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  1. #1
    No Stranger to danger....
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    Theres a fish in my Penis ! Vandellic cirrhora, (the vampire fish) please help!

    OK, Serious question, has anybody ever had a vampire fish in their penis or vagina?

    The Toothpick fish/vampire fish/penis fish aka Vandellic cirrhora is a native of the amazon basin, inhabiting countries Bolivia, Brazil, Columbia, Ecuador and Peru.

    These fish have a legendary habit of quickly entering any penis or vagina they can find often when the person is urinating, and entering the bladder of the host to suck blood, but ive heard they prefer penis's over vaginas.
    Apparently they strike like lightning and can swim up there faster than the force of your pee.

    I can feel something wriggling around in my penis, ive narrowed it down, i think it could be one of these.

    If you google these fish you will find all sorts of horrifying stories, and im worried its on its way to my bladder, but im not sure where i got it from, but i did meet a girl from Bolivia a few weeks ago, im worried she might have been a carrier, she was pretty feral.

    So seriously im asking if any of you have had one of these enter your penis and what you did to get rid of it?

    Cheers and thanks OC crew.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  2. #2
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    subscribed!

  3. #3
    check your six
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    I have watch documentaries about this demented fish. I'm glad I don't live anywhere near it, nor do I piss while in the water. haha...
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  4. #4
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    I think theres one wriggling around in my urethra, what else could it be? so ive tied the base of my penis up to stop it going into my bladder, im in dire straits, i can feel it wriggling around as i type.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  5. #5
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    Find a willing party that will apply suction and force the little bugger out.

  6. #6
    Cow Clicker
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    No, YOU don't understand. You're making an ass of yourself for all of eternity.

  7. #7
    No Stranger to danger....
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wishful Tomcat View Post
    Find a willing party that will apply suction and force the little bugger out.
    Ive already tried pushing an old chicken kebab skewer i got out of the bin from last week down my urethra but i think its made it push up further and it was very painful, my ladies away so there is no willing party.
    I'll grab an old over sized garden hose and try and suck it out myself, id say thats the best course of action at this point.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  8. #8
    AZ
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    Insert you unit into the car exhaust with the engine running, smoke that pecker sucker out!

  9. #9
    High Desert MTBer
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    Tone's, you need Catherine... she will probably be able to charm the little swine right out of there... I expect he would be only too happy to escape that 'Tunnel Of Doom'... Failing that, maybe Catherine could charm one of the fish from the video onto the business end of the issue, so to speak, cos it looks like one of them'd suck it right out... At least it might be nice to try...

    Catherine, Fish Charmer - YouTube
    It's all Here. Now.

  10. #10
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    Tone's, you sure it's not a Gerbil?
    Rocktoberfest 2014 edit here
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  11. #11
    psycho cyclo addict
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    Theres a fish in my Penis ! Vandellic cirrhora, (the vampire fish) please help!

    Cordylobia anthropophaga cellulitis of the penis is quite uncommon. Maggots can definitely find their way in so keep yur tackle away from dead beasts lads...
    【ツ】 eDub 【ツ】

  12. #12
    check your six
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I think theres one wriggling around in my urethra, what else could it be? so ive tied the base of my penis up to stop it going into my bladder, im in dire straits, i can feel it wriggling around as i type.

    Did you find that undersized kok ring you had to "tie" off your penis? haha!! If that don't work, I'd recommend hitting it with a hammer a few times to kill that SOB up in there.
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  13. #13
    AZ
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    Then using the cord off of the table lamp, attach the bare ends to your ball sack and throw the switch.

  14. #14
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    If and when you see a doctor be sure to ask for a second opinion especially if the M.D. decides on amputation.

  15. #15
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Tones I've heard of this fish that you're talking about. But from the stories you have told of where your penis has been, I doubt this is the problem.
    ----------- __o
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  16. #16
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    ive been in some fish but never had a fish in me.

    you may want to try baiting a very small hook. with a very small worm.
    do not forget to file down the barb.

  17. #17
    Gnarly
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    You could have a catheter inserted and drain your bladder, ideally that little fishy would travel along the foley tube and plop into the drainage bag.

    I can offer a helping hand but it's been quite a few years since I did my last one.

    If you don't want to catheterize yourself you could put a little bait on the tip and maybe that little fishy will wiggle out on it's own when it gets hungry.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  18. #18
    Rogue Exterminator
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    Aka candiru fish
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  19. #19
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Or you could get one of your boy toy buddies to "dangle"his manhood in front of yours. That little fish will not be able to control himself. A transfer from one rocket to the other.
    ----------- __o
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  20. #20
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    Theres a fish in my Penis ! Vandellic cirrhora, (the vampire fish) please help!

    Lol. Tones in da haus.
    Wanted: WTB rollercams and brake bridges

  21. #21
    Ohh Gnarly!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Or you could get one of your boy toy buddies to "dangle"his manhood in front of yours. That little fish will not be able to control himself. A transfer from one rocket to the other.
    Perhaps Rexy could lend a hand?

  22. #22
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    *Rimshot*

    Rocktoberfest 2014 edit here
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  23. #23
    Prime
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    Tone's, you sure it's not a Gerbil?
    You almost had it there, Net.

    Tone's, shove a small cat up your ass, and a piece of yarn. Cat gets the fish, pull the yarn out slowly, cat chases it out.

  24. #24
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    I think it may be time for a penis bisection, it's the only way to be sure.
    Well, ok, one of 2 ways, the other being amputation...

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    Tone's, you sure it's not a Gerbil?
    Gerbil stuffing is so..... '80s.

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