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Thread: My bike shorts.

  1. #1
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    My bike shorts.

    ...smell like a combination of cellar dirt, vinegar, and old hay.

    do i wash them? or keep wearing them because it's funny....or maybe sell them to a perv on ebay?
    fap

  2. #2
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    Just ping Tone's, no need for evilbay fees.

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    If you can actually see visible fumes coming off them, it may be best to just burn them. They could possibly eat through the packaging if you try to ship them to a perv.

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    I think wearing them with a tube top and washing some cars will fix the smells.

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    I think wearing them with a tube top and washing some cars will fix the smells.
    That's how I solve the issue.

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    I think wearing them with a tube top and washing some cars will fix thsmells.
    Beginning to sound like a DirtyGirlonbike.


    Nicole, I'll volunteer the SUV and trailer for you to wash in the tube top and riding shorts... I promise to fill the bucket with good soap and only cold water. Don't wanna wash dark colors in hot water, do we?

    So who's old barn loft did you sneak in to with an old bottle of wine and some privacy with loverboy?

  7. #7
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    huh huh....huh huh...loverboy

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    ..or maybe sell them to a perv on ebay?

    winner winner chicken dinner! (do they have a hint of boiled chicken too?)


    BTW I messaged you my paypal ID so you can send me an invoice for them

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    Re: My bike shorts.

    Uggh... me likes naughty - not nasty!
    Tube Top Car Wash™ opening soon.

    (by phone)

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    Did you get a waft of the smells while riding or did you actually do a scratch and sniff after you took them off?

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    ...smell like a combination of cellar dirt, vinegar, and old hay.

    do i wash them? or keep wearing them because it's funny....or maybe sell them to a perv on ebay?
    You could bury bury them. But make sure it not in a pet cemetery. You don't want to wake in the middle of the night, look down and your wearing them. Freaky!
    Maybe use less shammy butter, dairy will go bad in all that heat. I like to use I Can't Belive It's Not Butter. Stay away from the blue chees dressing!
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  12. #12
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    Put them up for bid on eBay and make sure it's an international auction, oh, and include the bike seat too if you can.

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    This talk about crotch butter and crotch cheese is making my hungry.

  14. #14
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    We can pass the shorts around instead of passing the bottle around at the next OC camping trip.

  15. #15
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    Talk about sloppy 2nds,3drs....ect
    I don't think I'm up with all my shots
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Did you get a waft of the smells while riding or did you actually do a scratch and sniff after you took them off?
    actually, i was sitting on my couch, and accidentally sat ON the shorts that i careless discarded onto the couch. they were soaked from a recent sweaty ride, so i just grabbed them and took a loonnnnng sniff. it was one of those moments where i wasn't sure whether to be disgusted or sort of proud. i had showered right before, and the shorts were clean. i guess in 1.5 hours i managed to funk them up good. Its kind of like the "pinnies" in gym class, those gross synthetic vests that the gym teachers swear they wash, but the smell never gets out of that "fabric".
    fap

  17. #17
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    and i dont know what kind of fantasy ya'll live in, but i dont look good with a bare midriff. imagine a skinny Michelin man. i've got white rolls. top stays covered. no...no pics.
    fap

  18. #18
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    Good job!

    Quote Originally Posted by net wurker View Post
    huh huh....huh huh...loverboy

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    lol, is that what the kids are listening to these days?
    just kidding, its on my ipodhttp://ficdn.mtbr.com/images/icons/icon14.png
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wishful Tomcat View Post
    We can pass the shorts around instead of passing the bottle around at the next OC camping trip.
    could play spin the bottle, winner gets in her shorts!



    sorry kind of getting creepy
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  20. #20
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    hard for a thread like this not to take a creepy turn. i forgive you.

    i think i'm going to recycle them again today.
    fap

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    Keep wearing them. Eventually they'll get stiff and crusty like your gloves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post

    i think i'm going to recycle them again today.
    Do you wear them commando? A friend was asking.....

  23. #23
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    ^ well yeah, is there any other way?
    fap

  24. #24
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    I know what you are talking about Nicole. Some fabrics stink more than others after wearing.

