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  1. #1
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    Concert Etiquette

    I went to see As the Crow Flies on Friday night in Oakland. Great show, I have always loved Chris Robinson.

    Crowd was mostly late 30's to late 40's lots of couples and groups of women. My wife wanted to get close because we got there at 7pm it was not crowded and the opening band started at 8. We were about 4 rows back my wife got a good spot she could see the stage she's 5'7, I had no problem because I am 6'3 and lots of short people in the front. People around us were cool. Some guy pushes through in front of us, he is maybe 5'2, can't blame him.

    After the openers were done, waiting for the roadies to clear the stage one of 5'2 guy buddies comes up, bumps my wife out of his way to get to his pal. He took at least ten hits of weed, and was drinking vodka out of a water bottle and laughing his ass off. I expect to get bumped when the music is playing but he was hitting all of us and kept putting his ass on my wife. I ask him nicely to chill, he apologizes. He keeps it up.l I can be an asshole sometimes as is apparent in this forum. I tell him to knock it off again, he is not happy and just stares at me for a few seconds.

    Crows come out, he's screaming, singing, dancing. Having a great time, my wife can't see anything but his head so we switch places. A couple songs in, another of his friends comes flying in, they grab hands and he pulls him, trying to fit between me and my wife, I say Nope and tell him and his friend to f*ck off. His friend backs off but the original guy is starting to lose it. He's too drunk for me to punch, first. He tells me I am out of control, asks if I have been to a show before and I should get out of here before he kicks my ass. Cooler heads prevailed and he eventually left.

    How do you handle guys like this, or I am I just too old to be in the front anymore?

    Show kicked ass, first time at The Fox in Oakland, great venue.
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  2. #2
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    I just smile and think to myself that this guy will wake up tomorrow and still be an insufferable assh0le. Karma lasts forever.
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  3. #3
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    It's interesting that general admission has become a thing again. After the '79, The Who, concert in Cincinnati, where general admission (or "festival seating", as it was called) was blamed for 9 people getting crushed to death, I thought it was still largely verbotten.

    Seems that lesson was learned decades ago and a tragedy will be repeated before we learn it again.

    As for etiquette, I think not being a drunk A-hole should be step one. A bouncer perhaps, step 2.
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  4. #4
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    I was at an Atmosphere show at 1st Ave a few years back and had a similar encounter with a group of ladies that were dancing drunk. My wife and I had gotten to the "spot" before they showed up and at one point I need to pee because beers. When I came back I had to push myself back to the spot I had previously occupied next to my wife and I got checked because of it. Knocked me into my wife nearly knocking her over. Now I'm not a small guy at 5'11" 230, so the check was a bit much. No brief apology or even acknowledgement. So, in my not so finest moment of beers and frustration I stuck my own butt out to garner back of the space I had maintained earlier, as in 5 min ago. Next thing I know this chick's boyfriend grabs my shoulder, tries to spin me around and says hey you knocked my girl. To which I replied she knocked me first into my WIFE! At which point, there was a nice Santa character, if you've been to 1st Ave in the last few years you've probably seen him, who told them I had just left for a moment and came back to the same spot I was in previously and had been there before they showed up. The dude was huffin and puffin telling me I better not see him outside or else. The girl was holdin him back while I was dumfounded for a moment followed by a bit of chuckle and retort. No idea what would have happened if my wife hadn't pulled me away. Didn't see him outside, but I sure wanted to see if he remembered me.

    Looking back, I went to a show to have a good time and nearly got into fist fight over impoliteness due to beer and idiots. Having had that experience, I try to remember that the sole purpose of going out is to have fun and fighting is not part of the experience. I can always find another place to stand, continue to have fun and stay in the good graces of my wife. I've seen a lot of bad behavior at some shows and probably partook when I was in my younger punkier days. I can understand wanting to have the best experience at a show, but I do not understand how some people don't f'in care if others' experiences are impeded by their actions. So, while I don't think I was in the wrong by standing up for myself and wife, I probably should have just walked away from the idiots... well, because they're idiots and I don't need to go down to their level to have a good time. I am no longer 12 and I can't make others grow up. So, now I just walk away with a chuckle'n'smirk as I follow my wife's behind. It has a way of soothing the savage in me so I can just enjoy the rest of the night.
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  5. #5
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    You can never win against a drunk. Better to just let it go. However when I was a lot younger I would of put a foot up his ass.

