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  1. #1
    Wolf nipple chips
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    O.T. Passion - How do you know it's love?

    Now I know this is barely riding related at all, but I could use some insight/perspective. Don't take this as me trying to have someone else make the decision for me, rather, just to have some wiser (older?) people than myself bestow upon me some wisdom in order to help me better make a decision. I started going out with my girlfriend back in august, and since then i've grown closer to her than anyone else i've ever been with. i've never told anyone other than family that I love them, but I'm thinking she may be the first. She's told it to me, and I'm pretty sure that I could tell her, but I guess the issue is - how do I know for sure? And beyond that, is there a difference between loving someone and being "in-love" with someone? It's not a matter of when the right "moment" to tell her, but rather the right time. Thanks, all.

    MTB content: she puts me in a good mood, which makes me enjoy riding even more.

    CF

  2. #2
    caffeine dependent
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    do you chill with her instead of riding?

    If you regularly find yourself deciding to hang with her instead of going for rides, that's a pretty good sign.

    Who are you, Han Solo? You said she told you she loves you. What did you say? "I know?"

    To put it in a riding context, you'll never learn to ride technical trails without sacking up and going for it. You might kill yourself a few times, but eventually you'll learn how to make it work, or you'll learn that it's not for you and you should ride the road instead. Same goes for love. You'll never experience the highs and lows that love can give you if you don't go for it. If you can see yourself staying with her, tell her you love her. The worst thing that can happen is that one of you breaks the other's heart, and so long as the heartbreakee (either you or her) can live with the crash marks from the heartbreak, it will just be another learning experience.

  3. #3
    i worship Mr T
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    when it's right...

    you'll know.

    sorry, there really isn't a better answer than that.

    rt
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  4. #4
    Reviewer/Tester
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    What rt said..

    There will be no doubts.. you will know it.

    You will want to be with her, your thoughts will always be on her, your world will revolve around her.

    You won't even have to think about the words, they will just come out of your heart onto your lips and you will say "I love you" and you will mean it.

    When the 'real thing' hits you, it absolutely flattens you like a thunderbolt..

    There are degrees of love, types of love. You can love someone, but not be "in love" with them.

    When you are in love and love that person at the same time, whooooooooooooo...that's it..


    R.
    It is inevitable ...

  5. #5
    conjoinicorned
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    i always laugh at the "thunderbolt of love" stuff. to all those who actually get there, congrats and i'm jealous. i absolutely love my wife but it was hardly an affair of love drunk craziness. some of us aren't built like that.


    if you share a few interests, and you have a rough idea of how she might be in 10-20-30 years (look at her parents, the old cliche about the apple and the tree is not far off!!!!) then giv'r
    i'll never regret my decision no matter the outcome, when i got to that point i knew it was time (plus the 3 years of nagging from her helped a bit...)
    what would rainbow unicorn do?

  6. #6
    Bike to the Bone...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cabin Fever
    Now I know this is barely riding related at all, but I could use some insight/perspective. Don't take this as me trying to have someone else make the decision for me, rather, just to have some wiser (older?) people than myself bestow upon me some wisdom in order to help me better make a decision. I started going out with my girlfriend back in august, and since then i've grown closer to her than anyone else i've ever been with. i've never told anyone other than family that I love them, but I'm thinking she may be the first. She's told it to me, and I'm pretty sure that I could tell her, but I guess the issue is - how do I know for sure? And beyond that, is there a difference between loving someone and being "in-love" with someone? It's not a matter of when the right "moment" to tell her, but rather the right time. Thanks, all.

    MTB content: she puts me in a good mood, which makes me enjoy riding even more.

    CF
    How do you know for sure?... IMHO the bad thing is... you can't. You sound as if you do, but, you really know in time, I guess. And loving someone and being in love with someone, I think they may be different? I don't know if its the same as 'amor' and 'enamoramiento' in spanish. But maybe sometimes you get infatuated with someone, she's perfect, pretty, smart. As time goes by, you find out she's a human being , with good and bad things. When you understand that, and love her with the good and the bad, maybe that's love in my book. Some relationships don't go beyond 'she's soooo perfect'.

    If you really feel as telling her, just do it. There's no perfect moment, no hold up your breath, just let her know how you feel. I guess she'll really apreciate it. Congratulations to you

  7. #7
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    i think it is love when you don't have to question it.

    iow, you're not thinking "is this love?", but instead you're thinking "wow, this is love!"

    antonio

  8. #8
    Elitest thrill junkie
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    Would you set me up with a weekend of riding with her?

    If not, you probably love her.
    "It's only when you stand over it, you know, when you physically stand over the bike, that then you say 'hey, I don't have much stand over height', you know"-T. Ellsworth

    You're turning black metallic.

  9. #9
    Te mortuo heres tibi sim?
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    yep, i'll echo the "you'll just know" comments. wasn't a lightning bolt type of thing for me; it just was there.

    that, and maybe you'll throw up a liittle bit into the back of your mouth.
    Florence Nightingale's Stormtrooper

  10. #10
    Lopen is sneller....
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    Indeed you'll just know...you'll really know after the whole hormone/bunny phase is over...

  11. #11
    JohnniO
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    go to oprah

  12. #12
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    Hmmm...this is tough one, it's actually easier...

    to explain how to service a headshock!!! But seriously, it might be a thunderbolt, it might not. How do you know? Well, I think that you'll know when she becomes the 1st person in your life. What I mean by that is that in every asspect of your life your first consideration is her, not you, not mom and dad, not the ride your going to miss by going shopping with her nor any of a thousand other things. When you worry about her pleasure and happiness rather than your own. If you can't live without her, want to be with her every possible minute, would rather be with her than anyone else in the world. Then I'd say your in love. It's tough to tell the difference between loving somone and being in love. The best illustration would be, you love your sister, brother, mother, father, your best friend, but you are not in love with them. Being in love with someone goes WAY deeper than that. When you are in love with someone, that person becomes your world, everything in your life revolves around them, or at least it seems so. If that's the way you feel then you are in love.

    Like I said, the realization can come suddenly as some here have said. Or it can just dawn on you slowly. I know when my Wife and I were dating it just kind of dawned on me slowly that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had been going together for about a year. I had to take a trip that kept me away from home for about 2 weeks. During the trip I was restless, bored, and just couldn't seem to relax. When I got home and she met me at the airport I was never so happy to see someone in my entire life! I had NEVER missed anyone as much as I had missed her while I was gone. I knew that I loved her and had said so, but until that time I really didn't know that I was IN LOVE with her. About two weeks later I asked her to marry me. The rest is history, and 28 years later she is still the person I would rather be with. Don't get me wrong, we've had our rough spots and trials. But if you really are in love with someone, you will work your ass off to make it work, because the person you are in love with is more important to you than your own life!

    How will you know for sure? Well, really you won't. Not in your head anyway. Men are more logical, and need to "sort things out" and be sure. But you know, being in love with someone is the the most illogical thing in the world. There is no explaining it in such a way that is suitable to the male way of looking at things. That's why alot of guys have a tough time expressing love. It doesn't make sense! That's because love is a heart thing not a head thing. It's 100% pure emotion, it makes no sense, and is illogical as it gets. The bottom line is, give it a little time, you'll figure it out. Just don't try to reason it out, it ain't possible!!!

    Anyway, that's my take on it. Sorry for the long post, but like I said, it's easier to tell you how to service a head shock than it is to explain love and being in love!
    "I do whatever my Rice Cripsies tell me to!"

  13. #13
    Category Winner
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    I can't tell you,

    but it lasts forever.

    Can't believe no one quoted VH yet.
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    I get paid 3 every time I post on MTBR.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by scrublover
    yep, i'll echo the "you'll just know" comments. wasn't a lightning bolt type of thing for me; it just was there.

    that, and maybe you'll throw up a liittle bit into the back of your mouth.
    still cracking up over that one!
    [SIZE="1"]We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.[/SIZE]

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  15. #15
    jrm
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    Dont try to label it...

    Just enjoy that someone loves you back.....
    Wreck the malls with cows on Harleys

  16. #16
    those are Rollercams...
    Reputation: WTB-rider's Avatar
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    She's told you she loves you but she hasn't told you love her??? Strange.

    You'll know when you know.

    Truly a wealth of useless information.


    http://blackdogadventureteam.blogspot.com/

  17. #17
    DWF
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    Quote Originally Posted by bstiff
    Who are you, Han Solo? You said she told you she loves you. What did you say? "I know?"
    Telling someone you love them should be a statement, not a question.

    If someone tells you they love you, the worst thing you could do is to say the same if you don't.

    "I know" is a pretty good answer, though....
    A man must have enemies and places he is not welcome. In the end we are not only defined by our friends but those against us.

  18. #18
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    For me it was being able to easily imagine a lifetime together. I proposed pretty quickly after realizing that.

  19. #19
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    really?!

    Quote Originally Posted by scrublover
    yep, i'll echo the "you'll just know" comments. wasn't a lightning bolt type of thing for me; it just was there.

    that, and maybe you'll throw up a liittle bit into the back of your mouth.
    all these years later, and you still make me feel like when I climbed the rope in gym class.

  20. #20
    Perpetually single track
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    Quote Originally Posted by witchypoo
    all these years later, and you still make me feel like when I climbed the rope in gym class.
    Wow she even has her own MTBR id now. Now the question is...are u stalking him or sharing an experience with him...hmmm.

    See u tomorrow witchypoo!
    The more out of shape you are, the steeper the hill looks.

  21. #21
    Rep Power: Infinity
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    In my experience, it takes a little "trial and error" to find out what type of love you're experiencing. For some, they get the true love forever and always on the first time. Others of us think we're in love, when we were really just enfatuated (the "she's soooo perfect" part). We find out soon enough that it wasn't to be, and move on.

    I had a couple that I thought I was in love with, and learned later I wasn't. You never know until you try. I eventually found the right one, and after the previous experiences, I knew it was different and what I was looking for.

  22. #22
    Fueled by Wahoo's
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cabin Fever
    I started going out with my girlfriend back in august, and since then i've grown closer to her than anyone else i've ever been with. i've never told anyone other than family that I love them, but I'm thinking she may be the first.
    Why don't you start by telling her this (above)? The fact that she makes you feel differently than anyone else ever has before is a good thing.

    Like others have said...there are many types and degrees of love. Don't put too much stress into analyzing it. Easier said than done, of course. Remember also that if you tell her you love her (and mean it), it doesn't mean you are committed to marrying her. I mention this so you don't feel like there should be an obligation attached to it beyond sharing your sincere feelings.

    I thought my first real love was the most powerful thing in the world, and when we broke up I was crushed. The love I feel for my wife is so many times greater, more amazing, etc. it makes that first love seem almost trivial in comparision.

    This is a wonderful time in your life...enjoy the process and allow yourself to feel (versus think about) every minute of it.

  23. #23
    Wolf nipple chips
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    Thanks.

    Thanks again, guys. 'specially DirkSSter, the part about "feeling" it rather than thinking about it. You'd think that after 24 years, something like this woulda come along sooner, but i guess not. I'm just glad that it finally has! I hope i don't do my typical word-stumbling when the time comes; speaking of which, i think i'm going to do it on christmas day. i don't know if i can wait that long though...

  24. #24
    life is a barrel o'fun
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    Don't wait 'til Christmas if you want to say it sooner. By all means, take her out for a little eggnog or whatever, and after a nog (or two...or eight) the words will slip right out.

    The next day, she might ask, "Did you really mean it or were you just drunk?" you get to look her in the eye and say it again.
    "We sat outside the dentist, tooting a horn on the guy's bike."-overheard in the Underground

  25. #25
    mtbr member
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    the blue footed booby knows its love from the very first glance. from there, its all natural...

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