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Thread: Shaking hands

  1. #1
    Sweat is just fat crying.
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    Shaking hands

    No, not Parkinson's, wiseacre.

    I've been having issues with people who deal a crushing handshake. Sometimes, someone will shake my hand so awesomely, I will ache for a day or so in the handal (official terminology) area. So I try to do the ol' fistbump, but it's hard to remember to do it, after 50-plus years of traditional handshaking.

    Questions I have: If you're one of the Vice Grip group, I gotta ask WHY the phuck do you think you have to crush the living life out of my poor widdle hand? Granted, a limp, moist shake is worse, but Jesus, I work with that hand, I play with it, and I do things with it that best remain un-internetted.

    Bonus question: If you proffer your hand in greeting, and recipient instead goes for the fist bump (easier on the elderly, like me, plus, more sanitary), do you take offense, or is it cool, or is it something else?
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  2. #2
    Front Range, Colorado
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    So what you are saying is Rosy is sore.

    Urban Dictionary: Rosy Palm
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  3. #3
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    Shaking hands

    Finch platte - the new Picard. Now with humor!
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  4. #4
    official eMpTyBRain
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    Shake a hand firmly, or don't do it at all. Those fools that just lay a limp hand in yours during a greet are just insulting your integrity by not showing any appreciation to their fellow human.

    FP, perhaps you have arthritus and it just hurts to shake hands with someone???
    ...and proud member of the anti-sock puppet desolation

  5. #5
    Sweat is just fat crying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    Finch platte - the new Picard. Now with humor!
    Oh, man, I lol'd at that one.

    At least I didn't use the same focking opening line as the title of the post! That used to drive me buggers!
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  6. #6
    Sweat is just fat crying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Shake a hand firmly, or don't do it at all. Those fools that just lay a limp hand in yours during a greet are just insulting your integrity by not showing any appreciation to their fellow human.

    FP, perhaps you have arthritus and it just hurts to shake hands with someone???
    Maybe I do have a little of the Aurthur Itis, but damn, esse up, big feller!
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    Maybe I do have a little of the Aurthur Itis, but damn, esse up, big feller!
    Sorry, I'm currently on a downward spiral into hell. My boss pissed me off big time today and I almost told her to gofvckherself...so I'm venting. Thank you for putting up with me during this rough period in my mood.
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  8. #8
    Sweat is just fat crying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Sorry, I'm currently on a downward spiral into hell. My boss pissed me off big time today and I almost told her to gofvckherself...so I'm venting. Thank you for putting up with me during this rough period in my mood.
    Bosses (usually) suck.
    Shake her hand, maybe?
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    Bosses (usually) suck.
    Shake her hand, maybe?
    That would be dangerous in my current state of mind.
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  10. #10
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    If somebody tries to do that hand-crusher routine again, stomp on the dorsum of their foot. Use your heel, and do it hard.

    Then apologize, telling them you have peripheral neuropathy, and you are so hyper-sensitive to pain stimulii that your action was pure reflex.

    Tremble a little bit. They'll believe you, and most likely they will apologize right back.

    This works for me, but I feel like it's important to tell you that you should also be prepared to duck.
    Re-Cycled Person who rides a mountain bicycle.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ray View Post
    If somebody tries to do that hand-crusher routine again, stomp on the dorsum of their foot. Use your heel, and do it hard.

    Then apologize, telling them you have peripheral neuropathy, and you are so hyper-sensitive to pain stimulii that your action was pure reflex.

    Tremble a little bit. They'll believe you, and most likely they will apologize right back.

    This works for me, but I feel like it's important to tell you that you should also be prepared to duck.
    Hahahahahahahaaaa!!! I can picture this happening, perfectly. Hahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!
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  12. #12
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ray View Post
    This works for me, but I feel like it's important to tell you that you should also be prepared to duck.
    That's what I like about you Ray you are very thorough in all of your posts. This ^^^ of course being the most important part.
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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Hahahahahahahaaaa!!! I can picture this happening, perfectly. Hahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!
    It actually happened to an old friend of mine with my old teacher. He said he could feel the bones in his hand popping as Dr. Loo bore down on him.....he'd tried to pay for Dr. Loo's dinner, and Dr. Loo did not want anybody paying for his dinner. He always wanted to pay for everybody else.

    Up until then, none of us knew he was a master of Eagle Claw kung fu.
    Re-Cycled Person who rides a mountain bicycle.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    That's what I like about you Ray you are very thorough in all of your posts. This ^^^ of course being the most important part.
    Actually, DJ I forgot the MOST important part; be prepared to run, as well. If you have broken their foot (hopefully) they will prolly be unable to chase you very far.

    OK...so now finch has the whole plan. I'm going for a bike ride with that guy I posted a link to, the bike shop owner.
    Re-Cycled Person who rides a mountain bicycle.

  15. #15
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ray View Post
    Actually, DJ I forgot the MOST important part; be prepared to run, as well. If you have broken their foot (hopefully) they will prolly be unable to chase you very far.

    OK...so now finch has the whole plan. I'm going for a bike ride with that guy I posted a link to, the bike shop owner.
    Have fun I'm off to bed only to be up for work again at 3 am. Arg!
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  16. #16
    sock skeleton
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    I have to pull over once in a while and shake hands with the Governor.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by norton55 View Post
    I have to pull over once in a while and shake hands with the Governor.
    You live in my town? I don't recall you ever approaching me to shake my hand???
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  18. #18
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    Shake it like you mean it.
    Hey Miraculous... Go Raiders ! .
    -Dad

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishbucket View Post
    Shake it like you mean it.
    How many times is too many times shaking it after a piss?
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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    How many times is too many times shaking it after a piss?
    Keep shaking it less until it leaves a wet spot in your underwear, then shake it once more.
    That's your magic number. Any more than that is excessive.

    Or your could skip the shaking and just wipe it off with some toilet paper.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by aerius View Post
    Or your could skip the shaking and just wipe it off with some toilet paper.
    I just threw up a little bit reading this...
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  22. #22
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    If you shake it more than twice you
    are playing with it.

  23. #23
    Front Range, Colorado
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    Shake it like you stole it.
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  24. #24
    Oh, the huge-meh-nity
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    If you shake it more than twice you
    are playing with it.
    "Oh, why thank you tinkle fairy!"

    --Adam West

  25. #25
    human dehumidifier
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    I had a friend who took the approach of not even trying give a grip, but the dude built mattresses for a living and had a grip like a monkey. He'd put one on you if you tried to do the macho handshake thing.

    Me, I try everything possible to avoid shaking hands. I don't want to touch anyone, or be touched by them. Never did, never will.
    NFL will punish America for its sins with Katy Perry as the Super Bowl halftime show.

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