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  1. #501
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    50+ Joke Thread-26231548_1578012705587041_3019645459461455716_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  2. #502
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
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    I can't wait for reel to reel to return.

  3. #503
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    Quote Originally Posted by honkinunit View Post
    I can't wait for reel to reel to return.
    I've got a ReVox. Never use it but it looks cool :0)

  4. #504
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    Anyone have "what's that round thing?" conversation with your kids before the comeback?

  5. #505
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    Aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner.


    ♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

    ♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

    ♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

    ♦Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    ♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

    ♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

    ♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

    ♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

    ♦ Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

    ♦ You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

    ♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

    ♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

    ♦ I canít understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older womenís clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

    ♦ Dennyís has a slogan, "If itís your birthday, the meal is on us." If youíre in Dennyís and itís your birthday, your life sucks!

    ♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

    ♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

    ♦ Money canít buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

    ♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

    Now, donít you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?

  6. #506
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  7. #507
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    50+ Joke Thread-voices-wife-copy.jpg

  8. #508
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forster View Post
    An old man walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a drink that will make him better looking to younger women. The bartender says "Alcohol only makes men think women are sexier. It's different with women." So the old man asks "What can I do to make me sexier to women?". To which the bartender replies, "Well, to start with, you need more money in your billfold."
    Reminds me of the guy at the bar who leans over to the young woman next to him and says, "I'm not really this tall. I'm sitting on my billfold."

  9. #509
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  10. #510
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    50+ Joke Thread-26907506_542285742805125_8607022505265751361_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  11. #511
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    A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

    "What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

    "Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

    "Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

  12. #512
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    Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to and says, 'How's the singing career going?'

    Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'

    Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'

    Stevie says, 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'

    Tiger says, 'You play GOLF?'

    Stevie says, 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.

    Tiger says, 'But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'

    Stevie Wonder replies, 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'

    'But, how do you putt?' asks Tiger

    'Well', says Stevie, 'I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'

    Tiger asks, 'What's your handicap?'

    Stevie says, 'Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer.'

    Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'

    Stevie replies, 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'

    Woods thinks about it and says, 'I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?'

    Stevie Wonder says, 'Pick a night'

  13. #513
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    50+ Joke Thread-image057.jpg

  14. #514
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    50+ Joke Thread-26903971_1298126180333074_8444885448170903879_n-1-.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  15. #515
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
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    I just saw this. Thanks! I just resurrected my entire system and put a new turntable in place. I'm listening to vinyl I haven't heard in 20 years.
    One gear is all you need.

  16. #516
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckha62 View Post
    I just saw this. Thanks! I just resurrected my entire system and put a new turntable in place. I'm listening to vinyl I haven't heard in 20 years.
    Cool. What sort of turntable did you get?

    Vinyl is cool in the UK and there is a big revival that shows no sign of slowing down. Record sales are up year on year and most new albums are released on vinyl.

    It's great news as vinyl sounds so much better than digital. The down side is that turntables, tonearms etc have rocketed in value. A basic used turntable that would've been worth £50 thirty years ago sells for more than double that today.

    Vinyl is fun isn't it? ;0)

  17. #517
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    I bought a Numark. It's supposed to be able to rip my LPs directly to MP3, but I haven't done it yet. To tell the truth, I'd be just as happy with my old school Technics SL-B202. It has a tone arm lifter and the Numark doesn't. It also has a dust cover and the Numark doesn't.

    Having fun with it, nonetheless.
    One gear is all you need.

  18. #518
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    If you still have the Technics you should dig it out and try it, might be better than the Numark. Dare say it'll need a new stylus by now though.

    This whole USB turntable thing is a con. Virtually all PCs and laptops have mic inputs you can plug a cable from for your amp into which will do the same thing.

    Years ago only high-end turntables tended to come without lids, often the configuration of the turntable makes a lid tricky, but quite a few budget turntable are like that now. Pro-Ject are the worst, half of their tables don't have lids. It's just cost cutting. Who the heck wants a record player you can't keep the dust off?

  19. #519
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    Funny you say that. I have been looking for my Technics and cannot remember what happened to it. I don't remember getting rid of it, but hell if I know where it is. I see them on Craigslist from time to time and they generally run around $50-$60 US. I'll pick one up when I can (or another brand) and compare.
    One gear is all you need.

  20. #520
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    Annoying when that happens. I wouldn't bother seeking out that particular deck, if you are up for buying another anyway just buy the best one you can find. Rega turntables really are very hard to beat for the money but they might be thin on the ground over there? Pro-Ject turntables sound ok but build is generally poor.

    It's a fun hobby. I've bought and sold a few turntables recently.

  21. #521
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    50+ Joke Thread-14991862_10154676799256704_1371419794664057881_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  22. #522
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    Cleaning. Or as my wife calls it, Foreplay.
    One gear is all you need.

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  24. #524
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
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    We have a storage room that I've given up on. I don't even try to use it any more as my wife has turned it into a total dump. Last night she says:

    "I went though some of my boxes and I've taken stuff out of them."

    Me: "So they now take to the same amount of space, they just have less in them?"

    "Yeah, but it's a start. I'm going to rationalize my stuff."

    "Rationalize is good. Rationalize sounds positive and constructive. Much better than, 'getting rid of your shite!' "

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    My problem is that if I were to clear out stuff and leave empty space my wife would put new stuff there. So my brother suggested putting empty boxes in the spaces.

    I'm planning to haul a box a day out when she's not looking. I figure I'll be done in about 2 years.

  26. #526
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
    I'm planning to haul a box a day out when she's not looking. I figure I'll be done in about 2 years.
    Over 30 years ago right before we moved to San Diego I tossed out some boxes of "her" stuff. Almost got divorced over that so please be careful unless that's your plan
    "We'll ride it until they pave it."

    -Urban Yeti
    Dirttreaders.com

  27. #527
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtrider127 View Post
    Over 30 years ago right before we moved to San Diego I tossed out some boxes of "her" stuff. Almost got divorced over that so please be careful unless that's your plan
    Yeah, I'm mostly kidding, that probably would be the result, or she'd go out and buy it all again and then divorce me. Besides, I've got my own junk to deal with first.

  28. #528
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    50+ Joke Thread-27858692_1779497032117971_1949136917297381833_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  29. #529
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    Funny, when I was 30 Doctors were worried that my blood pressure was too low, at 50 they worried it was getting too high. At 56 I'm just happy to have blood pressure at all.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  30. #530
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    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

  31. #531
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  32. #532
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    Lol
    Quote Originally Posted by mileslong View Post
    I passionately remove rocks and corners and other stuff I find too hard to ride.

  33. #533
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtrider127 View Post
    Over 30 years ago right before we moved to San Diego I tossed out some boxes of "her" stuff. Almost got divorced over that so please be careful unless that's your plan
    Yet it's OK for them to throw out your stuff.
    DAMN THE MUD, FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

  34. #534
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    Quote Originally Posted by OlMarin View Post
    Yet it's OK for them to throw out your stuff.

  35. #535
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    A Love Story


    I will seek and find you.

    I shall take you to bed, and have my way with you.

    I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

    I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

    I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

    And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.






    All my love,


    The Flu


    Now, stop thinking about sex, you are too old, and go get your flu shot!

  36. #536
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    ^^^That's too funny^^^
    DAMN THE MUD, FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

  37. #537
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    50+ Joke Thread-26906947_2078420149062258_2251655738295924515_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  38. #538
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
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    Heh, put a cat or three in there and that's Anne and I most nights...

  39. #539
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