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  1. #1
    mtbr member
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    Confessions from the f&*k wits

    In a blatant copy of a thread running on an aussie forum I am enjoying way too much I thought I would get it started over on MTBR and share the fun.

    Time to use the anonymity of the internet to entertain others with your stupidity (bike related or not) and get those dumb moments off your chest.

    For some inspiration the original thread can be found here

    and to get it started here are my two contributions...

    Assembled the new ss commuter with some Christmas funds and in my rush to get it going neglected to get the chain tension right. Threw the chain off on the way home on day 1. Casualty count for this one;

    Written off back wheel
    2 shredded tyres
    1 jersey
    1 glove
    and a lot of skin including 6 stitches in my chin


    Blocked kitchen sink. Get under the sink and place bucket under ubend and dismantle. Crap from sink drains into bucket. Clean out ubend of vile stinky bits into bucket as well. Decide I want to remove and empty bucket before replacing ubend. Take easiest option and pour down kitchen sink...

    Any other fwits out there??

  2. #2
    High Desert MTBer
    Reputation: rockerc's Avatar
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    Do these 'confessions' have to be bike-related?
    It's all Here. Now.

  3. #3
    Five is right out
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    It just ain't the same with the self-censored title!

  4. #4
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    This weekend I was eating lunch on the porch with my wife and kids when she asked me to grab something inside. I kept pull the door to get in and stated "oh crap, we're locked out." Wife then reminded me to push the door not pull.... I am an idiot

  5. #5
    '11 Opus Strat
    Reputation: shawnt2012's Avatar
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    I got nothing... I asked the wife if I have ever done something stupid... Just got a stupid look back.
    Quote Originally Posted by dubthang View Post
    I'm surprised you could hear her complaining over the sound of the vacuum.

  6. #6
    Rogue Exterminator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dean Learner View Post
    Blocked kitchen sink. Get under the sink and place bucket under ubend and dismantle. Crap from sink drains into bucket. Clean out ubend of vile stinky bits into bucket as well. Decide I want to remove and empty bucket before replacing ubend. Take easiest option and pour down kitchen sink...
    I lol'ed and spit on my computer.....thanks. lol

    (Thankfully I wasn't drinking my coffee.)
    Just stick it in granny and start grinding.

  7. #7
    No Stranger to danger....
    Reputation: Tone's's Avatar
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    Hahahaha, thats from ROTOBURN, have a look at the way we speak to each other over here on our forums, you will realise why it takes a bit of adjustment comin on here, its a steady stream of pisstakin and profanities here.

    Feel free to check the forum out while your there, even join if you like, its a good forum.

    Nice thread OP..
    Dont ever let the truth get in the way of a funny story....

  8. #8
    Sleek Jamis Exile Rider
    Reputation: MadMacMan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shawnt2012 View Post
    I got nothing... I asked the wife if I have ever done something stupid... Just got a stupid look back.
    That means YES You have

  9. #9
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    Ha! I did exactly the same thing once. Moving the bucket created so much more space for replacing the ubend, and I thought I may as well empty the bucket at the same time so I didn't knock it over and spill the contents.

    On my bike...let's see....

    Back in the day, when I was just beginning to ride "seriously", my bro came out to visit me and we went riding. In a park, there were several flights of stairs going down a steep hill. I decided to show off my "skills" to my brother by riding down the stairs. Well, they were much steeper than I anticipated; I'd clearly bitten off more than I could chew and promptly bailed, tumbling down what seemed like a hundred stairs (probably like 6 or 7 in reality) before coming to a stop on a landing. I tore quite a bit of skin off my forearm, but fortunately mostly just bruised my ego.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dean Learner View Post
    Blocked kitchen sink. Get under the sink and place bucket under ubend and dismantle. Crap from sink drains into bucket. Clean out ubend of vile stinky bits into bucket as well. Decide I want to remove and empty bucket before replacing ubend. Take easiest option and pour down kitchen sink...
    Last edited by Shibby; 03-06-2013 at 01:13 PM. Reason: typo

  10. #10
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    I forget dumb **** all the time these days. some in my family just don't get it. If it can be forgotten, it will be forgotten. I will forget random things...the other night I left the stove burner on for HOURS after I was finished with dinner. it was on the lowest setting because I was just simmering. but still. my father decided that yelling at me when I was half asleep would make sure I didn't do it again. nope. if I can forget it, I will. and then I will forget it again.

    I lost my Garmin Forerunner GPS watch, too. probably left it at my house in Texas, because I can't find it (or the charger) anywhere else. Figures.

  11. #11
    usually cranky
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    im generally a **** wit. thats too much typing for me.

  12. #12
    workin' it Administrator
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    I was bike commuting and trying to send my wife a text message to tell her that I was on my way and was having a heckuva time doing so. At that moment I though to myself "if there was only a way to text my wife with my voice to let her know I have left."

    there is: it is a called a phone call.
    Try this: HTFU

  13. #13
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    Most phones actually have voice texting where you can talk into the phone and it converts to text.

  14. #14
    workin' it Administrator
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    Quote Originally Posted by scaryfast View Post
    Most phones actually have voice texting where you can talk into the phone and it converts to text.
    Yeah this was back before that time. When texting meant having a small keyboard on your phone or a slide out one. I use voice to text all the time now so much better for texting.
    Try this: HTFU

  15. #15
    dru
    dru is offline
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    I was riding sweep on a newb ride and decided to talk on the walkie talkie to the lead guy and rode straight into a tree. I was soooo glad I didn't bust the radio.

    Drew
    occasional cyclist

  16. #16
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    Meet up in the parking lot with 7 or so other riding buddies. Unload the bike, get helmet shoes etc out of trunk, close trunk and immediately realize I don't have my keys. Crap, locked in the trunk.

    Luckily drivers side door is open. In that way that a heard mentality gets quickly to solving a problem, we decide it would be easy to remove the rear seat back and get in to get the keys. Using all our various bike tools we work for 20 minutes or so, get the seat removed. I crawl in rummage around and can't find the keys, too much crap in the trunk, and it's pitch back.

    Now about 40 minutes into the ordeal everyone has lost patience or interest in solving the problem. I say screw it, lets just go riding, deal with it later. Everyone mounts up, I go to close the driver side door, and guess what is in the door lock. Doh!

    Guess who bought beers after the ride.

  17. #17
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    As a 10 yr old kid in england I got an air pistol for my birthday, but it was raining out, and I had an uncontrollable urge to shoot at something. I figured if I put a needle thru the pellet, I could fire it at a paper target on my bedroom door without making a huge hole. Wrong...
    It's all Here. Now.

  18. #18
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    read this yesterday and had some good laughs, last night, my 12yr old son tells me about his moment, reading a book on the bus ride to school he gets to a word he doesnt understand, so he stops and double taps the word so the definition will pop up, (a very neat feature that e-readers have), he said after he double tapped the second time he realized why it was not giving the defintion, it was a paperback book!!

  19. #19
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    me, 8th grade, week before graduation, brand new gym/banquet room building, tried to do a kick off the wall back flip in the bathroom. Brand New Building + whole in drywall from foot = Banned from graduation activities!

  20. #20
    Sweat is just fat crying.
    Reputation: Finch Platte's Avatar
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    Lol, I just did this and thought of this thread.

    I'm cleaning up here at work, and I picked up the electric drill. There's a piece of black tape hanging off it that I usually use to tape the chuck key to the cord so it doesn't get lost. I think "shti, I've lost the chuck key again!" Cursing myself for losing the key, I open the door of the tool cabinet to put the drill away, and then it hits me that what I'm holding is the electric sander, not the drill.
    Mountain Biking Is Not A Crime stickers, free! (You pay postage. PM me for details.)

  21. #21
    Sweat is just fat crying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr moab View Post
    Meet up in the parking lot with 7 or so other riding buddies. Unload the bike, get helmet shoes etc out of trunk, close trunk and immediately realize I don't have my keys. Crap, locked in the trunk.

    Luckily drivers side door is open. In that way that a heard mentality gets quickly to solving a problem, we decide it would be easy to remove the rear seat back and get in to get the keys. Using all our various bike tools we work for 20 minutes or so, get the seat removed. I crawl in rummage around and can't find the keys, too much crap in the trunk, and it's pitch back.

    Now about 40 minutes into the ordeal everyone has lost patience or interest in solving the problem. I say screw it, lets just go riding, deal with it later. Everyone mounts up, I go to close the driver side door, and guess what is in the door lock. Doh!

    Guess who bought beers after the ride.
    This reminds me of the story of the woman who goes grocery shopping. When she comes back out, she can't find her keys. She looks in the car, and sure enough, there they are, hanging from the ignition and her door is locked. She calls hubby, who is miles away at work, to come with his keys to let her in to her car. After much grumbling he agrees.

    While she's waiting for him to show up, she noticed the passenger door is unlocked. She quickly opens it, locks it and slams it shut.
    Mountain Biking Is Not A Crime stickers, free! (You pay postage. PM me for details.)

  22. #22
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    Was riding my roadie 2 months ago was about 20 miles from my truck and took wrong turn. I zoned out and went 30 miles in the wrong direction. I finally come too, and realize i have no idea where the hell i am. Now i'm 50 miles from my truck. Supposed to be at Dad's birthday but i'm 2.5 hours from my truck now, and pretty damn tired too. I had to try to figure out where i was using my cell phone. Pretty much missed the bday party.

    Ended up doing pretty close to a century. Only wanted to ride 40-50 miles though.
    2012 Pivot Mach 429
    2010 Cervelo R3 SL

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by dru View Post
    I was riding sweep on a newb ride and decided to talk on the walkie talkie to the lead guy and rode straight into a tree. I was soooo glad I didn't bust the radio.

    Drew
    I've done something similar to that while leading a ride. It was an easy section of trail so I was riding with one hand and pointing out all the scenery and landmarks with my other arm while doing my tour guide thing. I wasn't watching the trail and before I knew it I'd gone off course and straight into a tree.

  24. #24
    mtbr member
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    Sadly, there's not enough room on the internet for me to fully describe my catalogue of bonehead moves.
    Check out my You Tube Channel

  25. #25
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    Soooo
    On a road ride. Long ago. Tired, about 3 hours into it. Out of my gourd is more like it. Looked down and notice one of the handlebar plugs was wriggling out of the bar. Fixed it the way I've done a thousand times in the shop- reared back and hit it hard with my open palm. Although the plug went in I think I remember the bar wrap shredding in the subsequent crash.

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