Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 127
  1. #1
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Drummerboy1975's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    531

    The head of my penis needs your help

    Yes, you read that right. I touched on this before but it's now a problem. I went road cycling today and now the tip and side of the head of my Longfellow are raw as hell. My shorts are Pearl Izumi's, they're the right size, WTF? I peel off the chamois as soon as I get back to the truck, dry off, clean clothes. I came home, showered, and applied a heaping helping of Bag Balm.

    Has anyone else had this issue and what did you do about it?

    Sincerely,

    Redtip Longfellow

  2. #2
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,379
    maybe you need to stop "touching on" it so much....

    gonna have to wrap 'er in saran wrap
    fap

  3. #3
    usually cranky
    Reputation: b-kul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    9,927
    tuck it in your waistband.

  4. #4
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,379
    Quote Originally Posted by b-kul View Post
    tuck it in your waistband.
    but poking out the top? he needs to make sure there are no ladies on the group rides!
    fap

  5. #5
    Rep Power: Infinity
    Reputation: NateHawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    11,758
    how do you hang that this is a problem?

  6. #6
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Drummerboy1975's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    531
    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    how do you hang that this is a problem?
    I pull all beans and frank up, so as not to sit on the beans, and pull Longfellow up and lay him on his side.

  7. #7
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Scott O's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    1,318
    Well, this is a bit of an extreme solution, but it would take care of your problem.....

    Calorie Lab- On Sunday, April 13, Tokyo illustrator Mao Sugiyama publicly seasoned and braised his own genitals on a portable gas cartridge burner, and then served them to six eager diners who each paid about $250 for the meal. Sugiyama had originally offered the meal on Twitter in mid-April to the first person willing to pay 100,000 yen (about $1,250). But after the notoriety that his tweet caused, he organized a public banquet. Diners were required to sign a waiver releasing Sugiyama and the event organizers from any liability arising from the consumption of the genitals. Sugiyama stated that before his operation he had been tested to be free of any venereal diseases and had not yet started receiving female hormone therapy. He also added that his genitals had been normally functional and that the pre-severed penis could attain an erect length of 16.1 cm (about 6.3 inches). Close-up photos of the braised genitals showed a sliced penis shaft with clearly visible corpora cavernosa and urethra, a sliced testicle with the look and texture of sea urchin sushi, and scrotal skin with about 3 mm of pubic hair growth. A spokesman for the Suginami police told CalorieLab that they had received many inquires and complaints from concerned citizens, but that they were unable to pursue the matter because there is no law prohibiting cannibalism in Japan.

    (Hmmm, you gotta admit, it doesn't as bad a cocktail weenies http://calorielab.com/news/2012/05/1...al/#more-13739)
    Last edited by Scott O; 05-23-2012 at 06:50 PM. Reason: forgot to add a link

  8. #8
    AZ
    AZ is offline
    banned
    Reputation: AZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,998
    Chamois creme, butt butter, diaper rash creme.

  9. #9
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,379
    the title of this threads IS a great pickup line for the ladies though.
    fap

  10. #10
    Big Mac
    Reputation: mbmb65's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    2,966
    Sorry, but I'm not helping your penis.

  11. #11
    better than I deserve
    Reputation: roblee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    487
    When I was a very young lad my brother gave me his 26" wheel cruiser style bike.The catch was I had to be able to ride it.It was way to big for me but I rode it all day rocking back and forth on the top tube.A case of balloon balls that night was an understatement!

    The fix is to change something for me it was ride a bike the right size for you change your shorts or seat angle come on take control of your penis,man....

  12. #12
    FKA Malibu412
    Reputation: Glide the Clyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    4,266
    Quote Originally Posted by Drummerboy1975 View Post
    I touched on this before...
    Haven't we all ?
    "I love the bike. It's my meditation. I think I'm bike-sexual." -Robin Williams

  13. #13
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Stugotz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    457
    Put a helmet on it?!?
    Speed Kills...It kills those that don't have it!
    German Engineering in Da Haus, Ja!

  14. #14
    Trail Prospector
    Reputation: Flyin_W's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    2,571
    Dear Longtip Redfellow,
    Having touched on this before to get the same results implies denial, addiction or insanity.
    Assuming it's not a nasty case of crotch rot gone wild, then it may be best to seek consultation from a willing woman for a full inspection & stress test.
    She could determine the extent of Woody damage, and should it fall off, can be your expert witness. At least then you'll be prepared for Pearl Izumi's attorney who will fight to prove blatant abuse or neglect, and in process will dark roast your beans.
    The best is the one you want to ride most often..

  15. #15
    workin' it Administrator
    Reputation: rockcrusher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    8,102
    Yer parents screwed you up by having the Dr. hack off you protector. I got no advice because I gots the protector.
    Try this: HTFU

  16. #16
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    736
    A man on a business trip to Asia has some time to kill before his return trip home. He decides to sample some local flavor with a lady of the nite. A week later, back in the States, he notices colored spots developing on his privates, yellow, orange, blue and green. He immediately sees his doctor, "doc, can you help me?"
    "I've never seen anything like this, I don't know where to begin" say the doctor. After a closer examination, the doctor proclaims "it must be removed to prevent the disease from spreading".
    "Removed, no ones removing anything!" the man states.
    Depressed, the man wonders the streets aimlessly. He then realizes it's an Asian disease, maybe an Asian doctor would know what to do. He seeks out an Asian doctor in Chinatown.
    "Doc, can you help me?"
    "Wow look at that, your thing all different colors. Yellow, orange, blue and green."
    "Have you seen this before?" the man asks.
    "Its not commom, but yes."
    Relieved, the man states "thank god, my doctor was going to cut it off."
    "Cut it off, oh no not neccesary." the Asian doctor states, "one or two days, that thing fall off on its own."

