilet paper a bag..ect ect, but then the question is.. I don't want to litter leaving crap paper all over(even burried) What to do?

    I gave this some thought and this method popped into my mind...... Adult diapers! don't laugh, hear me out.

    When you have to dump bad.....wrap it around your ass, crap in it then wrap it up and slide it into a small hefty bag..... Take it out of the trail with you and dispose. You can throw the toilet paper inside too.
    It's like an all in one perfect solution for MT biking/Hiking pooping emergencies. Sure it's nasty, but ****ting in the woods is nasty too.....At least this way it's a more sanitary deal for the environment and no risk of sitting on poison IVy while crapping.

    Anyone want to experiment? lol

  2. #2
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    It's been a while since I had to s*it in the wood, but when I did I would bring a small plastic spade and a lighter and burn the TP. Packing it out sounds undesirable.

    Someone once made a big deal talking about how you had to bury it so deep so bears couldn't smell it and dig it up. First off bears will smell it a few miles a way easily and it they do dig it up it will be about like a dog and a cat box. Bear candy. I'm sure it won't hurt them. They eat a lot worse stuff that that.

    The worst ever emergency stop was after eating at a greasy spoon buffet out in Utah or western Colo and heading out on the 2 lane highway straight as an arrow small shoulder no turnoffs and not a tree in sight with freshly plowed open fields on each side. About 15 minutes later...well it was an emergency. All I could do was pull over and walk to the other side of the truck with the door open for some obstruction and have at it as quick as I could. Probably not the prettiest sight for anyone who happened to look. The truck was an old 64 1 ton 4x4 Dodge too so it sat pretty high and you could easily see under it. Sometimes you just don't have a choice.
    No it never stops hurting, but if you keep at it you can go faster.

  3. #3
    Woods Ready
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    You and that guy that shaved his junk for the trail need to get together.

  4. #4
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    Removable colostomy bags is my answer to your problem.

  5. #5
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    If this type of thing happens to you frequently, you should just wear the diaper and save the hassle of changing in case of an emergency.

    Otherwise, the risk isn't worth the hassle of dragging around asswipe, diapers and garbage bags.

  6. #6
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    Why the hell do you need to wear a diaper and wallow in your own crap in order to, effectively, $hit in a bag? If you're THAT worried about the effect of you (an animal) $hitting in the woods why not just hold a bag under your @ss? You've exposed yourself for the freak you are. Thank you. I'm entertained and disgusted at the same time.

    Paula Radcliffe London Marathon 2005 - Peeing and Winning - YouTube

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    BTW, when you do stuff like biking 4 miles in, yo uhave to make due with what's avalible...just seemed reasonable to me... Deep sea divers wear diapers all day....did you know that? So do astronauts

    WOW!!

  9. #9
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    Packing a diaper out? Um... if you really have concern, just have some rolled up TP in your camelback. Dig a small latrine off trail somewhere with a stick, do your business, cover it. Animals crap in the woods all the time, you're just another animal. TP will disintegrate when water hits it, no need to burn it.
    FATRAC - Folsom-Auburn Trail Riders Coalition - Member
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ganymede_Illusion View Post
    BTW, when you do stuff like biking 4 miles in, yo uhave to make due with what's avalible...just seemed reasonable to me... Deep sea divers wear diapers all day....did you know that? So do astronauts

    WOW!!
    4 miles? Woah!! Here's a thought: Wouldn't say....... a garbage bag be easier to carry and maybe more multi purpose? I carry PADI Open Water, Deep Water, Night, Cavern, and Cave certifications. Never seen the Pampers Life Aquatic Edition before. Where do you get these? Astronauts are strapped to a chair for hours while their bowels are crushed be several times the force of gravity. Are you that fast?

  11. #11
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    There was a lengthy discussion about this topic about 3 weeks ago in the general forum. It's quite an entertaining read.

    Diarhea, Cha, Cha, Cha...

  12. #12
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    what a crappy thread

  13. #13
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    Seriously hoping many posts are tongue in cheek casue if you have an issue with ****ting in the woods and burying like 2 oz of chit paper then you have bigger issues than how and when to poop!!

    EDIT: Hahahaha, Just realized that this is in the "Passion" forum....you got a passion for pooping!!?? LMAO

    Sorry but too darn funny bud

  14. #14
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    i have a poop schedule, i poop around 2-3hrs before my ride.

    i do have to stop to pee every now and then though. i hurry so i dont jack up my time avg/speed
    Gary Fisher HiFi Deluxe 29er

  15. #15
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    i guess "ill cross that bridge" when i get there. nothing wrong with pooping in the woods, just cover that crap up.
    Gary Fisher HiFi Deluxe 29er

  16. #16
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    Ya, I always try to go before the ride but we all know how well that works sometimes. Once about 8 miles into the trail I had to pull up under some trees and dump once right near the trail it was so narrow and steep there wasn't anywhere else to go. I checked both ways, kicked a trench in the ground with my shoe, dropped it, wiped and buried it real quick! It was that or crap meself. Thank God I had a couple napkins in my Camelbak....just enough to do the job, otherwise I'd have cut the sleeves off my jersey or something....LOL>
    Get off the couch and ride!