    Pro tip 1: Toss 'dem shits directly into the washer and close that lid.

    Pro tip 2: Wear them into the shower and soap them up. Then hang them outside

    Pro tip 3: Get more than one set of shorts, if you bike almost everyday and aren't dirt poor get some more stuff.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    hard for a thread like this not to take a creepy turn. i forgive you.

    i think i'm going to recycle them again today.
    That's good wear em out!
    make sure not to over do it with at bottom butter!
    If you do make it out, make sure you are thinking about poor ol vice sitting on the couch.
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Pro tip 1: Toss 'dem shits directly into the washer and close that lid.
    Well, if you're gonna shit in them, they're gonna get stinky.

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    Well, if you're gonna shit in them, they're gonna get stinky.
    I thought this was a MTB forum, not a Tri forum. Those are some nasty people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    ^ well yeah, is there any other way?
    Sure, lots of chicks feel they need a 'buffer' or 'safety net' between their sweet spot and anything else. I never understood wearing a thong with their workout/yoga pant, but I spy whale tails all the time at the gym? Maybe they like the way it feels?

    I think I'm sharing too much

  29. #29
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    My bike shorts.

    Quote Originally Posted by TAOS1 View Post
    Sure, lots of chicks feel they need a 'buffer' or 'safety net' between their sweet spot and anything else. I never understood wearing a thong with their workout/yoga pant, but I spy whale tails all the time at the gym? Maybe they like the way it feels?

    I think I'm sharing too much
    I think it reduces the moose knuckle possibilities


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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    I think it reduces the moose knuckle possibilities
    Moose knuckle?! I thought that only for dudes?

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    it may lead to symptoms of not-so-fresh-feeling, right?

  32. #32
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    i'd never wear undies. that's just a layer of cotton to get really wet and bunch up. wet cotton is a nono!
    fap

  33. #33
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    not to mention the chaffing.

  34. #34
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    Nothing wrong with a little wet cotton Nic.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

  35. #35
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    ^ my crotch says otherwise.
    fap

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    Forgive me, but ... Are you married

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    and i dont know what kind of fantasy ya'll live in, but i dont look good with a bare midriff. imagine a skinny Michelin man. i've got white rolls. top stays covered. no...no pics.
    The rolls disappear when you're on your back.

    BTW, I've got to ask you, which of the three smells you mentioned do you figure actually came from you?

  38. #38
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    all of them. at least i hope. i dont know who else was wearin my 'draws

    no abuser, not married. but I deal with real men who can ignore the bike funk
    fap

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    Quote Originally Posted by TAOS1 View Post
    Do you wear them commando? A friend was asking.....
    Hey, no need to call us dirty ole men out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    all of them. at least i hope. i dont know who else was wearin my 'draws

    no abuser, not married. but I deal with real men who can ignore the bike funk
    Real men? As in plural? Noice!



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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    real men who can ignore the bike funk
    So you're sayin' that you're a musky chick and that you need a guy who can deal with it or GTFO?

  42. #42
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    well, only after bike rides. i wouldnt just strut around all smelly for no good reason
    fap

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    well, only after bike rides. i wouldnt just strut around all smelly for no good reason
    IN a pinch.


  44. #44
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    NIC, IM IN HERE, ive got a few ideas for them, i hope you havnt washed them yet, im not suggesting anything pervy, but id like you to send me the shorts, i think you owe it to me?
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  45. #45
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    they are not washed. i was sitting on the couch last night, with my fragrant shorts next to me, and i could still smell them from a few feet away. Now that they are dry, they sort of smell like pee. i know that gets you goin
    fap

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    Oh dear! This may be getting a bit too graphic for some viewers... What level can Tone's take it to now I wonder?

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    My bike shorts.

    Tones has arrived. Time to get some popcorn and really enjoy the rest of this thread.


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    I'm learning to love OC....

    *runs to get popcorn as well*

  49. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    they are not washed. i was sitting on the couch last night, with my fragrant shorts next to me, and i could still smell them from a few feet away. Now that they are dry, they sort of smell like pee. i know that gets you goin
    ya know I'm still ok with that considering the neighborhood of where those shorts go. Maybe you pushed it a little to hard on a climb, it's happened to every one.

