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  1. #1
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    Off Camber Imaginary Group ride and Camp Out...

    ...full reports from the imaginary group ride and camp out we had this weekend.

    Certain people brought marijuana brownies and Nicole changed her hair color 28 times in the creek.

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    Nicole grew back her mustache over the weekend too.

  3. #3
    No Stranger to danger....
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    Gee sharing that tent with Nicole and cyclelicious was hard work, im warn out, and has anybody seen singlesprocket?
    he was meant to share the tent but went missing.....
    And what were all those Canadian guys doing nude in that tent together all weekend, led by osokolo?
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  4. #4
    I Ride Bikes
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    I heard the petting zoo outside 'hawg's' tent was a big hit. he must be worn out.
    I like to hug trees at FULL SPEED!
    INSTAGRAM -> hawaii808MTB
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  5. #5
    No Stranger to danger....
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    Muzz went for a walk with a sheep and never came back..
    Dion was pulling out 90foot high trees and holding them over his head while doing ticks on his BMX.
    Highdelll was being a cranky bastard all weekend after getting into a punch up with Monz for mentioning his sister lol
    Az bought his gay peach bike to provide the laughs.
    Monogod was accidently hit over the head with a big stick and thrown into the lake after trying to tell me how to put up my tent.
    Hawg entertained everybody with penis origami all weekend..
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  6. #6
    humber river advocate
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Gee sharing that tent with Nicole and cyclelicious was hard work, im warn out, and has anybody seen singlesprocket?
    he was meant to share the tent but went missing.....
    And what were all those Canadian guys doing nude in that tent together all weekend, led by osokolo?
    now there's some butt hurt
    broadcasting from
    "the vinyl basement"

    build trail!

  7. #7
    the half breed devil
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    who threw the can of insect repellant into the campfire at 2:30AM?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    who threw the can of insect repellant into the campfire at 2:30AM?
    sorry, guys. had a little too much homebrew and got rowdy

  9. #9
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    sorry, guys. had a little too much homebrew and got rowdy
    you should have woke me up before hand and i would have thrown in some road flares and magnesium...

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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    who threw the can of insect repellant into the campfire at 2:30AM?
    Cannot lie - it was I.
    Did it to break up the mud wrestling that started after the 2nd keg blew.
    Couldn't tolerate Tone's pig-like squealing, as Saul relentlessly augered him into the dirt.
    Might have had a chance too, had he not tried to share a tent with two gnarly-hawt MTB chicks...

  11. #11
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    A herd of zombies followed Natehawk to the site. We had to fight them off with mountain lion knives.

  12. #12
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    A herd of zombies followed Natehawk to the site. We had to fight them off with mountain lion knives.
    good thing all the bug repellant was still burning in the campfire so you could see 'em...

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    good thing all the bug repellant was still burning in the campfire so you could see 'em...
    Yeah but the last thing you want are flaming zombies

  14. #14
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    Maybe it was all the booze but Tone's doing his impersonation of the Geico Gecko was hilarious!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trail6 View Post
    Maybe it was all the booze but Tone's doing his impersonation of the Geico Gecko was hilarious!
    I am not sure that was an impersonation

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  17. #17
    the half breed devil
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    i tried to tell you guys that THERE ARE NO TRAILS UNDERWATER but nobody would listen. must've been nate's home brew that made you all so hard headed...

  18. #18
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    yeah....never drink strange shyt out of a mason jar. Tone's dont even act like you'd survive a night in a tent with Cycle and I. She IS a DHer afterall
    fap

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Gee sharing that tent with Nicole and cyclelicious was hard work, im warn out, and has anybody seen singlesprocket?
    he was meant to share the tent but went missing.....
    And what were all those Canadian guys doing nude in that tent together all weekend, led by osokolo?
    Like a typical Gemini, Tonesy talked all night long... and as a fellow true Gemini, I encouraged him Later, we went to look for singlesprocket and found him in the woods building a boner log jump. We invited everyone to huck it.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  20. #20
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    fine by me. put that man to work!
    fap

  21. #21
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    Sorry I could not make it. After trying all day to figure out what tires to use I lost my map of the forest and got lost. I ended up doing a solo ride, but kept hearing baaaaa, baaaaa, baaaaa and took off when I heard that banjo.

