Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 31

Thread: Farte Blanche

  1. #1
    Flaccid Member
    Reputation: Boyonadyke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,821

    Farte Blanche

    When's the last time your gal gave you Farte Blanche? Free reign to relieve on an azz needed basis, without the sour puss face if it's loud or stinks?
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  2. #2
    mtbr member
    Reputation: mikeridesabike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,491

    Re: Farte Blanche

    My wife has a lousy sense of smell, so can pretty much cut one whenever the need arises.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2
    Friends don let friends ride road bikes.
    http://www.facebook.com/mikebmiller

  3. #3
    official eMpTyBRain
    Reputation: Hawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    20,883
    Not acceptable in my household, agreed by all.

    Farting is only meant to be experienced and enjoyed among a tight nit group of buddies or all alone.
    ...and proud member of the anti-sock puppet desolation

  4. #4
    Front Range, Colorado
    Reputation: DIRTJUNKIE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Posts
    16,047
    This thread went up in smoke before it got ripe.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  5. #5
    official eMpTyBRain
    Reputation: Hawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    20,883
    ^Oh, I just let one go in case you are saying that this thread stinks.
    ...and proud member of the anti-sock puppet desolation

  6. #6
    Front Range, Colorado
    Reputation: DIRTJUNKIE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Posts
    16,047
    I don't know I've never done this thing called fart.
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  7. #7
    Flaccid Member
    Reputation: Boyonadyke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,821
    Yeah, well somethings up at home... had a great tri tip, and the SO's sniffer is either congested, or else I got MVP title for the title of this thread. Trying to be polite, but I'm leaky tonight, needs some Stan's sealant out back. Still, not nearly as bad as radarasss. Like when you got a turtle poking out and you're almost home, and the sphincter knows you are almost home, and gets in anticipation mode, so bad you start prairie dogging it. 14 hours on the road, trailering at 55 mph, from Grand Junction, CO to Halloran Summit, CA will do that to you. Breck Epic was awesome, BTW.
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  8. #8
    mtbr member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    4,420
    The wife and I were out tonight watching the ISS fly by and
    I let one go. She thought it was pretty funny.

  9. #9
    sock puppet
    Reputation: osokolo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    8,478
    Quote Originally Posted by Hawg View Post
    Not acceptable in my household, agreed by all.

    Farting is only meant to be experienced and enjoyed among a tight nit group of buddies or all alone.
    yep while sharing a log cabin with other dozen brothers after day 1 or 2 of a 3 day stage race... priceless...
    Signature

  10. #10
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Gerth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    379
    It took a while before I could feel comfortable to float an air biscuit in front of the GF. But when I did she was sort of relived cause she let out a barker in the key of G minor! Lol it's not really the smell that bothers me but its the burning of my eyes I could do without

  11. #11
    Rogue Exterminator
    Reputation: kjlued's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    4,390
    I use my Farte Blanche Card azz needed on a regular basis several times a day but I am single so I do not have anyone to complain about my lofty expenditures.
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  12. #12
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,520
    Anybody ever seen German fart porn?
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  13. #13
    Rep Power: Potatoe
    Reputation: BigRingGrinder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,547
    Nothin says loven like a good dutch oven!

    I usually clamp down and avoid openly farting for the first few months of dating a new woman. Soon as she slips up its game on.
    "Bigring, that's deep. ...Well, I suspect it is. I didn't read it."

  14. #14
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,310
    yes Tones...i have. just so you know what kind of family i have, my brother sent me a link to fart porn the other day. we share like that....

    as many of you know, i'm dont have the most feminine personality. and i will rattle the forest with a belch very often. but anything involving butts, i freeze up. i need SOME femininity, since i dont have much left. I guess my fear is, the "unknown". farts are unpredictable. if i knew it would be a "cute" fart, i might let er go and laugh. but you never know!

    for instance, my friend told me the other day, she farted for the first time in front of her SO. Problem was, she was hoping it would be cute. instead, her description was "it sounded like scrambled eggs hitting a fan". she was embarrassed it came out that way. i guess thats what i'm afraid of.
    fap

  15. #15
    Front Range, Colorado
    Reputation: DIRTJUNKIE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Posts
    16,047
    Quote Originally Posted by Boyonadyke View Post
    Yeah, well somethings up at home... had a great tri tip, and the SO's sniffer is either congested, or else I got MVP title for the title of this thread. Trying to be polite, but I'm leaky tonight, needs some Stan's sealant out back. Still, not nearly as bad as radarasss. Like when you got a turtle poking out and you're almost home, and the sphincter knows
    you are almost home, and gets in anticipation
    mode, so bad you start prairie dogging it. 14 hours
    on the road, trailering at 55 mph, from Grand
    Junction, CO to Halloran Summit, CA will do that to
    you. Breck Epic was awesome, BTW.
    Well sounds like you had a great trip. Did you make your way to Rocky Mountain National Park. I waited for a p.m. from you bet never got it. Figured you were cramped for time. I was up there yesterday and had two sightings of Big Horn sheep abot 15 in one herd and 5 in the other. It was a great day up there.

    Jay
    --------- __o
    ------- _`\<,_
    ------ (*)/ (*)
    ************^^^^^^^^^Rock Garden

  16. #16
    psycho cyclo addict
    Reputation: edubfromktown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,899
    As long as no hair catches fire, it is okay by me. My revenge is a stealthy SBD that could fell a sequoia.

  17. #17
    Flaccid Member
    Reputation: Boyonadyke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,821
    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Well sounds like you had a great trip. Did you make your way to Rocky Mountain National Park. I waited for a p.m. from you bet never got it. Figured you were cramped for time. I was up there yesterday and had two sightings of Big Horn sheep abot 15 in one herd and 5 in the other. It was a great day up there.

    Jay
    Ah... well, they were kinda short handed for volunteers, so I volunteered for 2 extra days, and it kind of ate up any spare time I would have had to go visit RNP. Did have phone access, but typing on the smart phone with all thumbs is not my forte for sending PM's. Sorry to leave you hanging, best of plans get waylaid at times.

    CO has so many bike trails, and so so many people taking advantage of them, it's borderline overuse... I've never seen anything like it, here in CA.
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  18. #18
    Flaccid Member
    Reputation: Boyonadyke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,821
    See, now that's the situation... air biscuits are fun, but when you get one that's been filtered past a hot steaming log that's part of a major log jam... those are the dangerous ones that can cause involuntary gagging and eyes watering... they are not safe air biscuits to float while driving, you can't see clearly or safely from the tears.
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  19. #19
    see me rollin, they hatin
    Reputation: NicoleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,310
    Quote Originally Posted by f@dt@stick View Post
    I have never been disabled by flatulence. Call me lucky!
    you clearly need to hang out with my ex bf then
    fap

  20. #20
    Trail Prospector
    Reputation: Flyin_W's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    2,568
    Fact is bike racers & all endurance athletes fart, a lot.
    True story. Dirty Larry used to come into the shop, and try on new shorts.
    While in the dressing room, he'd fart into them so horridly that they could only be sold as used, and mostly to him.

    To ahem.. clear the air I always warn a S.O. that I do fart, and promise never to inflict the Turkish Gas Bath.
    Last edited by Flyin_W; 08-27-2013 at 12:00 AM.
    The best is the one you want to ride most often..

  21. #21
    Flaccid Member
    Reputation: Boyonadyke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    7,821
    Anyone caught Freighty cutting the cheese?
    "i'll brazilian when YOU do boy, right around the ol' rusty star. Actually, whole fruit bowl. Get on it!" NicoleB

  22. #22
    mtbr member
    Reputation: Wishful Tomcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    5,861
    I'm always gaseous on a plane, the air pressure or altitude plays havoc with my bowels.

  23. #23
    sympathy for society
    Reputation: sodak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,321
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleB View Post
    my friend told me the other day, she farted for the first time in front of her SO. Problem was, she was hoping it would be cute. instead, her description was "it sounded like scrambled eggs hitting a fan". she was embarrassed it came out that way. i guess thats what i'm afraid of.

    Wow.. I literally laughed out loud reading this. I guess, I'd kind of be like "WTF?" if that was the first one I heard from a GF. But I would laugh, alot. Then get in trouble for "making fun" of her because I laughed.
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  24. #24
    NONDURO
    Reputation: Leopold Porkstacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,626
    I could not eat and just drink water for a week and still have the stinkiest farts. Itís still a mystery after all these decades.
    QUOTE from MTBR.COM: You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

  25. #25
    official eMpTyBRain
    Reputation: Hawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    20,883
    My body must hate beer now because since last night's tailgate binging before the Black Sabbath concert, I am excreting the most offensive odors I have experienced in a long, long time. At this point, it's not even OK to be alone when it happens. And it keeps on happening!
    ...and proud member of the anti-sock puppet desolation

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •