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  1. #201
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    For any man who's had hemorrhoids, you've probably had to use suppositories. Advice: do not fart after inserting the medicinal butt bullet. Takes sharting to a new level.

    (iPad wants to autocorrect "sharting" to "sharing")

  2. #202
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    Quote Originally Posted by monzie View Post
    Nicole, I really did **** my pants at work the other day. Went to fart and I guess the whiskey from the night before liquified my innards because it was a ****-storm in the trousers. I had to remove my underpants and since my pants pants have a hole in the crotch had to get a pair of shorts from the scrap bin at work. Only had some L men's gym shorts or some misprinted M women's running/cheer shorts. I took the women's shorts. I now have a pair of shorts that say Alpha Delta Pi on the front and "Kiss me I'm PIrish" on the back of the right leg.

    A friend of mine said he thinks everyone should give themselves an enema at least once in their lives. This after doing it to himself with one of the enemas you get at the pharmacy. He said it's one of the most clean, refreshing things he's ever done, just be sure to have some reading material and music and be prepared to sit on the toilet for a few hours. I kind of want to give it a go.
    I crapped myself once due to eating a whole bag of ricola
    I didn't mean to but we were on the road for 2 hours and they went down like candy
    I was working for a road repair company at the time called "Crack Filling Service"
    before my little accident I had the worst gas of my entire life
    my guess is that this is why they have the big a$$ horns on the commercial
    it's an omen


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    I am slow therefore I am

  3. #203
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    ^ i kinda wanna.....

    when i had an appendicitis scare (turned out to just be a stomach virus) i had to endure an abdominal CT scan. they have to pump your intestines full of water to do this. so i had that big ol' bag draining into me, and they are like "you have to hold it". let me tell you how difficult that was!!! oh god, i've never pinched so hard in my life. then when they let me go, i could have put out a fire with that water blast

    felt so clean and liberating afterwards though. now want a big wonderful colonic.
    My pals do all their crapaccino work in the shower, in going and outgoing. They say it is an easier cleanup.

    They recommend letting it cool somewhat and also use the cheapest coffee you can find. No sense in using the good stuff as your not going to taste it...... you hope.

  4. #204
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    umm....so do "solids" get kicked down the shower drain?
    fap

  5. #205
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    umm....so do "solids" get kicked down the shower drain?
    Why not? The toilet and shower are hooked to the same drain. It would be like stomping on grapes to make wine.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails The  OFFICIAL O/C 'POOP' THREAD......'Get it out of your system'....please..-grapes.jpg  


  6. #206
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    There is no way anything is going up my ass unless a
    doctor is doing it. Coffee up in me, hell no.

  7. #207
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    I consider my ass as the most virgin of virgin rainforests, nobody or nothin is touchin my butthole with anything, its going along just fine as it is...
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  8. #208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    For any man who's had hemorrhoids, you've probably had to use suppositories. Advice: do not fart after inserting the medicinal butt bullet. Takes sharting to a new level.

    (iPad wants to autocorrect "sharting" to "sharing")
    I used to get constipated a lot as a kid... my dad had to insert suppositories in my butt....
    Not a cool feeling.... but being able to poo after being constipated for days is such a good feeling.
    Not what you think.

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  9. #209
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    I wouldn't recommend this

    Oh poo!

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8Qt95KUOX_8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  10. #210
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyw00d View Post
    I used to get constipated a lot as a kid... my dad had to insert suppositories in my butt....
    Not a cool feeling.... but being able to poo after being constipated for days is such a good feeling.
    LOL, TO MUCH INFORMATION HOLLYWOOD.......
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  11. #211
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    I wouldn't recommend this

    Oh poo!

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8Qt95KUOX_8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    HAHAHAHA, cheers cycleicious, that was a funny watch....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  12. #212
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    About 10 years ago we were just leaving after our fall trip to Moab. We had had another great time and finished off Sunday morning with a trip to the Moab Diner where I had myself a green chille breakfast burrito.

    About 10 miles from the I-70 interchange I had a serious rumbling. I was not driving but told my buddy I had a situation and that he better hurry. I was fairly certain I could make it to the gas station.

