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Thread: The Fart Thread

  1. #1
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    The Fart Thread

    Well, the Poop thread has run it's course, so I thought I'd light up the boards with something a bit milder, innocuous and just as humorous... The Green Cloud.

    I'll start off with this bit of plagerism.... pretty common in the trades and in construction to ambush your fellow coworkers with a stink bomb, but this guy takes the prize...

    best of craigslist: I farted on every single one of my employees. All 37 of them.

  2. #2
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    For a minute there I almost read the whole thing.
    ---------- __o
    --------- _`\<,_
    BRAAP(>)/ (*)
    ************^^^^\_(ツ)_/
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqpcBpSsj1A

  3. #3
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    Social Farting...

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8F6QnGSilG0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  4. #4
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    Great thread.

    When I was in high school, I had 2 simultaneous roommates that were just farting machines. Silent killers, high vibrato, rumblers, and probably some sharts too... You name it they did it. Crazy guys.

  5. #5
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    Must be the crappy zoo food
    LOL @ 0:28
    <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PSKQ3ZNQ_O8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  6. #6
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    Remember the fart scene in Blazing Saddles?

  7. #7
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    The fart scene in the Nutty Professor is hilarious, too!

  8. #8
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    Many years ago. A new mechanic started work in the shop where I was working. In the usual show of masculine talents to establish a proper pecking order, I proceeded to burp the entire alphabet. Much to my surprise and wonder, the new fellow farted the first six notes of the star spangled banner with such perfect pitch and timing that Sousa himself would have been impressed. He won.

  9. #9
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    Has anybody seen brazilian farting porn or japanese farting porn ?

    Some guys love women farting on their face, its very very weird, i mean im into a lot of things but not farting lol
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  10. #10
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    Just realized that the hippo fart sounds very similar to this:

    <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-AMgagxCvZQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ambassadorhawg View Post
    Remember the fart scene in Blazing Saddles?
    The toilet scene in Dumb and Dumber.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  13. #13
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    The Fart Thread

    Must be rad to have a **** flinging tail.

  14. #14
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    So after my bike ride today, I decided to go to Southern Appalachian Brewery for a little pizza and a few beers.

    Sitting at the bar, I let one slip, not really worrying too much about the noise since it was pretty loud in there. A few seconds later, I noticed it stunk. So I started looking around with the "who did that, it stinks" look.

    A little bit later I had to fart again so I walked to bathroom crop dusting a large table on the way.....yeah, I am that a$$hole.
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  15. #15
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    ^ good work!!!

  16. #16
    I didn't do it
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    My farts smell like roses.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by kjlued View Post
    A little bit later I had to fart again so I walked to bathroom crop dusting a large table on the way.....yeah, I am that a$$hole.
    Outstanding!!
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by nwbikur View Post
    My farts smell like roses.
    You better get that checked out, that is just not natural.

    Either that or quit eating potpourri. It really isn't good for you.
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  19. #19
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    I was at a team meeting and while my boss was speaking, she snarted...she had a sneezing fit and accidentally farted. I guess she was distracted by the sneezes and let her guard down for a second and WHAM! She let one escape

    I said "Gesundheit" and she kept on talking... I couldn't look at my colleagues because I would have bursted out in laughing fit.
    I'm such a team player lol.
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  20. #20
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    Never heard the term "snarted" before...lol!

    Here's a scene from Talladega Nights that didn't make it into the film.
    <iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/W745cx9-Mb4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  21. #21
    meh... whatever
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    what would a fart thread be without mr. methane?

    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HH5MYq5Vshw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XCpPEnwQe3Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8bZaAomW7ik" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    "Knowledge is good." ~ Emil Faber

  22. #22
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    ROFLMAO! Good work, monogod!

  23. #23
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    The farting preacher

    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  24. #24
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    lol Mr Methane and Pastor Gas

    Here is someone else fartistic talent

    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cbuN73_ejvI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  25. #25
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  26. #26
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    I think all farts should have a color assigned to them, because you know when that one fart comes out and lingers in the air and wont leave, I mean its obvious that is a green fart. Everyone should know this by now, its even documented in cartoons.

    A red fart is a spicy one, probably incurred by some type of spicy ethnic food with a great amount of chilis and onions.

    A yellow fart, well these are worse on the farter, than they are on the fartee.


