Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 50 of 59
  1. #1
    Ride More, Work Less
    Reputation: heyyall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    7,775

    Grossed out stories

    I was thinking about the Goonies's character Chunk and his story of fake vomit in a crowded theater today.



    It got me thinking about what have I have experienced that is on par with his story.

    For me, a few years back, everyone I knew was experiencing an exceptionally potent stomach flu. I was feeling immune to the joys that came along with the flu when it hit me like a ton of bricks at work. I immediately pack the bags and head for home. I feel the urge to throw up while driving home--the trip is only 10 minutes. I fight the urge off. The urge gets stronger and stronger. I'm almost home. I lost the battle! I threw up all over the inside of the truck, including covering myself. It was well below freezing that day and I had to drive on as there was no place to stop. I tried to open a window. They were frozen shut! The smell of vomit makes me vomit. So just in case one throw up while driving down the road wasn't enough, I give my stomach two additional clearings before arriving at home.

    What do you have?

  2. #2
    mtbr member
    Reputation: mightybrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    37
    I work in Radiology at my local hospital, so I have seen some NASTY stuff. One of the worst that sticks in my mind, was this middle-aged woman who came into the ER with abdominal pain. I received the order to do abdominal x-rays, and was in the x-ray room with her. She's sitting on the gurney, telling me her story, when she gets the urge to vomit. I give her a basin, and up it comes. Now, I have been around a lot of vomiting people, but this one was special. She had eaten some VERY spicy mexican food not long before her ER visit. This spicy mexican food was now partially digested, accompanied by stomach acid, and now sitting a plastic bin. I will forever remember the smell, and most of all, the burn of the spices filling my nose and making my eyes water. That one was special.

  3. #3
    mtbr member
    Reputation: skullcap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    923
    I was on the committee that planned our 5 year high school class reunion and for our planning we regularly met at the local Pizza Hut. For one of the meetings my sitter backed out and I had to bring my (then) two year old son with me. The server brought him a mint and I foolishly let him have it. Yep, he choked on it. Without a second thought I performed the heimlich on him Choking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. The instant he vomitted up the candy, the people around us started to vomit. It spread throughout the restaurant like ripples in a pond. Oh yeah, did I mention it was a lunch meeting? The restaurant was packed. After that we met at the committe chairperson's home. Luckily my husband and I were friends with the management, so I wasn't banned.
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  4. #4
    ****** to the dirt
    Reputation: deke505's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    4,957
    I shattered my heel on a ski trip in Tremblant. The next night after coming back from the hospital I had taken some pain pills then went for dinner. In the middle of my meal I felt some thing and couldn't even hold it down. So out it came the 3/4 of the steak and fries that I ate over the entire table. It happened again (about 3 times) on the way to the washroom around another groups table.

    When I got back home and went to my local hospital they didn't even recognize the meds they gave me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  5. #5
    Ride More, Work Less
    Reputation: heyyall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    7,775

    Grossed out stories

    Wow. Very good stuff
    Craigslist & MTBR --free ads for all

  6. #6
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Brewtality's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    5,660
    Ya'll are a bunch of lightweights in the gross out business.

    I worked with an old retired Marine that did five tours in Vietnam. He liked it that much.
    During one of his deployments, his platoon saved up money for a big end of tour party. During the party, they held a gross out party for remainder of the money. Throughout the party, they had been taking turns with the local old Mama-san. Between rounds, Mama-san was dousching herself out in a bucket in the corner of the bar.
    The Marine I worked with won the gross out party by drinking that bucket.
    Its all ****s and Giggles until somebody Giggles and ****s

  7. #7
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,144
    OMG, this thread is INTENSE!!!

  8. #8
    meow meow
    Reputation: b-kul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    10,622
    oh man, when tone's gets his mitts on this...

