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Thread: It's just jokes

  1. #501
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    Quote Originally Posted by steezy.steve23 View Post
    *NERD ALERT*

    So Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all playing hide and go seek and it's Einstein's turn to count. Pascal goes of and hides whereas Newton pulls out a piece of chalk and a ruler and draws a square on the ground one meter by one meter. Einstein finishes counting, looks up and sees Newton standing there like an idiot and yells "I found Newton!". Newton then replies "No, you found Pascal".
    omfg, because a pascal is one newton per square meter??? that's awesome...

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    If you never thought Jay Leno was funny, read on...

    After retiring, Jay Leno turned to traveling, something that he couldn't do so much with the crushing burden of continually bearing the responsibility of keeping America and the entire Free World laughing.
    He especially liked making long solo flights over remote rugged terrain.

    Unfortunately for Jay, he chose to fly over New Guinea. Clearing the ridgeline of a cloud-covered mountain there, he found that he was too low and tragically crashed, suffering injuries that would in fact do him in.

    His crash did not go unnoticed, though. A couple of down-on-their-luck reformed cannibals saw the plane hit, and hurried to the crash site. They were too late to do anything for poor Jay....he was gone.

    The ex-cannibals also happened to be pretty hungry, and they were out of just about anything to eat at all, so they decided that Jay would not be needing his body anymore, and set about cooking him up.
    It was kind of difficult....neither one of them had cooked a human for many years, but after some disagreement, they settled on the recipe and method of preparation (you don't wanna know the details here, trust me) and before long, they were ready to eat.

    As they dug in, one of the cannibals looked at the other and asked, "do you notice anything funny about this guy?"

    The other one took another bite, chewed, and replied: "Nope. He has a really serious taste to me. NOTHING funny about him at all".
    Ba Da Bing.

  3. #503
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    An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Jack or Jill. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.

    He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

    Jill came in the next morning, hugely hungover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: "Jill, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

    Jill replied, "Could you jack off please? I have a really bad headache."

  4. #504
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    A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

    Boy: "Dark in here."

    Man: "Yes it is."

    Boy: "I have a baseball."

    Man: "That's nice."

    Boy: "Want to buy it?"

    Man: "No, thanks."

    Boy: "My dad's outside."

    Man: "OK, how much?"

    Boy: "$250."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

    Boy: "Dark in here."

    Man: "Yes, it is."

    Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

    Man: "How much?"

    Boy: "$750."

    Man: "Fine."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says,"$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

    The boy says, "Dark in here."

    The priest says, "Oh please don't start with that $hit again..."

  5. #505
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    Happy St. Pat's day! Do you all know why God created whiskey?

  6. #506
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ray View Post
    Happy St. Pat's day! Do you all know why God created whiskey?
    Nope. Do you know?
    Sometimes, I question the value of my content.

  7. #507
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bro View Post
    Nope. Do you know?
    It's a day late, but, of course, it was to prevent the Irish from conquering the world!
    Ba-da-bing.

  8. #508
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    A young man met an older woman at a bar.

    She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and the young buck found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.

    They drank a couple of beers, and then she asked if he had ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? he asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

    As his mind began to embrace the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, "No, I haven't." They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, "Tonight's your lucky night".

    They went back to her place. They walked in.

    She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  9. #509
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    ^^^Brilliant!

  10. #510
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    What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground beef.


    Wait...hold the tomatoes!


    What do you call a fat Chinese....

    A chunk


    Wait...I'm a minority, so I get a pass!

  11. #511
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    A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question

    WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?"
    HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
    WIFE: "Why not? ...Don't you like being married?"
    HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."
    WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "
    HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
    WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
    HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
    WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
    HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.."
    WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
    HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
    WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
    HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
    WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
    HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
    WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
    HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
    WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
    HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
    WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
    HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

    WIFE: -- silence --

    HUSBAND: "sh!t."
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  12. #512
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    My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and movie. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When the cab arrived, we walked out the front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because the cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so I ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

    Because my husband didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, he explained to the cabbie that his wife would be out momentarily as she was just bidding goodnight to her mother. A few minutes later I got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said as the cab pulled away.

    "Sorry it took so long but the stupid ***** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not crap in the vegetable garden again."

    The silence in the taxi was deafening.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  13. #513
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and movie. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When the cab arrived, we walked out the front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because the cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so I ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

    Because my husband didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, he explained to the cabbie that his wife would be out momentarily as she was just bidding goodnight to her mother. A few minutes later I got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said as the cab pulled away.

    "Sorry it took so long but the stupid ***** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not crap in the vegetable garden again."

    The silence in the taxi was deafening.
    Awesome!
    It's all Here. Now.

  14. #514
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    The young man went to visit his ailing ather, who happened to be the local Mafia Don.

    Father: Son, you know I'm not long for this world. I want to leave you something to remember my by. Take my pistol, it has served me well for many years.

    Son: Pop, you know I'm not into the old ways. If you want to give me something, how about your Rolex?