    In those days the bathroom at the interchange was in the non functioning diner next door to the gas station. I exited the vehicle and tried to sprint in while doing a full butt clench, I am sure it was hilarious to watch.
    I made it into the bathroom and locked the door in a mad panic, as I was returning from the door I dropped trow early in preparation and as I swiveled to plant myself.....I lost it in mid turn. I green chile splatter painted the floor, the door, the wall, part of the sink, and the entire toilet.

    I hurriedly cleaned myself up as much as possible and left. Without getting in the car I had my friend follow me over to a more secluded part of the parking lot where I could change pants while I recited the story.

    It was two years before I could go back to the Moab diner.

    The  OFFICIAL O/C 'POOP' THREAD......'Get it out of your system'....please..-image36.jpg

  13. #213
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    Currently sitting on the toilet at work, there's only one wrap of toilet paper left on the roll. Didn't notice until I was mid-poop, here's hoping its all I'll need. But it's a coffee poop soÖ
    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Id scrap the passion forum all together, its a breeding ground for unicorn milkers, rainbow chasers and candy cotton farters.

  14. #214
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    Quote Originally Posted by monzie View Post
    Currently sitting on the toilet at work, there's only one wrap of toilet paper left on the roll. Didn't notice until I was mid-poop, here's hoping its all I'll need. But it's a coffee poop soÖ
    That's what your socks are for.

  15. #215
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I consider my ass as the most virgin of virgin rainforests, nobody or nothin is touchin my butthole with anything, its going along just fine as it is...
    I'm with you, man.

    I can't believe this has happened, but how did a thread about poop take a wrong turn?


    This is a thread about exiting, not entering




    On that note, I made some cabbage and sausage soup last night

  16. #216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    LOL, TO MUCH INFORMATION HOLLYWOOD.......
    Hahahaha, sorry. But it's part of life.

    You got kids? They're filthy little creatures. **** like that (pun intended) happens all the time.
    Not what you think.

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  17. #217
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyw00d View Post
    Hahahaha, sorry. But it's part of life.

    You got kids? They're filthy little creatures. **** like that (pun intended) happens all the time.
    lol, no kids for me mate, and on occasions like that i count my blessings i dont
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  18. #218
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    When my oldest daughter was 2 I was giving her a bath, and part of that ritual was her playing with a dozen or so small plastic animals we used to collect from the zoo gift shop.

    So as the tub was draining and she was wrapped in a towel, I was removing the toys from the tub and tossing them into the sink to rinse the soap off.

    Inventory check: white tiger, gray elephant, brown otter, --

    AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!11one1!

    edit: added for context

    Last edited by random walk; 11-05-2012 at 11:13 AM.

  19. #219
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    yes, i think one of my earliest memories was being in the tub with my little bro (were were probably 2 and 3) and he shat in the tub. but since it was a bubble bath, you couldnt see it, unless it popped up like a shark fin randomly, and i was screaming.
    fap

  20. #220
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    When I was a junior in HS I had a bout of norovirus Ė it hit me right after lunch. I knew I was in trouble so I called my Dad to check me out of school so I could head home. While Iím on hold with him on the pay phone in the cafeteria (this is 1987) it struck, my bowels were twisted and screaming. I ran as fast I could to the nearest bathroom which was about 25 yards away. I was about 10 steps from the door and I couldnít pucker up anymore so I crapped my pants right in front of 10th grade world history class. I let out a girly scream as the brown water ran down my leg into my shoe and all over the white hallway...there was a brown trail leading into the bathroom.

    As I sprinted into the bathroom there was a freshman at the sink washing his hands and as I made my way to the nearest stall - I let it all go again and then puked all over the place. I didnít have time to even shut the stall door, that poor dude was more horrified than me, Iíll never forget the look on his face. He ran out of the bathroom faster than Usain Bolt and as the door was open I heard someone in the hallway say ďIs that human, oh my god !?!?!?

    I had shat my underwear and jeans and I was stuck in the freshman hall. After cleaning up as best I could I threw out my underwear and just wore my jeans which were still covered in brown water. I ran to my car and drove home, but on the way home i had another bout and shat myself again in the car. This was one of the worst days of my life and I was forever known as that dude who crapped his pants in the freshman hallway. It was brutal to say the least when I went back to school two days later and made the walk of shame to my locker.
    Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other. Red Foreman - That 70's show.

