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  1. #1
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    My wife and I bought our house a year ago. It was a brand new house and we got to do a lot towards setting it up. It is also our first house.
    Our next door neighbors are awesome! We all get together on the weekends and party. We help each other with mowing lawns, watching kids, whatever. Those houses are also brand new.
    The neighbors right behind us however have been there for 9 years. When we moved in, they had morning glory flowers growing over the fences and spilling into our yard. They seemed friendly and we talked a lot. They told us the flowers were no big deal, cut them back whenever we needed to. When the flowers went dormant last fall, we trimmed them back to the top of the fence.
    Last Thursday, after my wife dropped our girls off at school, which is two doors down from their home, the husband came out and acosted my wife. He took her into their back yard and showed her their morning glory plants, all dead. He accused us of poisoning them.
    This morning, after dropping off the kids at school, the wife came out in full-on attack mode. Screaming and yelling at my wife about killing her 'beautiful flowers'. She had a picture printed out of what the flowers looked like before we moved in, to show how they used to look. This b!tch wasn't interested in talking like normal people. It was full on, get in your face, attack mode.
    Naturally, I told my wife to immediately call the police the next time this happens. I want a report filed, in case this starts getting really ugly.

    However, for now, I want to start truly tweaking them. Loud music in the backyard, all weekend. Maybe something raunchy like some NWA, 2 Live Crew, etc.. We were also thinking about planting something invasive along the back fence line. Bamboo and blackberries are tops on our lists. But thats going to take some time. For sure, I am going to be cleaning my guns in the backyard this weekend. I might scrawl a GFY in their lawn with Round Up.

    So I turn to the OC for ideas on how to tweak them. I want to make their lives uncomfortable, but not get too crazy about things.
    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  2. #2
    No known cure
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    Beware about the bamboo and vines. It could be considered "trespassing" and it's on you to remove anything from their property. This works both ways.

    I live in a national forest and have weekenders' kids playing in my back yard. I've told them they aren't welcome and have sprayed them with the hose while "watering" my yard. But they're playing right outside my bedroom window while I'm napping before work, and even playing under my house in the buildup. I don't want any liability if I "lock" them in. The parents don't care so I might have to scare them with the big watchdog. Effin Flatlanders. Don't call the cops either. No one wins when they show up.
    Ripping trails and tipping ales

  3. #3
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    Let it go. Why escalate? Pretty soon pets are poisoned and suddenly, we'll all see your real names under a new thread called, "batshit crazy neighbors in the news thread."

    Not worth the effort. Not worth the risk. Not worth the brain cells.

  4. #4
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    Grow pot



    win/win
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  5. #5
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    Let it go. Why escalate? Pretty soon pets are poisoned and suddenly, we'll all see your real names under a new thread called, "batshit crazy neighbors in the news thread."

    Not worth the effort. Not worth the risk. Not worth the brain cells.
    You're no fun at all.

    Anybody else?

    And no Delll, I'm not growing weed. Ya stoner


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    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  6. #6
    gobsmacked Moderator
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Fine. Little eyeholes in the fence, and get some pictures of eyeballs, laminate them and tack them on your side of the fence. Get a gas leaf blower. 6am on Saturday....

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brewtality View Post
    You're no fun at all.

    Anybody else?

    And no Delll, I'm not growing weed. Ya stoner


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    OK, this may be playing on the fears of the bigoted (if they are) and it will require an actual horn-style loudspeaker to get the timbre just right.

    Play a Adhad/Azan at prescribed times throughout the day - Most Beautiful Azan ever heard. - YouTube
    Honestly... ahh I give up

  8. #8
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    Bamboo grows plenty quick. It's always sprouting up behind our yard (luckily no neighbors there) and it's usually possible to see the difference in growth between one day and the next. Give it a week or two and it's already above your fence.
    Sometimes, I question the value of my content.

  9. #9
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    Or, you could grow some morning glory flowers in your yard and let them spill out into the neighbors' yard.
    Sometimes, I question the value of my content.

  10. #10
    9 lives
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    Quote Originally Posted by highdelll View Post
    Grow pot



    win/win
    Morning Glories will also get you high

    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors-morning_glory_1.img_assist_custom-600x450.jpg

    Morning Glory

    The seeds are very similar to LSD, both morning glory and Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds contain LSA (lysergic acid amide), a psychedelic similar to LSD but about one tenth of the strength. Most seeds sold at stores are coated with a substance designed to make you feel ill and the best way to consume it is to extract it or find untainted seeds. The effects can last up to 14 hours and apparently produce a dreamlike state.

