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  1. #1
    Horney 4 FR'ers
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    Smokey Mountain High

    Dudz I like dis MTB stuff since da days of 1991 when I started. It's just too bad da bikes break so eazy though back then. I like da BMX 2, since da dayz of 1980 when I started racing, it was fun for kidzz. I knowz alotz about riding and stuffz and see peoples in MTB who doesn't know about how things worked back in da dayz making lotz of mistakes, especially in da jumpz, stuntz and stuff. I like to help but your egoz and bikez are too big and your skillz are too small. MTB iz new 2 jumping but yers being ripped off by dudz who know more like me.

    Pick up some of da videoz of Hans Rey, Ryan Leech and some BMX street Vidz and you see something neato. Climbing requires little skill butz da endurance part is hard core becauze I layed on da ground with da legs cramped for 15min and it hurt like real bad. But dat wuz because of 4hrs climbing/intermediate. Tamarac iz cool, why iz it shut down????????? Build it de will come.

    Bikes are neato. Skillz and ones ability are neato'er
    I'll type to youzall in a few monthz,
    Laterz

    Have fun yallz and be carefull on yerz tables. My Specialized Hardrock missez da FR jumpz. Da wheelz are still good though.

    How did we do it back den without shocks??
    From new
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    Novice BMXer, Intermediate MTBer, Semi-Pro FRer

  2. #2
    mtbr member
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    where is this highschool? I want to make sure my children don't go there. I think they may have shoved an icepick into your frontal lobe causing an inability create coherent thought. Much less, to write in English
    Oh sh!+ just force upgraded to cat1. Now what?
    Best thing about an ultra marathon? I just get to ride my bike for X hours!

  3. #3
    mtbr member
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    20 posts and I still don't see him making a logical post or thought in English.
    BoiseBoy

  4. #4
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    These threads are worthless without a discussion of the lobotomy.

    Prefrontal leucotomy, a.k.a. core operation (1935)
    After experimenting with cadavers, the Portuguese neurologist Egas Moniz had his partner and former student Almeida Lima drill holes in the top of a patientís skull and inject alcohol into the frontal lobe. Beginning with their eighth patient, Moniz used a specially made instrument called a leucotome, from the Greek leuco (white matter) and tome (knife). Lima poked it into the brain to the desired depth, then activated a retractable wire loop and twisted the instrument so that a "core" was cut. At first Moniz had two holes drilled into both sides of the top of the head. When the results were less than satisfactory, he gradually increased the number of holes to six on each side. The leucotome had an unfortunate tendency to break off in the patientís brain, a problem that bedeviled later surgeons.

    .Open lobotomy (1937)
    The surgeon drilled holes into the top of the skull as usual, but also shone a light inside and used a speculum to expose the brain, which he then cut with a scalpel. The advantage was that neurosurgeons could actually see what they were cutting and avoid major blood vessels, thereby decreasing the risk that the patient would bleed to death. Yet it was in many respects the same crude procedure as the core operation. In 1943, J.L. Poppen modified the technique by inserting a suction tube to remove more brain tissue.

    Standard lobotomy (1939)
    Dissatisfied with the imprecision of the core operation and its frequent complications (the leucotome breaking off in the brain, for instance), Walter Freeman and James Watts designed a "precision operation" later known as the Freeman-Watts standard lobotomy. They drilled a hole on each side of the head and stuck an instrument in each hole to clear a path for a thin spatula. They then then pulled the spatula upward so that the blade was pushed downward inside the brain. The spatula was removed, the area rinsed, and the spatula reinserted but pushed downward this time so that the upper area of the brain was cut. Freeman and Watts found that a successful lobotomy usually produced "drowsiness and disorientation," writes Valenstein, so "whenever possible, they operated under local anesthesia, talking to the patient, asking questions, and getting the patient to perform tasks such as singing or subtracting sevens from one hundred. . . . If they observed no signs of drowsiness and disorientation, they often destroyed a larger area."

    Transorbital lobotomy (1946)
    Walter Freeman adapted transorbital lobotomy as a simpler operation. It required neither a neurosurgeon, an anesthesiologist, nor extensive postoperative care. It was thus perfectly suited for state hospitals, where resources were increasingly scarce. Freeman used electroshock to induce unconsciousness. Instead of drilling into the side of the skull, he got into the brain through the eye socket using a stylus modeled after an ice pick. Then, as he wrote to his son, he made "the lateral cut by swinging the thing from side to side." The whole procedure could be completed in ten minutes.

    Prefrontal lobectomy (1948)
    Some neurosurgeons took another tack and made lobotomy more complicated by removing a significant chunk of the frontal lobe. A team at the University of Minnesota believed that lobectomy offered a number of advantages: Because the surgeons actually opened the skull, they could clearly see the brain tissue and blood vessels. They also could be sure they were inflicting enough brain damage so as not to require a second lobotomy: "If the expected result does not follow," they wrote, "one is not in doubt about the extent of the operation."