  21. #221
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    Wow! That was great. I needed a good laugh today. Tell me about your HS reunion. Were they still busting your balls.

    Sent from my HTC One S using Tapatalk 2

  22. #222
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I consider my ass as the most virgin of virgin rainforests, nobody or nothin is touchin my butthole with anything, its going along just fine as it is...
    These damn young bucks... there's a time and a place when a Woman's Touch can open up new horizons for ya, mate. But not when it's near poo time.

  23. #223
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    What have you guys used for toilet paper when TP was unavailable? The worst I've used was newspaper - that even that bad. Impress me, poo thread. Impress me.

  24. #224
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    What have you guys used for toilet paper when TP was unavailable? The worst I've used was newspaper - that even that bad. Impress me, poo thread. Impress me.
    Aspen leaves and lodgepole pine shoots (green and with the grain, of course).

  25. #225
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    What have you guys used for toilet paper when TP was unavailable? The worst I've used was newspaper - that even that bad. Impress me, poo thread. Impress me.
    Desert sage, in a pinch, to get most of the muck out. Higher up, pine needles. Never cactus, while riding in AZ. Nor kitty litter.

  26. #226
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    how the hell do you wipe with pine needles?
    fap

  27. #227
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    Very carefully.

  28. #228
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    True story, a guy I knew back in the 70s wiped with posion oak
    and jacked up his ass big time. However I must say that back then
    he may have done it because he was high on something.

  29. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    how the hell do you wipe with pine needles?
    You grab a handful off a green pine tree limb, still green, then you stack them so they are all pretty much the same length, then you stick them where the sun don't shine, so they cover and protect your fingers from the muck. 6 to 8 handfuls.attempts is about right.

  30. #230
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    Currently on the shitter now. Got plenty of TP. Worse thing I ever used was magazine pages in a Target. I couldn't find any paper in any stall. The pages were the thick glossy paper. Sounded like nails across a chalkboard. I also sharted before that so I had to toss my undies. What an incredible experience.

    By the way there is NOTHING wrong with your lady playing around a little back there.

  31. #231
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pete Otis Towns View Post
    When I was a junior in HS I had a bout of norovirus Ė it hit me right after lunch. I knew I was in trouble so I called my Dad to check me out of school so I could head home. While Iím on hold with him on the pay phone in the cafeteria (this is 1987) it struck, my bowels were twisted and screaming. I ran as fast I could to the nearest bathroom which was about 25 yards away. I was about 10 steps from the door and I couldnít pucker up anymore so I crapped my pants right in front of 10th grade world history class. I let out a girly scream as the brown water ran down my leg into my shoe and all over the white hallway...there was a brown trail leading into the bathroom.

    As I sprinted into the bathroom there was a freshman at the sink washing his hands and as I made my way to the nearest stall - I let it all go again and then puked all over the place. I didnít have time to even shut the stall door, that poor dude was more horrified than me, Iíll never forget the look on his face. He ran out of the bathroom faster than Usain Bolt and as the door was open I heard someone in the hallway say ďIs that human, oh my god !?!?!?

    I had shat my underwear and jeans and I was stuck in the freshman hall. After cleaning up as best I could I threw out my underwear and just wore my jeans which were still covered in brown water. I ran to my car and drove home, but on the way home i had another bout and shat myself again in the car. This was one of the worst days of my life and I was forever known as that dude who crapped his pants in the freshman hallway. It was brutal to say the least when I went back to school two days later and made the walk of shame to my locker.

    I vote for this for best story. Who's with me?
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  32. #232
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    how the hell do you wipe with pine needles?


    They grow in tufts. Just use how ever many "tufts" It takes to do the job.*

    *I do not know this from personal experience.
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  33. #233
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    Quote Originally Posted by skullcap View Post
    I vote for this for best story. Who's with me?
    I am! It's best I've heard since the story Chunk told about fake vomit in the movie Goonies.
    Craigslist & MTBR --free ads for all

  34. #234
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    Quote Originally Posted by RandyBoy View Post
    These damn young bucks... there's a time and a place when a Woman's Touch can open up new horizons for ya, mate. But not when it's near poo time.
    hahahaha, look i like their butts very much, but my butts off limits randy boy,
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  35. #235
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pete Otis Towns View Post
    When I was a junior in HS I had a bout of norovirus Ė it hit me right after lunch. I knew I was in trouble so I called my Dad to check me out of school so I could head home. While Iím on hold with him on the pay phone in the cafeteria (this is 1987) it struck, my bowels were twisted and screaming. I ran as fast I could to the nearest bathroom which was about 25 yards away. I was about 10 steps from the door and I couldnít pucker up anymore so I crapped my pants right in front of 10th grade world history class. I let out a girly scream as the brown water ran down my leg into my shoe and all over the white hallway...there was a brown trail leading into the bathroom.

