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  1. #1
    BGR / MCM #311
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    Illinois mountain bikers...important notice...

    Recent adjustments in policy bring changes at Illinois parks.

    In a surprise move, the Army Corps of Engineers has decided to sell Farmdale and Fondulac Parks to the Disney Corporation. The lands will be transformed into "Disneyland Midwest". Michael Eisner will become the new Park Ranger. "Being demoted from CEO does have it's priviledges," says Eisner. Heavy equipment arrives today to begin turning the dam and spillway into the new Log Flume of Death ride. Ranger Ernenputsch will be moved to the Quad Cities area, where he will become a member of the Corps' experimental human low head dam project. Don't worry...they rotate personnel every 3 hours for potty breaks and meals.

    The IDNR has decided to have a "walk in my shoes" summer at Jubilee. The equestrian campground will now be open only for Mountain Bike and Geo Cache events. All equestrians must park in the day use areas and stick to the 12 miles of trail on the south side of Fussner Rd. An equestrian and long time user of the park was quoted as saying, "This is awesome!! We've been catered to for much too long. It's about time this happened!!!" Mountain bikers are, of course, disappointed at being given their own bathrooms, shelter, and campfire areas, not to mention the additional trail mileage. "We were so much better off crammed in with the family campers and day use people in the main camp ground and picnic areas. We will miss the CPO and his famous 'beer tickets' as well.", says one cyclist.

    Local rototiller racers have gained access to Dirksen and Independence Parks in Pekin. "These trails will be awesome, once we get them 'roughed up'." says Bobo Jamicowicz, 2003 Tazewell County rototiller champion. The Little Ade's gang will break ground on a new trail today, located on the 13th green at Lick Creek Golf Course.

    Mountain bikers are ecstatic over IDNR's plans to pave the trail system at Panther Creek. An unnamed IDNR representative was quoted as saying, "The trails are already smooth and wide, this is just the natural, darwinian, 'next step'." Landscape architects and biologists are looking to this as a solution to their "invasive species" problem. The IDNR will continue to mow a 12 foot swath next to the paved trail, to add to the asthetics.

    Garmin Park, in Decatur, will be adding motorcycle trials riding as a new user group. Technical trail builder, Ron Prater, was quoted as saying, "I'm getting older, I don't want to pedal anymore, so I'm buying a motorcycle, and I naturally want to continue using the stuff I've built at Garmin." Who can blame him?? This addition might help those of you with the LA Free, battery operated bicycles, with access to the parks as well.

    CORBA and the McLean County Parks Dept. have decided to revamp their trail system at Comlara by making all trails in the park "one way". They have also decide to build all new trails in the park as "out and back"...without the "back". The first trail constructed in this manner has been named "roach motel". PAMBA tried to get in touch with club president Gary White for comment, but we'd been informed that he went for a ride....at Comlara...on Feb. 22nd.

    Kickapoo, IL has changed it's name to Danville...and Danville has changed it's name to Kickapoo City. This should cease the confusion mountain bikers seem to have when trying to locate certain state parks.

    GORC has been asked to take over trail maintenance in all Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources parks. Bill Newman of WDNR says, "Well, they already have Missouri and Illinois. They are on the warpath and we want no trouble. So...might as well just give it to them."

    The Rock Cut Trail Crew was informed today that the IDNR will be performing a trail assessment at Rock Cut State Park. IDNR reps were quoted as saying, "The last one just didn't take."

    The PWOPC (Palos Walker and Old Pharts Coalition) has submitted a proposal with the Cook County Forrest Preserve that would make any trail user without a walker or cane in violation with Preserve laws. The 12 Meters of Palos will replace the former CAMBr event. Preserve Police have been quoted as saying, "We will strictly enforce the trail speed limits with these social outcasts." CAMBr Rep. Ed Bartunek couldn't be reached for comment. Rumor has it he was locked in his garage, retrofitting a walker to a dingo. PWOPC president Emma Elderfem was quoted as saying, "Challenge Park is next!"
    Boogers and Birthdays....the more you have...the harder it is to breath

  2. #2
    Account Retired
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    You must think us all Fools

    In my case, you may be onto something.

  3. #3
    jci
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    My local area doing similar..

    My local newspaper The Acorn has a similar thing going for Ahmanson Ranch, which is a nice expanse with some misc endangered plant/frog species / a nice trail. Link. Aah! Artist's rendering!

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