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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by WNCGoater View Post
    Don't get caught having to use one of your socks.
    Oh slither! :0( You should get negative rep points for the fact that even occurred to you!

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    Wow, so much great advice on here! ;0) Man, I wish I'd thought of that before...
    Hey I'm not wrong!

    Poop in your chamois is no way to go through life.
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  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Pig View Post
    How do you know? I thought bears pulled that stuff out of bins ll the time and I know birds will eat whatever they find.

    I'm sorry, but it's just nonsense. People have been crapping in the woods for thousands of years and as far as I can tell the trees have survived just fine.
    I was just making a funny with the statement.
    I don't use Strava. Don't need an application to tell me I am slow because I already know.

  4. #54
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    This thread is the internet equivalent of that smelly old uncle at the barbecue. No one knows quite why he was invited, maybe it just seemed like the right thing to do, but everyone is regretting it now!

  5. #55
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    I can hear my wife now " Honey, your socks really smell like sheite " and " how did you get mud all the way down here "

  6. #56
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    How do you lock threads and make them vanish?

  7. #57
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    Carry toilet paper on my pack just for situations like this but using socks isn't out of the question.

  8. #58
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    Every ride has a role of TP packed in my gear bag. Not had to emergency use it yet, mainly because I take a poo before I go on endurance rides, but some day...
    I drive more when the streets need repairs!

  9. #59
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    It depends where you are. If you're in a relatively high traffic area you should bury. Where I ride I have just walked into the woods a 100 feet or so and done it. Nobody is going bushwhacking in there and find it. That's what the critters do.

  10. #60
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    I can't believe this thread.
    Was getting off early today to ride at Dupont. Had EVERYTHING packed and ready to rock. It occurred to me, I FORGOT MY SOCKS! No joke. Of course, the first thing I thought of was this thread, LOL!

    But like I said, rule numero uno, always, ALWAYS, carry some TP when going into the woods. So I rode sans socks with no worries. (Had a great ride BTW)

    A big fad these days is the paracord "survival" bracelets. Not sure what they are actually used for in a survival situation, but unless there's TP or a baby wipe woven into that thing it is WAY down the list of necessaries when I'm in the woods!

  11. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiRt DeViL View Post
    Carry toilet paper on my pack just for situations like this but using socks isn't out of the question.
    So do I but socks would work a lot better than a lot of other options for those non-boy scout types that go out unprepared. That is, unless they had ridden through a lot of mud and muck and the socks were full of heavy grit, dirt and small pebbles. Ouch.

  12. #62
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    wtf do you guys do with those socks afterwards?

    Y'all are weird.

  13. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.B. Weld View Post
    wtf do you guys do with those socks afterwards?

    Y'all are weird.
    Why, you put them back on and continue your ride. What else would you do with them?

  14. #64
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    In 1985 I was kayaking the French Broad river near Asheville and had to poop like a madman. I am here to tell you that poison ivy makes excellent tp, but does have some rather unpleasant side effects. Like having to go to the doctor to get a shot in your ass and trying to answer the question "where on your body is the poison ivy?" with a straight face. I'm sure he got quite a chuckle out of that one.
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  15. #65
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    When we're backpacking, it's easy to pack some camp wipes in the pack since we're carrying 30lb packs anyway. When riding away from any of my normal areas, I'll ziploc some wet wipes in my hydration bag, and put another ziploc bag around that. Also include a small tube of germx. With me being really allergic to poison ivy, I don't take any chances with leaves or oil transfer.
    The best journeys answer questions that in the beginning, you didn't even think to ask

  16. #66
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    I just carry 4 paper towels in a ziplock bag in my camel bak for this situation.

  17. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by ou2mame View Post
    And yeah, you have to poop.
    If you have to take a crap in the woods and no one is there to see it, have you still pooped??
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.

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    Specialized sucks ass.

  18. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by car bone View Post
    If you have to take a crap in the woods and no one is there to see it, have you still pooped??
    Trust me, under these circumstances one has most definitely dropped a big, stinking load.
    Let's eat Ted
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  19. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    The dingleberry award goes to >>>> "so your in the woods and you have to poo"

    Seriously!
    Stop poop, wipe, bury, ride.


    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Spoken like a pro!

    I just have one thing to add: look. Poison ivy is nasty
    After 52 years on this planet you learn to not stress the small things [or large],

    And your point is good advice so here's the edit.

    Stop, look, go around in circles and pick a spot, poop, wipe, bury, RIDE.
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  20. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sevenrats View Post
    I just carry 4 paper towels in a ziplock bag in my camel bak for this situation.
    If you are carrying paper products just for this eventuality, why not just carry toilet paper?

  21. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusBrody View Post
    If you are carrying paper products just for this eventuality, why not just carry toilet paper?
    Exactly!
    Although Paper towels sounds quite comfy.
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  22. #72
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    Re: So you're in the woods...

    Quote Originally Posted by time229er View Post
    my gut told me not to ask, but...
    Lol

  23. #73
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    I fall into the baby wipe group, and I should point out the other potential uses of these miracles. Not only are they good for wiping hiney, but they also do a fine job of cleaning minor wounds should gravity get the better of you.

    Small travel packs available at SprawlMart for $1. Perfect for backpack, glove compartment, etc.

  24. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusBrody View Post
    If you are carrying paper products just for this eventuality, why not just carry toilet paper?
    Because paper towels are thicker and tougher and more absorbent! Usually one good wipe gets the job done! Plus you can use them to clean up after trailside repair jobs or lunch. Multipurpose.

  25. #75
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    Baby wipes are too heavy. Dry paper towels weigh nothing and you can always wet them with a squirt from your camel bak.

  26. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sevenrats View Post
    Baby wipes are too heavy. Dry paper towels weigh nothing and you can always wet them with a squirt from your camel bak.
    Umm some toilet paper works wonders. In fact that's what it was invented for. Paper towels were invented to clean things other than human flesh. And why do you need water in a sh!t event. Wipe, look at paper, wipe, look at paper, wipe, look at paper until there are no more racing stripes and you're good to go. Shower when you get home and launder your ride wear.
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  27. #77
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    I know I can not be the only person on here from the bush.

    I would like to be out in the bush when some fancy pants city boy needs to go poo. Walking all this way and that doing the arched back **** dance and too stupid to just drop one where they stand. That would be a funny sight. Then if city did build up the courage my big hllbilly ass would figure something out to chase them out of the bush, scare them so bad they do not **** for a week, sorry I mean poo for you city folk.

    Come ride with me, you can pop a squat right next to me when I need to go, warning though, I do not poo, I give birth to a man size ****. The kind of thing that would chase a construction worker out of a port a jon.

    **** in the bush courses start next week for those interested.
    De oppresso liber

  28. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan67 View Post
    I know I can not be the only person on here from the bush.

    I would like to be out in the bush when some fancy pants city boy needs to go poo. Walking all this way and that doing the arched back **** dance and too stupid to just drop one where they stand. That would be a funny sight. Then if city did build up the courage my big hllbilly ass would figure something out to chase them out of the bush, scare them so bad they do not **** for a week, sorry I mean poo for you city folk.

    Come ride with me, you can pop a squat right next to me when I need to go, warning though, I do not poo, I give birth to a man size ****. The kind of thing that would chase a construction worker out of a port a jon.

    **** in the bush courses start next week for those interested.
    Some city folks are even afraid of a piece of candy.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TPxiXGr9nFM

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    Last edited by DIRTJUNKIE; 09-09-2014 at 03:51 PM.
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  29. #79
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    Go to walmart and buy RV/marine toilet paper. It is specifically designed to break down and decompose when wet. Throw it in the hole with the brown waste and then pee on it. Or a little camelback water it you cannot work up a tinkle.
    So many trails... so little time...

  30. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by WNCGoater View Post
    "survival" bracelets. Not sure what they are actually used for in a survival situation
    Has rope, breaks leg, find wood.
    I drive more when the streets need repairs!

  31. #81
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    Is SS

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    In the open position it is 9.25" x 2.25" x 0.9" and weighs just 7.2 oz with included pouch.
    I drive more when the streets need repairs!

  32. #82
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    toilet paper that breaks down??????????????

    Seriously, its the bush, an animal will come along and eat it all anyway.
    De oppresso liber

  33. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by DIRTJUNKIE View Post
    Umm some toilet paper works wonders. In fact that's what it was invented for. Paper towels were invented to clean things other than human flesh. And why do you need water in a sh!t event. Wipe, look at paper, wipe, look at paper, wipe, look at paper until there are no more racing stripes and you're good to go. Shower when you get home and launder your ride wear.
    If your ass is so sensitive that you need toilet paper then that's what you should use then.

  34. #84
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    I just can't believe there are 4 pages of posts talking about sh!tting in the woods

  35. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sevenrats View Post
    If your ass is so sensitive that you need toilet paper then that's what you should use then.
    It's not my ass that's sensitive it's this ^^^^ statement that chaps it.
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  36. #86
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    Re: So you're in the woods...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan67 View Post
    toilet paper that breaks down??????????????

    Seriously, its the bush, an animal will come along and eat it all anyway.
    You have never seen a field of tp flowers then?

  37. #87
    All fat, all the time.
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    Pack tp in the backpack....
    If a poo arises, you're covered.....
    You can also use it to start fires, bonus.

  38. #88
    All fat, all the time.
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    I'm up to 3 this year...... Wierd because before that, never a trail side poo....

  39. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    You have never seen a field of tp flowers then?
    No, is that near the US & Mexico border? Been a while since I have been in that area.
    De oppresso liber

  40. #90
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    Re: So you're in the woods...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan67 View Post
    No, is that near the US & Mexico border? Been a while since I have been in that area.
    No. It is when you see an expanse of forest or alpine meadow or whatever where you see widespread toilet paper strewn across the ground from insufficiently dug catholes. Biodegradable tp is not a bad idea.

    You are just being a jagoff

  41. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by NateHawk View Post
    You are just being a jagoff
    I'm the jagoff, whilst most of you are actually taking this thread serious. Thats rich.
    De oppresso liber

  42. #92
    **** this ****
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    This thread is sh*t.

    Wait, I didn't read the whole thing. Has anyone made that joke yet? If so, I retract it.

  43. #93
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    Is this the "official" poop thread. Because if it isn't I'll start it.
    ---------- __o
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  44. #94
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    So you're in the woods...

    I think it's pretty much official.
    I'm pooping while reading this. Not in the woods though. Sometimes the way I ride could be compared to sh!tting in the woods. Best if nobody sees it.

  45. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricko View Post
    I just can't believe there are 4 pages of posts talking about sh!tting in the woods
    Talking? Heck, there's a book. 3rd edition no less!

    How to **** in the Woods, 3rd Edition: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art: Kathleen Meyer: 9781580083638: Amazon.com: Books

    How the author calls this a "lost art" is beyond me.

  46. #96
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    Wait I think I got lost ya mean this isn't the O.C. poop thread
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  47. #97
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    I've had to do this a few times now this year!
    Advancing age and all day rides I guess. Friend has this trowel which I borrowed & it works well. It's a little heavy though.
    Yes, you weight weenies, there are Ti cathole trowels out there that you can buy.
    I ended up picking up a Fiskars composite one (no, its not carbon) which is pretty light and ended up having to use it last week in Whistler. Yes, BC, I enriched your land!

    Quote Originally Posted by pdxmark View Post
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    In the open position it is 9.25" x 2.25" x 0.9" and weighs just 7.2 oz with included pouch.

  48. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by manbat View Post
    I'm trying to resist counting how many times bears have been mentioned
    should make this thread the drinking game. Every time some one mentions bear have a beer.
    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus View Post
    There's some strange folk out there 'bouts. They have no sense of humor.
    http://thewoodgallery.blogspot.ca/

  49. #99
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    I built a trail once that ended up being named 'Sock Puppet'...guess why?


    Also, I have some pretty amusing video of riding buddies swearing wildly at me while they try to find a little privacy to crap in the woods.

    "I am the Pooparazzi!!!"



    ****'s funny.
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