  9. #9
    High Desert MTBer
    Reputation: rockerc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    4,850
    I was on a ferry boat on the way to the Isle Of Man in the Irish Sea many years ago with my 8 yr old stepson, and the Irish Sea was doing what it does so well: it was not staying still at all. We were sitting at a table in a very crowded bar/restaurant, it was hot a smokey, and there were not many people who were not feeling queasy. At the same table were an aged Irish couple who had obviously made the trip many times and seen it all. So they thought.
    I was talking to my stepson, and he was starting to turn a very odd color, and suddenly, in mid sentence, he clapped his hand to his mouth, his cheeks bulged, and he hurled great jets of light brown vomit thru his fingers, and like 3 little fountains, it covered the little old man and his wife. That was it, the man turned to his left and threw up on the floor, and the woman got up and hurried to the bathroom with her hand to her mouth.
    It was a little embarrassing, but they took it with good grace.
    It's all Here. Now.

  10. #10
    mtbr member
    Reputation: mightybrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    37
    Another great one was when I was doing a portable abdomen Xray on a young man with cerebral palsy. I had just finished the Xray, and removed the film from behind him, when he sat bolt upright and projectile vomited a bright green geyser of vomit seven feet straight out past the end of his hospital bed. It was a stunning sight. He couldn't communicate his distress, but luckily I had moved out of the line of fire just in time that the geyser missed me by inches. Had it hit me, I would have joined in on the spew fest.

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

  11. #11
    occ member
    Reputation: Cornfield's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,450
    I was in a drug induced coma for 2 weeks in the ICU due to a head injury.They had done a tracheotomy so I could breathe through a tube in my neck.While recovering I contracted pneumonia.One day the nurse was changing the dressing on my neck and I had to cough,so I put my hand over my mouth and launched a hunk of phlegm through the hole,it launched all the way across the room!

  12. #12
    occ member
    Reputation: Cornfield's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,450
    ^Guess I was a bit off topic there

    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    he clapped his hand to his mouth, his cheeks bulged, and he hurled great jets of light brown vomit thru his fingers
    A friend and I were sitting backwards in the back of my dad's station wagon on a curvy mountain road.We were eating Beer Nuts and I think he had chocolate milk.He did exactly the same thing,shot brown spray through his fingers all over.Luckily I wasn't hit.

  13. #13
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    1,149
    One summer I was off from college and stayed at my mom's place. I woke up in the middle of the night and was kind of hungry. So I wander downstairs into the kitchen but didn't turn the lights on because I didn't want to squint for 5 minutes. I notice a box of Tastykake cupcakes on top of the pantry and figure I'll have a pack of those.

    I open the pack of cupcakes and take my first bite. I'm chewing away thinking ... man, this tastes really weird ... what flavor is this ... is this something new? I turn on the lights and the cupcakes looked like they were covered in rainbow colored shag carpet. There must have been a couple months worth of mold all over those things. I raced to the sink and spit everything out and desperately fought off the barf reflex. I ran upstairs and must have brushed my teeth like 5 times.

    Those Tastykakes were probably there from the last semester and my mom never threw them out.

  14. #14
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,144
    All this talk about hurling kinda makes me want to hurl.

  15. #15
    mtbr member
    Reputation: mightybrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    37
    Just wait until I get to the stories about Foley catheters and barium enemas!

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

  16. #16
    ~Disc~Golf~
    Reputation: highdelll's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    16,491
    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    OMG, this thread is INTENSE!!!
    good thing it's not in tents! amirite?
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  17. #17
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Brewtality's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    5,660
    How about something mtn bike related?
    In 1991 I wiped out on my bike, hard. High speed, downhill, tumbling.
    My right leg ended up caught between the top tube and saddle nose. It wrenched my knee the wrong direction. Think toes touching the belly.
    Three knee surgeries later, I can do some neato cocktail party tricks with my right knee. It moves in ways knees are not supposed to move.
    Its all ****s and Giggles until somebody Giggles and ****s

  18. #18
    Killer b.
    Reputation: The Understater's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,498
    I used to work in a watch repair shop is a somewhat scuzzier part of town than where I now work. One day a lady came into the the shop with her two kids, both of whom were grubby, unkempt and had a bad case of the sniffles. Now you'll have to use your imagination a bit to get the true horror of this, but as nasty as it sounds, this lady was extremely physically unattractive. It's hard to say exactly how, because no particular one part of her was in itself horrendous, but the whole was greater than the sum of it's parts if you understand. And she smelled... no, she stank... no, she fugged of halitoses and some other hard to identify smell that I suspect (based on the general pallor of her skin) was a skin condition that had been left untreated until necrosis had set in. I strongly suspected that she hadn't bathed or brushed her teeth in a year or more. Actually probably a lot longer for the teeth, as her front two were missing. And to top it all off, she was a close talker! I was standing as far back from the counter as I politely could, and actually leaning backwards slightly to try to stay out of range of her breath and even turning my head to the side slightly when I had to gulp a breath in, but it wasn't working and I was starting to feel really queasy.

    Then it got bad.


    About the time we had finished conducting our business, and she was rounding her kids up to leave, her little boy sneezed a bunch of runny green snot out onto his mouth and chin.


    Quick as a wink, she reached down, wiped it off his face between thumb and forefinger, put her hand to her mouth and she sucked it all off her fingers with a loud slurp.

    I gagged and threw up in my mouth a little bit and had to run for the bathroom. Even talking about it years later makes me feel a bit ill.

    Edit: Why can't I find a barf emoticon?
    Last edited by The Understater; 07-18-2013 at 01:32 AM.
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  19. #19
    mtbr member
    Reputation: sfgiantsfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    1,137

    Grossed out stories

    After a night of drinking I was sitting in a chair fighting off the spins. My buddy was I. The kitchen eating ice cream. Hr asked if I wanted a bye and it looked pretty good so I said sure. I was so out of it that he just came over and put the spoon directly in my mouth. I couldn't figure the flavor or why it was so warm.....
    Mayonnaise
    I'm sick of all the Irish stereotypes, as soon as I finish this beer I"m punching someone

  20. #20
    Afric Pepperbird
    Reputation: dirt farmer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    4,709
    Too many vomiting stories; very little else.

    C'mon, let's shake things up!

  21. #21
    Killer b.
    Reputation: The Understater's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,498
    Quote Originally Posted by dirt farmer View Post
    Too many vomiting stories; very little else.

    C'mon, let's shake things up!
    Mine was about a smelly eater of someone else's snot. I guess I could have mentioned the time a few months later I was standing outside the shop with my afternoon cup of tea watching the world go by when I saw some people sitting waiting in the back of a van. A woman was searching through a little girl's hair when she pulled something out and ate it. It was exactly like a chimpanzee family de-pesting each other.

    I'm really glad I now have my shop in a high rent district. Now I only have to put up with the odd overgrown sense of entitlement.
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  22. #22
    High Desert MTBer
    Reputation: rockerc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    4,850
    OK, I was at the border post between Turkey and Iran many years ago, we had driven across Turkey and were waiting to cross the border, and we were very hungry. The border guards said there was a 'restaurant' in the building behind, and when we went in, there was just a very dirty, stinky kitchen type area, with a big wooden table in the middle. At the table were sitting 4 men, and in the middle of the table was a cows head, I am guessing lightly boiled and with the top of the skull removed. They were taking it in turns to reach forward and spoon the contents into their mouths with great relish. The cloud of flies that lifted off each time this happened, and landed again right after each spoonful obviously thought it was heavenly too...
    We lost our appetites very quickly, and even sitting here writing this, I am not sure about breakfast today...
    It's all Here. Now.

  23. #23
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Brewtality's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    5,660

    Grossed out stories

    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    We lost our appetites very quickly, and even sitting here writing this, I am not sure about breakfast today...
    Now I don't want breakfast.
    Its all ****s and Giggles until somebody Giggles and ****s

  24. #24
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,144
    I'm in the mood for some bacon. Anyone else want some, too?

  25. #25
    I'm just messing with you
    Reputation: wv_bob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    5,424
    Had the puke and poops once and had simultaneous ejections from both end. I'd stand up spin around and puke, the cramping would start me squirting again, then the smell would get the puking started up. Wash rinse repeat.

    And then ... The Steakhouse Incident
    Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised

  26. #26
    Gotta pay to play
    Reputation: michaelscott's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    690
    Got two vomit stories:

    First one was when I was 22 or 23, new years eve partying at a good friend's house. I was really really drunk but still happy drunk- then some people showed up with pot and those really cheap flavored cigars you buy at a gas station. Everyone started smoking pot and it wasn't my thing- so I took one of the "brandy" flavored cigars. Three puffs in and my stomach alerts me that something was horribly wrong.