  22. #22
    I dd what you see there.
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    I managed to drop the bike in the parking lot and broke several bones before it even started.....
    2002 Cannondale Jekyll 800
    2011 Trek Cronus CX Ultimate

  23. #23
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    I hope everyone enjoyed the coffee. We were out of filters, so I had to use the underwear I'd had on all week.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hang 21 View Post
    I hope everyone enjoyed the coffee. We were out of filters, so I had to use the underwear I'd had on all week.
    I thought that was Kopi Luwak

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    I thought that was Kopi Luwak
    No, it was Poopi Azkrak.

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    Tone's showed up in the pouch of his favorite female Kangaroo. He popped out and reached back in to pull his mountain bike out. What a sight!!!

  27. #27
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    i only have one simple request. SOMEBODY has to get ridiculous gas on this camping trip, and thats all you guys need to entertain me. i'm a simple gal.
    fap

  28. #28
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    You guys didn't bring beans to a camping trip?? Amateurs..
    Fortunately I brought 2 25 pound bags and 10 pounds of bacon for tomorrow's dinner, so Nicole can enjoy the gases coming from all of us....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  29. #29
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    Nic would clearly win in a campout gassing competition

  30. #30
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    no no no NO! i'm not really all that gassy, unless you count belching, i'm super good at that.

    we need some epic ass gassing. please. somebody. i'm not terribly delighted by smell, but i enjoy a good trumpeting
    fap

  31. #31
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    Nicky could clearly judge a campout gassing competition   you know, cuz girls don't fart
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  32. #32
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    ezzackly
    fap

  33. #33
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    Who took the Unicorn home?

  34. #34
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    In the evening I pitched a tent.

    Then I set up my tent.

  35. #35
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    fap

  36. #36
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    I pitched a tent, too. But mine was leaning a little to the left..

  37. #37
    meow meow
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    no one invited me? awww man.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by b-kul View Post
    no one invited me? awww man.
    Of course you're invited!!

    Cvm one, cvm all...spell check please?

  39. #39
    the half breed devil
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    all and sundry had a good time lighting their farts until hawg set his underwear on fire...

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    In the evening I pitched a tent.

    Then I set up my tent.


    show-off.

    I usually set up my tent, go inside, then pitch a tent.
    I like to hug trees at FULL SPEED!
    INSTAGRAM -> hawaii808MTB
    FACEBOOK -> Big Island Mountain Biking

  41. #41
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    Has anyone seen Ninja?

  42. #42
    humber river advocate
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    A herd of zombies followed Natehawk to the site. We had to fight them off with mountain lion knives.
    i used my trusty axe... chop chop
    broadcasting from
    "the vinyl basement"

    build trail!

  43. #43
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    Did Huckin' Kitty make it?

  44. #44
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    Anyone want to help cooking all those beans and bacon for the campfire scene....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  45. #45
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    I went out for a bike ride, and when I came back everything smelt like burnt hair and after sex sweat...


    Not sure WTF went on....

  46. #46
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    ^ sounds like a typical camping trip to me.
    fap

  47. #47
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    ^ Yup pretty much the usual shenanigans when camping out with a large group of peeps....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  48. #48
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    Anyone else notice that the V-bulletin software here seems to be catching on to the innuendo that goes on around here?
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  49. #49
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    Which one of you gals was bragging at 3 AM about what it's like to ride 29 inches? Does 6 inches five times count as more?

  50. #50
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    Is that all you have?.... But 5 x 6 = 30 so I'd say it ads up....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  51. #51
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    Hey, who ate all the brownies?

  52. #52
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    Sure it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt...

    Quote Originally Posted by Flyin_W View Post
    Hey, who ate all the brownies?
    I showed up late after doing a night ride. Came strolling into camp at about midnight. All I saw was peeps strewn about all of em passed out. I rambled over to the picnic table and was looking for some grub to replenish after the ride. Not much left to be found but a few chicken bones. I worked on them a little bit. Still not satisfied I wandered over to someone's pick up truck. I assume it was Tones as it had a bumber sticker with two pink kangaroo's humping eachother.

    I started digging through the cab looking for any type of food item. Lifted up a blanket to find a whole untouched pan of Brownies. Holy Shiite I said to myself "the holy Grail". It wasn't much longer than a half hour and I completely polished off the pan. The last thing I remember was the sounds of squealing pigs coming from one of the tents. I apparently passed out after that. I awoke the next day to see David C. crawling out of that tent. His baggie bike shorts were all bloody in the back. Not long after that I witnessed Nicky coming out with some kind of leather belt and a protruding pink contraption flopping about it.