    Father: Listen to me. Someday, after I'm gone, you're going to take over the family business. You'll marry a beautiful woman and have children. One day, you'll come home from work and find your beautiful wife in bed with another man. So what are you going to do - point at your watch and say 'Hey, time's up'?
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  15. #515
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    A man comes home from a long business trip and see's his son with a new $300 mountain bike.

    Asks his son, "how'd you buy that bike"?

    Son says, "by hiking".

    Man asks, "how'd you get that bike by hiking"?

    Son says "every night mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike".

  16. #516
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    Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

    The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.


    The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.


    The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!” The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  17. #517
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    Combined cannibal and butt joke - how could this not be funny?
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  18. #518
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  19. #519
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    Pinocchio was going down on a woman and after awhile she started screaming lie! lie! lie baby!
    Let's eat Ted
    Let's eat, Ted
    Remember, commas save lives

  20. #520
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    Husband: "What would you do if I won the lottery"?

    Wife: "I'd take half and leave you".

    Husband: "Awesome. I won 20 bucks on a scratch-off yesterday. Here's 10 bucks. Stay in touch".
    rOCktoberfest 2015 pt I here
    rOCktoberfest 2015 pt II here

  21. #521
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    A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

    He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon
    The son say's "I did some schoolwork" The robot slaps the son
    The son say's "Ok. Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies"
    Dad asks "What movie did you watch?"
    Son replies "Toy Story" The robot slaps the son.
    Son say's "Ok Ok we were watching porn"
    Dad says " What? At your age I didn't know what porn was"
    The robot slaps the father
    Mom laughs and says "Well he certainly is your son!"
    The robot slaps the mother.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  22. #522
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    Re: It's just jokes

    Ammo Shortage

    I was in gun shop and they happened to have a couple boxes of ammo for my favorite gun. I purchased them both and returned to the parking lot. As I was getting into my car a drop-dead gorgeous woman in revealing clothes that didn't leave much to the imagination approached me.

    She said "hi" and asked if I would be interested in trading ammo for sex!

    I was flabbergasted, but gained my composure and replied "Well, I'm happily married to a very beautiful wife, but gotta admit, I'm tempted! What kind of ammo do you have?"

  23. #523
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    People ask how my wife and I met. I tell them we met at a bar. She was admiring my hand-tooled cowboy boots, and asked if it was true about the size of a man's boots and his "anatomy". I winked and said "Why don't you find out for yourself?"
    The next morning, as I'm getting dressed, she hands me a one hundred dollar bill.
    "That good?" I ask. "No" she says, "Get some boots that fit!"
    Hold my beer and watch this!

  24. #524
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    A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre, and the bartender gives it to her.

  25. #525
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  26. #526
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    I resolve to constantly assert my honest opinion on anything and everything - whether it is requested or not.
    Bucky the Cat

  27. #527
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    Two Laws in the Torah were fulfilled on the same day...

    For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two landmark laws: "Gay marriage" and the "Legalization of marijuana."

    The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says: “If a man lies with another man, they should be stoned.” We just hadn't interpreted it correctly.
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  28. #528
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    wanna hear a joke about ebola?


    nevermind, you won't get it.

  29. #529
    Log off and go ride!
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    The problem with political jokes is we keep re-electing them.
    So many trails... so little time...

  30. #530
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    Its raining so much in Los Angeles that porn actors in the San Fernando Valley are wearing rubbers on their feet.
    Let's eat Ted
    Let's eat, Ted
    Remember, commas save lives

  31. #531
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    A farmer buys a young rooster to help impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”
    “Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chickens.”

    The old rooster takes off toward the front of the barn with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.

    “Damn it,” says the farmer. “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  32. #532
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Ray View Post
    After retiring, Jay Leno turned to traveling, something that he couldn't do so much with the crushing burden of continually bearing the responsibility of keeping America and the entire Free World laughing.
    He especially liked making long solo flights over remote rugged terrain.

    Unfortunately for Jay, he chose to fly over New Guinea. Clearing the ridgeline of a cloud-covered mountain there, he found that he was too low and tragically crashed, suffering injuries that would in fact do him in.

    His crash did not go unnoticed, though. A couple of down-on-their-luck reformed cannibals saw the plane hit, and hurried to the crash site. They were too late to do anything for poor Jay....he was gone.

    The ex-cannibals also happened to be pretty hungry, and they were out of just about anything to eat at all, so they decided that Jay would not be needing his body anymore, and set about cooking him up.
    It was kind of difficult....neither one of them had cooked a human for many years, but after some disagreement, they settled on the recipe and method of preparation (you don't wanna know the details here, trust me) and before long, they were ready to eat.

    As they dug in, one of the cannibals looked at the other and asked, "do you notice anything funny about this guy?"

    The other one took another bite, chewed, and replied: "Nope. He has a really serious taste to me. NOTHING funny about him at all".
    Ba Da Bing.
    Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other, this taste funny to you?

    Same joke, less reading ;0)

  33. #533
    I didn't do it
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    What did the vegan neo nazi say when he walked into the dining room?



