Long story short I went to high school with this guy. He was a character hard to forget not to mention he was involved in the most dramatic high school fight I had ever seen erupt unknowingly right in front of me on my way to class. Girlfriend screaming and trying to get in the middle and everything. Then after high school this guys girlfriend ends up going to the same massage therapy school as my at the time girlfriend. They became acquainted friends through the class and I from time to time heard about their drama through my g/f like the time the two got in a fight so bad he pulled out a gun and shot it in the air and was arrested. Another memorable incident of him. Then near the end of mine and my at the time g/f's relationship I saw his girlfriend at the grocery store pushing their newborn. We had a pleasant enough talk acquaintances would and I guess left a burning memory in my head due to things not yet unfold.
Fast forward 2-3 years. I work in a print shop at a community college that shares a room with a graphic design and printing vocational learning class room. This guy walks in and I remember him instantly. Time passes and in passing conversation we become reacquainted. I tell him about my new daughter and he tells me about his kids, the class he's taking and how I took it, etc. He was unemployed and going through some tough times. Me, him, and a co-worker had a real nice talk right before July 4th break and he seemed happy. Monday I come in and his dad calls on the phone for the instructor to unnroll his son from the class because he passed away over the weekend. I was in disbelief. As events unfolded I learned on July 4th he hung himself in the backyard and his daughter found him.
I was not close to this man as I told you I had some odd degrees of connection to him that spanned back to my high school days however it is something that has surprisingly consumed a big part of my mind lately. After noticing I was thinking about it too much border lining creepy I spoke to my g/f about me who mentioned it might be closer to home to me since we're so close in age, have some-what of a history, and we both have little kiddos. He was 22 I am 23.
Sorry for such a long story but I went for a ride today since the first time I heard the news (busy week) and even on the ride I thought about it. It was unexpected because he seemed so fine that last day we spoke. It's sad because a lot of people in the class tried giving him advice on job searching. Suicide is different IMO than learning someone passing away on accident or from health because this is self-induced. It must be the most loneliest feeling right before you do it. Especially for someone so young and who had too much to leave behind, like a daughter.
Not directly affected but a few years ago, a troubled teen climbed up on top of a 2 story building at his high school at a time of the day when students were out and about. He got everyone's attention and then jumped and killed himself in front of and around all who were present. I can't imagine what those poor young people had to/have to do to deal with seeing that up close.
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Suicide is something even tbe experts can't explain why some do it. From your story I'm gathering you
must be in your mid to late twenties. I hate to
break it to you, but the older you get the more people you know pass. Many different scenarios and some very unexplainable. And suicide is the most confusing to the outsider and most selfish
act one can do. But no one can explain the frame
of mind one must be in to,actually do it. One of
my best friends committed suicide 10 years ago. I
still think of him daily and wonder why. I recently
came to the frame of mind that I will never know. And I hope you can deal with it easier as he was just an aquaintance. Even so it will probably bother you for many years, it''s the why that is so frustrating.
29'ers should come with a warning label affixed to the toptube. WARNING: Objects may be further than they appear.
Keep talking to people in your life about this. Don't bury it. Get those bike rides in, too. Find a way to make peace with it.
Death at that age is always sad. Appreciate the time you have today and tomorrow and the next day with your family and on the bike all the more.
No one close to me has committed suicide, but I have been the first person to find someone. Find a way to make peace with death. As DirtJunkie said, the older you get the more you see. But the more you appreciate when someone is able to shrug it off, too.
I was fascinated by this story I came across about Japan's Suicide Forest, Aokigahara. There is wisdom in the old forest worker's advise to those contemplating doing it.
IMO, there'd be less suicides there if they made some mountain bike trails in that forest.
I've seen that documentary before. There is also a documentary on Netflix called "The Bridge". The film makers filmed the golden gate bridge for a year in like 2004 and documented the suicides and spoke to the families. It's all very sad stuff but at the same time intriguing.
No one close to me has committed or attempted suicide but close relatives of some of my friends have. I feel for the family. These things are truly tough and while I don't have any advice, you have my best wishes.
I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.
My cousin killed himself. It was super hard on me, we were like brothers....he was an addict and just couldn't deal. He moved back in with his parents to try and get clean...didn't work. He ran a hose from his tail pipe into his van, got into his sleeping bag with his smokes and coffee....my uncle found him when he came home for lunch.
This was 11 years ago and I still want to call him on the phone.
one time i went to get a prescription refilled, and they gave me the wrong stuff. i didnt realize it until i got home, but when i went back to the pharmacy to return it, they just said "keep it or throw it out. we wont take it back". i realized it was a med that you can use to easily kill yourself, so i held onto it in case i ever felt that crappy.
seems pretty morbid when i think back, but i was going thru depressive crap at the time.
The worst part is... that he was found by his daughter.
Upon learning that years ago, a niece had tried to commit suicide, I recently asked her about the thought process
to satisfy my need to understand.
She gave an example, when walking over a bridge to look over the side to evaluate if it were high enough to kill not merely injure.
I found this intriguing, whereas if I were to look over the same bridge, I'd be seeing if I did jump - just how to do so, to survive - unscathed.
Risk assessment & management are key survival tools for anyone who seeks a thrill, overlook or ignore them, and you die.
From years of adventure sports, closely evaluating risk has become finely honed, and has kept me alive.
This perspective to actually seek what would kill you, and to then catalog them is what I found most disturbing.
One always wonders what caused the person to take their life, yet without understanding this mindset it seems impossible.
Best to you, his family and especially his young daughter to recover from this tragedy.
Back in 2009 I was riding my bike to work and witnessed a guy throw himself off of an overpass. This started as just a crazy guy jumping in front of cars when I first started upon him, and then in my helmet rearview mirror I saw him doing it again and again, so I turned around and started back up the sidewalk, walking my bike. He managed to bang his head on a rearview mirror of one car (who had pulled over and stopped) and was lying on the ground. The authorities had been notified and were on their way, but in the meantime, dude gets up and starts running up the road toward the freeway overpass. I instantly figured out what this dude’s plans were. I ran after him, thinking I could change his course of destiny, but it was hard to run in my Shimano SPD roadieboy shoes. If only I’d run faster, I could have tackled him to the ground. He climbed up and over the chain-link fence in quite a hurry, and tumbled over the other side. After he jumped, of course, I had to see the aftermath down below on the freeway. Gigantic pool of blood under his head as he lie there face-up in the middle of the #3 and #4 lanes of the freeway, traffic at a standstill. Several of us gave a witness report to the police department of what happened, but I was the only one who actually saw him bolt up the road and witnessed him commit the act. Really ruined my week.
QUOTE from MTBR.COM: You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.
I instantly figured out what this dude’s plans were. I ran after him, thinking I could change his course of destiny, but it was hard to run in my Shimano SPD roadieboy shoes. If only I’d run faster, I could have tackled him to the ground.
I'm glad that you didn't catch him. Suicidal people can become very aggressive. As a friend told me, if they are willing to kill themselves, what will stop them from going after you if you stand in their way? I'm NOT saying all or even most suicidal or depressed people are violent, but, if you don't know a person, it is best to protect yourself and assume they are.
I am a little older and have had people I knew or worked with commit suicide. In each case there turned out to be a history of mental illness or drug abuse. You do think to yourself I should have said something or called them when I was thinking about it but in reality the thought process that leads a person to do this cannot be comprehended. The best thing you can do is to help the family that he left behind - but don't be surprised if they are not very receptive as there is a different pain and even a sense of shame that takes time to overcome in these situations. It is sad but sometimes we don't realize the value of our friends until we lose one.
During High School I would find thought being given to Suicide, just as the greatest failure in Life. I'd never threatened, or used it as a cry for help. High School-age is a time of great impression, decisions, and a need to put yourself somewhere - balancing that with also finding yourself capable to place yourself in those last-years (career-goals, marriage etc) can be confused if Suicide rudely enters life. It did for me when I was not yet a teen.
After dealing with that, and dealing with the family of the girl not wanting anything in the News regarding it - I was finding myself answering a lot of questions, even having others wonder if I had murdered the girl. Her immediate-family's insisting on privacy only exposed my family's life to accountability in extremes, which forced me to wonder just what the girl my age had done to herself.
Being Religious, I know life is a mystery that stays unanswered in this Life. Emotions are found, shared, talked-about -- but as to why each of us is in suspension with one another here on Mother Earth... dunno. comedy shows? Antiques? Recipe Books?? I can go on and on with half-witted things which can be made to fit.
One choosing to halt all the influence life offers, and what it creates, by manners of Suicide is not right, is only turmoil for others. Previous structured-societies feinting 'nobility' is just a shadowing of what that established society is/was or is/was going to be. There's never anything to be proud of when upsetting nature and a higher-power. There's no lecture from the Judge after a ruling is leveraged upon the court - in that instant the individual becomes Judge, Jury, and executioner.
Get a job, nope, my working days are done. And there's no more holidays.
Lying is one thing, lying for others even. In the end there's a lessoned to learn from that. Who has found the lesson learned from suicide??
Not one; impulsive thoughts are a product of environment. Learn to distance oneself from impulse & impulsive-personalities - there's always decisions to be made and goals to exceed.
It's then that the gravity of others rash actions turn to dust.
I wish people could see how thier death effects people before they do it. So they know they are really loved and not as alone as they think. My best friend commited suicide after my birthday party in 05. I was the last person he saw. I never knew he ever thought that way. For years i beat myself up wondering what i could have done.
I dont celebrate birthdays anymore nor have i ever gone to his gravesight. I respect his desision but i wish he knew how much we all loved him.
Yikes. Is it your line of work? Are you a train operator? Paramedic?
Law enforcement. It's one thing to see it, but it's another when you have to start talking to people about it and trying to find out the why's. That's the part that can start to eat at you. Especially when it's a young person. I investigated a 16 year old girl that shot herself probably 10 years ago that still haunts me like I was on the scene yesterday.