    But once those thing start smelling like the dumpster behind the local fish fry shack, might be time to give those puppies a wash. Maybe?
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  50. #50
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    ...and once you see those thing start moving around the house, you better call a priest a rabbi or maybe the ghost buster. The Zombie Apocalypse is going to start in Nic shorts :0
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  51. #51
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    if they start moving, i'm just going to assume it's Tone's running off with them in his invisible cloak.
    fap

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    if they start moving, i'm just going to assume it's Tone's running off with them in his invisible cloak.

  53. #53
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    Nic, have you concidered .....well nevermind.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

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    Stinky Britches is probably on a Friday Night Ride with them right now... beginning to wonder if she's doing it as a favor for someone else, instead of herself?

  55. #55
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    My bike shorts.

    Wow, that went down hill QUICK!! I wouldn't expect anything less from you guys (and gals). That's one of the reasons I keep coming back. :P


    Sent from a telecommunication device with a touch screen keyboard.
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  56. #56
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    If she is out on a ride, she is pretty hard core. It's 55 out and raining out pretty hard. Maybe she going for some kind of super funk. Starting to think she like it.
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

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    Different kind of "ride".

  58. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    ^ well yeah, is there any other way?
    I actually ride with a guy who wears tighty whities under his Pearl Izumi chamois.
    You will be scarred for life if you click my avatar

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    MTBR SPAM (below hot deals) seems to be getting it right.


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  60. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    if they start moving....
    If your shorts start moving around on their own, there's probably a poltergeist in 'em.

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    I can make my shorts move on their own..
    lean forward

  62. #62
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    ^ haha!

    no riding tonight. tossing salads with the ladies.
    fap

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    Quote Originally Posted by dickeydoo View Post
    I actually ride with a guy who wears tighty whities under his Pearl Izumi chamois.
    I always ride my fox baseline shorts (which are lined) with underwear on. NEVER any problem...

  64. #64
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    My bike shorts.

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    ^ haha!

    no riding tonight. tossing salads with the ladies.
    Uhm… wow. Really.


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  65. #65
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    Nic, are the shorts in question so tight that if you were to cross the border they would accuse you of "smuggling a yo yo"?
    Last edited by DIRTJUNKIE; 06-08-2013 at 01:38 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Nic, are the shorts in question so tight that if you were to cross the border they would accuse you of "smuggling a yo yo"?
    According to what Nic once said about the size of her you-know-what, it would have to be the world's largest yo-yo.

  67. #67
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    nah, the padding hides any cameltoe action. the pad itself has a seam that makes me look like i have a big moose knuckle tho
    fap

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    nah, the padding hides any cameltoe action. the pad itself has a seam that makes me look like i have a big moose knuckle tho
    Nice try, you can't hide the truth now.

  69. #69
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    When i was in year 7 which is first year of high school (boarding school)over here we had two guys, Muhammad Habib and Damian Knight that were best mates.
    These two started stealing their sisters dirty panties and bringing them to school and swapping them with each other, they also used to sell dirty xxx porn at school.
    Muhammad got caught up the back of the classroom sniffing and playing with Damians sisters panties by the teacher who was a marist brother (priest).
    Now under heavy interrigation by Br Cyrenus who was a kiddie fiddler for sure, Muhammad gave up the gig and told Br Cyrenus that he had been swapping his sisters panties with knighty or the knight rider as we used to call him.
    All panties were then confiscated by the form master as was heaps of dirty porn and both of their parents were called to the school.

    This is where it gets funny.

    The panties were handed back to the parents in plastic bags, when Muhammads dad looked in he found not only his daughters panties but his wifes too.
    Yes thats correct they had been swapping their mums panties too.
    Muhammads dad went off the deep end and was rumoured to have kicked his son numerous times in the ass and slapped him around the head.

    All the anal and bondage and gang bang porn was handed back to the parents too, it was a messy affair, both kids got 1 week suspension from school, funny stuff.

    just thought id share that lol.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  70. #70
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    Damian, how many times do I have to tell you not to use your full name in here?

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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    nah, the padding hides any cameltoe action. the pad itself has a seam that makes me look like i have a big moose knuckle tho
    I see, so is this like in 7th or 8th grade when girls stuffed their bras? Wonder if that moose knuckle can hold and stash more pheromones too?

  72. #72
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    copy all delete paste, there.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

  73. #73
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    Nic, are the shorts in question so tight that if you were to cross the border they would accuse you of "smuggling a yo yo"?


    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    According to what Nic once said about the size of her you-know-what, it would have to be the world's largest yo-yo.
    Ha,ha it would be one of those giant
    landmarks / tourist traps along route
    66. A giant yo yo that was once intercepted being smuggled across the border into Canada. And here next to the giant yo yo stands the now infamous too tight and too smelly bike shorts once worn by a very well known mountain biker known by the
    name of Nicole.
    Last edited by DIRTJUNKIE; 06-09-2013 at 01:20 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

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    Yup something like that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by askibum02 View Post
    Wow, that went down hill QUICK!! I wouldn't expect anything less from you guys (and gals). That's one of the reasons I keep coming back. :P


    Sent from a telecommunication device with a touch screen keyboard.
    While we are on the subject of going down.... I catch and release all my trout.


  76. #76
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    BAHAHAH TONES! Oz creates and raises some hilarious individuals. love your stories.
    fap

  77. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by scottap2003 View Post
    Moose knuckle?! I thought that only for dudes?

    in most cases, but the bike seat can sometimes 'widen' the area in a woman thus presenting like mOOse knuckle






    I think what this thread is missing is a photo of said bike shorts

  78. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    When i was in year 7 which is first year of high school (boarding school)over here we had two guys, Muhammad Habib and Damian Knight that were best mates.
    These two started stealing their sisters dirty panties and bringing them to school and swapping them with each other, they also used to sell dirty xxx porn at school.
    Muhammad got caught up the back of the classroom sniffing and playing with Damians sisters panties by the teacher who was a marist brother (priest).
    Now under heavy interrigation by Br Cyrenus who was a kiddie fiddler for sure, Muhammad gave up the gig and told Br Cyrenus that he had been swapping his sisters panties with knighty or the knight rider as we used to call him.
    All panties were then confiscated by the form master as was heaps of dirty porn and both of their parents were called to the school.

    This is where it gets funny.

    The panties were handed back to the parents in plastic bags, when Muhammads dad looked in he found not only his daughters panties but his wifes too.
    Yes thats correct they had been swapping their mums panties too.
    Muhammads dad went off the deep end and was rumoured to have kicked his son numerous times in the ass and slapped him around the head.

    All the anal and bondage and gang bang porn was handed back to the parents too, it was a messy affair, both kids got 1 week suspension from school, funny stuff.

    just thought id share that lol.
    :doubleblink:

  79. #79
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    So Tone's, are most Aussie women all that kinky? Beastiality with 'roos and such? Are all the hot guys Croc wrestlers, carry a big knife or what?

  80. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boyonadyke View Post
    So Tone's, are most Aussie women all that kinky? Beastiality with 'roos and such? Are all the hot guys Croc wrestlers, carry a big knife or what?
    LOL, Yep youve just about summed it up, most aussie women judge a guy on the size of his knife, its often the first question they ask, and if you cant wrestle 10ft salties here youve got no street cred at all...
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  81. #81
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    Ha,ha Tones, this is what I was faced with.

    You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Tones again.
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

  82. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boyonadyke View Post
    While we are on the subject of going down.... I catch and release all my trout.

    LoL, You are wise my friend, very wise!
    Once you go slack, you never go back!

  83. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    LOL, Yep youve just about summed it up, most aussie women judge a guy on the size of his knife, its often the first question they ask, and if you cant wrestle 10ft salties here youve got no street cred at all...
    Damn, there must be tons of widowers there my age in need of a wet spot in that big old bed of theirs! Lot's of old Pro Yo Yo smugglers there too, I bet.

  84. #84
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    Wow

  85. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by fahza29er View Post
    Wow
    Fasinating
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

  86. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by fahza29er View Post
    Wow
    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Fasinating
    Yes, please tell us how you feel.
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    My Blog

  87. #87
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    well now i think they went missing. i dont know where they are. Anyone want to fess up? or i could just look harder in the couch cushions.

    however, i DID wash my other pairs. i'm not a total cretin.
    fap

  88. #88
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    Just follow your nose.....