    As I sprinted into the bathroom there was a freshman at the sink washing his hands and as I made my way to the nearest stall - I let it all go again and then puked all over the place. I didnít have time to even shut the stall door, that poor dude was more horrified than me, Iíll never forget the look on his face. He ran out of the bathroom faster than Usain Bolt and as the door was open I heard someone in the hallway say ďIs that human, oh my god !?!?!?

    I had shat my underwear and jeans and I was stuck in the freshman hall. After cleaning up as best I could I threw out my underwear and just wore my jeans which were still covered in brown water. I ran to my car and drove home, but on the way home i had another bout and shat myself again in the car. This was one of the worst days of my life and I was forever known as that dude who crapped his pants in the freshman hallway. It was brutal to say the least when I went back to school two days later and made the walk of shame to my locker.
    hahaha, you poor bugger, funny story n well written mate,
    this threads all win, im hoping is really goes on forever,
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  36. #236
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    A heaping spoonful of a fiber powder (like Metamucil) in a tall glass of water works wonders for me to get rid of the runny stuff. I go at least 3 times a day so if things are a little loose its my weapon of choice to bulk it all up again. o_O

  37. #237
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    so I'm sitting on the can at work yesterday and I hear the door open and a lot of metal banging sounds from outside the stall, I recognize the sound as an aluminum ladder hitting the door/floor etc

    I look up to the ceiling and the bulb just outside the stall door is burned out, sure enough, I see the top of a head and then an arm reaching for the bulb

    The man replacing the bulb is obviously trying not to invade my privacy and looking away etc but I can't leave due to the position of the ladder so I decide to have some fun and start grunting like a mad cow, dude drops the dead bulb and then almost falls off the ladder which sends another bulb crashing to the floor as well (presumably he had the new one sitting on top of the ladder)

    There was some cussing as he got down off the ladder and collapsed it to lean against the wall and then evacuated the bathroom, I assume he was going to find another bulb

    I quick scurried out while he was gone feeling somewhat responsible

    but hey, he could have waited 2 more min before blocking access to all 3 stalls in the bathroom, there's plenty more bulbs to light the place

  38. #238
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    Here is one from my "Dingo Biscuit" for ya Tone I'm such a proud daddy
    You kind of asked for it
    Last edited by Burnt-Orange; 12-11-2012 at 12:45 PM.
    I am slow therefore I am

  39. #239
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    okay now there's actual poo photos....


  40. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by TitanofChaos View Post
    so I'm sitting on the can at work yesterday and I hear the door open and a lot of metal banging sounds from outside the stall, I recognize the sound as an aluminum ladder hitting the door/floor etc

    I look up to the ceiling and the bulb just outside the stall door is burned out, sure enough, I see the top of a head and then an arm reaching for the bulb

    The man replacing the bulb is obviously trying not to invade my privacy and looking away etc but I can't leave due to the position of the ladder so I decide to have some fun and start grunting like a mad cow, dude drops the dead bulb and then almost falls off the ladder which sends another bulb crashing to the floor as well (presumably he had the new one sitting on top of the ladder)

    There was some cussing as he got down off the ladder and collapsed it to lean against the wall and then evacuated the bathroom, I assume he was going to find another bulb

    I quick scurried out while he was gone feeling somewhat responsible

    but hey, he could have waited 2 more min before blocking access to all 3 stalls in the bathroom, there's plenty more bulbs to light the place
    you always have good stories
    fap

  41. #241
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    I had a lapse of judgement last night:

    I was driving home after a long long day....around 11pm. I was still about an hour away from being home, had yet to eat dinner, and needed gas. So I stop at a QT (gas station chain around the DFW area), and decided "what the hell, I don't want to stop again, and I'm damn hungry."