    I managed to get on my bike and hightailed it out of there. As I was leaving I heard AZ yelling "DJ don't ya want some pancakes". I responded with "no thanks I'm trying to cut back" and off I went. Not sure of what happened before I got there or after I left. All I know is I've been extremely hungry since the brownie incident.
    Last edited by DIRTJUNKIE; 12-10-2012 at 10:53 PM.
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  53. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mojo Troll View Post
    Has anyone seen Ninja?
    I was there. Not my fault if you didn't see me.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Trail Ninja's Son
    You may be happy to hear that my dad has kicked cancer's ass. Now he's looking for whoever sent it.

  54. #54
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    ...Donkey-Show at the 24-7 Wedding-Chapel... couldn't fall asleep so I siped some of my knobbies....

  55. #55
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    Epic ride indeed, a special thanks to Trail Ninja for cutting 50 miles of new trails the day before. It was a little weird how every time we stopped for a breather, Dion jumped off and did pushups, and I was impressed by AZ's ability to post to MTBR whilst riding. Marpilli doled out mad rep.

    It was a good idea to subcontract the after-ride refreshments to the Beer Forum heavy hitters - as expected, they delivered. Everything cooked on the campfire was wrapped in bacon (the veggie folks ate dried food in plastic wrappers.) It wasn't until Tone's pulled up the German quadruple-amputee porn vids on his iPhone that I knew it was time to call it a night.

    There were no narwhal sightings.

  56. #56
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    ^ You're sure about the Narwal sightings??
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  57. #57
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by OscarW View Post
    ^ You're sure about the Narwal sightings??
    yeah, what in the hell is that stank?

  58. #58
    Afric Pepperbird
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    Who the fukc pierced my nipples?????????!!!!!!!!

  59. #59
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    Oh, I'm quite sure there was some sword fighting here in the campground the other night.

  60. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirt farmer View Post
    Who the fukc pierced my nipples?????????!!!!!!!!
    Nicole...
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  61. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    yeah, what in the hell is that stank?
    Sorry, I farted from all the beans, onions and bacon....
    Current ride(s) 2011 Santa Cruz Blur LT and a Norco Threshold SL with Di2

  62. #62
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    Did you guys see that chick on the horse? Dayum!
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  63. #63
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    Did you guys see that chick on the horse? Dayum!
    it wasn't this girl, was it?
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  64. #64
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    Pretty sure that's not her. This chick was super fine, and I didn't get the impression she wanted to reach up her horse's heiny like that.



    Speaking of that.

    What is going on there?



    Some kind of 'teach yourself how to be a veterinarian on the Internet' home kit kind of deal?
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  65. #65
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    Pretty sure that's not her. This chick was super fine, and I didn't get the impression she wanted to reach up her horse's heiny like that.



    Speaking of that.

    What is going on there?



    Some kind of 'teach yourself how to be a veterinarian on the Internet' home kit kind of deal?
    see those big green balls on the table there?

  66. #66
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    Yeah?
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  67. #67
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    I hope she used some lube before going in.

  68. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by wbmason55 View Post
    Epic ride indeed, a special thanks to Trail Ninja for cutting 50 miles of new trails the day before. It was a little weird how every time we stopped for a breather, Dion jumped off and did pushups, and I was impressed by AZ's ability to post to MTBR whilst riding. Marpilli doled out mad rep.

    It was a good idea to subcontract the after-ride refreshments to the Beer Forum heavy hitters - as expected, they delivered. Everything cooked on the campfire was wrapped in bacon (the veggie folks ate dried food in plastic wrappers.) It wasn't until Tone's pulled up the German quadruple-amputee porn vids on his iPhone that I knew it was time to call it a night.

    There were no narwhal sightings.
    HOLD ON, those german amputee videos were voted best quadruple-amputee new releases in the international porn awards, your a hard man to please, i bet you likes the pregnant mega lactating ones that were shown earlier in the night....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  69. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    HOLD ON, those german amputee videos were voted best quadruple-amputee new releases in the international porn awards, your a hard man to please, i bet you likes the pregnant mega lactating ones that were shown earlier in the night....
    I got your back on this one mate..

    Guys, leave poor Tone's alone. They do things just little different on the Underside.

  70. #70
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by ambassadorhawg View Post
    I got your back on this one mate..

    Guys, leave poor Tone's alone. They do things just little different on the Underside.
    that's why it's called "the underside'...

  71. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    that's why it's called "the underside'...

  72. #72
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    Yeah?
    do i have to explain this?

  73. #73
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    I guess so...I'm just not getting it.
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  74. #74
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    I guess so...I'm just not getting it.
    oh dear...i was afraid of this...some things that we talk about around the campfire aren't repeated in public...