  89. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    well now i think they went missing. i dont know where they are. Anyone want to fess up? or i could just look harder in the couch cushions.

    however, i DID wash my other pairs. i'm not a total cretin.
    It wasn't me, Hawg asked for a pair of your panties. Probably NSA, they get into everything of yours that's nunya business.



    Get's all squinty steely eyed and looks around.

  90. #90
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    My bike shorts.

    NSA took them as a possible terrorist chemical warfare weapon. GW is going to have them planted in Iraq so he can say "See there was WMDs in Iraq!"
    I bet this guy can tell you where they're at.
    Name:  ImageUploadedByTapatalk1370987430.958174.jpg
Views: 296
Size:  7.2 KB


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  91. #91
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    trout, chicken, omg.

    the O.C. does rule!
    occasional cyclist

  92. #92
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    NSA can have them. i got nothing to hide. their risk!

    ps, i found them. maybe next laundry cycle....
    fap

  93. #93
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    Nicole did you look on route 66 ?
    Quote Originally Posted by targnik View Post
    So I shoot off all full of bravado, hit this wee booter - grabbing some air, then I land - leading into a greasy rut.

  94. #94
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    no, just in the couch.
    fap

  95. #95
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    When you do get around to washing them (if they haven't yet burned a hole through your floor and headed for China) you should give those babies their own wash cycle. You might piss off your other clothes if they have to swim around with those funk-meisters.

  96. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    well now i think they went missing. i dont know where they are. Anyone want to fess up? or i could just look harder in the couch cushions.

    however, i DID wash my other pairs. i'm not a total cretin.
    Sorry, just on a plane atm, cant talk much, when im back in sydney i'll make a longer post..
    P.S look in your pantie draw, i left a present for you....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  97. #97
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    Tones, i love you, but please dont poop in my dresser drawer again. i dont think our relationship has gotten to that point where we can be so comfortable with feces.
    fap

  98. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedwards1000 View Post
    Just follow your nose.....
    It always knows...

    The flavor of fruit...

    Kellogg's Fruit Loop cereal...

    Btw, who really cares, all cats are gray in the dark....

    mudhen
    "Lighten up Francis" Sgt. Hulka

  99. #99
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    NICOLEB I WOULD DATE YOU SO HARD, THEN SHRED ALL YOUR LOCAL TRAILS! AND GIVE YOU ALL THE BIKE MAINTENANCE AND SUPPORT YOUR BIKE WOULD EVER NEED. AND THEN WHEN YOUR WHEELS GET ALL TWEEKED UP I WILL PUT THOSE F*****S ON A TRU STAND AND STRAIGHTEN THAT S**T UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK.

    AND THEN WE CAN RIDE THE HELL OUTTA YOUR LOCAL TRAIL SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GO TO A NEW ONE. WE’LL CLEAN OUR RIGS SO HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL EVEN USE BUFFING CREAM. YOU'LL NEED SUNGLASSES JUST TO LOOK AT THEM. WE CAN RENT MINIVAN TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINBIKES INTO IT AND DRIVE TO ALL THE BEST SPOTS.

    THEN WE CAN GO TO SOME MTBR BBQ AND MEET OUR RIVAL CYCLISTS. THEN JUDGE THEIR RIGS AND RIDING IN THE CAR ON THE RIDE HOME.

    AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE RAD RIGS IN THE MINIVAN AND GO TO THE LIQUOR STORE AND SHOP FOR WHISKEY AND WINECOOLERS SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SH*T INSIDE THE HOUSE.

    WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE RAISINS. I WOULD WASH YOUR CELLAR DIRT, VINEGAR SMELLING BIKE SHORTS SO MUCH ONLY THAT LITTLE PAD WOULD BE LEFT. WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE WE WOULD RIP 14,000 MILES.....

    Quote Originally Posted by misterbill View Post
    You must be really bored if you have read this entire post.

  100. #100
    dru
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    Nic, I think he likes you....

    he is yelling after all
    occasional cyclist

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