  6. #6
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    Being "one of the guys that were fighting at the concert" is never the right way to go about anything.

  7. #7
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    btw, the Black Crows were called Mr. Crow's Garden when they were just a local band, before they got a record contract. I don't think they were all that big then, I never saw them. Record company had them change their name.
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  8. #8
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    Being in or near the front of the stage is dangerous. Been there done that many times. You're gonna get pushed, squished, rushed, and sweated on.

    I would have accidentally stomped on the idiot's foot hard enough for him to be limping for a week. Of course, I would have said, "oh, sorry about that".

  9. #9
    Meatbomb
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    Have your wife kick him in the balls and then step between them.

  10. #10
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    grew up in the world of 80's underground metal, punk, thrash, hardcore etc....the etiquette was he who was there first stood their ground; you got to know who was around you, and if people tried to push in, you built a wall; you also knew that if you were anywhere on the floor, you were in the pit. If you did not want to be in the pit, you stood elsewhere. If you complained about being in the "crossfire", no one felt sorry.

    Circle pit etiquette was awesome: clockwise, just pushing and shoving; no elbows, ninja stuff; windmills etc. When people fell, EVERYONE stopped to pick back up; girls were welcomed, and if ANYONE got grabby, they were immediately "eliminated"; when people stage dove, you actually caught them

    then the 90's happened, and the era of mosh pit a$$hattery came in...that sucked; neo Nazi's with razor blades in their boot sole seams spin kicking; jocks coming to shows just to beat up on the smaller kids; all of the kickboxing, windmilling crap; "crews" formed to try to take over pits....people lifting girls up to "crowd surf", but really to cop a feel; parting the crowd so stage divers would hit the ground, then surrounding them and beating them down...Walls of Death <-- so much stupid stuff; macho idiocy

    and the most funny thing, is I have had more negative encounters in the crowd at non-"pit" shows...shows where the everyday joe gets drunk and "puffy" and tries to show off. Shows like Dave Mathews; Sting(?); The Police reunion tour; a couple of Rush shows; I have had to use my old school space claiming tactics at many shows where I went in thinking "this is going to be an easy show to watch. No pit/violent jackassery"...nope.

    And alcohol is ALWAYS the main problem...ALWAYS.
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by sXeXBMXer View Post
    grew up in the world of 80's underground metal, punk, thrash, hardcore etc....the etiquette was he who was there first stood their ground; you got to know who was around you, and if people tried to push in, you built a wall; you also knew that if you were anywhere on the floor, you were in the pit. If you did not want to be in the pit, you stood elsewhere. If you complained about being in the "crossfire", no one felt sorry.

    Circle pit etiquette was awesome: clockwise, just pushing and shoving; no elbows, ninja stuff; windmills etc. When people fell, EVERYONE stopped to pick back up; girls were welcomed, and if ANYONE got grabby, they were immediately "eliminated"; when people stage dove, you actually caught them

    then the 90's happened, and the era of mosh pit a$$hattery came in...that sucked; neo Nazi's with razor blades in their boot sole seams spin kicking; jocks coming to shows just to beat up on the smaller kids; all of the kickboxing, windmilling crap; "crews" formed to try to take over pits....people lifting girls up to "crowd surf", but really to cop a feel; parting the crowd so stage divers would hit the ground, then surrounding them and beating them down...Walls of Death <-- so much stupid stuff; macho idiocy

    and the most funny thing, is I have had more negative encounters in the crowd at non-"pit" shows...shows where the everyday joe gets drunk and "puffy" and tries to show off. Shows like Dave Mathews; Sting(?); The Police reunion tour; a couple of Rush shows; I have had to use my old school space claiming tactics at many shows where I went in thinking "this is going to be an easy show to watch. No pit/violent jackassery"...nope.