  75. #75
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    Im just pissed I missed the brownies.

    durn it.

    Sent by smoke signal.

  76. #76
    the half breed devil
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    OK...if you reach up between that horse's um, buttocks, there's a...never mind.

    somebody else has to finish explaining this for me, i just can't bring myself to do it...

  77. #77
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    Wait, is that from that new German game show, "Let's dig something from the Horse's Rectum!" ?
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  78. #78
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    ...sh**! Where's my keys?!!

  79. #79
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by emptybe_er View Post
    ...sh**! Where's my keys?!!
    you'll probably have to reach into the hindquarters of that horse to retrieve them...

  80. #80
    U sayin' Bolt ?
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    Funny as all hell ! I could have contributed these vegan herbal caramels that are causing personality crises in my little circle Sounds like they would have been a perfect fit, both because they set people free and look like something out of an a$$


  81. #81
    the half breed devil
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    Quote Originally Posted by knutso View Post
    Funny as all hell ! I could have contributed these vegan herbal caramels that are causing personality crises in my little circle Sounds like they would have been a perfect fit, both because they set people free and look like something out of an a$$

    i'll bet the raccoons won't even eat those things...

  82. #82
    U sayin' Bolt ?
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    Bet me enough to buy a wildlife cam and I will post a vid of a raccoon freaking the feck out !

  83. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by knutso View Post
    Funny as all hell ! I could have contributed these vegan herbal caramels that are causing personality crises in my little circle Sounds like they would have been a perfect fit, both because they set people free and look like something out of an a$$

    Um. Yeah. That's a cow turd. Pretty sure

    So glad I'm not a vegan.



    Question: How many pigs died to feed this camping trip? Not including the ones Tone killed on accident, making his iphone videos

  84. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by knutso View Post
    Bet me enough to buy a wildlife cam and I will post a vid of a raccoon freaking the feck out !
    DISCLOSURE: No wildlife were harmed in the making of this trip.

  85. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB28 View Post
    yeah....never drink strange shyt out of a mason jar. Tone's dont even act like you'd survive a night in a tent with Cycle and I. She IS a DHer afterall
    Some of the best liquor I've ever had was out of an unmarked mason jar.

  86. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by customfab View Post
    Some of the best liquor I've ever had was out of an unmarked mason jar.
    the drunkest i've ever been was when i mixed one large scoop of powdered lemonade with two shots of canadian club...

  87. #87
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    I'm still recovering from the brownie incident. And what I witnessed stumbling out of that tent the next morning. And I'm still confused on who's truck I rummaged through when I stumbled on the Brownie pan. The only hint of who's truck it was is the bumper sticker. Two pink Kangaroos humping hmmmm who's truck was that?
    ----------- __o
    --------- _`\<,_
    BRAAP(>)/ (*)
    ************^^^^¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqpcBpSsj1A

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    DJ,
    That horrid "must escape tent - now" scene probably marred your for life.
    The truck wasn't Tone's..... it was tl1's pink Escalade with the 2 "save the ta-ta's" stickers..
    He drove for 2 days to warn us all of the dangers of alcohol.
    Not surprised that he ended up getting tossed into the giant mud pit,
    and was pummeled all weekend for his non-stop preaching.

    Oh & yeah, that first brownie was mighty tasty.

  89. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flyin_W View Post
    DJ,
    That horrid "must escape tent - now" scene probably marred your for life.
    The truck wasn't Tone's..... it was tl1's pink Escalade with the 2 "save the ta-ta's" stickers..
    He drove for 2 days to warn us all of the dangers of alcohol.
    Not surprised that he ended up getting tossed into the giant mud pit,
    and was pummeled all weekend for his non-stop preaching.

    Oh & yeah, that first brownie was mighty tasty.
    Yes indeed I feel therapy is in order after what I witnessed stumbling out of that tent. And not surprising I'm so confused on the truck I rummaged through. Hell,I polished off a whole pan of Brownies. Did anybody else see the two Raccoons roasting marshmallows at the campfire? They have "human like hands" you know.
    ----------- __o
    --------- _`\<,_
    BRAAP(>)/ (*)
    ************^^^^¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqpcBpSsj1A

  90. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by chsguxxssjjxx View Post
    Interesting articles on information like this is a great find It's like finding a treasure I appreciate how you express your many points and share in your views Thank you bootsforlady com
    who invited this POS? feet (and its bootsforlady) in the fire NOW!!!