    THISS!!! i thought i was the only one who assigned colors to farts. i'd tell my friend "the ultimate fart would be a periwinkle blue fart". she never quite created one.

    one of my favorite stories is when my me and my boyfriend went to a party and he drank wayyyy too much home brewed beer. not only was he piss drunk, but he developed the most putrid gas. because of his drunkness, he was just letting then rip with no regard to anyone else. i started being embarrassed to be associate with him because people were getting offended. i eventually had to start yelling at him. The next morning, his friend told us that people who were supposed to sleep over (as to not drive drunk) ended up driving home drunk anyway because of the unbearable gas.
    fap

  27. #27
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    Back when I lived in Salt Lake City a buddy and I organized an afternoon ski trip up to Alta. So it was us two plus 3 other people (1 guy and 2 girls). My friend gets real gassy if he eats anything with beans and for some reason his mom gave him a case of some god awful instant chile in a cup (it was called something like Chile Ole). He let it sit around for awhile because he knew it wouldn't be a good idea to eat it. As it turned out, on the morning of our ski day he was completely out of food so he decided to risk it and eat one of the instant chile packages. When I got to his house one of the first things he said was "dude, I ate one of the Chile Ole's" We looked at each other and we knew this was going to be a disaster. However we were hoping for the slim chance that maybe he could hold out until we got to Alta before the noxious fumes were released. Anyhow we picked up the rest of the gang and headed up towards Little Cottonwood Canyon. On the way up I would occasionally glance at my buddy and he would give me that look that so far so good, whew. But then somewhere about half way up the canyon I noticed his body language started to change from "I'm OK" to "I don't think I'm going to make it." And sure enough not long after that the first bomb went off. And man it stunk. I started laughing but our guests where not amused. We rolled down the windows which helped at first but unfortunately the stink bombs started coming with more ferocity and frequency-it was an all out assault on our senses. The other three passengers really hated my friend and had absolutely no sense of humor about the whole thing. Finally we reached Alta and piled out of the car. The rest of the gang went their own way and me and my buddy went ours. Probably a good thing because it was a big powder day and Alf's and Eagle's nest were deep and sweet. Needless to say it was tense going home and we never skied with the other folks ever again!

  28. #28
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    During college one year, I roomed with 3 other guys, all mtn bikers. One guy, Jeff, had to bring up the rear (pun intended) on our group rides because he'd be throwing off nasty gas the whole way down the trail. He didn't let loose in the house we shared, so I have no idea what was different about riding, but it was bad. Whenever I think about Jeff, this is what comes to mind - and he was a good guy.

  29. #29
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    a friend of mine had such bad gas one time that his carbon monoxide detector went off. it was because of a low battery, but it was still funny to imagine it was his ass that triggered it.
    fap

  30. #30
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    I had a clever friend that on hunting trips, would always put a heavy jacket on, bundled up, even when in the truck with the heater on, with it toasty inside the vehicle... There was a method to his madness. It was a sign he was going to start blasting from whatever poison he'd last eaten while in the vehicle. The rest of us, with our coats off, had a choice. Roll down the windows and freeze our asses off to get the stink out of the crew cab truck, or keep the windows up, stay warm, and suffer with the deathly stench leaking out of our friend. Freezing usually won out, with the windows down. It ended, his little game, when we warned him over dinner at the restuarant that if he ate sh*t that was going to cause him to let loose, he would ride all 40 miles back to deer camp in the bed of the truck, not in the crew cab, and that he'd be sleeping outside the outfitters tent too that night, if he ordered any food that would cause the death stench to start forming.

    It was a long cold ride back to camp for him, he didn't think we'd call him on it. Same for the night outside the tent.

  31. #31
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    In college my roomies and I had what we called the "boof couch." We'd be sitting on that couch watching TV or whatever, when all of a sudden the raunchiest stench would begin to permeate the living room. Since none of us were ever bashful about admitting to doing the deed, it became curiouser and curiouser when no one would fess up. Finally we decided the couch must have had a magical property of capturing fart gas for future dispensing. Not even sure if it was storing ours or some previous owner's gas.

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by random walk View Post
    In college my roomies and I had what we called the "boof couch." We'd be sitting on that couch watching TV or whatever, when all of a sudden the raunchiest stench would begin to permeate the living room. Since none of us were ever bashful about admitting to doing the deed, it became curiouser and curiouser when no one would fess up. Finally we decided the couch must have had a magical property of capturing fart gas for future dispensing. Not even sure if it was storing ours or some previous owner's gas.
    I've inherited some raunchy couches in my day but that one takes the cake!

  33. #33
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    lol, i'm glad somebody else says "boof"
    fap

  34. #34
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    Once, when my daughter was very young, I cracked one off, immediately acted surprised and started looking behind furniture and drapes for the "barking spider."

    Days later she pooted and burst out laughing, "It was a barfing spider!"

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    The barking spider and cracking one off! That's classic campfire material.

  36. #36
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    When I was a little girl, my father would let the silent-but-deadly ones slide out in the truck. My mother would start bytching, I would laugh my ass off, and my dad would have a big shyt-eatin' grin .

    One time my mother was making dinner. I was in the kitchen, and my dad farted in a paper bag and popped it in my face. I'm laughing as I'm typing this. These are some of my fondest childhood memories

    Here's a couple videos of my riding partner Matthew letting one fly. The first one was post ride, and he popped one off immediately after I did one to express my opinion of being dropped on group rides

    post-ride farts 1-5-13 - YouTube
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6kRX1Ia-m5Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    Here's one that slipped out when he took a break at the bottom of a descent. It's a 3-parter.

    Matthew's piss break ripper at Bear River Campground - YouTube

  37. #37
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    ^ It just got real real in here. Girls don't fart!! hahaha!! Nice one freighty!
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  38. #38
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    Blazing Saddles
    <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9zXygCaEIME?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    ---------- __o
    --------- _`\<,_
    BRAAP(>)/ (*)
    ************^^^^\_(ツ)_/
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqpcBpSsj1A

  39. #39

  40. #40
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    As a boat builders we used to run a fan to ventilate the filthy cramped spaces we worked in. Good fun to fire one into the fan that was driving air into the work area of a work mate. Power fart!!

  41. #41
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    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  42. #42
    meh... whatever
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    infrared
    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/md-cv2hyc8w" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    "Knowledge is good." ~ Emil Faber

  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by kjlued View Post
    A little bit later I had to fart again so I walked to bathroom crop dusting a large table on the way.....yeah, I am that a$$hole.
    Thank you, i am blatantly plagiarizing this. Both the technique and the phrase. Why bomb a few people when you can stealth bomb a whole room?

    Well played sir!

  44. #44
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    Two quick stories.

    Years back I was in an automotive paint mixing room with all the strong smells of paint and catalyzers. A friend let a good one rip. That noxious, something-dead-crawled up his azz odor cut straight through all those other chemical odors and assaulted the nose. I would never have believed it.

    On a humorous note, one time when I was overseas we had an Audio Club president who was an old, pudgy former Marine. A group of us were yucking it up just before closing and he walked up and joined us. He contributed something that for some forgotten reason made the switchboard operator (yeah it was a looong time ago) reach over and pinch his gut. He squeaked the obvious squak of too much intestinal gas. He immediately blushed a deep crimson. Then he did an immediate about face and went straight back up to his office. In our group you could have heard a pin drop. Without a word said we scattered. I was glad it was a Friday.
    Mike
    2011 Moto Fly Pro

  45. #45
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    Also believe in the color coding fart chart, and normally would agree that green is the most putrid.

    Until late one Saturday morning while re-living the events of Friday night's OOB frat party. Burt wearing white shorts, lifts his legs to light one off, and instead fills his shorts with a wet brown fart. Silence fell, as all ran from his room to collapse in the hallway from laughter.

    One vote for the ultimate color in nastiness = Brown.

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    Split pea soup is the devil.

    nuff said.

  47. #47
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    i love farts. the day i stop finding farts hilarious, is the day you can put me out to pasture.
    fap

  48. #48
    meh... whatever
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    i just farted....

    REP ME!
    "Knowledge is good." ~ Emil Faber

  49. #49
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    ...<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QkKmOp73Vbo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    "We can always find excuses if we want to find them, but if we really want to do something, we have to just go."

  50. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRingGrinder View Post
    Split pea soup is the devil.

    nuff said.
    Spoken like a true Dutchman, and you have my vote, Knoor brand soup delivers the goods.

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