    Yes folks. I ate the dreaded gas station food.

    I've already spoke in this thread about my overly sensitive stomach...to which I piled on top some chicken stick things? They're like a hot wing chicken nugget in stick form? Anyways...

    So this morning? Oh my god. It's now 1pm...I got to work at 6am. I think I've had to hit the throne room 14 times so far. I also had to go do some sampling around the lake this morning. So I've doodied at my office, at 2 gas stations, at 3 different parks around the lake, and not once but twice in the trees on the side of a secluded road.

    There isn't even anything left in there. Just dry heaves from my colon. I hate myself so bad today. WTF was I thinking?

  42. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by 41ants View Post
    Wow! That was great. I needed a good laugh today. Tell me about your HS reunion. Were they still busting your balls.

    Sent from my HTC One S using Tapatalk 2
    Ha! Yes it did come up at my reunion from a few friends - also I've had a couple of people on FB mention this story more than a few times. Good times.
    Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other. Red Foreman - That 70's show.

  43. #243
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    Back when I was in the Navy I liked to take my uniform completely off to poop........ well someone in my command figured that out, and one day I went for my daily work deuce stripped off my uniform, hung it over the door and proceeded to commence pooping..........

    uniform disappeared shortly thereafter.


    I had to haul ass 300yds back to my shop frank and beans covered by a hand.. get back to my shop to find my supervisor in tears laughing..... good thing I LOVE pranks. I thought it was funny as heck!
    Not what you think.

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  44. #244
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    This is some good reading, oldie but a goodie. Singletrack Magazine | The Picolax Thread Returns
    Whiskey

  45. #245
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyw00d View Post
    Back when I was in the Navy I liked to take my uniform completely off to poop........ well someone in my command figured that out, and one day I went for my daily work deuce stripped off my uniform, hung it over the door and proceeded to commence pooping..........
    Argh, hated pooping in the army, part of the training was making these makeshift toilets with trash bags, nothing like pooping in the woods with the balls freezing in the morning.
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  46. #246
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    Drank coffee, bidding on Revelation Dual Air XX on eBay while taking a dump, typing about it on Tapapoo.
    Last edited by Dion; 11-07-2012 at 12:09 PM.

  47. #247
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    Quote Originally Posted by SlowerJoe View Post
    Here is one from my "Dingo Biscuit" for ya Tone I'm such a proud daddy
    You kind of asked for it
    BWAHAHA, JOE.......PLEASE NO...........REALLY.........

    LOL, That really wasnt called for Joe, but i admit you made me laugh takin a pic of your 'dingo biscuits' poo n posting it online , oh no, this threads seen it all.....

    Whats next, your daily offerings............
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  48. #248
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    I aim to please

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    I am slow therefore I am

  49. #249
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    Nice biscuit picture. My daughter has the same potty.


    Anyways I just finished taking a crap under a tree. The horseflies were closing in quick so I had to make it fast. Back to work!

  50. #250
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    Well, he's still alive yet again. That's always good news. Reading an article about a hardtail 29er? That's my fault. I should never have gotten him into mountain bikes in the first place. Apparently.
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  51. #251
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    ^ yes, it's so confusing when there's a pulse, but it still smells like someone died.
    fap

  52. #252
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    Actually worse than someone died. Nasty. Disgusting spud. And I married him. I should go report to the bad decision thread. Apparently.
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  53. #253
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    Hey guys.

    I won the Rock Shox Revelation Dual Air XX Fork I bid on while taking a dump. Very lightly used for $330 shipped. Maybe there was some poo power behind this win?

  54. #254
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    Hey guys.

    I won the Rock Shox Revelation Dual Air XX Fork I bid on while taking a dump. Very lightly used for $330 shipped. Maybe there was some poo power behind this win?

  55. #255
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    If you know who this is and you know his catch phrase, you know why it's relevant to this thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Id scrap the passion forum all together, its a breeding ground for unicorn milkers, rainbow chasers and candy cotton farters.

  56. #256
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    Goddammed Burger King breakfast burrito. BRB.