    I ran to the bathroom but didn't make it to the toilet in time. Luckily, it went into the bowl of the sink. I filled that puppy to the brim with puke make up of 50% pizza and 50% vodka, rum, and Newcastle.

    I thought it would go down the drain of the sink but the stuff was too chunky. I tried to figure out how to get it into the toliet but there wasn't any sort of cup in the bathroom I could use. So...

    I scooped my vomit up handful by handful and dumped it into the toilet.

    Took me like 45 minutes to clean it up. But I'd like to think the bathroom was cleaner after my work. I was still happy drunk afterward.

    Second story- happened three years ago:

    Had a fondue party at a friend's house. I had one too many bottles of wine and the wife was driving home. I start to get that feeling in the car not even 5 minutes from the house and I tell her to stop driving so fast and weaving (I'm sure she was going like 25mph at this point on a 45mph street and not weaving but I was super drunk). Finally I can't stand it anymore and I roll down the window to barf out the side. Unfortunately, I didn't get my head out of the window far enough and the cheesy wine vomit half ended up all over the inside door frame and back seat of the car.

    The next morning I had to clean it up and it seemed to have fermented to the point where I dry heaved almost the whole time I was cleaning it up. It got stuck really far into the window seams and I had to pick out grains of cheese puke with a toothpick.

  27. #27
    The White Jeff W
    Reputation: jeffw-13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    5,242

    Re: Grossed out stories

    Picked up my beer can and took a big swig. It was my buddy's spit can.
    No moss...

  28. #28
    Afric Pepperbird
    Reputation: dirt farmer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    4,709
    My mom said she walked in on me once (whilst I was in a crib) when I was around 1-2 years old, and I had s h i t all around my mouth. I guess I'd tried to taste some.

  29. #29
    PA Biker
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    28
    The steakhouse story was awesome!

  30. #30
    mtbr member
    Reputation: skullcap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    923
    Quote Originally Posted by wv_bob View Post
    Had the puke and poops once and had simultaneous ejections from both end. I'd stand up spin around and puke, the cramping would start me squirting again, then the smell would get the puking started up. Wash rinse repeat.

    I had a similar experience once. It was the only time I have ever appreciated that the toilet is right next to the tub in one of our bathrooms.






    Anyone remember the bathroom scene from Desparado? Well, I once opened up a Target bathroom stall to be greeted by a surprisingly similar scene. I had noticed the fresh dookie smell when I first walked in but I really needed to go. All over the toilet and on the floor is just unfortunate timing, but that is some seriously explosive diarhea that also makes onto the walls. And did she pass out? Because, why was there a thick line of splatters up the back wall and onto the ceiling? Sooooo...I chose a different stall. It wasn't until I was leaving that I noticed the drip trail leading to the door. I have no idea how I had avoided stepping in it on the way in. I followed it, and it went first to the drinking fountain (Good! She had to be seriously dehydrated at that point!) and then out the front doors. Hopefully she made it to her car.

    I'm not easily grossed out so I just continued shopping. I did alert the person at the customer service desk and when she came back out for (I assume) a mop, the look on her face very obviously said that she thought I had done it. Yeah, because someone would have the strength to walk around a store (covered in sh!t, no less) after all that...
    I'm enjoying my childhood way too much to ever give it up.

  31. #31
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    Ive eaten dog **** !!

    Id spent a few days on acid (red devils) with my cousin like we use to do most weekends as a teenager.

    We'd get on it on friday night and have as many trips as we could take till sunday morning.

    We were sitting in some gutter somewhere totally scattered as you do, at the point where you dont actually talk, your heads to fekked for that, you just use expressions, grunts and looks too communicate with each other.

    She had god a handful of semi dry old dog **** and he was eating it, i didnt comprehend what he was doing so i started eating it too, we both ate it all.

    It was hairy and had grains of sand in it, after a while one of us realised we where eating dog **** and we got really freaked out, but we survived..

    LOL, there are some great posts in this thread lol.





    This ones right up there.


    Ive use to a mate who used to have a fetish for going down on women with their periods, he had a tampon/pad fetish too, and i think a collection, honestly i cant go into it here, its to bad so i'll hold back the details , but lets just say he lived for everything about it.....
    He used to pic up randoms in pubs and clubs, he recons he could smell it before they told him it was that time of the month.