    5 Plants That Can Get You High
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  11. #11
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    Why make their lives uncomfortable? Won't that just give you guys a lot of stress? What would be your ultimate goal? I would apologise for what happened to their flowers, obviously something was done that killed em off, whether intentional or not, and get on with your lives. You seem to have a good thing going with the other neighbors, so make the most of that and try and ignore the ones out back. Life is too short to fill it with the kind of antagonism you mention.
    It's all Here. Now.

  12. #12
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    Oh Wait! This is the OC!

    Invite em round for a BBQ to make good on the flower murder, put LSD in the burgers... sit back, relax, watch...
    It's all Here. Now.

  13. #13
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Sign them up for publishers clearing house, and any other free magazine you can find. You can also sign the husband up for NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Live Association). Not that I've done that before or anything.


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  14. #14
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    You had morning glory flowers growing over your fence and spilling into your yard and you cut them down? What the hell is wrong with you? They were fine until you and your wife came along.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlonbike View Post
    Let it go. Why escalate? Pretty soon pets are poisoned and suddenly, we'll all see your real names under a new thread called, "batshit crazy neighbors in the news thread."
    Location must be Florida, all the crazy sh!t seems to happen there.

  16. #16
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    If you're serious I think you should reconsider. Put the shoe on the other foot. Sh!tty people suck, don't be a sh!tty person. I would try being nice first. Maybe buy them some new flowers and offer to help plant them. That should show them that you don't mind, and therefore didn't do anything to their flowers. Even if you're right and they're wrong that doesn't make it better. Your house, your family, and your life, but that's my take.
    If that doesn't work and they're just aholes then all bets are off and it's time to fight fire with fire. Let us know, I can offer some good ideas.
    Round and round we go

  17. #17
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    Apologize, invite them in for dinner. Kidnap & bind them up. Keep them in a closet, basement, or attic. Slow torture...

  18. #18
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by askibum02 View Post
    Sign them up for publishers clearing house, and any other free magazine you can find. You can also sign the husband up for NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Live Association).
    Now this is the kind of stuff I'm looking for. Bum here knows how to have fun with this situation.

    I think we would have been willing to play nice and talk things over, until the wife went on her rant yesterday. Hell, plants are cheap. I would have bought them a morning glory plant just to make nice. Yesterday changed things for us. These people are not reasonable people.



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    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  19. #19
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    As we say on another forum when neighbor-related problems come up.... Bang his wife!

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRed390 View Post
    As we say on another forum when neighbor-related problems come up.... Bang his wife!
    Or have all the neighbors over for a key party.

  21. #21
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    Well it depends on how big of an @sshole you wanna be, and how big your balls are.
    Could put sugar or a shredded golf ball into gas tank.
    Could take a sharp shovel and cut up the sprinkler system lines without a trace.
    Could get meadow in a can type stuff and sprinkle lawn.
    Could get a few bags of gravel and pour down into the house vent that sticks throu the roof.
    Could send some flowers to the wife when you know the husband's home with some made up lovers name.
    I personally would do little things in there face that piss them off and wait/hope that he confronts me again.
    Round and round we go

  22. #22
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    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ml7C-WfL8f8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    Play that for them on repeat.

  23. #23
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    Just remember that playing loud music will also annoy the neighbors you still like. Ignore the *******s and go about your life...

  24. #24
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    I thought Morning Glories were weeds. I guess not. I figure realistically you know what to do, but since this is the OC...

    Wait for Tone's to chime in on the topic.. He was great in helping me with a teenager. Body is completely dissolved and fed to the hogs at the farm a few miles down the road. He'll probably suggest banging the wife as part of the deal though and agree with the kidnapping/torture idea.

    Offer to replace the plants and then plant with poison ivy and pot on their side and call the cops out of concern once the pot is growing.

    Make a claim on the fence saying it's on your property and have them pay for the claim issue to make sure it's theirs.

    Get a telescope and point it at their house claiming you are just protecting the property out of concern for the flowers. Wave at the wife while doing said inspection. If she's ugly..make faces.

    Walk out in the yard buck naked while watering the flowers you replaced for them.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by theMeat View Post
    If you're serious I think you should reconsider. Put the shoe on the other foot. Sh!tty people suck, don't be a sh!tty person. I would try being nice first. Maybe buy them some new flowers and offer to help plant them. That should show them that you don't mind, and therefore didn't do anything to their flowers. Even if you're right and they're wrong that doesn't make it better. Your house, your family, and your life, but that's my take.
    If that doesn't work and they're just aholes then all bets are off and it's time to fight fire with fire. Let us know, I can offer some good ideas.
    I'm thinking the same. I'm not a mean person by nature. I'd have to assume that my crazy neighbor will be better at being crazy and doing mean things than I ever could. I'd up theMeat's plan by showing up on their doorstep with the plants and a six pack, wine, or ice tea to share with them. Not to mention it's never good to become your enemy. Furthermore, this is a good life lesson for your children and how to resolve conflicts at least try to resolve conflicts.

    I'm also down with the pot idea, but it would be along the idea of smoking pot to help forget about the neighbor.

    I'm a land surveyor and I've seen some pretty awful things that neighbors do to each other. Their lives are miserable and one usually ends up moving. I'm usually involved about the time a lawsuit happens. The only people that ever wins in these cases are the lawyers. Don't be a hater.

    But then of course there's this -Satisfying, Harmless Revenge on Your Neighbor with Liquid ASS

    No matter what, revenge is best served cold. Give them a chance to cool off before going rambo on them. Retaliators usually get busted.

  26. #26
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    build a pump track/dirt jumps in your backyard... that's a win win scenario!



    also good for rc'ing

    Last edited by singlesprocket; 06-05-2013 at 05:57 PM.
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    build trail!

  27. #27
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    So with my neighbors, I know where they hide their spare key. When they aren't home, I go in there and lay around naked and relax. Maybe mess with their toothbrushes. Course I'm not fighting with my neighbors, so I have no idea what I would do if I were in your shoes.

  28. #28
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    if it's going over the fence into your yard, it's fair game to cut it back whether they like it or not. it's also fair game to spray them with herbicide for that matter, because too much plant growth hanging on a fence can encourage rot or rust and bring it down faster. Some plants have holdfasts and tendrils that will actually physically break apart structures for that matter. They have no grounds to complain, really.

    I wouldn't plant anything invasive back there. You're asking for trouble for yourself if/when you want them out of your own yard.

    You might try something that smells bad, however. Female ginkgo trees smell horrendous. They're very hard to find for good reason. The smell is described as that of rancid butter or vomit.

    Skunk cabbage is another option. It's an early spring plant (that produces enough heat to melt snow) and tends to smell like rotting meat.

    There are a few tropicals that smell like rotting meat or corpses, if your climate would be acceptable for them.

  29. #29
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    Post a classified ad asking for individuals interested in a gangbang including the time and place. Or a classified ad for a tupperware party, religious meeting, etc. Take a picture of a morning glory and post it around town asking if anyone has seen their flowers with their phone number as the contact info. Start an anti morning glory neighborhood watch group including signs, t-shirts and a catchy slogan about the harmful hallucinogenic effects of the flower. It would be really funny if you got a hold of a picture and photoshopped it to make it look like they've lost teeth and aged like a methhead.

    Or you could simply ignore them completely and go on with your life. Invite their neighbors and yours to a bbq in your backyard. Just block them out. If they try talking to you, yawn and stretch and stare off into the distance behind them and comment to yours about how pretty the sunset is or something or other.

    Ya' know, these people could simply be addicted to the LSD like effects of the morning glory and they're crashing big time. You may want to watch yourself.
    I don't know why,... it's just MUSS easier to pedal than the other ones.

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    if it's going over the fence into your yard, it's fair game to cut it back whether they like it or not. it's also fair game to spray them with herbicide for that matter, because too much plant growth hanging on a fence can encourage rot or rust and bring it down faster. Some plants have holdfasts and tendrils that will actually physically break apart structures for that matter. They have no grounds to complain, really.

    I wouldn't plant anything invasive back there. You're asking for trouble for yourself if/when you want them out of your own yard.

    You might try something that smells bad, however. Female ginkgo trees smell horrendous. They're very hard to find for good reason. The smell is described as that of rancid butter or vomit.

    Skunk cabbage is another option. It's an early spring plant (that produces enough heat to melt snow) and tends to smell like rotting meat.

    There are a few tropicals that smell like rotting meat or corpses, if your climate would be acceptable for them.
    Yeah, no. If the fence is their property, they can do whatever they want to it. Obviously if it's your property then you have more rights but damaging others property is not lawful. Furthermore, if the plants existed at the time you bought the property you might not have many options. The law is somewhat crazy about property/boundary. Cutting trees/vegetation all depends on state law. Most will allow you to cut overhanging trees but then if you kill the tree...

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poe4soul View Post
    Yeah, no. If the fence is their property, they can do whatever they want to it. Obviously if it's your property then you have more rights but damaging others property is not lawful. Furthermore, if the plants existed at the time you bought the property you might not have many options. The law is somewhat crazy about property/boundary. Cutting trees/vegetation all depends on state law. Most will allow you to cut overhanging trees but then if you kill the tree...
    This ^. Also, if you plant noxious smelling plants the impact will affect you too. I spose you could get fans to blow it towards their house, but then you may not like the next electric bill.
    I don't know why,... it's just MUSS easier to pedal than the other ones.

  32. #32
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    Re: Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    If you are allowed to have barnyard fowl in your town...Build a chicken coop and get a Rooster.

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  33. #33
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Thanks folks. Lots of good ideas. We'll be busy for a while.

    Ordering up the Liquid A$$ tonight.


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    Its all Shits and Giggles until somebody Giggles and Shits

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRed390 View Post
    As we say on another forum when neighbor-related problems come up.... Bang his wife!
    I think I know the forum you're talking about, but I quit going there a while back.
    Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by GEARHEAD_ENG View Post
    If you are allowed to have barnyard fowl in your town...Build a chicken coop and get a Rooster.
    If I was the offending neighbor then this strategy would work wonders.
    Some years ago I lived a few houses down from a residence with a rooster and that fackin' bird about killed me. I really can't believe that those animals are legal in so many cities.

  36. #36
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    you didn't kill the morning glory - when it goes dormant you are supposed to cut it back to the ground (I've had morning glory).

    If it's the annual variety you can still prune the holy hell out of it.

    your neighbors are retarded and did something stupid....let them know that.
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  37. #37
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    You could always use the old classic of a flaming bag of shyte on the doorstep. Then you can hear them really lose their minds.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poe4soul View Post
    Yeah, no. If the fence is their property, they can do whatever they want to it. Obviously if it's your property then you have more rights but damaging others property is not lawful. Furthermore, if the plants existed at the time you bought the property you might not have many options. The law is somewhat crazy about property/boundary. Cutting trees/vegetation all depends on state law. Most will allow you to cut overhanging trees but then if you kill the tree...
    it's a shared fence - both owners are responsible for it.

    any plants that lean/creep over onto your property can be pruned back...jut don't kill'em in the process.
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  39. #39
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    Battle not with monsters...

    Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    I would apologize, and offer to plant some new flowers.

    Because it doesn't matter who is right or wrong some times; you have to live next to one another for the foreseeable. Plus, you and your wife will benefit from the flowers, too.

  40. #40
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by CHUM View Post
    you didn't kill the morning glory - when it goes dormant you are supposed to cut it back to the ground (I've had morning glory).

    If it's the annual variety you can still prune the holy hell out of it.

    your neighbors are retarded and did something stupid....let them know that.
    That's what we're thinking. However they are way too wound up and irrational for us to communicate that to them.
    As for the plant growing over the fence, they told us when we moved in that we could cut it back whenever we wanted. And we did that - last summer. It never grew over the fence this year, so it was never an issue for us.


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  41. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockerc View Post
    Why make their lives uncomfortable? Won't that just give you guys a lot of stress? What would be your ultimate goal? I would apologise for what happened to their flowers, obviously something was done that killed em off, whether intentional or not, and get on with your lives. You seem to have a good thing going with the other neighbors, so make the most of that and try and ignore the ones out back. Life is too short to fill it with the kind of antagonism you mention.
    +1
    I cant believe the amount of negativity and stooping that people suggest.
    Really? Not one of those vindictive suggestions is going to lead to ANY pleasantness. NONE.
    So what's the point? To prove you can too can be a 'crazy azzed neighbor' ??

    Follow of a couple of the middle of the road posts and it'll all work out.
    Plant some privacy shrubs and ignore them, and enjoy the company of the nicer people.

    My wife wants to move because we have some royal POS tards across the street.
    Fine I said. Pick me a street where you KNOW everyone is perfect....Because god knows, from the outside everyone here looks normal, until tard-neighbor is SHRIEKING out the front window 'HEY AZZHOLE' when her husband ignores her.....You never know.


    Grow a pair and go through life trying to be the better person. Anything else is a cop out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flat Again??? View Post
    I would apologize, and offer to plant some new flowers.

    Because it doesn't matter who is right or wrong some times; you have to live next to one another for the foreseeable. Plus, you and your wife will benefit from the flowers, too.
    Quote Originally Posted by CdaleTony View Post
    +1
    I cant believe the amount of negativity and stooping that people suggest.
    Really? Not one of those vindictive suggestions is going to lead to ANY pleasantness. NONE.
    So what's the point? To prove you can too can be a 'crazy azzed neighbor' ??

    Follow of a couple of the middle of the road posts and it'll all work out.
    Plant some privacy shrubs and ignore them, and enjoy the company of the nicer people.

    My wife wants to move because we have some royal POS tards across the street.
    Fine I said. Pick me a street where you KNOW everyone is perfect....Because god knows, from the outside everyone here looks normal, until tard-neighbor is SHRIEKING out the front window 'HEY AZZHOLE' when her husband ignores her.....You never know.


    Grow a pair and go through life trying to be the better person. Anything else is a cop out.
    CDT
    Listen to these guyz.

    Peace is where you make it. Those people only hold the power over you that YOU yourself grant them.

    Be the change you want to see.

  43. #43
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    I think you missed the sarcasm in pretty much every "bad" response.

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    "don't underestimate the power of the dark side"

  45. #45
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by Flat Again??? View Post
    I would apologize, and offer to plant some new flowers.

    Because it doesn't matter who is right or wrong some times; you have to live next to one another for the foreseeable. Plus, you and your wife will benefit from the flowers, too.
    I agree with this post. It's absolutely not worth the stress of falling out badly with your neighbours, all it does is eat you up inside and take over your life. Chances are they'll calm down with time to reflect.

    One of my friend's fell out with her next door neighbours over a boundary dispute several years ago. Since then it's got worse and worse with the neighbour even going so far as cutting down my friend's wooden fence with a chainsaw one afternoon.

    Because of the boundary dispute they're going to be meeting each other in court later this year, incurring serious legal fees all round. All over a tiny scrap of land. The only discussion for the last few years has been solely about this dispute, to the exclusion of everything else. There's so much bitterness over such a petty thing.

    Don't end up in that situation if you can help it.

  46. #46
    I didn't do it
    Reputation: Mookie's Avatar
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    I think this thread is somewhat schizophrenic. Although the OP has a real problem with his neighbors I think he was looking to have some fun with the OC folks. So some people are posting serious (and helpful) responses whereas others are throwing out the usual OC irrelevance. Don't take these posts too seriously, its all fun here.

    Right now I'm working on a solution that will include hookers, whoopee cushions and bags of manure. That'll get 'em good, real good.

  47. #47
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by nwbikur View Post
    I think this thread is somewhat schizophrenic. Although the OP has a real problem with his neighbors I think he was looking to have some fun with the OC folks. So some people are posting serious (and helpful) responses whereas others are throwing out the usual OC irrelevance. Don't take these posts too seriously, its all fun here.

    Right now I'm working on a solution that will include hookers, whoopee cushions and bags of manure. That'll get 'em good, real good.
    Irreverence?

    You say that but chances are Brewtality's neighbours have suffered a sense of humour bypass. At this very moment his neighbour's 50 sledneck cousins will be piling into their pick up trucks to head down and sort this out for good. They'll have their adult diapers on to minimise rest stops and be posting twitter updates as they reach each state boundary.

    http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...587281,00.html

    .

  48. #48
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    Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by nwbikur View Post
    I think this thread is somewhat schizophrenic. Although the OP has a real problem with his neighbors I think he was looking to have some fun with the OC folks. So some people are posting serious (and helpful) responses whereas others are throwing out the usual OC irrelevance. Don't take these posts too seriously, its all fun here.

    Right now I'm working on a solution that will include hookers, whoopee cushions and bags of manure. That'll get 'em good, real good.
    He gets it.
    I am looking to have some fun here, not really get even. Maybe torment them a little, but mostly see what kind of crazy sh!t the OC can offer.


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  49. #49
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    Re: Crazy Azzed Nieghbors

    Quote Originally Posted by CHUM View Post
    you didn't kill the morning glory - when it goes dormant you are supposed to cut it back to the ground (I've had morning glory).

    If it's the annual variety you can still prune the holy hell out of it.

    your neighbors are retarded and did something stupid....let them know that.
    You are correct... Morning Glorys are ANNUALS so if you get a drought or frost they won't come back. Educated your neighbors with your intelligence and buy them a $10 Perennial variety, like a Clematis.

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clematis



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  50. #50
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    put a house for sale by owner sign on their lawn, with their phone number. who knows maybe they will move.
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
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