  57. #257
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    the bf ate taco bell and a can of chili last night. my face almost melted off.
    fap

  58. #258
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    chicken tacos last night made for a 1.5 hour meeting with the john here at work today, not all at the same time, more like 5 trips

  59. #259
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    I seem to have no poop problem compared to some in this thread, i can eat anything n its all normal operations the next day, im confused.....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  60. #260
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    Black beans and rice, salsa verde and black coffee, I am now very cleansed.

  61. #261
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I seem to have no poop problem compared to some in this thread, i can eat anything n its all normal operations the next day, im confused.....
    Same here, normally. But I think with the burrito it was something gifted to me by the food handler.


  62. #262
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    ... and if we just ...

    Years ago when I worked on a dive boat, we (the crew) would have bets on barfers and crappers based on where they had breakfast that AM..We had a particularly nasty breakfast joint close to the dive-shop that was avoided by the locals, and later-on actually shut down by the state restaurant inspectors for dishing out more than "food"..
    I remember one guy who actually barfed through his regulator and crappped his swim trunks at the same time, leaving a dual trail of tidbits, promptly being devoured by the fish. This resulted in some great photo ops for the camera crew... I wish I had the pics,.... of the fish that is...
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  63. #263
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    I don't know what is going on, but for the last 2 days my
    turds have been real green. I don't have a clue what is up
    with that, but its a pretty shade of green.

  64. #264
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    ^ You must be shedding excess rep.

  65. #265
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    I don't know what is going on, but for the last 2 days my
    turds have been real green. I don't have a clue what is up
    with that, but its a pretty shade of green.
    Are you getting angry ?
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  66. #266
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    ^^Easy there, you wouldn't like him when he's angry.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Id scrap the passion forum all together, its a breeding ground for unicorn milkers, rainbow chasers and candy cotton farters.

  67. #267
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    Anybody else seem to add 1 and 2 together and get a 3? What percentage of your poo's are followed up with a pee? I know I'm about 50 percent.

    That increases with a cold weather change.

  68. #268
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    I don't know what is going on, but for the last 2 days my
    turds have been real green. I don't have a clue what is up
    with that, but its a pretty shade of green.
    Eating copious amounts of black "licorice" Twizzlers will turn turds green....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  69. #269
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    I don't know what is going on, but for the last 2 days my
    turds have been real green. I don't have a clue what is up
    with that, but its a pretty shade of green.
    Drinking any red wine?

  70. #270
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    Just beer and whiskey for me.

  71. #271
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    Just beer and whiskey for me.
    Okay, narrowing it down. In the past red wine turned my turds green but I usually stick to beer. I also used to get green poop from Fruity Pebbles, no joke, but here are some green poop links with some possible answers:

    http://www.why-ismypoopgreen.com/

    What Your Stool Is Telling You | Page 3 | The Dr. Oz Show

  72. #272
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    Thanks OCtrailMonkey, however all is good now. My mourning
    poop was back to normal.

  73. #273
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    I had a fantastic poop yesterday. Todays was good, but yesterday was awesome!
    Not what you think.

    My videos

  74. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Kuhl View Post
    Thanks OCtrailMonkey, however all is good now. My mourning
    poop was back to normal.
    LOL.. I feel like Dr. Phil now, didn't mean to get so passionate about number 2.

  75. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I seem to have no poop problem compared to some in this thread, i can eat anything n its all normal operations the next day, im confused.....
    Yeah me too ... i make chilli and beans often and i have no problems. I do get a bit of gas from eating cabbage but nothing to write home about ...
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  76. #276
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    I just got back from winning the war against the clogged toilet. Elapsed time ~ 2 hours.

    This was definitely a paper clog. How do I know? Because only the paper went down and all the solid pieces were left floating in the bowl. Grrrr. I didn't even use that much paper, but OK, I can't argue with a crapper.

    I don't have a plunger which is probably for the best in this scenario due to all of the water mines. So I use the little bath trashcan as a bucket and start pouring hot water in the bowl. After about 10 cans full, about 98% of the dissolving action occurred in the bowl rather in the drain. At that point, I basically had a toilet that looked worse than the one from the horror flick Saw. Oh, and did I mention the smell of death in the air?

    What to try next ... hmm ... OK, how about a makeshift snake? I grab an old Jagwire Brake Cable and start fishing it down the toilet. It actually made it pretty far down the drain ... I was getting scary low on spare cable at one point ... but it didn't seem to help. After the cleanup at the end, I noticed I scratched off the enamel paint every place the cable had to go around a turn. Oops. Don't try that one at home, kids.

    A couple more buckets of hot water and now I'm getting desperate. So I consult the oracle of plumbing ... Google. I skip the posts about using hot water and get to one that talks about using Dishwashing soap to help things slide down the drain. So I grab my nearly full bottle of Dawn and head back to the front line. I used about half the bottle and several cans of hot water and wasn't getting anywhere. Sadly, all of the soap and water wasn't even doing anything to remove the accumulating stucco from the sides of the bowl either. Wonderful.

    I rested for about 30 minutes and then headed back for one last assault. I squirted about 30% of the Dawn bottle into the nearly empty bowl and starting pouring hot water in as fast as I could. Finally, the draining action started to speed up. Another 4 or 5 buckets later and the clog was defeated! Then came the 20 minutes of clean up.

    Well, there goes another Saturday night down the drain.

  77. #277
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    Wow, what an awesome thread! Ordinarilly I don`t go wandering around outside of two or three subforums, but happened to catch the title of this delight while scrolling down the forums overview page and COULD NOT RESIST. Reporting for duty!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    Anybody else seem to add 1 and 2 together and get a 3?
    Anybody see the Mork and Mindy epsiode where Mork had reverted to roughly a toddler`s age? He told Mindy he "had to go", and she asked what kind of "go". Mork bowed his head and told her shamefully that he had to go "number four"

    Okay, here`s my own short story, hope I won`t be shunned simply because human poop isn`t involved. A coworker came back to work a few weeks ago after several months of medical leave. For his welcome back present, I made him a pie. Saved one of those pink pastry boxes from the donut shop, collected a nice fresh cowpie and trimmed carefully to fit the box, then decorated it with blue and red Permatex gasket sealer and sprinkled rabbit turds (spray pained red). He loved it! He even left it on his bench that night so that people on the other shifts could have a chance to drop in and check it out (no sampling, please) before he brought it home.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails The  OFFICIAL O/C 'POOP' THREAD......'Get it out of your system'....please..-pie.jpg  

    Recalculating....

  78. #278
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    I've been practicing yoga for a number of years. One of the benefits of certain twisting poses is that it compresses the internal organs that aid in digestion. However the immediate result to all this bending and twisting is farting.

    As long as I've been attending yoga classes someone always let's one go . When it happens I can't ignore the sound of a ripsnorter and sometimes I start to giggle. The truth is I have always found poots funny. In case anyone is contemplating trying yoga... I guarantee it will help keep you regular but it might also produce unexpected air biscuits: from big doozers to silent killers. Thank goodness for lululemon pants and music and be prepared
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  79. #279
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Thank goodness for lululemon pants and music and be prepared
    A what now ?
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  80. #280
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    I've been practicing yoga for a number of years. One of the benefits of certain twisting poses is that it compresses the internal organs that aid in digestion. However the immediate result to all this bending and twisting is farting.

    As long as I've been attending yoga classes someone always let's one go . When it happens I can't ignore the sound of a ripsnorter and sometimes I start to giggle. The truth is I have always found poots funny. In case anyone is contemplating trying yoga... I guarantee it will help keep you regular but it might also produce unexpected air biscuits: from big doozers to silent killers. Thank goodness for lululemon pants and music and be prepared
    AhHahahahaha! Hilarious. I need to spread more rep before giving you some but this post deserves some green. I think my wife would agree that I don't need yoga to move some air.

  81. #281
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    i've done yoga a few times. no poots. as much as i love them, i'm glad i never heard one. i'd probably get kicked out of class for hysterical laughing.

    i was on a bike ride a couple nights ago, and one guy asks the other "what's a one syllable word for a burp that's stuck?" the other guy answers by ripping a long flappity fart (right near my head, because i was sitting down.) i burst out laughing...that fart was wayyy more than one syllable!
    fap

  82. #282
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    Old story but even the rich and famous sometimes can't help it.