    We called him the 'blood hound' and the ''Mick the truffle dog'' he could sniff that stuff out like a cadaver dog....
    I wonder whats happened to him, i havnt seen him in years.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  32. #32
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    Quote Originally Posted by The Understater View Post
    Mine was about a smelly eater of someone else's snot. I guess I could have mentioned the time a few months later I was standing outside the shop with my afternoon cup of tea watching the world go by when I saw some people sitting waiting in the back of a van. A woman was searching through a little girl's hair when she pulled something out and ate it. It was exactly like a chimpanzee family de-pesting each other.

    I'm really glad I now have my shop in a high rent district. Now I only have to put up with the odd overgrown sense of entitlement.
    MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA PRICELESS.......CHIMPANZEE FAMILY'' lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  33. #33
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    Ya'll are a bunch of lightweights in the gross out business.

    I worked with an old retired Marine that did five tours in Vietnam. He liked it that much.
    During one of his deployments, his platoon saved up money for a big end of tour party. During the party, they held a gross out party for remainder of the money. Throughout the party, they had been taking turns with the local old Mama-san. Between rounds, Mama-san was dousching herself out in a bucket in the corner of the bar.
    The Marine I worked with won the gross out party by drinking that bucket.
    BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA This is the winner right here lol, even i wouldnt do that lol, epic story lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  34. #34
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    Quote Originally Posted by The Understater View Post
    I used to work in a watch repair shop is a somewhat scuzzier part of town than where I now work. One day a lady came into the the shop with her two kids, both of whom were grubby, unkempt and had a bad case of the sniffles. Now you'll have to use your imagination a bit to get the true horror of this, but as nasty as it sounds, this lady was extremely physically unattractive. It's hard to say exactly how, because no particular one part of her was in itself horrendous, but the whole was greater than the sum of it's parts if you understand. And she smelled... no, she stank... no, she fugged of halitoses and some other hard to identify smell that I suspect (based on the general pallor of her skin) was a skin condition that had been left untreated until necrosis had set in. I strongly suspected that she hadn't bathed or brushed her teeth in a year or more. Actually probably a lot longer for the teeth, as her front two were missing. And to top it all off, she was a close talker! I was standing as far back from the counter as I politely could, and actually leaning backwards slightly to try to stay out of range of her breath and even turning my head to the side slightly when I had to gulp a breath in, but it wasn't working and I was starting to feel really queasy.

    Then it got bad.


    About the time we had finished conducting our business, and she was rounding her kids up to leave, her little boy sneezed a bunch of runny green snot out onto his mouth and chin.


    Quick as a wink, she reached down, wiped it off his face between thumb and forefinger, put her hand to her mouth and she sucked it all off her fingers with a loud slurp.

    I gagged and threw up in my mouth a little bit and had to run for the bathroom. Even talking about it years later makes me feel a bit ill.

    Edit: Why can't I find a barf emoticon?
    MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA friggin hilarious stuff lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  35. #35
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Mark_BC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    770
    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Ive eaten dog **** !!
    It was hairy and had grains of sand in it, after a while one of us realised we where eating dog **** and we got really freaked out, but we survived..
    You might want to check your system for worms.

    I work in aquariums as a side thing and you wouldn't believe some of the smells you get there from dead sea creatures. I haven't puked in years (decades?), I can handle it all. What's the worst? ... hmm, dunno. When you go to net out a dead fish and it puffs to dust when you touch it. Dead starfish are pretty bad. Necropsies are pretty stinky too. When you have stagnant pipes, any organic matter in there produces hydrogen sulphide, so when you flush it out the whole building stinks like rotten eggs. It can be kind of dangerous because H2S is toxic.

  36. #36
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Mark_BC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    770
    Oh one of the worst stories was last year when I got my new car. My mom and dog and I went up into town and we stopped off at my mom's friend's house. Our dog ran around in the mud and she had muddy feet. We wiped them off but there was still some mud on them. We put down a sheet to protect the back seats of the car but my dog put her feet up on the arm rests and made some smudges! And then on the way back the new car smell made her puke and some of it went through the sheet onto the seat! I had to get out the upholstery cleaner! Oh the horror!

  37. #37
    9 lives
    Reputation: cyclelicious's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    10,415
    Early in my career I was the RN in charge of mental health rehab unit. One evening one of the patients was became increasingly more paranoid and psychotic. What started as agitation, shouting and swearing and calling staff "satan's helpers", quickly escalated. The patient then barricaded himself in the activity room threatening to harm himself. We tried to intervene but any staff (there were 3 of us on duty) that approached, he hurled objects at them. 2 security guards arrived and one guard who was a little too arrogant tried to overtake the man, was promptly clocked in the head with a billiard ball. He bled all over the place

    The patient soon out of pool balls so we were able to get a little closer then he reached into his pants. And flung his poo at us.

    One turd hit my colleague and she had it all in her hair and face and clothes. She started crying and couldn't assist.

    Then the patient stopped dead in his tracks and started nodding. He announced that "God told him he would save us all by plucking out his eyes" Using is fingernails, the man then began gouging out his eyes.

    It was quite scene: the smell of perspiration, incontinence, people crying, staff slipping and sliding through blood and feces and the goo coming out of the patient's eye sockets.

    In the end we were able to physically restrain him, I gave the chemical restraint and wrapped his head in gauze. I remained unscathed and unphased by the event and accompanied him to the General Hospital ER. The ambulance smelled quite putrid and from the looks of the triage team they were grossed out too. They managed to save one eye.

    A few years later I bumped into the guy on Yonge street in Toronto... He looked healthier, and the eye patch made him look somewhat "distinguished". He recognized me (guess he got back some of his vision) He thanked me for helping and said I was a "nice nurse" and that he remembered aiming artillery at "bad people"

    I learned that no matter how psychotic people are, to always treat them with respect because they will always remember
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  38. #38
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    ^^ Hectic story, but your a class act Jude, remind Chris from me how lucky he is
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  39. #39
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    4,618
    i've told gross stories before, so maybe i dont need to repeat them.

    i was just thinking about when i slept over my boyfriend's parents house, and they had this dog that was very spoiled, and got away with everything. Well, she decided to sleep in the bed with me, which was fine. but in the middle of the night, i felt something in the bed. i reached down and grabbed it...rolled it in my fingers (half asleep, i had no idea). and turns out it was dog crap. This effing dog has been known to drop tootsie rolls when sleeping in human beds. i guess she never really got in trouble for it. i was so pissed i threw the turds across the room and had to sleep with no blankets.

    Another time (this seems like a good story for Tones) my boyfriend was in the bathtub and i went over and sat on the edge of the tub to talk to him. Well, something made us both laugh really hard, and accidently peed...upwards...and it landed in my mouth.
    fap

  40. #40
    check your six
    Reputation: sodak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,181
    With Tones on board this thread is heading straight to the "classics".
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  41. #41
    I didn't do it
    Reputation: Mookie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    9,059
    Great stories, keep 'em coming. I don't really have anything to add-just a few random drunken puking in strange toilets and pucking in bed type episodes. Geez, I didn't realize that I've lead such a sheltered life. I've seen homeless people take dumps on the street a couple times though.

  42. #42
    check your six
    Reputation: sodak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,181
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    accidently peed...upwards...and it landed in my mouth.
    Well now... haha... Not sure how I would handle that one.
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  43. #43
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    266
    My buddy, a powerlifter, and I were at a Whole Foods store. You know, with all the higher class of people. We were buying some beer and wine. He had on this pair of cut off sweatpants. Walking by the registers, he cocked his leg and tried to let off a fart, so he could look at me like I did it. Well, he must have poked the bear. He sharted a trail of the worst stinkin shiv I remember. I have a very weak stomach, so I began laughing so hard that I got a good whiff and blew chunks everywhere also. Luckily, we were not in our community when this happened. We dropped our groceries, and left the store as quickly as possible.

  44. #44
    Ride More, Work Less
    Reputation: heyyall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    7,775
    There are some quickly contributions so far. Since we've left the vomit and move to explosions in the other direction, here's another story.

    Our first child had a point in his life where he couldn't poop. This was around the age of 1.5 years of age. We went days waiting on him to poop. We finally called the pediatrician to ask for help. She recommended prune juice. Nowhere on the prune juice bottle did it say what the appropriate "dose" was, so we filled a sippie cup and turned him loose. Later in the morning, we were at a store when he came uncorked. The most vile brown sludge came shooting past his diaper, easily traversing his leg and formed a brown puddle on the store floor. Like any mortified set of parents, we abandoned our cart and left the store with a much needed "Clean up on Aisle 2".

