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  1. #1
    Front Range, Colorado
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    TurtleHawg To The White Courtesy Phone......

    Hawg now that you have this newfound "Turtle Power". Please give us some insight into this Turtle world. Anyone can ask TurtleHawg a question and he will do what he can to answer.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  2. #2
    Prime
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    TurtleHawg, have you ever been peed on, on the side of the trail, by a really hot looking mountain biker chick?

  3. #3
    King of Middle Earth
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    Not exactly. I did win an auction for some well used, well seasoned cycling shorts from a seller named "Nicole", though. Sort of the same, sort of different. They've help to keep the sunburns on my shell down to a minimum.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  4. #4
    Front Range, Colorado
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    TurtleHawg do you prefer the comfort of a log to sunbathe over the warmth of a boulder.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Not exactly. I did win an auction for some well used, well seasoned cycling shorts from a seller named "Nicole", though. Sort of the same, sort of different. They've help to keep the sunburns on my shell down to a minimum.
    I'll bet it's tough for a turtle to try to sniff his own shell.

  6. #6
    King of Middle Earth
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    TurtleHawg do you prefer the comfort of a log to sunbathe over the warmth of a boulder.
    Depends on where I am vacationing and the time of the year.

    In 1939 while staying on Barbados, I had a tough time finding an unoccupied section driftwood on the beach to bathe upon. There was so many she-turtles there but I finally found a cozy spot in between two gals. I remember that like it was last week. Long swim to get there, though.

    Just 17 years ago, I found a really nice flat rock to bathe upon in the Badlands in August. I'd rather not get into the details of that particular day, though.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    I'll bet it's tough for a turtle to try to sniff his own shell.
    It's even worse when I have an itch inside my shell!
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  8. #8
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Depends on where I am vacationing and the time of the year.

    In 1939 while staying on Barbados, I had a tough time finding an unoccupied section driftwood on the beach to bathe upon. There was so many she-turtles there but I finally found a cozy spot in between two gals. I remember that like it was last week. Long swim to get there, though.

    Just 17 years ago, I found a really nice flat rock to bathe upon in the Badlands in August. I'd rather not get into the details of that particular day, though.
    Wow! For a turtle you sure get around.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  9. #9
    King of Middle Earth
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Wow! For a turtle you sure get around.
    Some of the folks I've spoken with over the years have doubted my age but let it be known right now that we turtles live very long lives.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  10. #10
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Some of the folks I've spoken with over the years have doubted my age but let it be known right now that we turtles live very long lives.
    Long "slow" lives.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  11. #11
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    Turtlehawg, have you ever been tempted to mate with a tortoisehawg, for that "something strange" experience?
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Depends on where I am vacationing and the time of the year.

    In 1939 while staying on Barbados, I had a tough time finding an unoccupied section driftwood on the beach to bathe upon. There was so many she-turtles there but I finally found a cozy spot in between two gals. I remember that like it was last week. Long swim to get there, though.

    Just 17 years ago, I found a really nice flat rock to bathe upon in the Badlands in August. I'd rather not get into the details of that particular day, though.
    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Wow! For a turtle you sure get around.
    That's the only two places he's ever been to. It took him that long to go from Barbados to the Badlands.
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boyonadyke View Post
    Turtlehawg, have you ever been tempted to mate with a tortoisehawg, for that "something strange" experience?
    As slow as turtles are, when they do finally achieve "the position", I'll bet they are not real picky. It could be eons before their next opportunity.

  14. #14
    King of Middle Earth
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boyonadyke View Post
    Turtlehawg, have you ever been tempted to mate with a tortoisehawg, for that "something strange" experience?
    As it is mentioned above, we turtles are not in a position to be picky since it takes a long while to get around. So yes, I have gone a few rounds in my time with the "other breeds". Interracial turtle sex is well excepted among us. It is after all, quite an accomplishment just to do the wild thing with a she-turtle. The extreme position required to get 'er done calls for enormous hardware. My junk is is easily 10-15% of my total body volume. Ever seen two Rhinos going at it? Yeah, it's a lot like that.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  15. #15
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    Turtle Hawg, have you ever been too lazy to come out of your shell, said "what the hell" and just ended up pooping/peeing inside of it?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    As slow as turtles are, when they do finally achieve "the position", I'll bet they are not real picky. It could be eons before their next opportunity.
    Please tell us, TurtleHawg your desire for Box, Painted, Leatherback, or Snapper biotches, and if at all possible explain WTH is turtle-style.?
    The best is the one you want to ride most often..

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wishful Tomcat View Post
    Turtle Hawg, have you ever been too lazy to come out of your shell, said "what the hell" and just ended up pooping/peeing inside of it?
    When I was younger, yes. I used to keep a broom & dust pan, and a dustbuster in my shell and when I was younger and more flexible and it was not an issue to turn around and maneuver within my shell to clean up and push the messes out. Nowadays, I'm older and my joints are stiff so doing the dooty within my shell cave must be avoided. We turtles burrow down into the ground for the Winter (If I'm not migrating to a warmer climate). It can get really stinky down there by the time I'm ready to dig my way out. Understand that it's not the drive to mate that draws me up out of hibernation in the Spring, it's the end of my patience about dealing with basking in my own waste that does it for me.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  18. #18
    King of Middle Earth
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flyin_W View Post
    Please tell us, TurtleHawg your desire for Box, Painted, Leatherback, or Snapper biotches, and if at all possible explain WTH is turtle-style.?
    My favorite of course is box, because all men love "box". Never tried a painted. Leatherbacks are kinda kinky and can be fun as long as you are into submission. Snappers are just plain ugly but I will admit that I've been with a few of them over the years after indulging in too much fermented cactus fruit, hence the term "getting ugly". Turtle style is similar to doggy style but you can't get as close to your partner as you'd like to and being up against a she-turtle's shell is kinda awkward.
    fee-fy-fo-fum...

  19. #19
    No Stranger to danger....
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    TurtleHawg, have you ever been peed on, on the side of the trail, by a really hot looking mountain biker chick?
    Optimus.......please....... i couldnt think of anything better
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  20. #20
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    LOL, This thread is some of hawgs greatest work, im calling for an official name change for you hawg, to Turtlehawg, its got a great ring to it, very mysterious....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    LOL, This thread is some of hawgs greatest work, im calling for an official name change for you hawg, to Turtlehawg, its got a great ring to it, very mysterious....

    Kinda like manbearpig ? A Turtlehawg on a manbearpig would be worth filming in the San Fernando porn Capital of the World for www distribution.
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  22. #22
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    Turtlehawg, have you ever gotten a speeding ticket, for going too slow? Or was it a "that's what she said" type of scenario.


    Does turtlehawg like his condom wrappers thin and light, like a set of Crests with some Speshy Aspens on them, or with a set of Flow's with Captain Controls, for extra protection so that turtlehawg can be 'fer sure fer sure".... I mean, a pinch flat down there sounds like it would hurt, ya know?

    Does the extra weight slow you down when you are climbing to mount your mate?
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  23. #23
    Front Range, Colorado
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    TurtleHawg, when you are hiding deep in the mud at the bottom your favorite pond. Tell us all of the thoughts going through your turtle mind. Are you hiding from husbands of local girl turtles or ugly humans.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  24. #24
    Super Clyde
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    TurtleHawg, have you ever been spun around by a fast moving car that barely missed you on the road?

  25. #25
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    Turtlehawg, do snapping turtles engage in the 69 position during intercourse?
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

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