    Kale Hitler.
    Let's eat Ted
    Let's eat, Ted
    Remember, commas save lives

  34. #534
    Self Appointed Judge&Jury
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    What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
    Santapplause!
    Progress: Just because we have always done it that way is no reason to keep doing it that way.

  35. #535
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    Male logic prevails.


    Critical Male Thinking At Its
    Best!


    Woman:
    Do you drink beer?

    Man: Yes


    Woman:
    How many beers a day?


    Man:
    Usually about 3


    Woman:
    How much do you pay per
    beer?


    Man: $5.00 which includes a tip


    Woman:
    And how long have you been drinking?


    Man:
    About 20 years, I suppose


    Woman:
    So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts
    your spending each month at $450.

    In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?


    Man:
    Correct


    Woman:
    If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation,
    the past
    20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?


    Man:
    Correct


    Woman:
    Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that
    money could have been put in a step-up
    interest savings account and after accounting for compound
    interest for the past 20 years, >
    you could have now bought a new Ferrari?



    Man:
    Do you drink beer?


    Woman:
    No


    Man:


    Where's your
    Ferrari?

  36. #536
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    Nice punch line, I was wondering where that was going.
    Let's eat Ted
    Let's eat, Ted
    Remember, commas save lives

  37. #537
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    Good one, Ray!
    rOCktoberfest 2015 pt I here
    rOCktoberfest 2015 pt II here

  38. #538
    9 lives
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    Ron, an elderly man in Florida, owned a large farm for many years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee.

    As he came closer, he saw a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all swam to the deep end.

    One of the women shouted :"We're not coming out until you leave"

    Ron frowned "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked"

    Holding the bucket up Ron said "I came here to feed the alligator"

    Some old men can still think fast
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  39. #539
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    3 Holy Men & 3 Bears

    A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

    They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

    One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

    One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

    Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.



    Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

    'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

    Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'



    Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

    In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

    So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!



    The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

    The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
    Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't

  40. #540
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    Just the other night I met a real pirate. There he was...eye patch, hook, peg leg, parrot on his shoulder.

    "Are you a real pirate?" I asked him, in awe.

    "Arrrgh, laddie, that I am!"

    "Wow! How did you lose your leg?"

    "Cannon shot" he says.

    "Wow! How did you lose your hand?"

    "Sword fight!" he growled.

    "What happened to your eye?" I asked.

    "Bird poop." sez he.

    "Bird poop?" I asked

    "Arrgh laddie, first day with me new hook."
    Hold my beer and watch this!

  41. #541
    9 lives
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    There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

    The letter read:

    Dear God,
    I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next week is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope... Can you please help me?

    Sincerely, Edna



    The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

    It read:

    Dear God,
    How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

    Sincerely, Edna
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  42. #542
    9 lives
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    A downtown brothel is shut down and it's various furnishings are being sold off. Anne is informed of a talking parrot for sale, and she runs down to buy it.

    She gets it home and takes the cover off of his cage. He looks around for a moment and squawks

    "New house, new madam." She smiles. This parrot is cute. she runs upstairs and fetches her two daughters to come meet the parrot. When they return, the parrot looks at them for a moment and says,

    "New house, new madam, new girls." Well, they laugh, but the parrot doesn't say anything else for awhile. Bill returns home from work, and Anne immediately brings him to meet the parrot. The parrot looks at him for a moment and says,

    "Hello Bill."
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  43. #543
    No unpermitted erections
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    A downtown brothel is shut down and it's various furnishings are being sold off. Anne is informed of a talking parrot for sale, and she runs down to buy it.

    She gets it home and takes the cover off of his cage. He looks around for a moment and squawks

    "New house, new madam." She smiles. This parrot is cute. she runs upstairs and fetches her two daughters to come meet the parrot. When they return, the parrot looks at them for a moment and says,

    "New house, new madam, new girls." Well, they laugh, but the parrot doesn't say anything else for awhile. Bill returns home from work, and Anne immediately brings him to meet the parrot. The parrot looks at him for a moment and says,

    "Hello Bill."
    Annnnd?

  44. #544
    mtbr member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finch Platte View Post
    Annnnd?
    The parrot, which had spent its life in a brothel, knew him?

  45. #545
    I didn't do it
    Reputation: Mookie's Avatar
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    Lol, my comment was going to be that part of what made that joke funny is as soon as Bill came in the door I knew what the parrot was going to say.
    Let's eat Ted
    Let's eat, Ted
    Remember, commas save lives

  46. #546
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    The fact that Finch Platte didn't get it was funnier than the joke! ;0)

  47. #547
    9 lives
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    A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

    The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replied, "That would be my wife."
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  48. #548
    9 lives
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    Q: If a stork brings white babies and a raven brings black babies, what brings no babies? A: Two swallows.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  49. #549
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    Late in the night, the old fighter pilot slowly regained consciousness.

    He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital ICU with tubes up his
    nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over
    him.

    He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.

    The nurse gave the old pilot a serious, deep look straight into the eyes,
    and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist
    down."

    Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"


    AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  50. #550
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    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

    I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

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