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  1. #1
    No Stranger to danger....
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    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    I had a vision last night, the lord came to me in my sleep and asked me to become a priest, this is not a joke, im taking my vocation/vows and going to become a man of the lord.

    This has been a long time coming, as a child i had thoughts of joining the priesthood but i brushed them aside and cast off my true calling.

    So id like to thank all my dear friends on MTBR, i love you all dearly but i might be away for an extended period as im embarking on my spiritual journey to serve the lord.

    In Meliora Contende...
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  2. #2
    mtbr member
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    Wow, and i thought you found your calling here....
    The lord works in mysterious ways....
    Round and round we go

  3. #3
    ****** to the dirt
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    I guess that means no more sex or going after nicole for tones
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  4. #4
    AZ
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    Congrats. Franciscan?

  5. #5
    Self Appointed Judge&Jury
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    I believe this like I believe the world is flat.
    Front Range, Colorado.

  6. #6
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    Re: God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    I never heard of any rules against priests riding mountain bikes.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2
    Friends don let friends ride road bikes.
    http://www.facebook.com/mikebmiller

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by deke505 View Post
    I guess that means no more sex or going after nicole for tones
    I shall be giving up all devious thoughts about Nicole, ive fought back those thoughts since last night, and id ask her to please be on here best behaviour whilst around me.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirty $anchez View Post
    Congrats. Franciscan?
    Yes i will be releasing an album of monk chants...
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  9. #9
    AZ
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    Yes i will be releasing an album of monk chants...



    Buddhist chants are more marketable, gotta take that into consideration.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikeridesabike View Post
    I never heard of any rules against priests riding mountain bikes.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2
    Ive just checked, it is permitted, but not around children....especially not around young orphan boys just entering puberty, but i dont really understand this rule, i must be missing something.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  11. #11
    mtbr member
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    As a priest, you probably won't be allowed to post here ever again but at least you can keep on fishing.

    God's speed mate!

  12. #12
    Meatbomb
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    Quote Originally Posted by deke505 View Post
    I guess that means no more sex or going after nicole for tones
    I hope he likes little boys.

  13. #13
    I Tried Them ALL... Moderator
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    I'm SO GLAD my mother refused me to be an "Altered Boy."
    "The ONLY person who needs to race.....is the entrant"

  14. #14
    Rogue Exterminator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I had a vision last night, the lord came to me in my sleep and asked me to become a priest, this is not a joke, im taking my vocation/vows and going to become a man of the lord.

    This has been a long time coming, as a child i had thoughts of joining the priesthood but i brushed them aside and cast off my true calling.

    So id like to thank all my dear friends on MTBR, i love you all dearly but i might be away for an extended period as im embarking on my spiritual journey to serve the lord.

    In Meliora Contende...
    Congratulations but you do know that you are not really supposed to diddle little boys.


    Quote Originally Posted by Zachariah View Post
    I'm SO GLAD my mother refused me to be an "Altered Boy."

    That is Alter Boy or in these days of political correctness since they allow girls on the alter now too, Alter Server.
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  15. #15
    mtbr member
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    I don't think God would be upset if you said, "no thanks". He just needs you here on Earth to entertain, regardless of by what source.

  16. #16
    El Gato Malo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I shall be giving up all devious thoughts about Nicole, ive fought back those thoughts since last night, and id ask her to please be on here best behaviour whilst around me.
    Any idea on what you're going to do with the panties that Nic sent to you?

  17. #17
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    Tone's just sent me a picture. I guess it's true. You look great mate!!!
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  18. #18
    El Gato Malo
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    ^^^ is that before or after Tone's sex change?

  19. #19
    Killer b.
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    I'm pretty sure God will forgive you for this thread, but the mods might be altogether less forgiving.

    You trying to get yourself banned mate?
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  20. #20
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    Re: God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Tone's just sent me a picture. I guess it's true. You look great mate!!!
    Wasn't he in The Temple of Doom?
    Here is the thing about equality, everyone's equal when they're dead. - Gavroche, Les Misérables

  21. #21
    High Desert MTBer
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    I think I see where Tone's might be going with this... It's all good mate, just know you'll never make Pope tho...


    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!-dsc09997.jpg
    It's all Here. Now.

  22. #22
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    Reverend Mitch approves of this thread. Ordained in 1997,rides a mountain bike, and still looks at women

  23. #23
    mtbr member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wishful Tomcat View Post
    ^^^ is that before or after Tone's sex change?
    After!!!

  24. #24
    dru
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    Being you profess respect and admiration for 'hard men', and blokes who look like they've been in jail I expect that these are the types of priest you desire to be

    (despite the gayness of Halford)....

    (actually the gayness of Halford certainly fits being a priest, devil worshiping or not)

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    occasional cyclist

  25. #25
    9 lives
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    I can recommend drugs (legal) for your distorted religious thoughts... but no... I like you Tone's just the way you are
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  26. #26
    dru
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    Trafalmador....
    occasional cyclist

  27. #27
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    Tone's, im gona need to you get ordained asap! We need an exorcism over in my thread count post stat!

  28. #28
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    I always believe tones when his first sentence contains the following phrase: "this is not a joke."


  29. #29
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    Tone's, does this mean you can help me get into heaven?

  30. #30
    A waste of time it is is
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    Tones, a few things to keep in mind as you travel down this cobbled road to spiritual awakening.

    Please remember that Nun's are a bad habit to be getting into.