  17. #17
    Rep Power: Infinity
    Reputation: NateHawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    11,758
    I think you did more than just touch on this before. You certainly rubbed it off. And from the sounds of it, you rub it off everytime you ride.

    I think you are experiencing the results of an incompatibility with the frank/bun interface, exacerbated by a misalignment of your saddle. Resolving those problems should stop the rubbing....but are you sure you want that??

  18. #18
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Bethany1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    659
    Forgive the giggle.. In all seriousness...

    Did you change anything..saddle..fore/aft..up/down? Ride a different bike than what you are used to? Go for a longer distance than you usually do or a different route so there was more friction on the ride? Hot day? Sit for too long on the saddle or have to adjust a lot? A lot of bumps? There's a lot of variables. Just because your pants fit doesn't mean parts don't chafe or have friction issues.

    Other sources..change laundry soap or body wash/soap for an allergic reaction? Something you did the day(s) before? New clothing even though they fit or you think they do?

    I wouldn't ride for a few days and let everything heal up. Boxers might not be a bad idea if you don't wear them. Diaper rash ointment might help, just get the kind that doesn't smell. No brand stuff works fine. Not sure you could use Vaseline since it's a sensitive area, but it might help.

    If things don't heal up or get worse, see a doc in case it's a medical condition. If you have a woman in your life, have her check you out.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  19. #19
    humber river advocate
    Reputation: singlesprocket's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    5,985
    your problem is that you are not warming up your penis before your ride. perhaps you should add this to your training regime.

    Penis Warm-Up Methods: Heating Up Before Working Out | PEGym
    Support TORBA
    Sunnyside Bike Park Working Group
    Albion Hills Conservation Area Master Plan Public Advisory Committee

  20. #20
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Drummerboy1975's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    531
    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany1 View Post
    Forgive the giggle.. In all seriousness...

    Did you change anything..saddle..fore/aft..up/down? Ride a different bike than what you are used to? Go for a longer distance than you usually do or a different route so there was more friction on the ride? Hot day? Sit for too long on the saddle or have to adjust a lot? A lot of bumps? There's a lot of variables. Just because your pants fit doesn't mean parts don't chafe or have friction issues.

    Other sources..change laundry soap or body wash/soap for an allergic reaction? Something you did the day(s) before? New clothing even though they fit or you think they do?

    I wouldn't ride for a few days and let everything heal up. Boxers might not be a bad idea if you don't wear them. Diaper rash ointment might help, just get the kind that doesn't smell. No brand stuff works fine. Not sure you could use Vaseline since it's a sensitive area, but it might help.

    If things don't heal up or get worse, see a doc in case it's a medical condition. If you have a woman in your life, have her check you out.

    Hope you feel better soon.
    It's hot for sure, and yes, I was having to adjust a lot.

    Thank you Beth.

  21. #21
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,834
    Quote Originally Posted by rockcrusher View Post
    Yer parents screwed you up by having the Dr. hack off you protector. I got no advice because I gots the protector.
    I do believe that medical science has come up with ways to put the protector back on.

  22. #22
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Drummerboy1975's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    531
    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany1 View Post
    Forgive the giggle.. In all seriousness...

    Did you change anything..saddle..fore/aft..up/down? Ride a different bike than what you are used to? Go for a longer distance than you usually do or a different route so there was more friction on the ride? Hot day? Sit for too long on the saddle or have to adjust a lot? A lot of bumps? There's a lot of variables. Just because your pants fit doesn't mean parts don't chafe or have friction issues.

    Other sources..change laundry soap or body wash/soap for an allergic reaction? Something you did the day(s) before? New clothing even though they fit or you think they do?

    I wouldn't ride for a few days and let everything heal up. Boxers might not be a bad idea if you don't wear them. Diaper rash ointment might help, just get the kind that doesn't smell. No brand stuff works fine. Not sure you could use Vaseline since it's a sensitive area, but it might help.

    If things don't heal up or get worse, see a doc in case it's a medical condition. If you have a woman in your life, have her check you out.

    Hope you feel better soon.
    It's hot for sure, and yes, I was having to adjust a lot.

    Thank you Beth.

  23. #23
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    284
    Wear a condom.
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

  24. #24
    mtbr member
    Reputation: sasquatch rides a SS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    4,711
    I don't really know why I clicked on this thread...or why I'm commenting on it.
    Mountain bikers who don't road ride have no legs...
    Road riders who don't mountain bike have no soul...

  25. #25
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Drummerboy1975's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    531
    An update on Longfellow. He's fling a little better today. I've been applying Neosporin since yesterday and things are looking much better. Slept in the nude on my back last night, so that helped. I've decided to keep him away from any and all strenuous activities, such as biking, hiking, running or anything of the like, but including and not limited to sex, masturbation and or nude rugby. As stated before, things are looking better. If anyone cares to send getwell cards, care packages or letters of well wishes, please send a PM and so will see to it that he gets them.

    Cheers.

Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •