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  1. #1
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    how to get friends riding passion back

    I used to go out with friends and ride. we had a group of 10. then 8, then 4. Now its just me and the wife. Some lost interest, some got married, some got married and had a kid. And they all had the nothings gonna change attitude. They are good riders but its always an excuse on why they cant. And if they want to ride its down the canal bike path with others on beach cruisers. I called one and his response was dont ask me about riding anymore.... WTF.

    Do I give up and get new friends to ride with? I don't think they will get the passion back.
    Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.
    Frank Lloyd Wright

  2. #2
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    There are some advantages to riding solo. Riding with friends or a group is great fun but I just take those opportunities as they come.
    I brake for stinkbugs

  3. #3
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    I do enjoy the peacfullness of riding solo, however riding in a group makes each other try to out do another which adds fun to it.
    Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.
    Frank Lloyd Wright

  4. #4
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    They may come back to it down the road when things settle down and kids get older, etc.

    Any riding groups you can join maybe?
    Stick around if you're housebroken...

  5. #5
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    there are several but they always seem to ride mid week. Im just hoping to find someone to ride with at a trailhead maybe.
    Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.
    Frank Lloyd Wright

  6. #6
    Bikesexual
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    One thing I love about riding, is not having to depend on anyone's time or excuses. One of the reasons I quit playing soccer.

    With that said, I love riding with FB group I joined. All the guys are super cool, and all we do is get together to ride. When is your friends, you gotta deal with BS.

    To answer the OP's question, a new bike is always motivating.

    I'm sure you can find a cool group to ride with.
    just get a bike and ride!

  7. #7
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    Get a new group, start there.

  8. #8
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    So someone told you flat out that he doesn't want to ride with you anymore, and you're asking if you should give up on riding with him? I'd say learn to take a hint, but you're way beyond that level of oblivious.

    If you need to ride with a group, find a new group. If not, ride solo or with your wife. Personally, I big part of riding is getting away from people so I don't see the problem, but I know there are people that can't do anything by themselves.

    If someone is having a kid and they say nothing's going to change, things are going to change. Anyone who honestly believes otherwise must not know anyone who's had kids, or ever even seen a human child. They are the definition of change.

  9. #9
    Combat Wombat
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    Also riding just might not have been their passion, just something they enjoyed at the time. Over the years I have enjoyed many different activities that at certain times in my life were what I obsessed on. Everything from road riding, hunting, fishing, skiing, martial arts, photography, cars to motorcycles. Retired from the Navy and during my active duty time at different locations, I tended to focus on activities based on what was readily accessible and who I hung out with at the time. I still enjoy all those activities, but with my house, teenagers and work, time limits me to one passion. I happen to now live somewhere where there are lots of local mountain bike trails. I keep a membership at a local shooting range and go fishing when I can, have a nice camera with several lenses, and go to Judo class with my girls. Some of the people in my Judo class and friends that I used to hunt with, wonder the same thing about me that you are asking about with the people you used to ride with. I still enjoy those activities, but if I only have time to do one or the other, for me its riding singletrack.

  10. #10
    L1MEY
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    I don't think you're going to have much luck getting someone else's passion back if they're off having kids and don't have the time or money to ride. It's probably best to find a new group of people to ride with.

    Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk
    Ride like a girl!

  11. #11
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    I was figuring the one who said he didn't want to ride again was having an off day. Guess not.

    What drives me up the wall is 2 of them say let's go. The morning of the ride he man sorry can't make it.

    One friend that rides all the time without excuses is married with 4 kids from 2 to 8. We hardly ride together because we live so far apart. Be he's always out somewhere riding.

    I guess I'm just gonna start over.

  12. #12
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    Only one way, Gooseberry Mesa. The best trails I know, anywhere. Just invite them to somewhere awesome and see what response you get. All the great trails and destinations.
    I'm in Arizona, no waiting for spring, we ride all winter.
    agmtb

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by azimiut View Post
    I was figuring the one who said he didn't want to ride again was having an off day. Guess not.

    What drives me up the wall is 2 of them say let's go. The morning of the ride he man sorry can't make it.

    One friend that rides all the time without excuses is married with 4 kids from 2 to 8. We hardly ride together because we live so far apart. Be he's always out somewhere riding.

    I guess I'm just gonna start over.
    At the plus side, your wife wants to ride with you instead of pulling you in a different direction! You're already one rider ahead of most of us looking for a new group to ride with!

    Whether for soccer or for riding, it feels awful when people say they will show up and then just don't. I have a three strikes rule for friends like that-- and that means sometimes I don't ride with or invite over people I would really have enjoyed spending time with. Clearly, your priorities don't coincide at this time, so move on! As adults we often don't make a lot of new friendships, so look at this as an opportunity and go from there.

    But perhaps you drop a casual invite a while later with your new group, just in case

    I go riding with my kid, and will often meet up with friends at a trailhead before and after. But not all kids like riding, and not all parents can handle riding with their kids! I wish I could ride more often, longer, with it without others, but either leaving my wife behind or coordinating childcare just doesn't work out very well! I know I'm not unique there, Haha

    Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

  14. #14
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    Sometimes you've gotta give up on people for stuff like that. They've moved on and you've gotta let 'em. I've lost friends over other, seemingly stupid issues that they absolutely buckled down on and refused to be open about. The only solution is to just let 'em go. I don't have time for the kind of negativity they bring.

    Any ride group has to be flexible enough to allow people to come and go. Because people WILL leave because people's interests and priorities change throughout their lives, and the group will die if it can't bring new blood.

    If you want a ride group, you'll either have to sustain it yourself and find new people, or find another group you can link up with.

  15. #15
    Rides all the bikes!
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    Stop trying to change your friends, find new ones.

    Would you be happy if your friends started harassing you about doing stuff they want to do that you're not interested in?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewalk View Post
    Stop trying to change your friends, find new ones.

    Would you be happy if your friends started harassing you about doing stuff they want to do that you're not interested in?
    I'm willing to give anything a try. They brought me out to ride rzrs. I hate those things but I went out and did it and had fun. It was with friends.

    I have enough fun riding with my wife that we are doing a duo team at 24hop next weekend so I guess I'm just gonna keep riding with her.

  17. #17
    Rides all the bikes!
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    Quote Originally Posted by azimiut View Post
    I'm willing to give anything a try. They brought me out to ride rzrs. I hate those things but I went out and did it and had fun. It was with friends.
    I've got little to no interest in a lot of things, harassment will just make me tell you to **** off.

    -No, I'm not having kids.
    -No, I'm not interested in going to the bar.
    -Totally cool with legalizing weed, but I don't want any.
    -Glad you like Crossfit, I'll pass.
    -Fishing it isn't for me.
    -And many more.

    I'm not a "I'll try anything once" type. I've had a very interesting life so far, I'm pretty good at picking and choosing where I want to spend time. Right now, I'm stuck with a pitbull asleep in my lap, and no, I'm not making him leave so I can go ride my bike
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  18. #18
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    I'm in the same boat, my old group of friends who I ride with are dropping like flies. It's just a part of life, priorities change. Like yourself I've been doing more solo rides, that said I've been meeting new people to ride with. Some of them I'll not likely ride with very often but there are a few people who I can see becoming part of my regular rides. Just do your hw and put the feelers out there. Lots of groups online via FB, Meetup, local bike groups/orgs. Best of luck dude.

  19. #19
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    Say you're on beers & they'll show ;-)

    'We'll all make it to the top... Some of us, might not make it to the bottom'
    "Mountain biking: the under-rated and drug-free antidepressant"

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by azimiut View Post
    I used to go out with friends and ride. we had a group of 10. then 8, then 4. Now its just me and the wife. Some lost interest, some got married, some got married and had a kid. And they all had the nothings gonna change attitude. They are good riders but its always an excuse on why they cant. And if they want to ride its down the canal bike path with others on beach cruisers. I called one and his response was dont ask me about riding anymore.... WTF.

    Do I give up and get new friends to ride with? I don't think they will get the passion back.
    If you continue to pour energy into trying to get those friends back into riding -- don't -- you're fighting a losing battle. I have been through this so many times...shit...I can't even begin.

    I finally realized that I have a passion for mountain biking that far surpasses what most people consider "rational." To me, riding is a priority and I will find a way to do it at just about any cost. You're going to hear lots of excuses from your friends as to why they can't ride. But that's just what they are -- excuses. Even kids and family are just excuses not to ride. I am committed to my family, so I get up at 5:00 in the morning when they're still asleep and ride in the early morning hours. Modern lights are awesome. The real reason your friends are not riding is that they don't care about it. Move along.

    Secondly, I've never understood what's so great about riding with a group. Yeah, it can be fun to socialize with good friends, but honestly I enjoy riding by myself just as much. Seems to me, whenever more than one other person is involved with a group ride, the whole outing takes longer by approximately 20 minutes per additional person. I had one friend that I simply had to stop riding with because it seemed every time we went, he wasn't ready to go when I went to pick him up; and then we always had to stop somewhere to get a sandwich or whathaveyou. I didn't have the time for it. However take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm an introvert and could be happy never talking to another rider again, lol. I could quite happily live by myself (with my family) on Mars...if the riding was good.
    Dear U.S. Forest Service: Please ban all wilderness in my riding areas.

  21. #21
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    First, use social media to find riding friends. There are several pages for local local bike shops that advertise local rides. If there aren't any create your own. I now have more rides in my area, with people that are nice if not friends, than I can participate in.

    Just a few stories. A family memeber rides with me on occasion. I have gone to extreme measures to keep him riding, and riding with me. On average we have gone on 5 rides a year. I do wonder if it is worth it.

    Another friend always claims he wants to get back into it. I just built wheels for him, and fixed up his fat bike. This Sunday he turned down a ride at 11am because of the 6:30pm superbowl kickoff. I called other friends and we had a blast, and we were done by 1pm.

    Yet another friend will ignore my text to go and ride, and then drive to the riding area 15 minutes after my proposed meeting and ride without me. He knows I can see it on Strava. I know part of it is just that he is much more of a casual rider, but it is hard to not feel slighted.

    Lastly another avid rider, that rides more than I do always says "text me and we will ride". A few times I have, and we've ridden together. But he rides with other riders at my local trail often, and never texts me to go.

    I'm to the point where I just don't worry about it. Like others have posted, ride by yourself. It is nice. I really don't see riding as a social event anymore, and I just don't expect the normal social rules to apply. Convincing someone to do something they don't want to do is impossible. The only person you can control is you.

  22. #22
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    I run into the same issue. Some guys are gone, some come infrequently, some say they'll come but don't make it. I keep meeting new people to keep the group riding alive. I will still let my "old" riding buds know when we ride. If they can make it they can, if not I don't sweat it. Life gets in the way....can't fault anyone for that! I quit riding myself for a long time. Then I came back. So, there's always hope!

  23. #23
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    I've been through this also, just don't take it personal, they can still be your friends but for riding join a couple of FB or Meetup groups.
    Niner Jet 9 RDO, Scalpel 29, XTC 650b, 04 Stumpjumper FSR Pro, Trek Rigid SS - No suspension, no gears....no problem

  24. #24
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    Get a dog. They don't talk too much and will surely challenge your skills . there's many other adavanteges, check the traildog thread.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by azimiut View Post
    ...Do I give up and get new friends to ride with? I don't think they will get the passion back.
    Leave them alone.

    Riding is a generally solo activity. The riding formula is You+Bike+Pain = Smile. Anything else added to this is just a distraction.

  26. #26
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    I rode with a group. One guy move to CO. 15 years ago and another to MI. a few years ago. The rest were whiners. I'm good.

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  27. #27
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    I was going to be going to say "road trip to Oregon" because if you can ride Oakridge or the North Umpqua trail and not be psyched, mountain biking isn't your deal.

    However, if I was in your shoes, I'd try hooking up with local MTB groups you can find on www.meetup.com or if you're willing to spend money, go on a MTB tour. I've met some really cool riders on the few tours I've taken and we're meeting back up in Moab later this year on another tour.
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  28. #28
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    I honestly much prefer just to ride with the girlfriend. I have one or two other friends that I dont mind riding with as well but its easier to ride with her as I usually stop and wait for her at trail heads, etc because she isnt as fast as the rest of us. That can be a pain in the ass to my other riding buddies whether they say they dont mind or not.

    I say move on man. Find a new group if you feel that you NEED to ride with someone other than your wife.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by azimiut View Post
    .. riding in a group makes each other try to out do another which adds fun to it.
    Did your old riding buddies agree?
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  30. #30
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    I've had several people tell me to give them a call when I'm going cause they want to ride too. Then I call, and they don't. I give it 2 tries, then stop calling. The idea of a ride in the forest sounds good in the abstract, but when they are all comfy in their chair eating nachos and watching tv, that has a stronger pull. Fine with me.

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by J_Westy View Post
    Did your old riding buddies agree?
    yea they did.
    Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.
    Frank Lloyd Wright

  32. #32
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    for the past 4 years we have "man" night on Thursdays. It could be riding, skiing or whatever the season calls for. Everyone knows its every Thursday potluck of bbq&beers will follow. This helps everyone with wife, kids or other obligations. in the summer we have a solid 8 (up to 12) people show up each week, winter time its 6 of us. Winter time is a bit harder as our group splits between back country and skate skiing. A good light for night time activities also helps. Having a set day, with meals/beers included really has made an impact on the amount of people that show up.
    And its the only day i do group activities; like many i solo ride/ski more often than not. but i look forward to the weekly group activities.

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