    My personal favorite is the prefrontal.

    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

  5. #5
    Barneys Unite!
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    Well, you know what they say . . .

    I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy.

    Ha!

    I kill me!

    Don't worry - I'll be here all week.

  6. #6
    mtbr member
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    Y'all are too serious and need to "let out some steam"...
    http://boise.craigslist.org/grd/1276573864.html

  7. #7
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    Not sure what you guys are talking about...made perfect sense to me.

  8. #8
    Back of the pack fat guy
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    All this talk of lobotomies makes me want to shout gabba gabba hey!

    And have some salad. It's never a bad time for salad. And flatulence. And orgasms.

  9. #9
    mtbr member
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    There was a great podcast on things you should know about lobotomies. Twisted's synopsis covers it pretty well.
    Oh sh!+ just force upgraded to cat1. Now what?
    Best thing about an ultra marathon? I just get to ride my bike for X hours!

  10. #10
    mtnjam
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    So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out for all 100,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

    Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

    SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

    - I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.

    - Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
    of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your **** out.

    -I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you ****ing squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

    - No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

    FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

    - Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

    - If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

    - I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering ****ing thing anywhere near me.

    A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DOUCHEBAGS:

    -If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

    - Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's ****. It was **** in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still ****, even with more air in the tires.

    SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

    Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

    -Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows **** all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

    - You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

    - You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

    - So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

    ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

    Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

    - I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

    - Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are ****ING AWESOME.


    I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!

  11. #11
    mtbr member
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    hehe, feel better? Decent amount of steam there.

  12. #12
    mtbr member
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    So, you have met Genius'er and his family?
    BoiseBoy

  13. #13
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    Maybe you should consider another line of work. This is just proof that when you turn something you love into a real job it makes you a bitter a**hole that uses forums to ***** about fat people buying bikes, which invariably it sounds like you desepartly need "to keep the lights on." Maybe being a janitor at an adult movie theater is in your future.

  14. #14
    Back of the pack fat guy
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    Quote Originally Posted by ryman
    A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DOUCHEBAGS:

    -If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

    - Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's ****. It was **** in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still ****, even with more air in the tires.
    I love you. I mean really love you. I don't know where you copied this from - since this is SO not anything any person on this board - or any board on mtbr - would have half the cleverness and smarts to write.

    That said, this pretty much sums up my exact feeling about not only faux-hipster fixie riders, but even more the douchebag jackholes who ride and tout the superiority of "vintage" mountain bikes. If old things are superior and SO hip, I want to see you trade in your nice sparkly SUV for a Model T and quit your apartment lease and live in a mud hut.
    Last edited by Earthpig; 07-30-2009 at 08:19 AM.

  15. #15
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    Breakfast of Champions, Bishes

    6 or 8 slices of Bacon, greasy
    1 bowl of dried dog food
    1 big Tater, grated
    Bunch o onions, grated
    Some green pepper, sliced n chopped up
    3 eggs uncracked
    Mess o cheese, grated
    Bunch o Salsa, in jar
    Salt n Peppa to taste

    In a fryin pan cook up the bacon till it's all fried but not all crispy. Put the bacon on a paper towel and pour the grease into the dog food. Feed dog. Put the frying pan back on the stove on medium heat. Wash your hands. Grab all the tater shavins and squeeze all the tater juice out into the sink. Put the tater into the fryin pan and smash it down all flat in the fryin pan with a spatula or burger flipper. Dump the onions and green pepper on top of the spuds and smash them down too. Cook it on up til the tater starts to turn a little brown. Sprinke some salt on top of it. Flip it a few times tryin to keep it all in one piece and cook some more until the taters are starting to get real brown.. Now it's ready for some eggs. Crack the eggs on top of the spuds and let is spread out all over the spuds. Careful not to break the yokes. Cover with a cover you can see through so you can see the eggs n stuff. When they start to turn white be real careful and try to flip the whole thing over in the fryin pan. When it's all flipped over real carefully poke the eggs through the taters to break the yokes and let em spread out all under the tater shavins. Cover again with the see-thu cover. When the eggs look like their almost done flip it over again to move the eggs to on top. Pour the salsa on top of the eggs and let it spread out all over the eggs. Cover it again. When bubbles from underneath the spuds start makin the salsa jiggle, put the bacon you set aside on top of the eggs and try to flip the whole thing over again. Turn the heat down to low and dump the cheese on top, spreadin it out real even and all. Let cook some more until the cheese is all soft but not all the way melted. Take the spatula and stir it up and it all looks the same - but with strips of bacon in it. Dump it out on a plate. Serves 1.
    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

  16. #16
    mtbr member
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    Sounds incredible, especially after having a not so champion breakfast of a banana.

  17. #17
    Back of the pack fat guy
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    I hear that jackhole douchebag retropukes like to chew on unhusked stalks of wheat and raw game animal intestines for breakfast.

    Because that's what was cool to eat back in the day.

  18. #18
    mtbr member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwistedCrank
    Breakfast of Champions, Bishes

    6 or 8 slices of Bacon, greasy
    1 bowl of dried dog food
    1 big Tater, grated
    Bunch o onions, grated
    Some green pepper, sliced n chopped up
    3 eggs uncracked
    Mess o cheese, grated
    Bunch o Salsa, in jar
    Salt n Peppa to taste

    In a fryin pan cook up the bacon till it's all fried but not all crispy. Put the bacon on a paper towel and pour the grease into the dog food. Feed dog. Put the frying pan back on the stove on medium heat. Wash your hands. Grab all the tater shavins and squeeze all the tater juice out into the sink. Put the tater into the fryin pan and smash it down all flat in the fryin pan with a spatula or burger flipper. Dump the onions and green pepper on top of the spuds and smash them down too. Cook it on up til the tater starts to turn a little brown. Sprinke some salt on top of it. Flip it a few times tryin to keep it all in one piece and cook some more until the taters are starting to get real brown.. Now it's ready for some eggs. Crack the eggs on top of the spuds and let is spread out all over the spuds. Careful not to break the yokes. Cover with a cover you can see through so you can see the eggs n stuff. When they start to turn white be real careful and try to flip the whole thing over in the fryin pan. When it's all flipped over real carefully poke the eggs through the taters to break the yokes and let em spread out all under the tater shavins. Cover again with the see-thu cover. When the eggs look like their almost done flip it over again to move the eggs to on top. Pour the salsa on top of the eggs and let it spread out all over the eggs. Cover it again. When bubbles from underneath the spuds start makin the salsa jiggle, put the bacon you set aside on top of the eggs and try to flip the whole thing over again. Turn the heat down to low and dump the cheese on top, spreadin it out real even and all. Let cook some more until the cheese is all soft but not all the way melted. Take the spatula and stir it up and it all looks the same - but with strips of bacon in it. Dump it out on a plate. Serves 1.
    grits - slop - bish

  19. #19
    mtnjam
    Reputation: ryman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dpauli
    Maybe you should consider another line of work. This is just proof that when you turn something you love into a real job it makes you a bitter a**hole that uses forums to ***** about fat people buying bikes, which invariably it sounds like you desepartly need "to keep the lights on." Maybe being a janitor at an adult movie theater is in your future.
    Hit a nerve about the larger section of our society did I? Well lets see if we can advance that needle a little further into the fascia. I happen to be about 250# so pfffthhh....

    nah, this line of work is pretty fun. I can be a dick to whoever I want knowing that either way I'm still gonna have people come into my shop for service. Speaking of service, my shop has an adult movie theater in the back with private booths and if you ask nice we can arrange for a happy ending with someone from Coconuts. We'll have the gimp in the back clean up afterwords.
    Just ride down there and jump off something for crying out loud...

  20. #20
    BMX:Our Shining Future
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    Skilz and one's ability are neato'er

    DDT did a job on me. I apologize to earthpig for harassing her on "build it and they will come". I'm sorry. I am so buying a BMX bike for riding buff buff single track upon. How soon can I accomplish this task? Yesterday? Tommorow? I couldn't be soon enough for me. What sort of tires do you folks recommend for riding BMX bikes on buff buff singletrack? Small block eights? Uff Da's?
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  21. #21
    mtnjam
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    Quote Originally Posted by Earthpig
    I love you. I mean really love you. I don't know where you copied this from - since this is SO not anything any person on this board - or any board on mtbr - would have half the cleverness and smarts to write.

    That said, this pretty much sums up my exact feeling about not only faux-hipster fixie riders, but even more the douchebag jackholes who ride and tout the superiority of "vintage" mountain bikes. If old things are superior and SO hip, I want to see you trade in your nice sparkly SUV for a Model T and quit your apartment lease and live in a mud hut.
    Nah, I didn't write it. It's from the Seattle craigslist, posted on 2009-05-27. Thought it might be fun to post here in Boise as I'm pretty sure most everyone that works or has worked in a bike shop has thought about at one time or another
    Just ride down there and jump off something for crying out loud...

  22. #22
    TRAIL KUBUKI CORNDOGGER
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    Quote Originally Posted by aenema
    Sounds incredible, especially after having a not so champion breakfast of a banana.
    Yeah. It's nice on paper and in my dreams. At my age the doc says it's bran flakes. Since I've been eating that sh!t the plumber's been over like once a month. All the money I've spent on him I could have had the roto rooter visit my colon, insurance would have covered it and I could be riding something new and sleek.

    Swole.
    Nobody cares what kind of bike you ride.

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