    There are now strict laws in this country about taking altar servers on weekend camps for "spiritual enlightenment"

    Any altar server that serves your needs will most certainly come out the other end as an altered boy.

    Sacramental wine does not come from Sacramento

    When the Bishop asks you to polish his candlestick, he is talking about the brass one on the alter, not what you did to me the other night.

    Molten wax still hurts.

    Next time you hear a woman call Oh God, make sure you keep your clothes on, it will usually be followed by "why have you forsaken me"

    What Father Michael did to you with the crucifix is not the way you are meant to ordain people.

    Incense is not for personal use.

    No it is not OK to jump in a coffin a la Death at a Funeral.

    Confession is where people come to you to confess their sins and ask your forgiveness, not a chance for you tell them what you want to do while they are down there on their knees.

    Enough for now, I will back later my son to continue your education.

  31. #31
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tone's View Post
    I shall be giving up all devious thoughts about Nicole, ive fought back those thoughts since last night, and id ask her to please be on here best behaviour whilst around me.
    Hey Father McSugarnipples, i'm spread eagle on the pew dressed as an altar boy. Come get it.....
    fap

  32. #32
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    And thus concludes another career choice for young tones l'axeman.

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    Hey Father McSugarnipples, i'm spread eagle on the pew dressed as an altar boy. Come get it.....
    Yay, the absolute acid test!
    Any gamblers here think that Father Tone's can resist?...

  34. #34
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    Quote Originally Posted by Flyin_W View Post
    Yay, the absolute acid test!
    Any gamblers here think that Father Tone's can resist?...
    Worse odds than the lottery. No takers!

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    Hey Father McSugarnipples, i'm spread eagle on the pew dressed as an altar boy. Come get it.....
    I could consider going Catholic for that.

  36. #36
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    Nicole, let us know how your next confession goes... Mmmmmkay?

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    Hey Father McSugarnipples, i'm spread eagle on the pew dressed as an altar boy. Come get it.....
    I thought id be able to refuse, but the 'dressed as the alter boy' bit has tipped me over the edge lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    And thus concludes another career choice for young tones l'axeman.
    LOL, Ive got one of those prickly brown woolen monks robes on now, im nude under it, and its meant to rid me of my sins but all it does is give me an erection....
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  39. #39
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    Thankyou all for your kind words and encouragement, id like to answer each and everyone of you back but ive got a lot of study to do, i never knew it was going to be this hard, the study that is..
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  40. #40
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    Blah hahahaha. Yeah. Good luck dude! You'll need it.

  41. #41
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    It's not an erection Tones, it's the "finger of God". So....work with it. If some south american dude can convince all those people that he's Jesus, i'm willing to be you can work some serious magic. It doesnt seem too hard. (the magic that is)
    fap

  42. #42
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    Well. If it's only a finger, you best go to the monastery.

  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    Well. If it's only a finger, you best go to the monastery.

  44. #44
    see me rollin, they hatin
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    God's finger is no ordinary finger! at least, that's what the priest told me. to be fair, i couldnt see it....I got really sick of "pull God's finger" prank. I mean, why was it always in his robe?
    fap

  45. #45
    thread crapper
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    I can't believe someone thinks this would get Tone's banned. This is rather tame for him.

  46. #46
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    Re: God spoke to me, he has asked me to become a priest..!

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    God's finger is no ordinary finger! at least, that's what the priest told me. to be fair, i couldnt see it....I got really sick of "pull God's finger" prank. I mean, why was it always in his robe?
    Be thankful you were not a lil catholic boy, who was told to do many other things with "god's finger". Pulling on it caused either sticky fingers, or nasal burn. Not life-long nightmares, deeply disturbing thoughts, or a vast underground priest relocation program.

    (trying hard to avoid any politco/religious/homophobic sensitivities.)


    (by phone)

  47. #47
    Killer b.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytie View Post
    I can't believe someone thinks this would get Tone's banned. This is rather tame for him.
    Well I turned up around here back at the beginning of the year when the ban-hammer was out in force. Tone's managed to get himself a week's vacation around that time too. I still haven't figured out what is considered acceptable and this thread had the potential to bad. Should have had more faith in the OC'ers.
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  48. #48
    Killer b.
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    Tone's I hate to break this to you mate, but becoming a priest isn't going to get you any more influence with the Almighty that you can use to stop your beloved Eels copping a fearful thumping each and every time they play.
    Posting on the basis that ignorance shared is ignorance doubled.

  49. #49
    AZ
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    Tone's, if you need any advice this dude named Jesus is at my house every Tues. I'd be happy to pass on any questions.

  50. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytie View Post
    I can't believe someone thinks this would get Tone's banned. This is rather tame for him.
    This is just typical OC fun, our great mods know im all about fun, im not a trouble starter, rather the peoples poet, i did get a week off a while ago, but it wasnt for a post in here, it was for saying i was worried about some peoples right to breed as it would dumb down the gene pool lol, it was not directed ant anybody rather at the group of people that were arguing Lance was clean, it was a humorous post somebody took offence to but there was no malise intended.
    Those where dark days for MTBR, people were getting gunned down left right and centre, but its all happy days now and i said it back then that we should be thankful in the OC because our mods are not megalomaniacs and power heads, they let us have fun, Chum, crusher and gob, all good value and i think they know the difference between people having a bit of adult fun and trolls starting trouble.
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

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