    And alcohol is ALWAYS the main problem...ALWAYS.
    Wow reading about the Mosh Pit 90ís makes me glad my main concert era was in the late 1970ís to mid 80ís. Several since but never that kind of ass hattery. We had assigned seating or open seating. Or floor seating. You got your seat and or spot and people respected it. A different era back then. More pot smoking than alcohol. A little of everything but more respect for others back then.
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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Wow reading about the Mosh Pit 90ís makes me glad my main concert era was in the late 1970ís to mid 80ís. Several since but never that kind of ass hattery. We had assigned seating or open seating. Or floor seating. You got your seat and or spot and people respected it. A different era back then. More pot smoking than alcohol. A little of everything but more respect for others back then.
    yeah..unfortunately, the underground stuff seeped up to the mainstream in the 90's, and it brought in a "less enlightened" audience for sure. But still, the worst "brawl" I ever saw was at a Dave Mathews show between a bunch of drunk frat boy/jock types...I don't even know how it started b/c it wasn't around my area, but it moved all over the general seating area...
    "It's about having pointless fun in the woods...." - Walt
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  13. #13
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    Did he have a man bun?
    Guys at concerts with man buns can do whatever they want.
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  14. #14
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    haven't been to many shows, honestly. Not a big concert guy. My preference for shows are the small band-in-a-bar types. Especially when there's an outdoor stage in summertime. Blues, bluegrass, rock, Americana, that sort of thing. Volume isn't blasted (usually), you hear the band better. You usually see better. Less asshattery, ime.

    My worst show experience (not nearly as bad as neo Nazis with razor blades in their shoes) was a Guster show in college. I'm 5'8, so not really at much of an advantage seeing over anyone. I was somewhat near the front, and some tool put his girlfriend on his shoulders. As I recall, there were assigned seats, so I was more or less stuck leaning to the side to see much of anything. Dude was drunk, at minimum, and wasn't having any sort of complaints about his show etiquette. And already substantially taller than me.

    I was also a bit put off when I went to a Soulshine Tour show headlined by Michael Franti. Other acts were Souja and Brett Dennen. Probably at least someone else, but can't remember who. Anyway, when Souja came on, somewhat of a mob of people rushed to the front and muscled everybody else out of the way who was already there. Seems to me that there was a substantial group of people who went JUST to see them and didn't care about anyone else in the show. I was fine moving back for that act - Souja isn't much my style - but the rush to the front and the pushing everyone else out was shitty. This show was at the Egyptian Room inside the Old National Center in Indianapolis. Cool venue otherwise.

    Saw Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers with Edie Brickell at the Murat inside the Old National Center, too. Also saw Wicked there. 100% assigned seats. True theater seating with a balcony and all that. Steve Martin is really cool to see in a bluegrass show. Only thing that sucked about that one was my less-than-optimal seat. But still close enough to see fairly well.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phillbo View Post
    Have your wife kick him in the balls and then step between them.
    Why send the wife to do the deed? The husband/boyfriend/man is just as capable of doing that.

    "Kick a guy in the nuts?!" you question? Hell yes! It will stop the problem instantly. The days of standing face to face and trading blows much like the way we fought wars in the 1700s is long dead. These days you do whatever has to be done to end it NOW.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    Did he have a man bun?
    Guys at concerts with man buns can do whatever they want.
    That is the funniest thing Iíve read today.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
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  17. #17
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    Iíve told this story in these forums before, so if youíve read it before, well [in my best Steve Martin voice] > then, EXUSE ME!

    The year was 1986 at a Bruce Springsteen show in Denver. Back then a Bruce Springsteen show attracted every age group. The indoor collision venue was so packed every ladies room [muliple floor levels with multiple restrooms on each level] was packed. So full were the ladies restrooms there were lines out the door of each one upwards of 50í. The ladies were so desperate to go they started going into the menís rooms. The menís rooms were huge with a 30í metal urinal trough.