  17. #17
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    Just go!

    I had my gal bladder out years ago. Ever since then, number two has been an issue. I can usually time it based upon the food I have eaten. It averages about twelve minutes. Of course this can pose a problem with eating food on the trail.

    I always bring a good wad of TP in a ziplock with me. I bring the kind you use for an RV/Camper, because it easily decomposes. It's a pretty natural thing to do. Humans have been doing it for well, all of their existence. I am pretty sure the toilet is a relatively new invention compared to human existence. We've been crapping in the woods since the dawn of time, why is it now a problem?

    Take yourself well off the trail (at least 200'). Dig a hole (use a stick) at least six inches deep. Squat, wipe, and bury. Done. I also pack hand sanitizer.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomad1972 View Post
    Seriously hoping many posts are tongue in cheek casue if you have an issue with ****ting in the woods and burying like 2 oz of chit paper then you have bigger issues than how and when to poop!!

    EDIT: Hahahaha, Just realized that this is in the "Passion" forum....you got a passion for pooping!!?? LMAO

    Sorry but too darn funny bud
    I'm with you. If you got to go in the woods, then join the wildlife. But just try to bury it and do it 500 ft from a creek---if you can.

    But, people, try to yield to uphill riders even after your poo.!

  19. #19
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    Even stupid cats know to bury their poo.

  20. #20
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    I had to go just this last weekend at 12k. Skunk cabbage is Nature's Charmin and it leaves a refreshing smell.....

  21. #21
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    Sh1t happens.

    You're putting way more thought in to this than most people would. How about just dropping trough (off the trail, please) and finding some leaves. It's worked for most of humankind for thousands of years.
    Last edited by Ken in KC; 08-30-2011 at 06:54 AM.
    JPark - 3.5- don't listen to dremer

  22. #22
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    This thread needs to be merged with "Trails of Terror from the Trail".

  23. #23
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    It wearing diapers is cheaper than knicks or trail shorts (based on a clean one each ride - I'm not that cheap) and they fit under shorts and are comfy, well, just sayin.

  24. #24
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    You can't just carry a zip-top plastic bag to put the used toilet paper into and pack it out? Really? It has to be an adult diaper and a hefty bag?

    Is this a prank?
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  25. #25
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    So what exactly were you searching for, when you found this video and why?
    Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.

  26. #26
    I'm just messing with you
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    Had a funny discussion about carrying a colostomy bag in a camelbak this weekend, but it was related more to how old all of us are getting not on having to take an emergency crap in the woods.
    Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised

  27. #27
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    When I hit the lottery I"m gonna have a trail assistant for every ride. He or she will hold my bike when I go to get on it and they hold it upright when we all stop at intersections - no more holding onto a tree to keep myself upright. They'll feed me freshly prepared snacks and stay ahead of me to point out the best lines and to recommend the perfect gear to be in. They'll be tuning my suspension throughout the ride. I'll also have them carry a bag in which I can defecate at will. I am currently taking applications if you're interested.



  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Blonde View Post
    Why the hell do you need to wear a diaper and wallow in your own crap in order to, effectively, $hit in a bag? If you're THAT worried about the effect of you (an animal) $hitting in the woods why not just hold a bag under your @ss? You've exposed yourself for the freak you are. Thank you. I'm entertained and disgusted at the same time.

    Paula Radcliffe London Marathon 2005 - Peeing and Winning - YouTube
    +1!!! Couldn't imagine!!! And, how would you be able to stay on the seat, sliding around in your shorts!!?? Ewwwwww!!

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken in KC View Post
    You're putting way more thought in to this than most people would. How about just dropping trough (off the trail, please) and finding some leaves. It's worked for most of humankind for thousands of years.
    I'm not convinced the OP would know not to reach for poison ivy/oak/sumac or stinging nettles.


    I just made myself cringe with that one. Ouch.

  30. #30
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    Are the Granpers baggy enough to squeeze one of my footlongs into it?

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott O View Post
    When I hit the lottery I"m gonna have a trail assistant for every ride. He or she will hold my bike when I go to get on it and they hold it upright when we all stop at intersections - no more holding onto a tree to keep myself upright. They'll feed me freshly prepared snacks and stay ahead of me to point out the best lines and to recommend the perfect gear to be in. They'll be tuning my suspension throughout the ride. I'll also have them carry a bag in which I can defecate at will. I am currently taking applications if you're interested.


    "Oh, piss boy! Where's the piss boy?"

  32. #32
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    [QUOTE=Scott O;8396611]When I hit the lottery I"m gonna have a trail assistant for every ride. He or she will hold my bike when I go to get on it and they hold it upright when we all stop at intersections - no more holding onto a tree to keep myself upright. They'll feed me freshly prepared snacks and stay ahead of me to point out the best lines and to recommend the perfect gear to be in. They'll be tuning my suspension throughout the ride. I'll also have them carry a bag in which I can defecate at will. I am currently taking applications if you're interested.


    Hhmm...I think you might be onto something. It's really not that far fetched if you think about it, kinda like a golf caddy but for mountain bikers
    Ahhhh...Ahhhh....it's the hammy, it's the hammy!!

  33. #33
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    Oh, I have an answer...

    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    I'm not convinced the OP would know not to reach for poison ivy/oak/sumac or stinging nettles.


    I just made myself cringe with that one. Ouch.
    We can just share the old nursery rhyme that many of us learned in Boy Scouts:

    Leaves of Three, wipe for free!
    JPark - 3.5- don't listen to dremer

  34. #34
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    Just **** on the side of the trail, wipe with some toilet paper and either bury it, or kick some dirt over it. seriously.

  35. #35
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    Name:  fef08e2100196ec5ad95ed873280e4cf.jpg
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    Worst case...after an evening of heavy drinking we started a 5.8 climb...pitch 2 I needed to dump....

    The route was "out of shape" till it rained.

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Blonde View Post
    4 miles? Woah!! Here's a thought: Wouldn't say....... a garbage bag be easier to carry and maybe more multi purpose? I carry PADI Open Water, Deep Water, Night, Cavern, and Cave certifications. Never seen the Pampers Life Aquatic Edition before. Where do you get these?
    Wait till you get some real training and performing dives in a drysuit that last hours.


    Thinking about adding a wad of TP to my camel back. I would just crap in the woods , wipe and slightly bury the TP. The TP will only last a few days in the woods, no reason to pack it out.

  38. #38
    Maaaaan
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    Amazing. Some people think fish can crap in the water, animals can crap on land and apes can throw crap at each other, but humans are supposed to pack it out...
    Communist Party Member Since 1917.

  39. #39
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  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ganymede_Illusion View Post
    **** all of you.



    Goin for the permaban this time eh?

  41. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ganymede_Illusion View Post
    Already sent the moderator who warned me, a **** you message.


    Well, thats one way to do it. Not that it matters much, everyone will have forgotten about you by day after tomorrow. The ones that get remembered go out in an EPIC blaze of glory, what your doing, weaksauce.

  42. #42
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    Sometimes you just have to go, no matter what!!

    <iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5252Kx37vXU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  43. #43
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    Lol

  44. #44
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    Yawn....

    Quote Originally Posted by Ganymede_Illusion View Post
    **** all of you.
    You've mastered the F-bomb. Congratulations on passing 7th grade.
    JPark - 3.5- don't listen to dremer

  45. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by arkon11 View Post
    Just **** on the side of the trail, wipe with some toilet paper and either bury it, or kick some dirt over it. seriously.
    ^^^ Wild animals s*** in the woods all the time, I don't see them carrying adult diapers or plastic baggies. I carry one of those purse sized tissue packs in my camelback, do my thing way off the trail, cover it with leaves and let nature's little creatures do what they do best, they're very efficient at it.

  46. #46
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    He got off to a bad start (turtle hater) and never quite regained his footing. But, in this thread he clearly just jumped off of the ledge.
    Last edited by marpilli; 08-31-2011 at 07:57 PM.

  47. #47
    ballbuster
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    That clip cracks me up

    Quote Originally Posted by dirt farmer View Post
    Sometimes you just have to go, no matter what!!

    <iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5252Kx37vXU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    You can just hear the stress in his voice the whole way through. He's fighting it the whole time.... and loses.

  48. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken in KC View Post
    You're putting way more thought in to this than most people would. How about just dropping trough (off the trail, please) and finding some leaves. It's worked for most of humankind for thousands of years.
    Make sure its no poison ivy leaves. My friend figured that one out the hard way.

  49. #49
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    You haven't lived if you haven't had to poo in the woods. Just not on the trail please And yeah, dig a lil whole and cover it up. Big leaf from a big tree is the safest route.

  50. #50
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    Best choice for summertime emergencies is striped (Elephant Leaf) maple leaves (Acer pensylvanicum). Big, soft, but tough.
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