    I think the instructor was constipated because in all these years I've never seen anyone get kicked out for laughing... thank goodness, because I'm :"one of those gigglers"


    When in Class, Please Hold the Gas
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  83. #283
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    Ever had one of those days right from the start?
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails The  OFFICIAL O/C 'POOP' THREAD......'Get it out of your system'....please..-poop-meme.jpg  

    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  84. #284
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    Lol Cyclicious! that made me find THIS: (lolling)
    10 Ways To Cover Up Your Yoga Farts
    fap

  85. #285
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    Massive kale shake with my sandwich. Now, it's as if my poo was an Ibis Mojo, and my colon: an epic singletrack after a light rain... flowin'.

  86. #286
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    ^ the green mojo i'm sure
    fap

  87. #287
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    I had a great plate of penne and meat sauce last night, with a couple of pieces of italian sausage thrown in. I woke up to my room smelling like stale farts, and a cup of coffee later I am finally crowning. Good thing I am about to hop in the shower- holding off til the birthing is complete.
    If you arent bleeding, you arent riding hard enough.
    http://about.me/bigterry

    Quote Originally Posted by Hutch3637 View Post
    I don't need sex. My life fvcks me daily.

  88. #288
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    Quote Originally Posted by big terry View Post
    I am finally crowning. Good thing I am about to hop in the shower- holding off til the birthing is complete.
    Dialated to 2cm yet?
    Recalculating....

  89. #289
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    Quote Originally Posted by rodar y rodar View Post
    Dialated to 2cm yet?
    Terry's going to give birth to a brown baby boy.

  90. #290
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    Anyone ever birthed a behemoth so big that you had to grunt out a loud "FREEDOM!!!" like the movie braveheart?

    I know I just did

  91. #291
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    Quote Originally Posted by TitanofChaos View Post
    Anyone ever birthed a behemoth so big that you had to grunt out a loud "FREEDOM!!!" like the movie braveheart?

    I know I just did
    Picture, or GTFO.........
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  92. #292
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    i love this classy thread.
    fap

  93. #293
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    i love this classy thread.
    BWAHAHA, i love it that you love it, it is all class isnt it hehehe
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  94. #294
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    Should avoid straining, otherwise you could wind up with a rectal prolapse or fistula.

    High fibre food, train your bowels, create a routine. and don't rush it

    My 2 cents
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  95. #295
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    i love this classy thread.
    Says the gal with fap in her signature. Get the hand lotion... Frankly, I've never understood why they even named it hand lotion... that's not what men use it for, although it does seem to get on their hand.

    <iframe width="960" height="720" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-tI-ftRY2So" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  96. #296
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    Quote Originally Posted by RandyBoy View Post
    Says the gal with fap in her signature. Get the hand lotion... Frankly, I've never understood why they even named it hand lotion... that's not what men use it for, although it does seem to get on their hand.
    LOL, thats all i ever used it for as a young buck lol, never used it for anything else, im just bein honest.....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  97. #297
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Should avoid straining, otherwise you could wind up with a rectal prolapse or fistula.

    High fibre food, train your bowels, create a routine. and don't rush it

    My 2 cents
    MWAHAHA Cyclelicious, did you really have to go there ''rectal prolapse or fistula'' lol, this threads really seen it all now.....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  98. #298
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    I had a cousin that was bigger than me. And by Filipino standards, he is a whopper.

    One day, he was takin' a sh|t, for, like, 45 min. I even had to do the courtesy knock to be sure he wasn't dead.

    After he finally came out, I asked him if "everything was okay" and he told me, "Hey homie... don't go in there, fool..." (us American Filipinos like to talk ghetto).

    The suspense was killing me, so I went in, lifted the lid, and found something that was about the size of a super burrito, clogging the entire bowl drain. It was massive and girth'y - my scientific guesstimate would be about 3.75" in diameter.

    To this day, it was the largest log I have ever seen. Emotionally scarring, in fact. I could only imagine how large his butthole had to dilate to let that alien life-form out - anything bigger would've required c-section.

    I believe LeMans style breathing would also be required.

  99. #299
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    I fully understand that trauma Dion. I once saw one trailside that was about that diameter and nearly 3' long. It was wound on top of itself into a pile that was bigger than my head with the helmet on. It's really something you just don't recover from easily. Good luck with that.
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  100. #300
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    BWAHAHAHAHA Dion, we have a massive Filipino population here and yes there are a few seriously big boys, i can only imagine the sight that awaited you in that bowl, lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

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