    I walked in to take a leak and here was a young 20 something girl passed out in one of those urinal troughs with dudes all around her laughing and pissing on and around her. I was so disgusted I went out and found a security guard and told him. I didnít go back so I donít know the fate of that poor little girl. Too drunk or a possible drug overdose, scary situation. All I know is my view on humanity changed that day. I know some here will say that is what young males do, joke around. I was 24 years old and I donít remember ever having that kind of disgusting attitude toward a fellow human being. Much less a helpless young female.
    Last edited by DIRTJUNKIE; 1 Week Ago at 06:45 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
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  18. #18
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    I used to work event security and a bouncer so you handled it ok. What I have done was say something about his mother and let his drunk ass take a swing then ball him up and get hauled off to jail and trespassed from the venue for life.
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harold View Post

    Saw Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers with Edie Brickell at the Murat inside the Old National Center, too. Also saw Wicked there. 100% assigned seats. True theater seating with a balcony and all that. Steve Martin is really cool to see in a bluegrass show. Only thing that sucked about that one was my less-than-optimal seat. But still close enough to see fairly well.
    the Egyptian Room...my band played their opening up for David Byrne back in the late 90's...cool venue!!
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  20. #20
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    I never experienced rudeness at any of the Dead shows that I attended, back in the day. Not even at Bill Graham's The Who/Dead Day on the Green in Oakland, in 1977(?).

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeadGrandpa View Post
    I never experienced rudeness at any of the Dead shows that I attended, back in the day. Not even at Bill Graham's The Who/Dead Day on the Green in Oakland, in 1977(?).
    The LSD helped.

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  22. #22
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    Bad back plus low tolerance for annoying/stupid/drunk people means I go for seated for almost all gigs now. Amazing how much better they sound when you're not hearing the sound through a sea of heads.

  23. #23
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    In any unconstrained environment that includes drunk/intoxicated people, you have to expect that's the way it is going to be. Not saying it is right, just saying that's the way it has always been, and I don't see that changing.

    I definitely wouldn't take my wife into that environment, and if she insisted on going there, I'd be sure to tell her in advance that she can not/will not/may not/better not put me in the position of having to square off with someone because she doesn't like what's happening that should have been expected in the first place.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ladmo View Post
    In any unconstrained environment that includes drunk/intoxicated people, you have to expect that's the way it is going to be. Not saying it is right, just saying that's the way it has always been, and I don't see that changing.

    I definitely wouldn't take my wife into that environment, and if she insisted on going there, I'd be sure to tell her in advance that she can not/will not/may not/better not put me in the position of having to square off with someone because she doesn't like what's happening that should have been expected in the first place.
    Women tend to do that without thinking.
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
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  25. #25
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    Yep! Alcohol or not.
    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Women tend to do that without thinking.
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  26. #26
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    **** that. People are completely out of hand, these days. Assholes abound everywhere you look with entitlement syndrome. I avoid it all together by never attending large gathering events. Spending hard earned money to be subjected to other asshole's behavior when you can't knock the shit out of them without going to jail. No thanks. Avoid it from the get-go. Listen at home on the stereo.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oh My Sack! View Post
    **** that. People are completely out of hand, these days. Assholes abound everywhere you look with entitlement syndrome. I avoid it all together by never attending large gathering events. Spending had earned money to be subjected to other asshole's behavior when you can't knock the shit of them without going to jail. No thanks. Avoid it from the get-go. Listen at home on the stereo.
    I quit going to arena, and over-2000 people shows years ago, for mostly the same reason...plus, most of the music I like/bands that I see play in clubs, punk houses, and small venues. The only group I saw in arenas in the past 15 years was Rush, because they are my idols. And generally, the fan base there is less stupid anymore.

    Like you, I have found that the mainstream culture is very embroiled and embedded in the selfish, entitlement fueled "I can do what I want" thing. At that level, it isn't "us" at a concert any more...it is "me". I love being at shows where the group on stage will stop the show to eject someone being an a$$hat, or will get into the crowd themselves and police things; or even better, when the crowd is aware of the climate, and takes care of douche-bags itself. Shows where you know tons of people in the audience, and are on the same the page with why we are all there.

    Again, I have been witness to, or caught up in more stupid violence at mainstream artist/large venue shoes than at any punk club or house show where there are mosh pits, mohawks and studded leather...
    "It's about having pointless fun in the woods...." - Walt
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