The Human Juicer

[Mazukea]

Call me the Human Juicer.


I've been pissing out my ass for the past 2 days. I think I have some serious food poisoning or mild stomach flu.

Anyways, I eat, then it just comes shooting out my butt like brown juice. It actually reminds me of juicing.

THE GOOD NEWS is that I lost my "holiday" weight in just 36 hours. Awesome!

[CHUM]

[Mazukea]

We're talking diarrhea here, not SpaceBalls.

Unless we are talking about the space between your balls and the anus, the gooch. Which could be relevant...somehow.

After I get off the crapper, I'll figure it out.

[stencil]

I got the same thing over the weekend and just getting over it now.

Fun.

[Mazukea]

yeah I'm almost in recovery mode. The worst of it has passed....I hope.

[CHUM]

We're talking diarrhea here, not SpaceBalls.

Unless we are talking about the space between your balls and the anus, the gooch. Which could be relevant...somehow.

After I get off the crapper, I'll figure it out.

no

me barf you human Cuisinart




blech.

[Bro]

I have about a gallon of milk and about a half dozen eggs that have passed their date. Right now they seem fine and so do I, but maybe I'll soon be joining you on the crapper, Maz.

[heyyall]

We need to start a support group around here. The flu has me down a few pounds

[stencil]

At least I don't feel SO bad about being a biatch on my ride on Saturday. Was stopping halfway up climbs complaining like a baby and came home feeling like ass only to find out why. (speaking of ass.)

[steiny]

Yeah, I just got over it. Friday and Saturday were the worst for me. I sat on the can pretty much every hour all day long. It's not a lot of fun, that's for sure.

[Mazukea]

no

me barf you human Cuisinart




blech.

Don't be jealous.

Juicing is good for you. It really cleans out the system

[floydlippencott]

Have it too. Great weight loss strategy as long as you dont mind being on deaths doorstep.

[Mazukea]

Wow, I didn't expect this many peeps to be juicing like me.

[javelina1]

and I winced before clicking on this thread.... should've followed my better instincts...

(hope all is well at this point).

[SCR818]

You sick bastages need to drink A LOT of WATER!!!

Love, Dr. 'hawg

[Mazukea]

Thanks Doc.

I'm happy to report that the juicing might be done. I'm more like a food processor now.

[Leopold Porkstacker]

I make a habit of eating a couple raw habañeros every day with the food that I eat, so viscosity concerns are never, well, concerns– things come out easier than they used to, but not sort of a “critical mass in the reactor core” sense; I don’t have an explosive liquid discharge cascading out my anus. Perhaps my body has adjusted to the liquid fire?

[Bikemaya]

I usually hear of it being referred to as...

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[Mazukea]

Hmm...a salad shooter is way too "chunky" to describe what I had.

Pissing is the best way to describe it. If I sat in a man's urinal, then proceeded to crap, it would still go down the drain.

[Bikemaya]

So where does the pulp come out from then? !!

[Mazukea]

pulp, there was no pulp. That was the weirdest part. Then again, I did revert to a liquid diet for a day.

I started eating crackers yesterday and today I had some cornbread. Tomorrow is solid food time!

[singlesprocket]

might help

[Brewtality]

Rice. Eat rice. It will stiffen things up. Yogurt helps as well.

And I like the term 'crapping through a keyhole at 50yards and not hitting either side'. That's when you really have the squirts.


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[NicoleB]

so there's a flu, a stomach sickness, and a terrible cold going around? i think i just need to live in a bubble for a few months

[heyyall]

Is this where we have our weight loss posted? I'm down 6 pounds this week

The combination of no appetite and dehydration works like magic.

[Boyonabyke]

Man I am confused.... I thought the Human Juicer was some gal in Las Vegas with a pimp and all. Ya never know what you are gonna get when you open up a thread in the OC. Ya know, Led Zeppelin, The Lemon Song, and all that.

[freighttrainuphill]

Is this where we have our weight loss posted? I'm down 6 pounds this week

I'm 6 pounds lighter this week too, but it's probably because the monthly mess is over .

The last time I had stomach flu (years ago luckily!) it was coming out both ends simultaneously. Barfing in a bucket, liquid shyt in the toilet. Great fun!

[Mazukea]

I lost 5 lbs in the first 36 hours. I put a pound back on already. Mostly water weight.

[NicoleB]

I'm 6 pounds lighter this week too, but it's probably because the monthly mess is over .

The last time I had stomach flu (years ago luckily!) it was coming out both ends simultaneously. Barfing in a bucket, liquid shyt in the toilet. Great fun!

i think they call that the "screamin eagle". Still hasnt happened to me yet. i've had false alarms though, holding the bucket....i think it's my issue with puking. i cant bring myself to do it. i have to be violently ill to throw up, my body tries so hard to stop it, even if i should just puke and get it over with. i remember my parents thought i was eating mushrooms out of the yard as a kid (i wasnt) and they gave me ipecac. it was unsuccessful for hours. i held out a lonng time!