  91. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by shekky View Post
    who invited this POS? feet (and its bootsforlady) in the fire NOW!!!
    I screwed up I tried to neg rep and I gave a pos rep instead. It's this school shooting thats got me off kilter. Help me out O/C'ers.

  92. #92
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    I hope you all enjoyed my 3am bullhorn and glitter bomb wake up calls.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  93. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by norton55 View Post
    I screwed up I tried to neg rep and I gave a pos rep instead. It's this school shooting thats got me off kilter. Help me out O/C'ers.
    I just fixed that for you. red chicklet showing...

    SPAMMER reported...

  94. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by ambassadorhawg View Post
    I just fixed that for you. red chicklet showing...
    Thanks, I know you're my wingman.

  95. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    I hope you all enjoyed my 3am bullhorn and glitter bomb wake up calls.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    THESE kind of glitter bombs?

    Golden Pill Makes Your Poop Glitter - Unfinished Man

  96. #96
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    God ive copt alot this weekend, i seem to be the blame for everything and even after i gave you a public viewing of my front back n crack wax your still all at me, even gave you all a penis origami double act with my side kick Hawg, i thought that would give me at least some leeway, you guys are hard to please, even nailing my scrotum to a tree couldnt win you over, whats a man got to do....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  97. #97
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    Just doesn't seem fair, huh? Like throwing meat to the wolves. You (we) give 'em a little and they just want more and more...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    God ive copt alot this weekend, i seem to be the blame for everything and even after i gave you a public viewing of my front back n crack wax your still all at me, even gave you all a penis origami double act with my side kick Hawg, i thought that would give me at least some leeway, you guys are hard to please, even nailing my scrotum to a tree couldnt win you over, whats a man got to do....
    Believe the early attention was just jealousy for sharing a tent with 2 gnarly MTB hawties. WTF did you expect?
    Perhaps, I shouldn't have tossed that insect repellent into the fire to stop that brutal mud pit beat-down given by Saul.
    Instead, feel loved, and remember that nobody rescued tl1, who became the target of recycled beer.

    Showing off your Brazilian wax job / oragami act was riotous...until Hawg, who shared the stage got sick from the smell,
    and told us that earlier you'd scorched yourself completely bald while lighting farts to impress Nicole.
    That's when the real abuse started.

    Even on an imaginary group camping trip one must pay to play.

  99. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flyin_W View Post
    Believe the early attention was just jealousy for sharing a tent with 2 gnarly MTB hawties. WTF did you expect?
    Perhaps, I shouldn't have tossed that insect repellent into the fire to stop that brutal mud pit beat-down given by Saul.
    Instead, feel loved, and remember that nobody rescued tl1, who became the target of recycled beer.

    Showing off your Brazilian wax job / oragami act was riotous...until Hawg, who shared the stage got sick from the smell,
    and told us that earlier you'd scorched yourself completely bald while lighting farts to impress Nicole.
    That's when the real abuse started.

    Even on an imaginary group camping trip one must pay to play.
    LOL, Funny post, and yes i was lighting farts blindfolded with a blowtorch to impress Nicole, she loves that sort of stuff, but what i wanna know is what were you doing wandering around with a selection of the girls underwear on at 4am in the morning with nothing but a greasy XL black mag light in your hands, saying you were looking for something youd lost on the ground, with AZ MTNS behind you dressed in the same gear mumbling and repeating himself that he was looking for the same thing?
    Looked pretty sus if you ask me..........
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  100. #100
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    LOL, Funny post, and yes i was lighting farts blindfolded with a blowtorch to impress Nicole, she loves that sort of stuff, but what i wanna know is what were you doing wandering around with a selection of the girls underwear on at 4am in the morning with nothing but a greasy XL black mag light in your hands, saying you were looking for something youd lost on the ground, with AZ MTNS behind you dressed in the same gear mumbling and repeating himself that he was looking for the same thing?
    Looked pretty sus if you ask me.......... [ by Tone's]
    ------
    Relief. That's what we were both desperately seeking.
    Truth be told it wasn't a big black flashlight at all, and yes it was heavily greased, or we'd never have escaped.
    See after you tore azz outta that tent I was abducted, and we were forced to perform, among other things a talent show
    sporting their most revealing panties and spiky heels. Ever tried to run in 6" stiletto's? I can't, and that's why I was crawling,
    and all my crying was from the pain of big black exploring areas where the sun don't shine.

    Lesson learned, never let AZ convince you that you too are tough enough for 2 real MTB chicks.
    Last edited by Flyin_W; 12-15-2012 at 09:55 AM.

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