  45. #45
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    4,618
    I can't believe I'm telling you this one. anybody with long hair here knows that after a shower a strands of hair sometimes gets stuck in your buttcrack. well one time after a shower my boyfriend came up to me and saw I had a couple ofhairs dangling so he started pulling them out it seemed like it was taking a long time. So I asked what was taking so long and he started laughing. Turns out the dog took over and had her tongue up my crack. Not a gross story, mostly funny.
    fap

  46. #46
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    4,596
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    I can't believe I'm telling you this one. anybody with long hair here knows that after a shower a strands of hair sometimes gets stuck in your buttcrack. well one time after a shower my boyfriend came up to me and saw I had a couple ofhairs dangling so he started pulling them out it seemed like it was taking a long time. So I asked what was taking so long and he started laughing. Turns out the dog took over and had her tongue up my crack. Not a gross story, mostly funny.
    Bwahahahaha, pics or it didnt happen
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  47. #47
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    4,618
    well then I'd have to stage it
    fap

  48. #48
    Killer b.
    Reputation: The Understater's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,498
    Not my story, but my brother's. He works as an abseil access specialist on high rise buildings, mostly cleaning windows, but also doing a bunch of other maintenance type stuff. He has formed an all consuming loathing of pigeons after having to clean up some of their messes. Apparently they have to wear full haz-mat suits for some of the larger deposits. But that is beside the point.
    One day one of his workmates had a persistent cough and he was treating it by sipping cough syrup straight from the bottle, apparently unaware that drinking too much of it will have laxative effects.
    They had just got up onto the roof of a 30 story building in the central city when said effect kicked in without warning. He had no choice but to drop his pants right next to the access hatch they had just come through and drop a McSplurry on the roof. He had to take off his shirt and use that to wipe his bum. Then they had to figure out what to do with it, as they didn't reckon they could leave it where it was. My brother suggested sluicing it off with one of their buckets of water, but instead of gently guiding it towards a drain the guy threw a whole bucket of water on top of it, causing it to pretty much explode and splash all over the roof. My brother was filming it with his cell phone and sent me the video. You can see the pooh go everywhere and hear the guys laughing hysterically right up to the point the smell hits them and then they start gagging and throwing up.
    Since there was no tap up on the roof they had to carry multiple buckets of water up several flights of stairs from the nearest bathroom to clean it all up, which basically mean't washing it off the side of the building.
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  49. #49
    Fat & Single
    Reputation: ozzybmx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    4,053
    Ok this story still has my workmates disgusted, it gets a mention every so often.

    So me and a few mates are on the balcony in a pub, in the city. Were talking to few girls and the one im chatting to says to me (while pointing at a brand new apartment block across from the pub) that's my bedroom up there, want to come have a look.... "be back soon guys".
    So we're in her flat 45 second later and straight at it... so (undisclosed time later) she's climbs off and gets a bit of head action going, then back on again.... then off for more head.... BANG she gets a mouthful.... ok now back on for round 2... AND SPITS MY JUNK BACK INTO MY MOUTH. Yeah a bit of a shock at first (I got over it in about 2 seconds) but she was going for it.... so I gulped it down like a fresh hot oyster and got on with it.

    I don't reckon theres anything wrong with it but theres a guy who I work with cant look at me without being absolutely grossed out and it makes him heave when I mention it, this is 5 years later too.... he reckons I could have give myself a blowback, self impregnated myself
    Trek 9.9 Superfly SL
    FM190 Fatty
    Indy Fab Deluxe 29
    Pivot Vault CX
    Cervelo R3 Disc

  50. #50
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    4,618
    i've done that to somebody. it's funny. i'm all about funny.
    fap

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Overseas Stories
    By Bdabike in forum Off Camber (off topic)
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 04-24-2013, 01:57 PM
  2. trip stories??
    By Ant-Eater in forum Fat bikes
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-25-2013, 04:35 PM
  3. Satori Stories
    By jbone ll in forum 29er Bikes
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-04-2012, 06:52 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •